Apple of Her Eyes
by BroodyGirl23
Summary: My name is James Lucas Scott. I am four years old. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and a pet bunny named Chester. I have four people in my life who I admire most. *Brooke-Centric*
1. My Mom and Dad

_Hey, so don't fret, i'm still working on "Facts About Pisces..." but I had a weird dream, and a craving to write, and I just sort of went with it. This is kind of just a drabble, and I don't know how much more of it i'll write, but I figured what the hell, I'll post what i've got so far and you guys can tell me what you think. _

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 1: My Mom and Dad

-x-x-x-

_My name is James Lucas Scott. I am four years old. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and a pet bunny named Chester. I have four people in my life who I admire most. _

_The first two spots go to my momma and my dad. I have the best momma and the best daddy in the whole wide world. They got married when they were sixteen and have been in love ever since. My momma is a teacher, but she also is a singer. She has the best voice out of everybody. No really, she does. She went on tour once, but it didn't work out, and she came home to be with daddy. I asked daddy why he wanted momma to come home from tour so badly once, and he told me that it was because Chris Keller is an ass. My momma told me not to repeat that word. Woops._

_Anyway, my daddy is the greatest basketball player that ever lived. No really, he is. The only reason he isn't a pro is because he hurt his back really bad and needs to train and recover. He's going to make a huge comeback one day, though. You'll see. He's teaching me how to play. I hope one day I can be as good of a basketball player as he is. He's my hero._

-x-x-x-

I've never wanted it to rain so badly in my life. I'm talking dark, dark grey skies. I'm talking deep, bellowing thunder and sky to land long lighting bolts. I'm talking real rain. I wanted it to fucking pour.

Of course, that would make my little drive from New York City to Tree Hill nearly impossible in my light blue Volkswagen Beetle. My mom hated that car ("You are a fashion designer, Brooke! A high class celebrity! Stop acting like a high school prom queen and upgrade to a classier car!"), and I can't really blame her. It got terrible gas mileage, who the hell can afford these damn prices, and was horrible to drive in rain. Actually, if it were raining, I'd probably be on the side of the road, result of this stupid car hydroplaning and crashing into a pole, dead. And to be honest, that didn't sound half bad.

But then again, it wasn't raining, was it?

No, it wasn't raining. As a matter of fact, it was beautiful. I mean, blue skies, bright yellow sun, big white puffy clouds, even a few goddamn birds chirping. Isn't that just fan-fucking-tabulous? I guess Mr. Stephen Crane was right. Nature really is indifferent to human behavior. Thanks, Lucas Scott, for making me read in high school. I've always wanted something I've read to come back and bite me in the ass years later.

God, I sound so bitter it makes me sick. I've never been the broody one before.

I've never driven without the radio on before, either, but I drove practically the entire time with it off. Yeah, I know. It's a hell of a long trip to be engulfed in silence. But when I got in the car and turned it on only to hear "What a Wonderful World" come on the radio, I had to turn it off. It made me feel sick to my stomach. Right now, I'd be damned if I called this world wonderful. What was so wonderful about it?

_Welcome to Tree Hill! _

Fucking sign. Welcome to Tree Hill? I didn't feel all that welcome. And what was with that little exclamation point at the end? It was taunting me. I wanted to get out of the car and rip that damn sign down. You can shove your welcome up my ass. I don't want it.

God, these streets have never seemed so uninviting. I've never wanted to punch so many happy pedestrians in my life. Stop smiling at me. Stop smiling period. If they can't smile anymore, none of you deserve to smile either.

A love-y dove-y couple darts across the street and I'm tempted to hit them. I don't, but I beep long and hard at them. Get out of the fucking road. I don't care if you are in love and holding hands and looking like a cute high school couple. You'll never be_ the_ high school couple. _The_ high school couple is dead. And you'll never measure up to them. Never.

Oh God. I need to turn the car around. I can't be here. I can't do this. This can't be real.

My cell phone is ringing. Actually, it's been ringing nonstop half the ride, but I've just been too caught up in my thoughts to notice. Too caught up in my thoughts to care. It's probably just Millicent wondering where the hell I am. It all happened so quickly. I got the call, I got in my car, I drove, and here I am. Oh, shit. I have a meeting in like seven minutes. Shit, shit, shit. I hope Millie took care of that...

Crap, I need to turn around. I need to stop pulling into this damn parking lot. I throw the car in park and just sit. I can't move. I'm frozen to my seat. I've only been here twice before, in my entire life of living in Tree Hill. Once for Anna Sawyer. The other for Keith Scott. Two tragic deaths. And here I am, waiting to go in for two more.

I can barely breathe.

Anna Sawyer and Keith Scott, if you can here me, if there is an afterlife and you are hanging out up there watching, please, please, help me. Oh, God, I need all the help you can give me.

I was only eight when Anna Sawyer died. She wasn't my mother, she was my best friend's, but I felt close to her nonetheless. I cried right along with Peyton and I missed her right along with Peyton.

With Keith I was seventeen. A little older, but still just as lost and clueless on how the ways of death actually work. Was there an afterlife? Or is it just the end? Can he still hear me? Or is it just...over?

I thought death was supposed to get easier as you grew up. But it doesn't. Trust me. Because here I am at twenty-two, and I am driving myself insane. Where the hell is everyone else? They can't all be inside already. I need someone to help me get in there. Goddamn it, where is everyone?

I need Haley. She always knew the right things to do and the right things to say. She was always the reasonable one; the smart one. God, I need her to come find me sitting in this damn little Beetle and grab my arm and pull me into the damn Funeral Home. I need her to come and whisper into my ear the words to convince me that everything will be okay. I just need her to come get me because I cannot do this alone.

I look at the clock. It's 11:34. I'm thirty-four minutes late. No one comes thirty-four minutes late to a funeral. I'm on my own.

I open the front doors to the Funeral Home and everyone turns around to stare in my direction. Fuck, how embarrassing. They are like in the middle of a reading and here I come, waltzing in thirty-four minutes late. I'm such an ass.

I stand there awkwardly until I catch a glimpse of Jamie in the corner of my eyes. I haven't seen him in over a year. I can't believe how big he got. He's beautiful. He's waving at me, and I can see his sad little face light up at the sight of me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Guilty? Maybe. I weakly wave back. He smiles. I think I'm smiling, too.

He looks next to him, then back at me, then next to him again, as if he's working something out in his head. He's trying to decide something, I can tell. He makes his decision, and before I know what's going on, he's running in my direction. Everyone turns to stare at the little boy running towards me, and I even hear a few gasps. I don't register anything that is going on until he is in my arms. I'm holding him. "I missed you, Aunt Brooke. We all did." I hold him tighter.

Everyone is looking at me, and my eyes meet Skillz, who was previously sitting next to Jamie. I nod towards him, letting him know that I've got Jamie and it's fine, and he turns his attention back on the front. I whisper into Jamie's ear. "I don't think you were supposed to leave your seat, buddy." I put him down and he reaches out for my hand. I take it, and he leads me to the front where he was sitting. Everyone is watching us.

I sit where he previously was sitting, and place him on my lap. He rests his head back on my chest and I wrap my arms around his small body. I don't make eye contact with anyone else in my row, even though I know all of them. My friends. I can't face them. I can't see the sadness in their eyes that I know would be reflected in mine. I don't want them to see me like this, and I don't want to see them either.

I get lost in my thoughts and forget where I am. I think at one point, I may have even closed my eyes. I'm not sleeping, but I might as well be. Anything to take me away from this place. Anything to take me away from it all.

Jamie stirs in my lap and I am jerked back to reality. I watch as Lucas suddenly stands up to head to the podium. I hadn't noticed he was sitting next to me until now. He looks...I'm not sure. He's hiding it, I know it. Whatever he is feeling, he is hiding it. Then again, I think so am I.

He's giving the eulogy. That's why he stood up to get to the front. He's speaking about them. His voice sounds small, but at the same time I can't help but think he is so strong. He is strong and brave and everything he told me once that I was. Right now, I'm none of those things. The only thing keeping me from breaking down is the small boy on my lap. I can't break down in front of him. He's too young to see me like that.

"Nathan Scott was my brother. Haley James-Scott was my best friend."

Was. Past tense. Nathan _was_ his brother. Haley _was_ his best friend. His words kill me. They _were_ alive. Were. Past tense.

I feel the tears start to stream down my face. My eyes burn from trying to hold them in. I can't hold them in, but I can't surrender. I think if I cry, I won't be able to stop. Shit, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna break down right now. I feel it coming.

"Nathan and Haley _were_...They _were_...He _was_...She _was_..."

I can't hold it in anymore. Because maybe they were, but they aren't anymore. I'm sobbing now. Jamie wraps his arms around me. I almost laugh in irony. His parents are dead, and he's the one comforting me. I'm the worst aunt ever. "It's okay, Aunt Brooke. Uncle Lucas said momma and daddy are in heaven. They're happy there. It's nice there." I cry harder.

I feel an arm wrap around me and pull me close, and I look over to see that it's Skillz. I think he's trying to comfort me, too, but when I take a closer look at his face, I realize I'm wrong. He needs the comfort, too. He's crying, too. I try to keep my crying quiet, but I know my gasps for air are loud. I shouldn't be embarrassed; everyone around me is crying. I'm not the only one.

Jamie's eyes are teary, but I think his tears are for me. I hold onto him tight, letting him know that I'm fine. I even try to smile at him. He doesn't understand, I can tell. He would be crying if he did. He would me a mess like the rest of us if he did. But he's too young. His parents are in heaven having a jolly good time in his mind. And I don't think he realizes they will be there forever. I hope I'm not around when he realizes they are. I couldn't handle seeing him like that. Fuck, this is hard.

I wish Haley was here. She would know what to say to make me feel alright. She always did.

Did. Past tense.

The funeral mass ends at some point, and everyone files into their cars to drive to the cemetery. I stand by my car frozen in my spot. I'm not sure I want to go. "Brooke." I turn my head in the direction of my name being called. It's Lucas. "Ride with us, Brooke." It isn't a question or a suggestion. It just is. So I do.

Lucas and I don't speak as we drive. Jamie is in the back and he seems content. He hasn't spoken either. I catch a look of him in the sideview mirror and make a mental note to myself that he is absolutely adorable in his little black suit. If it were any other time, if it were any other situation, I would have told him that, and oogled all over him. But now is not the time. It would be totally inappropriate.

When we get to the cemetery, everything is a blur. I don't hear anything that's going on around me, and I can't see anything other than those goddamn caskets. As they lower them, I want to scream out. I want to yell at them to stop. I want them to open them up and I want Nathan and Haley to jump out and yell "got ya!" I want this all to be a joke. I don't even care that it would be the worst, sickest, joke ever. I'd still laugh.

My cell phone begins to ring. I'm so fucking rude. I stumble to get it out of my purse to turn off. I look at the caller ID before I do. It's my mother. She's probably calling to yell at me. I don't care. I don't care if I missed an important meeting or if I need to be at the company. I don't care about the company right now. Hoes Over Bros takes a back seat to Nathan and Haley any day. Especially since it was Haley who convinced me to start Hoes Over Bros to begin with. I make a mental note to remember to dedicate the business to her publicly when I get back. God, I can't wait to get back.

Afterwards, we all file back into our cars to head over to Karen's Cafe for the, what would you call it. After party? No. That's sick. Whatever, we head to the cafe for food and to talk about how much we all love Nathan and Haley. Correction, how much we all _loved_ them.

Karen comes over to give me a hug and tells me how proud she is of me. I smile weakly at her. I don't know what to say, so I mutter a thank you. She gives me a sad look, and pulls me in for another hug. Lily stands at her feet and smiles at me. She's beautiful. She doesn't understand what's going on. To her, this is just a party. I wish that were true. She tugs on Karen's pant leg. "Where's Jamie?" Karen isn't sure. I look around. I'm not sure either.

Where is he?

As I look around a catch a glimpse of his blonde hair and black tuxedo walking up the stairs in the back of the cafe. I follow him, and even though I know I should, I don't tell anyone. I guess I'm not the most responsible person in the world.

I follow him to the roof. Lucas told me about it. He and Haley used to have a mini golf course up here. I don't call out Jamie's name. I just watch him in silence. I don't know if he's even noticed me. "They aren't coming back, are they?" He has.

He turns to face me, and it breaks my heart. I have no idea what to say. Fuck, say something quick. Anything. "I...Jamie...I'm sorry." Not exactly the award winning words I was looking for.

He's angry now, I can feel it. His eyes are watery and narrow. His jaw is clenched. He reaches out and punches me in the side. It doesn't hurt; his hands are so small, but it takes me by surprise. I don't say anything. He hits me again. And again and again. And the tears are pouring from his face. He's starting to hurt me now.

I grab his wrists to get him to stop. "I want momma!" His cry for his mother is heart wrenching. I pull him close to me as he screams out. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say.

If Haley were here, she'd know what to do.

Jamie sobs and falls asleep in my arms. He must have been so tired. I pick him up and carry him back downstairs. Lucas is the first to see us and runs over looking worried. He holds out his arms and I immediately hand Jamie over to him. Our eyes meet for a moment, and I quickly look away. "I should take him home." He tells me, and I nod my head. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'm going back to New York tonight." I tell him. He looks at me confused. "What?"

"Didn't you get the message? You need to meet with Nathan and Haley's lawyer with us tomorrow." I stare at him wondering what he's talking about. "To talk about their will?" He adds, hoping I'll remember. I don't. I never got the message.

I tell him this, and he explains to me that Haley and Nathan must have left me something in the will. I begin to ponder what it could be, but I have no idea. Maybe some money or something, but I don't really need any money. Maybe their house? They always wanted me to move back to Tree Hill, especially since I'm Jamie's godmother. I don't know, I can't figure it out.

Lucas gives me the information on where to meet and what time, and we say goodbye. I look around the room. A lot of people are beginning to leave. I guess I should leave, too. I'm going to need to find a hotel now.

I'm on my way out and Karen asks me if I have a place to stay. I smile and tell her that I'm on my way to get a hotel room, and she tells me not to be ridiculous and offers me the spare room in her house. Lucas' old room. My old room at one point junior year. I try to decline her offer, but she won't have it. I smile and accept, and we leave together. Lily is fascinated by the fact that I am a fashion designer. She asks me to make a dress especially for her. I tell her I will.

I don't know when I fall asleep, but I must have at some point, because my alarm is going off telling me to wake up. I'm not sure I want to wake up. I do anyway, and get changed quickly. I want to discuss the will with the lawyer and get it all over with. I want to go back to the city and divulge myself in my company so I can get my mind off of Nathan and Haley. I want to forget about the past couple of days.

I'm sitting in a room with the Scott's lawyer, Lucas, Deb, and Lydia and Jimmy James. The lawyer is rambling about property and money and I'm just waiting to find out where I fit in all of this. Lucas is Nathan's brother and Haley's best friend. Deb is Nathan's mother. Lydia and Jimmy are Haley's parents. Where does that leave me?

I can't look any one in this room in the eyes. It's too hard. Lydia and Jimmy lost their baby girl. Deb lost her only son. Lucas lost the two most important people in his world. And I lost two of my best friends, two of my rocks. All of our worlds took a fall the day Nathan and Haley Scott died, and it's going to take a long time to get over it all.

I swear to God if I ever meet that son of a bitch I will kill him. I swear to God I will. He will wish he had never taken a single sip of alcohol as long as he lives. He will never step into the drivers seat of a car ever again. He will never hurt anyone else ever again. I will see to it. I swear I will.

If drinking and driving wasn't bad enough, the son of a bitch had to drive away, leaving my friends to die.

Nathan, they said, died on the impact of the car. The EMTs said if they had gotten to the scene seconds sooner, they could have saved her. Haley could have lived. But no. That son of a bitch had to hit their car, killing Nathan, and driving away before calling 911 to save Haley. I swear to God if they ever find out who he was I will hurt him. I will hurt him and I won't care what consequences come from it.

The lawyer is almost finished. He tells us this. My name has yet to be mentioned. Maybe they made a mistake?

He begins to talk about Jamie. I begin to wonder who will get custody of the little boy. I narrow it down to either Lucas or Deb. No offense to Lydia and Jimmy; they just haven't been around as much. They live in an RV and travel all over. They see Jamie less than I do. Lucas and Deb have been around almost every day since he was born. He's definitely going to one of them.

I make a mental note to myself that whoever gets custody of Jamie, I will do my best to help out in any way I can. I have a lot of money, a lot of money that I don't need. I will gladly give Lucas or Deb (or Jimmy and Lydia if that's the case) as much money as they need to raise Jamie. I'll even set up a college fund for him. He deserves the best, after all.

I hear my name called, but I missed what the lawyer said. I'm too caught up in my own thoughts and I wasn't paying attention. Everyone else in the room gasps, and I'm sure I missed something. They all look at me in shock. I don't react. I'm confused. Shit, I should have been paying attention.

"Are you sure?" I hear Deb ask. Is he sure about what? I look over at Lucas for help. He looks away from me. He's pissed, I can tell. But why? What the hell did I miss?

"I'm sure, Mrs. Scott." Sure about what, goddamnit! "Mr. and Mrs. Scott made this point perfectly clear. James Lucas Scott has been left in Brooke Davis' custody." Wait, what? Did I just hear that right? It was my turn to look shocked.

"I...oh shit." I mumble. Everyone's looking at me and I don't know what do to. This has to be a sick joke. Oh crap. This can't be good. "No. No, no, no, no, no. There has to be some sort of mistake." Everyone looks back at the lawyer. Apparently, they all agree.

But it isn't a mistake. Holy Shit. They left Jamie to me. And I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling...

...Are they insane?

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	2. My Uncle Lucas

_Thanks for the reviews everyone. I wasn't sure if i was going to continue this at all, but since you all asked for more, I'll deliver.  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 2: My Uncle Lucas

-x-x-x-

_Third on my list is my uncle. My uncle Lucas is the best uncle ever. He is my godfather and my middle name is his first name. Uncle Lucas sometimes jokes around with my daddy, saying that I look more like him and they should look into getting a DNA test. My daddy never thinks that's funny._

_Uncle Lucas is a writer. He even wrote a book! I asked my momma once what it was about, and she told me it was about them all in high school. I asked her to read it to me, she told me I was way too young to read about that. I asked her when I would be old enough. She told me when I was thirty-five. Uncle Lucas is one of my best friends. I don't know what I'd do without him._

-x-x-x-

Jamie is sleeping in the backseat of my car. I don't blame him. I'd be sleeping, too, if my whole world was about to be uprooted. He needs the rest. Life changing moments can be exhausting.

I keep replaying Lucas' words in my head, the words he said to me as I pulled away from Tree Hill. "_I lost Nathan and Haley. And now I'm losing Jamie, too. Thanks, Brooke. You should visit more often, it's been a pleasure_." I hate sarcasm.

They hurt, his words. More than I would have thought. But here I am, three hours later, still feeling the sting of what he said. He can't seriously think this is my fault. It's not. I didn't ask for this. Hell, I don't even want this.

What the hell am I going to do with a four year old? My mother is _not_ going to be happy about this.

Jamie stirs in the backseat. I look in the rear view mirror to see if he's awake. He's not. I silently thank God he isn't. This is easier with him asleep. He doesn't understand everything that is going on. I don't think he realizes he's coming to live with me for good. He was way too excited to have realized that.

Lucas realized it. From the moment it was said that Jamie was in my custody, Lucas knew. But can he blame me? I can't just move to Tree Hill. I have my company to worry about. My company that I've worked so hard to create. I can't give up on it. I can't just leave it behind.

Shit. Does that sound totally selfish?

Jamie will like the city. He will. They have some great schools in the city. And, okay, so it's not always the safest place in the world to raise a kid, but I'm Brooke Davis, creator of Clothes Over Bros, he'll live life like a celebrity. Red carpets, photo shoots, high class parties. He'll be living the life! I'll spoil him rotten!

Oh great. Now I sound like some sick celebrity mom. Like Mrs. Lohan or Mrs. Barrymore. I suddenly picture Haley in my mind. She's not happy with the mental picture of her son growing up spoiled. Not happy at all.

Well, damnit, Hales. Why did you do this to me? Without a handbook, nonetheless! I can't raise a kid! I don't know the first thing about raising a kid!

Lucas does. He practically has. Between Lily and Jamie, he's bound to be a pro by now. And damn it, Haley and Nathan must have known that! They had to have known that Lucas would have been the right choice. Not me! Not me goddamn it!

I hit the steering wheel in frustration and accidentally beep the horn. Jamie shoots up, startled by the sound. "Hey buddy." I put my best fake smile on when he looks at me.

"We there yet, Aunt Brooke?" He rubs his eyes with his little hands. I tell him not yet, we still have quite a bit to go. "Tell me about the city again, Aunt Brooke." He's excited. I feel guilty at his excitement. Even if he loves the city, I know he'll miss Tree Hill. There are plenty of days when I still wake up and miss Tree Hill.

I begin explaining to him all of the exciting parts of New York City I can think of. I'm practically rambling. Would taxis be exciting to a four year old? Sure, why not. How about big crowds of people? Yeah, okay. Lots of lights? He seems to be entertained. Big buildings? Huge buildings I'll go with. Has he ever heard of Broadway? I'll tell him about it anyway. "It's the city that never sleeps." I finish with.

"Do _I _have to sleep?" He's sneaky, and I smile at the little mischievous face he's making.

"I said the _city_ never sleeps. You and I? We sleep." He lets out a small giggle and i feel this ping in my stomach. It's the guilt again. I can't shake this feeling, and I can't explain to myself exactly why I'm feeling this way. I just want the feeling to go away.

"Aunt Brooke?" His voice is soft and contemplative, and I know he's getting ready to ask me something. "What's the tallest building in the city?" I half chuckle to myself. I thought his question was going to be more serious than that.

"The Empire State Building."

"Can we go to it?" He sounds excited again. I'm glad. I'd rather keep him excited than have him sad and wanting Hal--well, let's just say I'm glad he's happy and excited for the moment. "The Emperor State Building, can we go to it?"

"It's Empire, and sure buddy." I'll say anything to keep him happy at this point. His face lights up at my words. This whole keeping him happy thing doesn't seem like it should be too hard after all. He's four. Four year olds seem to get excited and happy over the simplest things. Maybe I can do this after all.

"Aunt Brooke? I have to go to the bathroom." Maybe not. I ask if he can hold it in for a little while. He shakes his head no. I sigh. I stop at the next rest stop, and take him to the bathroom. I hope that he has a fairly strong bladder and can last now for the rest of the ride. I just want to get home. I really, really, just want to get home.

Three restroom stops later, we finally make it to New York City.

Jamie's eyes grow wide and his little jaw drops open. I smile to myself. I had the same reaction to the city when I first visited. Haley was there. Peyton, too. They drove with me for my Rogue Vogue show. We were young and excited and had our whole futures ahead of us. I had no idea that the little Rogue Vogue show was just the beginning for my career. I had no idea that Peyton would go off to L.A. and be more engulfed in work than I am. I had no idea that Haley would...anyway, we were young and naive and I miss that.

"Can we ride in a Taxi?" He squeals in excitement. I laugh. Live in New York long enough and you learn not to be too fond with Taxis. I tell him maybe one day, just for him, we'll take a Taxi. He claps excitedly. I don't want to crush his spirits and tell him that Victoria would never let me step into a Taxi. It's not classy enough for her.

I pulled into the garage lot of the apartment building my suite is in and turned off the car. "You ready?" I asked him, he nodded his head yes, not realizing the question I was really asking was "are you ready _for the rest of your life_". No, I don't think he was ready for that.

I don't think I was ready for that, either.

I lead him into the apartment and throw his bags on the couch. It's late, I'll take care of putting it all away tomorrow. He walks over to my window and looks out at the view of the city with wide eyes. I smile; I'm proud of that view. I worked hard to get a view like that. "It's big." His voice is a hushed whisper.

"The window?" I ask him. It is a pretty big window. It stretches across the entire wall side of the apartment. He shakes his head no at me.

"The city." He is amazed and I can't blame him. The city is a whole other world compared to Tree Hill. Jamie's small town life is over, and it takes a lot of adjusting. Especially going from a town as small as Tree Hill to a city as big as New York. I watch him as he yawns, and I begin to yawn with him. I look at my watch, it's already after midnight.

"Jamie, it's getting late. The bathroom is right back there, why don't you go wash up and we'll figure out where you are going to sleep and I'll tuck you in." He nods in agreement, but stays at the window looking out at the city a few minutes longer before going into one of his bags to pull out a toothbrush. He looks at me, and I point where the bathroom is a second time. He smiles, and runs off to brush his teeth. Once he is out of view I collapse on the couch and put my head in my hands. I need a moment. I need five moments. I need time to process all of this.

I haven't had much time to sit with all of this. One minute I'm being told Jamie is mine, the next I'm driving him to New York. It hasn't even been a whole forty eight hours since I left New York in the first place. Not even a whole forty eight hours since I got the call to begin with.

Speaking of calls, I look over towards my answering machine. Twenty-one new messages. What the hell. I hit the play button and immediately hit erase every time I recognize my mother's voice. Fifteen of the twenty-one messages are her. Three are millicent. Two is Macy's. One is Peyton.

As I'm listening to Peyton frantically talk about not being able to get away from the office and wanting to know details and if I went to the funeral and how Luke and Jamie and everyone is taking it, I see Jamie lurking out of the corner of my eyes. I turn to face him, he looks confused and a little scared. I motion to him to come over to me. He doesn't move. I ask him if he brushed his teeth. He shakes his head no. I ask him why not. "Somebody's in the bathroom."

What? Someone is in the bathroom? That's impossible, I live here by myself. My heart is immediately jumped into my throat and I grab him and pick him up as I walk towards the bathroom. He's holding on to me tight, and I don't blame him. I'm scared, too. No one is supposed to be in my apartment. I slowly open the bathroom door and jump at the sight of the red headed mess on the floor. "Rachel?" She stirs and lets out a groan, but doesn't move.

I put Jamie down and tell him to go wait in the living room. He doesn't move. I smile, the best fake smile I can, and tell him that Rachel is a friend and it's okay. He shakes his head and runs out into the living room. I focus back on the red head. "Rachel?" I look around, and I can tell she's high. I'm pissed. This isn't what I need right now.

I take her needle and I take everything around her and throw it in the trash can. I don't really know what to do from here. I can't deal with this right now. Not with Jamie in the other room.

You happy now, Haley? Is this the environment you wanted your son in?

I try and pick Rachel up to carry her into the guest room. She's heavier than I would have thought. "Brooke?" I can barely understand her mumbled voice. I want to smack her. What the hell is she thinking? "Why'd you fire me, Brooke?"

I freeze. I totally forgot. Victoria had made me fire her only hours before I left for Tree Hill. Please don't tell me you are like this because of me, Rachel. Please, I cannot deal with ruining your life, on top of everyone else's.

I don't bother talking to her or explaining my actions, she's too high to understand anything anyway. But Victoria made me. I love Rachel and would never want to hurt her. But she had been showing up late for shoots. And hungover. And that's just not professional enough. Especially not for my mother.

I'm just being consumed in guilt. This really isn't fair. I didn't ask for any of this. I don't want any of this!

I manage to get Rachel into the guest bed and watch her for a moment. She looks so broken. And I did this. I broke her. I swear I didn't mean to. I swear it. I turn out the light, and close the door behind me as I leave Rachel to get some rest. I'll talk with her in the morning. I'll fix this. I promise myself I will.

I find Jamie sitting on the couch in the living room. He looks confused. And scared. "How about you sleep in my bed with me tonight?" He smiles and nods his head. It's late, and he's tired, and he just wants to be held. I can tell, because he comes running over to me and attaches himself to my leg. I pick him up and head towards the bedroom.

We lay in the bed and he rests his head on my stomach, wrapping both his arms around me tight. He doesn't want to let go, and I would never make him. I can't fall asleep, yet, even though his breathing has changed and I can tell he is. I can't keep from watching him. He's so small, so innocent. He doesn't deserve any of this. He doesn't deserve losing both his parents and being uprooted from his life. He doesn't deserve this kind of life. He's too small.

God, Hales. He's so small. How could you leave him?

I don't know when I fell asleep, but the sun, high in the sky, is coming through my bedroom window waking me. I flop my hand next to me and am a little startled when all I feel are the blankets next to me. I sit up and open my eyes. "Jamie?" Where did he go?

I practically leap out of the bed. Shit! Shit, shit shit! I already lost him? You have got to be kidding me. I make a run for my bedroom door and trip over, well, I'm not sure what the hell I tripped over but I'm flat on my face. God that hurt. Ouch. Ugh. Hang on. Let me just recover from that fall a second.

Jamie. Shit, okay. I get up and open the door. I hear him laughing. What the hell.

I fold my arms and stare stunned at the sight in front of my face. Jamie and Rachel. Sitting on the couch eating cereal watching T.V. Rachel looks over towards me. "Why do you look so pissed?" Oh, I could smack her. I really could. She can tell. "Please don't start yelling. I have a killer headache." I walk over and grab her by the arm, pulling her into the dining room, away from Jamie's earshot.

"What do you think you're doing!?" I'm fuming. I can practically feel the smoke coming from my ears. She looks like she's going to laugh. I could kill her. She seriously looks like she's going to laugh. "It's not funny!"

"Relax, slut. I'm just eating breakfast with the kid." She holds up her hands in an 'look cop, I don't have a gun' kind of way. "Why is he here anyway? Where's Bitch Ass Haley at?" That's it. I can't take it. I slap her. Hard. "Jesus Christ, Brooke! What the hell was that?"

"Don't you dare!" I can't hold anything in at this point. "Don't you dare say a damn word about Haley!" I'm screaming. Shit, I screamed a bit to loud. Jamie looks over at the mention of his mother. Shit. He watches us carefully and bites his lower lip. I try and calm myself down and begin talking again once his attention is back on the T.V.

"Brooke, what happened?" Rachel can tell something is wrong. We've grown close over the past few years. I'm too mad at her to care she's concerned.

"What happened?" I'm screaming again. "I come home to find you high off your ass in my bathroom! That's what happened! What the hell is wrong with you?" I don't want to talk about Haley. I don't want to talk about Jamie. I yell at her, hoping to prolong that conversation.

She takes a step back. She's surprised I'm yelling so hard at her. She shouldn't be surprised. What she did was stupid. Really stupid. "You can't do that shit in my house, Rachel!"

"I'm weak, Brooke." I don't want to hear it. I don't want any of her excuses. "But you acting like this, you yelling, this isn't about me, is it?" She can see right through me. "Where's Haley, Brooke?" She touches my shoulder. I lose it. I cry.

Through my tears and sobs I tell Rachel that Haley and Nathan--I tell her that they--I can barely say it. She understands, and she holds onto me as I cry. I try to tell her about Jamie, but I'm crying too hard. She waits for me to calm down. It takes me a while.

I finally calm down and I tell her that Jamie is mine. He is in my custody. She laughs, and then realizes I'm serious. "What about Lucas?" She asks the same question I've been asking myself ever since I found out. I don't know how to answer it. I've yet to find the answer myself. "Bitch-toria is not going to be happy about this." I glare at her. No kidding. My mother is going to flip a shit.

"Aunt Brooke?" I glance over towards Jamie. "Can we go to the Emperor State Building today?" I sigh, correct him and tell him that it's Empire, and tell him not today. "Why not?"

"I have a lot of work to catch up on today. We're going to have to go to the office for a while." Even though I've only missed two days of work, I know how quickly the workload piles up. I'll be in over my head tonight, that's for sure. Jamie pouts a little. He obviously doesn't want to come to work with me. "It'll be fun, you can see where I work and meet all the people who work for me." He doesn't seem convinced.

"You can leave him here with me, if you want." Rachel's offer is a little too tempting. "It's not like I have a job anymore to go to." Again with the guilt.

As much as I'd love to leave Jamie with her while I go to work, I know it's not a good idea. Haley would kill me for even considering it. "Not a chance, Rachel. I don't need you teaching him any of your bad little habits." I know the heroin isn't a habit. It's an addiction. I just don't know how bad. I make a mental note to myself to keep an eye on her. "Plus, you don't even live here." I remember to add.

"Yeah but you fired me, and now I can't afford my own apartment." She smirks at me. She always gets her way. I don't even bother arguing with her.

"No drugs in this house, Rachel." I can't have her being crazy in my house, in front of my kid. Ha! Listen to me. My kid. He isn't my kid. "No drugs, no parties, and if you prove to me you can turn your life around, I'll give you your job back."

"Oh please. Like Victoria would let you do that." She has a point. She knows how Victoria can be.

"This isn't Victoria's company, it's mine." I need to have more control that I have. Rachel laughs. It makes me mad. I look at my watch. It's seven twenty-three. I'm supposed to be at the office by eight, and I'm not even dressed yet. "Shit, I need to get ready for work." I look over at Jamie. He hasn't gotten dressed yet. "Jamie, can you get dressed, buddy, so we can get going to Aunt Brooke's job?"

"But I want to watch Rocket Power and it's on next!" He's whining. I don't have time to listen to him whine.

"Come on, buddy. We need to compromise here if we are going to make this work." I'm doing my part, after all. I'm taking him with me. It's going to be hard to get work done with a four year old in the office. He sighs, and gets up and grabs one of his bags. He walks over to the bathroom to get dressed.

"I'm going to run to my apartment to pack a few things to bring back here." Rachel gets up and starts to head for the door. "I'll see you later, bitch!" She calls as she leaves. Haley must be rolling over in her grave. There's no way she would ever want her son living with Rachel.

Well, God damn, Hales. You could have let him stay with Lucas!

I get dressed and I walk back out into the living room to find Jamie with his shirt on backwards. I laugh, and help him fix it, and I help him tie his shoes. "Can we take a taxi?" He gets all excited for a moment.

I stop to think about it. I don't see why not. We can get out of the cab and into the office before Victoria even sees us. Then again, if she catches us, she'll already be in a bad mood before I break her the news about Jamie. "Not today, buddy." He pouts a bit, but gets over it quickly. "Brace yourself, buddy." I warn him.

"What for?" Oh, what a loaded question.

"You're going to meet your Aunt Brooke's mom." He smiles excitedly, and my heart goes out for him. If my life wasn't over already, it will be once I speak with my mother.

Shit. I feel like a little kid who just broke her parents' priceless vase.

My mother is going to kill me...

...Make room, Hales.

* * *


	3. My Aunt Brooke

_I just want to let you all know that yes, lucas will be in this fic eventually, but as for right now it's revolving around brooke's life in new york. just thought i'd mention as to not discourage you lucas fans. also, i created a type of youtube video trailer for this fic, the link is on my profile page if you are interested in taking a look.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 3: My Aunt Brooke

-x-x-x-

_My best friend in the whole wide world, though, is my Aunt Brooke. She's number four. She's my godmother, and I don't really see her that much because she is a famous fashion designer. She lives in New York City, which is pretty far from here. She showed me pictures of it once, it's so cool looking! There are a million yellow taxis and a ton of lights and a million billion people and there is this really tall building called the Empire State Building._

_ I hope one day I can visit Aunt Brooke in New York City and go to the top of the Empire State Building with her.  
_

-x-x-x-

If anything is to be said about how lucky Jamie is, it's that his mother loved him. And she told him she loved him every chance she got. And, even though she's not here anymore, he will grow up knowing that she loved him. No questions asked.

How pathetic is it that I envy a four year old boy who just lost both of his parents?

We park the car and head to my office. As I pass by all the people who work for me, I can't help but notice the stares. I try to ignore them and walk with my head held as if nothing is out of the ordinary, but the four year old walking by my side is proof that everything is out of the ordinary. God, Jamie, can't you like turn invisible or something? Just this once? Just for me?

Millicent comes running over and starts rambling about shoes (or purses?) or something I am barely paying attention to. Even if I was paying attention, she's talking about a mile a minute, much faster than my brain processes the English language. Jamie starts to giggle. She apparently amuses him.

She stops talking mid sentence at the sound of Jamie's laugh. She stares at him for a moment. I'm over here, Millie. Don't focus on him, just focus on me. "Hi, I'm Millie." She holds out a hand to shake Jamie's. I have the sweetest assistant in the world, did I mention that? Jamie looks up at me and I smile at him, our silent conversation my way of telling him that Millicent's a good person. He smiles up at her.

"I'm James Lucas Scott." I laugh at his introduction. Millicent smile's at him then looks back at me, waiting for an explanation. I don't really have a good explanation for her, I'm still trying to figure all of this out myself.

I ask Jamie to go wait for me in my office so I can speak to Millie without him overhearing. I haven't spoken to him much about his parents. I don't know how he feels or what he's thinking. I don't know if he's sad or if he's dealing. I don't really know anything. I'm too afraid to speak about them to find out.

I sigh and bring a hand to my temple. I'm getting a headache. Millicent waits patiently for me to speak. "He's Nathan and Haley's."

I explain the situation to Millicent doing my best not to just break down and cry. It's hard. Talking about them is hard. Just saying their names makes my eyes burn with threatening tears. But I can't cry here. Not here. I'm the boss. I can't be weak.

Millicent is close to tears herself. She's great, she really is. I've never met anyone who honestly cares as much as she does. I make a mental note to look into giving her a raise. She deserves one. "Does Victoria know?" Millicent is just as afraid of my mother as I am. Maybe even moreso. I shake my head no. "She's not going to like that."

I know she's not going to like it. I know she isn't going to be happy. Trust me, I know. I'm so afraid of telling her it's not funny. But goddamn it, this is my company. This is my life. And he is my godson. I refuse to give anything up just because my mother isn't happy about it. I owe it to Haley to give it all my best. "Well, she works for me. She doesn't control me. She'll get over it."

Millicent doesn't seem too convinced. As a matter of fact, she looks worried. "I have some crayons in my desk left over from the great sketch debacle of last month. If you want, I can give them to James so he's occupied as you work." Did I mention how much I love my assistant?

She gets the crayons from her desk and follows me into my office. Jamie is sitting at my desk looking at the framed pictures I have on it. What pictures do I have on my desk? I'm sure there's one of him. Yes, his preschool picture that Haley had sent me earlier that year. And there's one of Lily, too, that Karen had sent me. There's one of Rachel and I at our first Clothes Over Bros fashion show. And, crap, what's the fourth one of?

He picks one of the pictures up to get a closer look. "Momma looks so different in this picture." Oh, that's right. It's of me, Peyton, and Haley back in high school. Crap. I should have thought to take it down. "Her hair is so long. And it's blonde like mine."

That's right. Haley had cut her hair short and dyed it dark the last time I saw her. "That picture was taken a long time ago." Is all I can respond with. I can't talk about Haley with him. It's too hard. I need to change the subject. "Hey buddy, look. Millie has some crayons for you. Why don't you draw a picture or two for a bit while I get some work done?"

"When you're done working can we go to the Emperor State Building?" His little face lights up. I don't even bother correcting his Empire this time. I smile at him, in almost a patronizing way. I don't mean it to be like that, though.

"We'll see. I have a lot of work to do." Not to mention a mother that is going to freak out when she finds out about you. He takes the crayons from Millie and they engage in small talk. She asks him if he likes it here in the Big Apple. He bursts out laughing.

"Apple? Brooke doesn't have fruit. She only has power bars and whole grain cereal." I laugh and roll my eyes. He and Rachel must have had trouble finding breakfast this morning.

Millicent tells him that the Big Apple is what they sometimes call the city. He begins to tell her that he likes it so far, but he likes Tree Hill better. I'm not sure how I feel about his comment. He misses Tree Hill already? That's not good. But then again, he hasn't been here very long at all. He can learn to love it. He will learn to love it.

He seems to like Millicent. That's good. The people in my life out here aren't exactly stable. Not like in Tree Hill. In Tree Hill, Jamie was surrounded by good people. Skills, Mouth, Lucas, not to mention his parents. Here? Well, he's surrounded by people like Rachel, and while I love Rachel, I know she isn't exactly child friendly. She was doing heroin in my house last night, for Christ's sake. In front of Jamie!

And then there's Victoria. My mother. She's cold and controlling and she'll hate him, I know she will. And just thinking about that is enough to make me want to take him far away from here. He doesn't deserve to be hated by anyone.

God, Haley. Is this really the life you wanted for your son?

Life in Tree Hill was safe, and the people were good. Here? Well, here is not safe at all.

I look at the clock. It's nine-thirty. Victoria usually comes to the office around ten. She'll be here soon. I look over at Jamie who is contently coloring. Millie had retreated back to her desk. He looks so content. Not happy, just content. I'm afraid for when my mother comes. He won't be so content after a visit from her.

I consider for a moment picking up the phone and calling Lucas. I consider calling him and telling him to come get Jamie and take him away from here. Take him away from my mother and Rachel and take him away from me. I'm not equipped for this.

He looks up at me and smiles and then focuses back down on his picture. I don't know why he smiled at me; maybe he saw me staring at him as thoughts flooded my head. But it doesn't matter why he looked at me or why he smiled at me, because in that instant, calling Lucas seemed anything but plausible.

Haley trusted me with her son, the one thing she loved the most in this world. For some, strange, bizarre reason, she trusted him with me. And I owe it to her to give this my best. I owe it to her to at least try. "Hey buddy, you hungry? There's a McDonald's down the street."

We walk down the street and I order him a Happy Meal. We sit down to eat (I didn't order anything. My mother would flip out if she sensed I ate from something as low class as a McDonald's) and for a moment, everything seems so ordinary.

We've done this before, as Aunt and godson. I've taken him to McDonald's for a Happy Meal numerous times while making visits to Tree Hill. He's talked me into eating french fries and convinced me to let him play in the ball pit of the playplace. We've laughed and had a good time. And for a moment, it feels just as it did back during those visits.

But deep down I know it's not the same. Because I don't get to bring him back home afterwards. He doesn't get to run into Haley's arms after being away from her all day. He doesn't get to run out back and play ball with his dad. He's stuck with me.

It was a nice break, I'll admit that, but the office awaits. I take him by the hand, telling him he can finish his fries on the way, and we make our walk back to Clothes Over Bros. There's a pigeon on the sidewalk and he throws a french fry at it. He giggles as the pigeon eats it, and giggles even harder when three more pigeons swoop down and fight over it. He goes to throw another, but I stop him. I'd rather not have twelve more pigeons fly down. It'd be like a scene from "The Birds", and I could picture Jamie being their first victim.

He doesn't move; he's absorbed in watching the pigeons fight over the french fry, so I pick him up and throw him over my shoulder. He's giggling, and his laugh is egging me on, so I pick up speed and run with him. "Faster, Aunt Brooke!" Who can argue with a command like that?

We make it to Clothes Over Bros and we're both laughing as I run through the doors. I put him down and start tickling him into a laughing fit right in the middle of my lobby. I'm laughing with him. God, I love his laugh.

"Ahem"

Oh shit. I know that voice. Oh shit. I freeze and stand up. I look like a small child who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Victoria steps over to me and begins circling around me as she speaks. The click of her heels hit me like a ton of bricks. "So..._this_ is why you disappeared. From your work, your life, and your family." She's circling around me, but she's glaring at Jamie. He's hanging on my leg. I put a hand on his shoulder and pull him closer to me. "Millicent, take the boy to Brooke's office and watch him while I have a word with my daughter." That doesn't sound good.

Millicent walks over and takes Jamie by the hand to lead him to my office. He's hesitant about leaving me, and I don't blame him. I wouldn't leave anyone alone with my mother, either. Millicent gets him to go with her to my office by reminding him he hasn't finished his picture from before. I smile weakly at him as they leave. "What is that, Brooke?" I look at her for a moment. Well, now that's a stupid question.

"It's a child, mother." Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. She's not pleased.

"I'm going to ignore that smart ass answer you just gave me and move on to the question of how long the boy is visiting." I don't like the way she calls Jamie "the boy". It sounds as disrespectful as I'm sure she intends it to. I bite my lip. I'm so afraid of telling her he's here to stay and I don't know why. I'm not a child anymore. My life is my business. I shouldn't care so much what my mother thinks.

But for some reason I do.

I take a deep breath and begin explaining to her how I left the city for a couple of days to go to a funeral, and before I can say anything more, she stops me. "Who does the boy belong to, Brooke?" She's an intelligent woman, I'll give her that. She understands what I'm afraid to tell her.

"As of two days ago, he belongs to me." I flinch back after speaking as if she is going to strike me. She doesn't, she hasn't since I was like Jamie's age, but I flinch nonetheless. I carefully look her in the eyes. I can't read them, and that scares me even more.

"No." No? No what? She begins to walk away and I follow her waiting for an explanation. No what? "Get rid of him. I don't care how you do it. Send him to boarding school. I don't care. Just get rid of him." I stop walking and stare at her amazed.

"I can't just get rid of him, mom. He's my godson and I love him." She stops walking, too.

"Love has nothing to do with it, Brooke." How could it not? "Think about your company. You worked hard for all of this. We worked hard for all of this. You are not going to throw it away just for some boy." That makes me mad for two reasons. One, I'm not planning on throwing away my company. And two, Jamie isn't just some boy. I ask her why it has to be one or the other. I try to tell her that I can do both. She laughs, and I don't know what's so funny.

"Brooke, sweetie," The word "sweetie" out of her mouth isn't one of affection. It's patronizing. "Trust me, it's a lot easier once the child is out of the picture. You don't need this kind of distraction." That statement hits home with me.

"You mean like how I was a distraction to you and dad?" She just shoots me a look. What's that look supposed to be, mom? Because you aren't denying anything with that look.

"Just do the right thing and get rid of him, Brooke." She began to walk away again. Stop walking, goddamn it, and listen to me!

"No." This got her attention. She turns around to face me with a vengeance. I almost wanted to eat my word. Did I just tell my mother no? Oh shit, that wasn't good.

"You will not screw up this company because of a boy, Brooke. It's Clothes Over Bros. That means your company over _this_ boy." I can't believe she just did that. She just took my words, the name of my company, the slogan me and my best friend came up with in high school, and twisted it to make it seem like I'm the bad guy for wanting to give Jamie, my godson, a home. "Quit being ridiculous and just send him to a boarding school. It'll be good for him. They have some really great boarding schools out there."

"No, mom, just listen to me." I was practically begging her to hear me out. "I know that I can do this, just give me a chance to prove it to you." I don't know why I needed to prove anything to her, but I always did. I always felt I had something to prove to her.

She paused for a moment as if she were considering what I had said. And I had hope for that moment that she would say she had faith in me and say that she knew I could do this, too. "He can stay until the company starts to flop." Not exactly the words I was hoping for. "Get him out of your office. I'll take over for today. It'll give you time to find a babysitter."

I should have stayed and fought with her more. I should have told her off and told her that Jamie was now in my life, a part of my life, and I would do whatever I wanted to do with anything that concerned him or my company. But I didn't. I let her walk away.

I walk into my office and smile at the sight of Millicent playing around with Jamie. I stand at the doorway and watch them for a moment, but the moment Millicent sees me standing there, she stands up and asks if I need anything. I smile at her and tell her I'm fine, and that Victoria would be taking over for the rest of the day. Millicent looks disappointed, and I feel bad. I know my mother will probably boss her around as if she were nothing more than a servant. "Don't let her get to you, Millicent. You're my assistant, not hers."

She smiles at me, and I hold out my hand for Jamie to take. He puts his crayons away and folds up the picture he was working on and walks over to me. I hold his hand and we leave the office. "Can we take a taxi back?" I half smile at his question. I tell him not today. Not after my mother is already mad at me.

We go back to my apartment, and I am surprised that Rachel isn't there with her things. Well, okay that's a lie. I am surprised but at the same time I'm not. She's probably out partying. Whatever, she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn't do it in this apartment in front of Jamie.

The phone begins to ring only seconds after we walk in, and I am almost thankful to hear Deb's voice on the other end. I almost burst out crying at her hello. She asks me how Jamie os and I feel the urge to be honest and tell her I don't know. She then asks me how I am. I, again, tell her I don't know. I am, above all things, grateful that she isn't mad. She doesn't sound mad at all. She sounds concerned and caring and everything that I need her to be.

I, in turn, ask her how everyone back in Tree Hill is, especially herself. She tells me she is holding up best she can, and spending a lot of time at Karen's so she wouldn't be or feel alone. I feel a little guilty at that statement. She could have used Jamie for company these past couple of days.

She asks me if Lucas called, and I tell her I hadn't talked to him since Jamie and I left Tree Hill. She tells me that she hasn't heard from him, either, but based on what Karen has told her, he hasn't been taking this very well. I feel horrible. Like, really horrible. He wanted me to stay in Tree Hill. He practically had begged me not to take Jamie away from him.

But I had to. I had to come back. He has to have understood that.

Deb asks to talk to Jamie and I call him over to the phone. He's excited to talk to his grandma and I can't help but feel completely guilty at hearing his conversation with her. He already misses her. He already misses all of them. God, I wish I could have stayed in Tree Hill.

Haley, I think you made a shitty choice. You left Deb and Lucas alone. And you took Jamie away from his home. I didn't do any of this. You did, Hales.

I take a seat on the couch. It's not late, it's barely seven o'clock, but I'm exhausted. Jamie hangs up the phone and runs over towards me and jumps next to me on the couch. "Grandma Deb says she might come out and visit one day. I don't understand." I'm confused by his question. What doesn't he understand? I ask him. "I thought I was visiting you. Why would she visit me on a visit? When do I go back home?"

And my eyes begin to burn. But I can't cry. Not in front of him. I try to avoid his question all together. "Can I see the picture you drew today?" It's still in his hands, after all. He smiles and hands it to me. I almost cry, again.

"That's me and you in the middle. Up in the sky is momma and daddy. They're watching us, just like Uncle Lucas said." I bite my lip and pull him in for a hug.

"It's beautiful, buddy." I take it from him and bring it over to my refrigerator. Thankfully, I have some Clothes Over Bros magnets from some charity event, and I hang up his picture. He smiles; he is proud of his work. So am I. I look over at him with a smile on my face and catch him yawning. "You tired?" He shakes his head no, even though I know otherwise. "How about you and me grab a blanket and head over to the couch to watch a movie?" He gets excited by the idea and asks if he can pick the movie.

We settle down on the couch together, wrapped in a blanket, and I hold him tight as we watch the movie. He falls asleep shortly after the movie starts, and I don't blame him. I'm exhausted, too.

Rachel walks in sometime between two and three in the morning and wakes me up. Jamie and I are still on the couch, and she mumbles something in her drunken state that I ignore. At least Jamie is sleeping. I picke him up off of the couch and carrie him into my bed. I climb in next to him and fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Between my mother and Rachel and just dealing with everything in general, I am worn out. Beyond worn out.

And today was only the first day. Jamie had only been here for less than twenty-four hours...

...How am I doing so far, Hales?

* * *


	4. My Home

_Thank you for the reviews. I know I'm updating this story slower than I have in the past for my other stories. it's just because this story is a lot more emotional, and I really want to get the emotions perfect. It's different than the other stories I've written, and it's a big challenge for me. So i'm trying to take the time to make it as real and as deep as i'm hoping it is. thanks for all your reviews, though. they are really inspiring. and i'm sorry for making you all cry. i miss nathan and haley, too!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 3: Home

-x-x-x-

_I live in a town called Tree Hill. I don't know why it's called Tree Hill. We have a lot of trees I guess, but I don't think we have any hills at all. My Aunt Karen's boyfriend Andy told me that in New Zealand, where he is from, they have a town called Tree Hill, too! _

_I love it here in Tree Hill. I have a ton of friends and a lot of favorite places. My Aunt Karen owns a Cafe here, and she also runs a club called Tric with my Grandma Deb. My momma is a teacher at Tree Hill High, and my Uncle Lucas, Uncle Skillz, and my daddy all coach the basketball team there. _

_Tree Hill is a lot of fun. It's my home, and I've never lived anywhere else. I hope I never have to leave. _

-x-x-x-

I'm scared. I admit it. I'm in over my head. I'm going to do something wrong. I'm going to mess up his life.

I'm holding onto his body for dear life. He's finally going back to sleep. I need to get my heart to stop pounding so hard in my chest. It's okay. Everything is okay. Stop beating so damn fast. Relax. It's okay.

I start to calm down and replay the nights events in my mind.

It was all fine. We were sleeping and we were snuggled together and we were both content. But then he started screaming. Oh, God, I can still hear his screams ringing in my ears.

I had no idea what was going on. One minute I was dreaming happily about coming home to a nice suburban house with a child and a husband--who, ironically, looked an awful lot like Lucas--and I was coming home from picking my child up from school in a minivan when I was woken up. I can't even put into words how scared I was, how scared I still am. Jamie was next to me, screaming.

Is it me, or when you first are woken up, you have absolutely no friggen clue as to anything that is going on around you? Well, I'm going to have to be honest and say I definitely just stared at Jamie as he screamed and cried for at least a full minute before I sprung into some type of action.

But what action is there to take when a little boy is screaming out for his mother who isn't alive to hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay?

I held him and cried with him. I told him that everything would be alright; I am here and I will keep him safe. But his cries for Haley were more than I could take. He broke me and I cried and I held him until he cried himself to sleep. And now he's sleeping and I'm still awake; scared to death by it all.

Rachel came in the room at some point during the screaming. I think, besides torturing her through her evident hangover, she was horrified by it all, too. She's sleeping next to me now, and I'm sandwiched between her and Jamie. I like having them both close. I should feel safer than I do.

But I don't. I don't feel safe at all.

I can't sleep. It's only five in the morning, but there's no use at me even trying to sleep any longer. I've been lying here for an hour listening to Rachel snore and Jamie sniffle. I love them both to death, but it's not the most soothing sounds. Add that to the racing thoughts in my mind that won't stop, and there's no way I'm ever falling asleep again.

I'm getting a headache. I could use a coffee.

I slowly lift Jamie's arms off of my chest and carefully climb out of the bed. I freeze as Jamie begins to stir, praying to every God I've ever heard of that he stays asleep. He doesn't open his eyes but his little arms search the bed for my body. I tense up. I should have stayed in bed. I shouldn't have moved. Maybe if I climb back in carefully, he won't noticed that I left.

But his arms finally reach a body and he scoots over closer to Rachel. He clings on to her, and I assume he thinks she is me. I watch Rachel carefully for a moment, wondering if she'll wake up and push the little boy off. She doesn't wake up, but she wraps an arm around him.

I smile; how could I not? They are both holding each other tight, and they don't even know it. Maybe they can protect each other after all.

I walk in to the dining room and make myself a cup of coffee. I flip on the T.V., but let's face it, unless I want to watch something like the BooBah's or the Teletubbies, there is absolutely nothing on at five in the morning. I flip on VH1, where they are having some sort of music video countdown. It makes me think of Peyton. She hated VH1 and MTV. Their music was way too top charts for her.

What time is it in L.A. anyway? I wonder if Peyton is awake. There's like a three hour time difference, right? Something like that. Which would make it like...two in the morning or something there. Whatever. I pull out my cell phone and flip to P. Sawyer Cell. If she wasn't awake, she will be in a moment.

She wasn't awake. I can tell by her voice. Not only is it raspy (more raspy than mine at the moment) but it's pissed off sounding. Which means I woke her up. And she is not happy about it. "Brooke, what the heck, it's late. Isn't it like crazy early there?"

"I'm in over my head." She asks me what I'm talking about, and I realize I haven't spoken to her at all since the funeral. She has no idea what's been going on. I start to ramble and tell her everything.

I tell her that she should have been at the funeral and I think that her working was a shitty excuse. I tell her how Jamie threw a fit on the roof and began hitting me and breaking down at Karen's afterwards. I tell her how I wanted to go home that night but Lucas told me I had to stay to hear about the will. I tell her that they left me Jamie--I tell her no, I'm not lying. I tell her how Lucas is pissed at me and it's not my fault. I tell her how my mother hates Jamie and wants me to send him to a boarding school. I tell her that I hate my mother and she's running my life. I tell her that Rachel is a druggie and I don't know what to do about it. I tell her I'm in over my head.

I'm in over my head.

I'm ranting and raving and at some point I started to cry. "Brooke! Brooke, you're rambling! Brooke, calm down!" I hadn't realized I had lost it. I calm myself down and take a deep breath.

"I'm mad at her." I don't know why I said it. It slipped out, and I don't know that I want to take it back. I think it's the truth. I hear Peyton gasp at my confession and it makes me angry, so I snap at her, "you didn't even care enough to go to the damn funeral!" I didn't mean it. I feel bad the moment the words leave my mouth.

"I'm not the owner of a company, Brooke. I'm the assistant to the assistant. If I left, I would have been fired. You know that I would have given anything to be there. You know that." I do know that. I tell her I'm sorry. "And who? Haley? Are you mad at Haley?" I was kind of hoping she forgot I had said that. Even if I lie and say no at this point, Peyton will know I'm lying. She's my best friend. She can see right through me sometimes.

"Yes." She asks me why. "Because she shouldn't have left me Jamie goddamn it!" I'm yelling, and I realize that the other two are sleeping in the room next door, so I immediately lower my voice. "Why did she leave him to me, Pey? I don't understand. Hal--she was brilliant and caring and everything that I wish I was. She was the best mother ever, and I frail in comparison to her. Why would she leave him to me?"

"She must have had her reasons, Brooke. Like you said, Haley was brilliant. She made only few mistakes in her entire life. I'm sure giving you Jamie wasn't one of them." I wanted to believe my blonde friend's words, but I just couldn't. "Go lay down and get some sleep, Brooke. It's going to be hard for a while, but you can do this. I know you can. And Haley knew it, too."

I let Peyton go; she sounds exhausted and she helped me in every way she could. She doesn't know what more to say and I don't blame her. I wish she were here, but I know better than to ask her to come out. She can't leave work, and I know this. We say goodbye and I hang up the phone. And as much as everything Peyton said should have made me feel better, it didn't.

Thanks, P. Sawyer, but I'm still as lost as before.

"Your mother _hated_ me!"

I jerk up. I hadn't realized I fell asleep, but I'm curled up on the couch. Oh wow, is my neck stiff. I turn my head towards the bedroom, where I hear Rachel talking. "I mean she really, _really_, hated me!" What the heck is she talking about? My mom? Is she talking to me?

I get up off of the couch, trying to crack my neck, holy crap is it stiff, and head over towards the bedroom. "Why did she hate you?" I stop at Jamie's voice. Rachel is talking to him. About Haley.

She's talking to him about Haley? I haven't even mentioned Haley to him. What if he gets upset? What if he calls out for her again? God, Rachel, what are you doing! Did you not hear him screaming last night? Crying for his mother? How can you just talk about her as if nothing was wrong!

I press my ear up against the door to listen. I'm afraid if I barge in now, he'll want to talk to me about her. And I can't do it. I just can't. "Oh God, where do I begin. Well, first, I tried to hit on your dad." Seriously, Rachel? He's four. You're going to seriously tell him how you tried to seduce his father? His married father?

"You hit my dad?" I have to stifle a laugh at his question. Rachel laughs, too.

"No I...well let's just say I tried to get your dad to kiss me."

"When he was married? That's not good."

"Yeah, your mom didn't think so either. I also got her fired from her tutoring job."

"Why did you do that?"

"Well, in my defense I was helping your Aunt Brooke out."

"Oh. Then I guess it's okay. But momma didn't think so?"

"She didn't know at the time."

"I bet she knows now."

There's a pause in the conversation. I think Rachel is considering what Jamie had said. I know I am. I hear Rachel take a deep breath before talking again. "Yeah, but she also probably knows that I haven't been a very good person lately."

"What do you mean?" Yeah, Rach. What do you mean?

"I'm just a bad person, kid. Trust me. I'm not the type of person your mom would want you hanging around. She's probably freaking out in whatever afterlife she ended up in just because we're talking right now. She wasn't a fan of mine in high school, and if she knew me now, she'd be even less of a fan." Rachel sounds so unsure and unhappy with her life. Like she regrets the choices she's been making. Maybe there's hope for her, yet.

"I think you're wrong." Jamie speaks softly, but it's confident. His words surprise me, and although I can't see the look on her face, I'm sure they surprised Rachel, as well. "Uncle Lucas told me that my momma and my dad are up in heaven and they are watching me and making sure that I am safe and happy. If my momma didn't like you talking to me, she would have done something about it."

"That's not how it works, kid." Okay, it's time I interrupt this conversation before Rachel says something about Haley being dead that we'll all regret. I walk through the door and Jamie smiles in my direction. He jumps out of the bed and runs over to give me a hug. I kiss the top of his head and tell him that the T.V. is already on, and he can go watch whatever he wants.

"Okay. Oh, and when we go to the Emperor State Building, can Rachel come?" I roll my eyes and tell him he can invite whoever he wants when we go, and he smiles as he runs into the living room to watch T.V. I turn my attention on Rachel.

"Want to make me a coffee, whorebag?" I sit down on the bed next to her, ignoring her request. She eyes me up and down. "What's wrong? You have your 'Rachel is a jackass' look on your face. What'd I do now?" I clench my jaw.

"If he wants to believe that Haley can swoop down from the heavens and protect him, you friggen let him believe that!" She stares at me like I have seven thousand heads.

"You can't let him think that. He think he's only here on like a vacation or something. You realize he needs to understand the truth sooner or later, right?" I don't move. "Brooke, have you even had a conversation with him about everything yet?" No, I haven't. I tell her that. She shakes her head at me. "You need to man up, Brooke. You're running scared, and you can't go very far, because he's going to be right behind you."

"Right. I'm going to take advice from the _drug addict_." That's the second time this morning alone that I've snapped at someone to avoid talking about what's going on in my life, and I feel horrible, just like when I snapped at Peyton. Rachel looks hurt, and I want to take back what I said. I don't.

"Fine. Do it your way." She gets up and heads towards the shower. She doesn't say that what I said hurt her, but I know it has. Based on her conversation with Jamie alone, I know she hates the way she is, and here I am, rubbing it in her face.

I'm a horrible friend.

"Aunt Brooke! Can we go to the Emperor State Building today?" No, Jamie. Not today.

I'm also a horrible godmother.

I go to answer him and tell him that we'll go to the Emp_ire_ State Building eventually, just not today, when he interrupts me to ask another question. "Can we call Uncle Lucas? I miss him." That we can do.

I pick up my cell phone and flip to Lucas Home. I hit the send button and give the phone over to Jamie. He waits as it rings, and with each ring I can see him getting more and more disappointed. Seriously, Luke? You aren't going to answer your phone? He hangs up and tells me he got the answering machine. I flip to Lucas Cell and hit the send button again. "Leave a message this time if he doesn't answer."

He doesn't, and Jamie begins speaking to the voicemail. "Hi Uncle Lucas! It's me, Jamie. I'm having a lot of fun in New York with Aunt Brooke. Her apartment is really big and it's so high up we can see the whole city from her window! I got to go to work with her and her assistant Millie is really really nice. I met her mom, too, but I don't think she liked me very much." Hearing Jamie say that she doesn't think my mom likes him broke my heart.

"Oh! And her friend Rachel lives with her and the three of us are going to take a taxi to the Emperor State Building soon! I miss you though. Can you call me back? I'll be here. Talk to you then! Bye." He hangs up, and I'm surprised he wasn't cut off. I've never heard anyone leave such a long message before.

I'm mad at Lucas. He's avoiding calls from me on purpose, I know it. And if he's not answering his phones because he's in a dark place, like Deb said, I think it's still crap. His nephew misses him. He needs to climb out of his "dark place" and call the little boy back. Jamie is more important than anything else. Especially now.

There's a knock at the door, and Jamie runs to answer it. I call after him, telling him to make sure he knows who it is before opening the door. He calls "who is it?" when he reaches it.

"It's Millicent." He looks over at me, and I nod, letting him know it's okay to open the door. He opens it and smiles big at my assistant.

"Hi Millie."

"Hey James." She looks over at me and I notice the worried look on her face. I ask her what's wrong. "Victoria sent me over. She assumed you forgot about the premiere tonight, although I told her numerous times that I'm sure you didn't forget, and she sent me over here to find out who you want me to call and set up for a date. Also, she wanted me to find out what dress you were planning on wearing so I could have it cleaned and ready for tonight." Shit. I did forget about that stupid premiere.

"Millie, do you want to see my picture from yesterday? I finished it! Aunt Brooke put it on the refrigerator!" Millie smiles at Jamie's excited little face and he takes her hand to bring her to the refrigerator to show her the picture.

"I'll just wear one of the dresses I have here so you don't have to worry about running around getting it cleaned." I hate that my mom takes advantage of Millicent. I refuse to do it. "And, I don't know. Who do you think I should bring? What is the premiere for again?"

"Do you like the picture, Millie?" It bothers me that he is interrupting. Millicent tells him she likes the picture a lot and then focuses her attention back on me.

"It's really no big deal if you want to wear one of the store dresses, I don't mind bringing it to the cleaners, really. And the premiere is for Will Smith's new movie. His wife wore a Clothes Over Bros dress to an award show, so Victoria set this up in return." Oh yes. I remember. Jada looked amazing in that dress, too.

Rachel emerges from the bedroom and she and Millicent stare at each other for a moment. "Oh. Hi, Rachel."

"Hi...Brooke's assistant." Rachel was always too caught up in her own model world to remember Millicent's name. I roll my eyes and remind her that her name is Millicent. "Right. Millicent. Hi." Rachel looks over at me. "I'm headed out." She looks over at Jamie. "Bye kid." Then back at Millicent. "Bye..." Millicent. "Millicent. Right. Well, bye." She leaves, and I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Does Victoria know that Rachel is staying with you?" Millicent knows how Rachel is. She also knows that Victoria isn't a fan. I shake my head no. "She's not going to like that." I let out another sigh.

"Millie, Brooke and I are going to go to the Emperor State Building. You should come!"

"What time is this thing at anyway?" I am not in the mood to go to a premiere, but I know Victoria will _kill _me if I don't go.

"Aunt Brooke, can Millie come? Please? To the Emperor State Building?"

"God, Jamie, can you not interrupt for five minutes? We're having a work conversation!" B. Davis bitch out count for the morning: three. I can't believe I just snapped at him. He looks like I hit him with a bus. "Oh, Jamie, I--" I try to take it back, but he runs into the other room. God, I feel horrible.

Will Smith makes a lot of kid friendly movies, right?

I look over at Millicent who is giving me the same frightened look she gives my mother. "Tell Victoria I'm bringing James Lucas Scott as my date tonight."

Millicent leaves shortly after, and I can tell she is absolutely horrified to tell my mother that I'm bringing a four year old boy with me to a publicity premiere. But he's my godson, and I need to start showing him somehow that I love him and I want him in my life.

Because I do. As scared as I am and as much as I think Haley made the wrong choice, I do want him in my life. I've never doubted that for a second.

I look around for Jamie, and I finally find him sobbing inside one of my closets. My closets are all big (being a fashion designer, I have a lot of clothes), so I step in and sit down next to him. "You've never yelled at me before. Not once." He's right. I never have before. I pull him into a hug and ask if he wants to come to a movie with me tonight as my date. He stops crying and smiles up at me.

I tell him to go pick out one of his nicest outfits and he gives me a hug before he gets up to do so. I stay in the closet for a moment. I'm replaying everything that happened this morning in my head. I snapped at Peyton. I snapped at Rachel. And I snapped at Jamie.

And to make it up to him, instead of apologizing, I bribe him with a movie premiere...

...I'm acting just like my mother.

* * *


	5. My Favorite Color

_Thank you for the reviews. For those who haven't, i encourage you to take the time to review. it's not mandatory or necessary of course, but if you like what i'm writing or don't like it or have a wish or hope for something you'd like to see in this fic, let me know. i like pleasing my readers, and if i can, i'll most likely give you what you want. anyway, i hope you are all enjoying this so far.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 5: The Color Blue

-x-x-x-

_My favorite color is the color blue. My daddy says it's his favorite color, too! I think that's because it's a boy color. My momma likes the color pink. I hate pink. Pink is a girl color. _

_A lot of my favorite things are the color blue. The sky is blue, my favorite shirt is blue, Grover is blue, and the ocean is blue. _

_Sometimes when I am sad, my momma says I have the blues. I don't understand what she means, because blue doesn't make me sad, it makes me happy. How can something that makes you happy also make you sad? _

-x-x-x-

My mother is going to kill me.

Hear that Haley? _Kill _me.

But whatever. I look into his eyes and see his smile and it's worth it. Pissing my mother off, potentially getting yelled at, is worth it, as long as he's happy. And he really is so excited for this premiere. Not to mention, he looks absolutely adorable in his little Clothes Over Bros button shirt and tie. "Aunt Brooke, can we take a taxi?"

A taxi? Please, we'll be riding up to this thing in style. "Ever ride in a limo, Jamie?"

The limo pulls up and we climb in, and I almost choke when I come face to face with my mother, who is sitting in the limo already. She sits on the opposite end as Jamie and I, and he clings close to me. I can tell he is more than a little apprehensive about being near my mother. I don't blame him.

Victoria is glaring at me. I mean really _glaring_ at me. I bite my lip as I wait for her to speak. It takes her a moment. I think she's trying to intimidate me before she speaks. It's working. "Now you listen to me._ Both _of you." She points a finger at Jamie, who shuffles closer to me. I want to snap her finger in half. "This little stunt you are pulling right here is going to cause a field day for the tabloids. So we are going to come up with a story right now, for the sake of your image and your company, _Brooke._"

Why will this harm my company? Why do we need to come up with a story? "Now how on earth are we going to explain _him_ to the reporters? Who do we say _he_ is?" I hate the way she refers to him.

"Why don't we just tell them the truth? He's Jamie Scott, my godson. End of story." My mom rolls her eyes at me. She makes me feel so small.

"Brooke, dear, don't be so naive. All that the reporters will hear is 'Jamie Scott, son'. And then your reputation starts to deteriorate. Because sooner or later, someone will connect him with Lucas Scott, who, so _kindly_, wrote about you and your promiscuous ways in that godforsaken novel of his. Next thing we know, _those _rumors start up again, and all of a sudden your name is on the front page of all the tabloids reading 'Brooke Davis has child with Lucas Scott'. I will not stand for that." My mom has a way of seeing the worst possible scenario in every situation.

I make the mistake of asking my mother what she thinks we should do, and she starts to rant and rave on how I shouldn't have brought "the boy" to begin with. It bothers me that she talks so horribly about Jamie while he is sitting right here. I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze as I assure both him and my mother that I wouldn't have wanted to take anyone else. "Listen to me, boy." He snaps his head up at attention and moves so close to me he is almost in my lap. "If anyone asks, you tell them you are James Davis, a relative of Brooke's." He makes the mistake of asking what kind of relative.

Before my mother can snap at him, I interrupt and suggest a cousin. He nods his head, but I can tell he is confused by it all. I wish I wasn't such a wuss when it comes to my mother. I wish I could tell her to piss off; he is my godson, son of Nathan and Haley Scott, and he shouldn't have to ever hide that from anyone.

But I don't. I let her tell him he is James Davis, and trust me, I know my mother. In her eyes, he will never be Jamie Scott again.

The limo stops, and the moment I take a step onto the red carpet, I'm swarmed by the flashes of cameras and sounds of microphone feedback as every reporter in the city tries to get a word in with me. I'll admit, when I first started all of this, when I first made a name for myself and my Clothes Over Bros, I lived for this shit. I got a kick out of it all and loved living in the limelight.

But now?

This life gets old pretty quickly.

But it's new to Jamie, and I think he's really overwhelmed. He's holding onto my leg and his eyes are wide as he looks around at all the fuss and commotion around him. I bet I looked the same way when I walked my first red carpet. Excited, scared, anxious... amazed. I smile at him as he looks up at me. "Pretty exciting, huh buddy?" His eyes are wide as he looks at all the reporters who are now shouting questions at us. They all want to know who my adorable little blonde date is. "Go ahead. Introduce yourself." I wink at him. My mother glares at him.

"I'm James Luc--I'm James Davis." My smile fades as I hear him play into my mother's lie. I'm sorry, Haley. I really, really am.

Victoria walks over and shoves me in the direction of the reporters she wants me to talk to, but I make sure to keep Jamie in my vision. He's gathered a lot of attention, and I'm worried he'll get nervous and not be able to find me if I walk away too far into the crowd. "Ms. Davis!"

"What do you have in store for your next designs?"

"Are you going to be expanding any further?"

"Will there be a children's line in the future?"

"Speaking of, who is the child with you?"

"Who is the cute blonde?"

"Is he your son?"

"Who is he, the boy?"

I hope Jamie's questions aren't as overwhelming.

I look over to spot him, and I smile when I see him talking to Jaden Smith, the son of Will Smith himself. Jaden appears to be bored, texting on his phone, but he's humoring my much younger godson. I'm glad. Having other kids around will keep Jamie occupied and out of trouble, so I can talk to reporters to make my mother happy.

When did I stop living my life for me and start living it for my mother?

I finish with the reporters I'm with (I'm tired of answering the same questions over and over again) and I head over towards Jamie. He's telling the Smith boy some sort of story, and Jaden is nodding his head every few seconds. I know he's not really listening, but I appreciate his patience with my four year old anyway. I approach the two of them and they both look over towards me. "Sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping I could take my date back?" I extend a hand towards Jamie, which he happily accepts, and as I lead him inside he waves goodbye to the older boy.

The movie is cute. It's not anything spectacular, in my opinion. Not really Academy Award winning or anything, but it's cute. Jamie's enjoying it anyway. His laugh alone is worth an Academy Award in my book. I wrap an arm around him and he sits close as his eyes never leave the screen. I don't know how much of the movie I really watched at all; I'm too busy watching Jamie. Smiling at his smile, laughing at his laugh.

I really hope he's happy.

The movie ends and as we make our way out, Jamie is going on and on telling me about all his favorite parts. He's so cute, he's doing little impressions and acting out the parts and I slip and laugh. I can't help it. I really hope he is happy, because he sure as hell keeps me happy.

We're expected to be at the after party, but I can tell Jamie is exhausted. It's been a long, eventful day, especially for a four year old, so I make the decision to just head home. My mother isn't happy, but I have responsibilities to my son.

Hah. Did you hear that? I called him my son. I meant godson.

I pick him up to carry him to the limo and he rests his head on my shoulder. This was the first one of these red carpet events that I can honestly say I had a really good time. I made the right choice, no matter what my mother says. Jamie was the best date I could ask for.

As we make our way to the limo, Jamie lifts his head up and I see him waving behind us. I turn to look and see that he is waving goodbye to Will Smith's son. It must have been nice for Jamie to have another kid around. I don't have much kids, besides for Jamie, in my life. Children need other children, and all Jamie has is me, my overbearing mother, my assistant, and my druggie friend.

Maybe I should look into enrolling him in a school like asap.

As we sit in the limo my mother barely speaks or makes eye contact with me. Halfway into the ride, Jamie falls asleep with his head in my lap, and I stroke his hair. "So what? You're his mother now?"

I don't know what to say to answer Victoria's question. No, of course I'm not his mother. Haley is and will always be his mother. But I'm too tired to get into some argument with her. Especially about Jamie. I'm just way too tired for that.

It was a good night. I had a good time with my godson. And nothing Victoria can say will change that.

My mother barely says goodbye as I pick up my sleeping godson and step out of the limo outside my apartment building. It was nice spending time with you, too, mother. We should really go out together more often. I love spending time with you.

Jamie wakes up as I fumble to unlock the door and carry him all at once. I take the opportunity to put him down now that he is awake so I can actually get the door open. I open it, and we walk in.

Rachel is passed out on the couch. Obviously, she had a good time tonight. Jamie walks over to her and stares at her. I tell him to leave her alone, she's sleeping, but he doesn't move. She lets out a groan and slowly opens her eyes. I guess between me fumbling to unlock the door and the sound of my heels on the floor, she had woken up. She makes eye contact with Jamie and they stare at each other for a moment. "I think you drink too much."

Rachel brings a hand to her head and I take the aspirin out of the kitchen cabinet and fill a glass of water to bring to her. "I think you're right." She mumbles to Jamie in response. I roll my eyes as I hand her the aspirin. She pops the two aspirin and takes a gulp of water before bringing her attention on me. "How was the, uh, premiere or whatever?"

Before I can answer, Jamie takes the opportunity to rave and ramble all about it. I can't help but laugh as I watch Rachel wince in pain. A hangover headache plus a squeaky little boy rambling on and on really isn't a good mix. I don't stop him, she deserves the pain. He's right, she does drink too much. And much to my surprise, Rachel doesn't stop him either. She let's him talk on and on and she even pretends to be interested. I'm proud of her for that. "And that's my tale of 'woah'."

Rachel and I both look at each other and burst out laughing at Jamie's choice of words for ending his story. He looks at us confused and I try my best to explain that the expression "tale of woe" is only used for stories that are bad or unhappy. Not good stories. He then goes on to tell me that he thought "woah" was a happy word. I try my best to explain to him that woah, w-o-a-h, is different from woe, w-o-e. I think I'm just confusing him. And by the look on Rachel's face, I think I'm confusing her, too.

I stop to try and consider a better way to explain it, when the doorbell rings. We all pause for a moment and look at each other. I look at my watch. It's after midnight, who on earth is ringing my doorbell after midnight? "Five bucks says it's Bitch-toria." I roll my eyes at Rachel and head over to the door to answer it.

I'm surprised to come face to face with Millicent and I ask her why on earth she is at my door at this time at night. She begins to apologize and I stop her; I don't mind that she's here, I just figured she would be home in bed. "Victoria called me and told me to come over here immediately and try to talk you into sending Jamie to a boarding school. I had no intention on talking you into that, but I needed to come. I'm always afraid 'big brother is watching' when it comes to Victoria."

I laugh at her comparison to the novel '1984' and my mother. I feel the same way.

I invite Millicent in and she hesitantly takes a seat on the couch next to Rachel. It's not that they never got along or that either one hates the other, it's just, well, Rachel can be kind of a bully. And let's face it, as much as I adore Millicent, she is definitely the type of person who is susceptible to bullying. "You really shouldn't let Victoria tell you what to do, Mill. You aren't her assistant, you're mine. I mean, I know how she can be, but you really shouldn't have left your nice comfy apartment in the middle of the night just to give me a message. A phone call would have even been fine."

"Well...that's the thing. I currently don't have a phone." What? Why not? No one asks, but we all stare at her to explain why. "Well, my roommate left last month and I've been having a hard time coming up with all of the rent money by myself and two weeks ago they turned off my phones, because I figured that was the last thing I should worry about paying since I have a cell phone, but then while trying to come up with the money for the rent, I had to give up my cell phone, and well, now I'm looking for other apartments because the rent was due last week and I couldn't come up with all of it." I think my mouth fell to the floor. I ask her where she has been saying. "Cheap hotels mostly."

"Now _that_, Jamie, is a tale of woe." I turn and hit Rachel for making such a comment.

I turn to face Millicent. "Why didn't you ask me for help?" She begins to say how I am her boss and that she felt awkward even mentioning it and I stop her. "You're staying here." Both Millicent and Rachel's jaws drop. "What? I'm serious. Go get your things. You're staying here."

Now, I know what they're thinking. I don't even need to see the expressions on their face to realize it. Rachel, Millicent, Jamie, and I all under the same roof? No, not even. Rachel and Millicent under the same roof?

But I love Millicent. She is the best assistant I can ask for and one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever met, not to mention she's amazing with Jamie. There's no way I'm letting her sleep in cheap, gross, hotels when I have an apartment as big as I do. Not a chance."Let's have a sleepover party!" Jamie seems thrilled with the idea of Millicent staying.

I tell him that it's late and he should go get into his pajamas and wash up and I'd meet him in the bed room. He pouts. "Can't we just have a sleepover party tonight? Please momma?" He freezes at his words, and I think so do I. "I mean Aunt Brooke." He recovers more quickly than I do.

"Not tonight, buddy. Come on, let's get into bed." He pouts a bit but accepts my answer, and runs to the bathroom to wash up. Both Millicent and Rachel are staring at me, but I can't process much at the moment. Jamie just called me momma. I'm not his mom. Haley is. He's Haley's. "Rachel, stay on the couch. Millicent, take the guest room." I turn to walk away. I feel bipolar. A minute ago, I was content with life. And now? Now I just want to sleep.

I don't know if Rachel snapped at Millicent for taking the guest room or not, and I don't really care. I lie into my bed. I don't even bother changing out of my clothes. I'm suddenly more exhausted than I had thought.

Jamie comes running in and jumps into the bed next to me. I sit up and pull him in close for a hug. He looks up at me and I look into his eyes. Nathan's face flashes in my head and when I blink, I see Haley. I quickly look away. "You look just like both of them." He cocks his head and asks me who. I pause for a moment. "Your mom and dad." He looks away and his eyes fall down on his hands.

"I miss them." I pull him closer.

"I miss them, too, buddy." I sigh. There's so much more I want to say. I want to talk to him about Haley and how much I adored that girl. I want to tell him all about Nathan and how great of a guy he turned out. I want to tell him everything. I open my mouth to speak. "Did you have fun today?" That's all that comes out.

He smiles at me. "I always have fun with you, Aunt Brooke." For some reason, my eyes fill with tears. "You know what I would have even more fun doing though?" I blink back my tears and ask him what. "Going to the Emperor State Building in a taxi!" I laugh. God, I love this boy.

"Well, tomorrow we are going to find you a school to go to. How does that sound?" He sits up and looks at me confused. I don't understand why he's so confused. He had to realize that he couldn't stay out of school forever.

"I have a school at home." Oh. That's why he looks confused. I don't know what to say. Shit, what on earth do I say?

Haley would know what to say.

"Aunt Brooke? When am I going home?" I make the mistake of blinking and a tear falls from my eye. He looks at me, but I can't look him in the eyes. He climbs out of bed and heads towards the door.

"Where are you going?" He pauses at the door but doesn't look back at me.

"I'm going to talk to Rachel. She always tells me the truth." Ouch. I say his name one last time before letting him go. He wants to hear the truth. He wants to hear that he is stuck with me forever, and he won't be going to Tree Hill. He wants to hear that his Uncle Lucas didn't answer the phone because he's angry with me for taking him away. He wants to hear how I'm totally not equipped for this. He wants to hear about his parents, who are never coming back.

He wants to hear all of this, and I want to tell him. But I can't.

So I let him go. Because I know Rachel can. He's right, she always tells the truth. The blunt truth. And if she tells him, then I don't have to. Call me selfish, call me a coward, call me whatever you want. It's only been three days...

...And I miss them both like crazy.

* * *


	6. My School

_Thanks again for all of your wonderful reviews. And I apologize, again, for making the majority of you tear up! I'm going to tell you all, again, that lucas will make his appearance in this story, and he will be vital when the time comes, but just be patient with me. there's a lot to still set up! Anyway, I wanted to get this chapter out because I'm going to see the Dark Knight at midnight tonight so I'm going to sleep in reallll late tomorrow, and god knows when i'll have the energy to write again!! enjoy!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 6: My School

-x-x-x-

_My momma says I take after her when it comes to school. She says I got all my brains from her. My daddy always sticks his tongue out at her, and she has to remind him that the only reason he graduated high school was because he married his tutor. He then tells her that the only reason he married his tutor was so he wouldn't flunk out. My momma usually hits him after he says that. _

_I guess I like school. It's not so bad. I have all my friends there to play with and there's a lot to do. My teacher is really nice, too. But I always miss my momma when I go, because she can't stay. I wish she was my teacher. She says that one day she will be my teacher, when I am in high school. I can't wait for that to happen!_

-x-x-x-

I don't know that I actually slept at all during the night. I'm pretty sure I watched the clock flash each minute. The time at night seems to go by so much slower than during the day. Especially when you watch the clock.

But then again, it's hard to sleep when you let a child go to a drug addict for answers that you just can't seem to give him.

More than once (actually three, maybe even four times) I got out of bed and walked to my bedroom door, stopping myself before I actually opened it to go get Jamie. I don't know if Rachel told him the answers he wanted to hear. I don't know if she told him just to go to bed or to ask me in the morning. I don't know if she was even awake when he went out there.

I never went to check.

I don't know how much longer I can walk around all of this. I can't keep avoiding talking about them. About her. He wants to know. He wants to hear everything he can about the two of them. He wants to know stories and memories that I have about them. Anything so that he doesn't forget them. And I understand, I do. I just can't bring myself to talk about them. It's too hard.

But I promise. I promise you, Haley. I will not let him forget about you. Never.

I roll over and come face to face with a picture frame that's on my night stand. Tears fill my eyes and I wipe them away as I look at the picture. It's me, Peyton, and Haley from Rachel's graduation party. Haley had just given birth to Jamie barely a week before, and she still looked stunning. If a picture could capture happiness, this one was full of it.

I pick the picture up and hold it close to me. I've never actually hugged an inanimate object before, but I was hugging this picture frame for dear life. I close my eyes. It's morning, and I'm exhausted. I don't think I've had a full nights sleep since I got the call about the funeral. I'm not sure if I ever will again, either.

There's a loud crash coming from the kitchen, and I decide it's my cue to get up out of bed. There's another crash so I walk faster. I open my bedroom door to find Jamie and Rachel in the kitchen, making an absolute mess. "What are you to doing?"

Jamie looks over at me and his face and hands and, well everything, are covered in powder and Bisquick mix. "We're making chocolate chip pancakes!" I smile, happy that he's not mad at me for whatever you want to call what happened last night. I tell him to go wash up and that I'd help Rachel finish, and he darts into the bathroom.

Rachel doesn't say anything but I know what she's thinking. She wants me to ask about last night and she wants me to fess up to being a horrible godmother. She's waiting for me to make the first move. I don't. "He just wants to know what's going on, Brooke." I nod my head. I know that.

"What'd you tell him?" She shakes her head at me as she pours some batter on to the pan. She sighs. She's disappointed in me and I can't help but see the irony. She's one to talk about disappointing people.

"I told him that once his Aunt Brooke gets over herself, she'll tell him everything he needs to know." Her answer makes me mad. Why couldn't she just tell him for me? Haven't I done enough for her to deserve something as simple as her telling Jamie everything for me? She doesn't look at me as she speaks. "I think you're doing a pretty shitty job." Thanks, Rachel. As if I didn't know that already.

"What do you know, Rachel? You're nothing to this boy." I snap a lot easier these days. I used to be so calm and optimistic. What happened?

"I've been more of a friend to him than you, Brooke." I have nothing to say back to this. I want to snap at her, but there's nothing to say. She's right. She has been. "Millicent left for work. She told me to tell you she'll cover for you if you don't make it to the office." I'm glad Rachel decided to change the subject. If she hadn't, I sure as hell was going to.

I was so caught up in my conversation with Rachel, I hadn't noticed Jamie walk back into the room until he was tugging at my pant leg. "Is that my momma?" I look down and realize I'm still holding the picture frame. "And you and Peyton. When is that from?" I put the picture up on the counter where he takes a better look at it. I don't answer him.

"Hey, pancakes are done, how many you want?" Thank you, Rachel. He runs over to her and forgets about the picture. He asks for ten pancakes and she gives him two. I take the opportunity to tell him that once he's done eating, we're going to head over to this really great school to check it out. He looks at me, and pauses, considering what he thinks about the whole ordeal. He looks over at Rachel. She leans down to his level. "Give this school a shot. You might really like it. Brooke's good at picking out the best of the best."

He's convinced by Rachel's words and agrees to come, as he eats his pancakes faster. I'm not going to lie, it bothers me a little that he needed Rachel's support to agree to come. It's true, the two of them have been becoming close. And I think I'm becoming a little jealous.

He finishes and runs to grab his coat and shoes. I tie his laces for him as we get ready to leave. "Try and stay out of trouble, Rach." According to her, she's spending the day in the house, catching up on some sleep. I'm not sure I buy it, but I leave her anyway. As we leave, Jamie asks if we can take a taxi. I tell him that the car would be much more appropriate driving up to this school in.

We get there and Jamie is hesitant about getting out of the car. We're both staring at the school at this point. It's gorgeous, it really is. I've done my research. It's the best private school in the city. Also, the most expensive, but let's face it. There's no doubt that I can afford it. "Why are they all wearing the same thing?" I help Jamie get out of the car and the first thing he's noticed apparently is the students' uniforms.

We walk to the front door and step inside the school. Jamie's eyes grow wide. "This is a lot different than my old school." That doesn't surprise me. A private New York school compared to a public Tree Hill one? This is a great school. He'll learn to love it here.

We go to the front office and are told to head over to room 102. We do, and when we walk in, Jamie smiles. The room is huge and filled with toys and children. A woman walks over to us with a cheery smile. "Why, Brooke Davis! Nice to have you visit our school!" I smile at her. She reminds me of Haley. She's small, but friendly looking. And she looks smart. And like she really cares about teaching all of these kids. She really reminds me of Haley. "This must be James. Welcome!"

The teacher who reminds me of Haley introduces herself as Ms. Dean, and tells Jamie he can go play with the other kids while she and I talk. I smile and listen to her explain how this school is rated and ranked and has won numerous awards and blah blah. Basically, she's trying to convince me that it's perfect for a child of a celebrity. That's all they really care about, I think. Or I'm coming to think, anyway. I'm Brooke Davis, creator and owner of Clothes Over Bros. They want the publicity Jamie will give them.

But then Ms. Dean starts to talk about her classroom and how she likes things run. She sounds sweet. She's telling me how she hopes to inspire these kids, even if they are only four and five years old, to develop a love for learning. She's telling me how children need to be encouraged to grow, and she plans on doing just that in her classroom. To her, this isn't all about fame and publicity. She honestly cares about Jamie and his education.

Like I said, she really reminds me of Haley.

She focuses her attention on Jamie, who is playing Lego's with another little boy. "He seems like a friendly boy." I tell her he is. He's not very shy, he's actually very outgoing. He loves making friends. And he's the sweetest, smartest boy in the whole world. Okay, so I may have exaggerated a bit. But to me, at least, he is. I'm just so proud of my godson.

Jamie and the little boy get bored of the Lego's and begin running around finding something else to do. He's having fun, and it makes me smile. He deserves to be having fun. Maybe once he starts school and makes friends and has fun he'll start to be happier here. Maybe this will all be okay after all.

"...such a little Tigger."

Wait, what did she just say? I'm snapped out of my thoughts at her words. I stare at her, and she realizes I didn't hear her. "I said, your little boy is quite the bouncy one. Such a little Tigger." I told you she reminded me of Haley.

Tigger. That was Haley's nickname for me. And what's the most wonderful thing about Tiggers? It's that I'm the only one. I was Haley's only Tigger. And she was my Tutor Girl. And, God, I fucking miss her like crazy.

"Are you okay?" Ms. Dean's words snap me back out of my thoughts again. Am I okay? Wow. I really just don't know how to answer that anymore. "Ms. Davis? Are you okay?" I mumbled something along the lines of "I'm fine" and go and find Jamie to tell him it's time to leave. He begins to protest a bit, saying he'd like to stay a little longer if that's okay. I tell him he'll be back soon enough, and I pick him up to walk out the door, telling Ms. Dean we'd keep in touch as the door closes behind me.

As we make the drive back to my apartment, Jamie can't stop talking about the school and the kids and the toys. I'm glad he likes it there, it's just...it's still hurts. All of this. And that woman, Ms. Dean, she just...she's just like Haley. And I just...I know he likes it there, but there are plenty of other great schools in the city. Ones with teachers who aren't exactly like her. Like my Haley.

When we get to the apartment, Jamie runs in and starts telling Rachel all about the school and how the kids wear uniforms and how there's a million toys and how much he liked it there. I tell him to go wash up for dinner (I really need to make a playroom or something in this house, because one of these days I'm not going to have a reason to tell him to wash up to get him out of the room) and he runs off in a hurry to do so. "You aren't bringing him back there, are you?" Rachel can read me like a book. "But he seems to love it! What happened?"

I don't answer her. Instead, I go to the cabinet and find a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese that will work fine for dinner and put a pot of boiling water on the stove. "Well, since you are going to avoid talking about that subject, I have other news for you." The phone begins to ring before she can say anything further, and I go to answer it. "I wouldn't answer that if I were you." I look at her curiously. Why not? "Trust me. Let the machine get it."

I hesitantly put the phone back down without answering and wait for the machine to pick up. I'm curious now. The machine picks up and beeps, and a familiar voice begins to speak on the other end. "Brooke? It's Mouth. You need to call one of us back. Or just...fix what they're saying in the magazines and the news. Because this James Davis thing? That's not right Brooke, and you know it. How could you take away the one connection he has left to his parents? He's a Scott, Brooke. He's Nathan and Haley Scott's son. He's not a Davis. How could you, Brooke?" There's a pause. "Just...call me back. Please." He hangs up. I'm speechless. I turn to Rachel.

"The phone's been off the hook all day from people back in Tree Hill. Except they weren't as nice about it as Mouth was." Rachel hesitates for a moment. "Actually, the rest of them were pretty nasty about it. They're really pissed off, Brooke." I'm still speechless. When I finally find a voice, I ask her who else called.

"Who hasn't called would be a shorter list. Skillz, Deb, Fergie and Garbage or whatever, even Karen wasn't pleased." Oh, God. I can only imagine what they think of me. I hadn't even considered any of this when my mother talked me into doing this. I hadn't considered any of them. But wait? Everyone called?

"Did Lucas call?" Rachel shakes her head no. I guess everyone excludes Jamie's godfather. The person who should care the most. "Shit. What do I do, Rachel? I hadn't even considered any of this when Victoria suggested we change his name for the tabloids." Rachel lets out a dry laugh.

"First thing you should do is put Victoria in her place." I sigh. Rachel hates Victoria, and I understand. But she's my mother, and she's helped me so much with this company the past three years. She's only doing all of this for me. I tell Rachel this. She laughs. "No, Brooke. She's never done a single thing for you. This is all about her. And the sooner you realize that, the better." Before I can think of something to say to that, the phone begins to ring again as Jamie runs back into the room.

"Maybe you should answer that, buddy."

He does, and it's Skillz calling again, according to Rachel, for the fourth time. Jamie's happy to hear from his Uncle Skillz and the two of them talk on the phone for almost a half hour. When Jamie tries to hand the phone over to me saying that Skillz wants to talk to me, I tell him to tell Skillz that I just stepped in the shower. Jamie looks at me curiously for a moment, but gives Skillz my message anyway.

Millicent comes home just as the macaroni and cheese is finished, and the four of us sit at the table to eat. I unplugged the phones, that refused to stop ringing, so we could enjoy a quiet meal. It was almost nice. Millicent and Rachel didn't fight, Jamie didn't as any questions about Haley or Nathan, and we just all enjoyed each others company. It was the first time in a long time I had anything remotely close to a family dinner.

I remember once a while ago, Jamie must have only been around two years old, I was visiting Tree Hill and Nathan and Haley had invited me over for dinner. Haley had done the cooking, she had prepared this pot roast and mashed potatoes and gravy and corn and this just amazing meal for us. She had these nice plates and dinner glasses and silverware, and the table cloth was beautiful and homey. The center piece was beautiful, too, although I can't exactly remember what it was.

Anyway, Karen and Lily had also come over, and when the six of us sat down to eat, the first thing I did was reach for a piece of bread to butter. Haley laughed and told me that we were going to say Grace first. I blushed, but the reassuring smiles from the rest of them let me know that they understood. I had never really had a family dinner before. The last time I had said Grace was when I was living with Karen the end of Junior year.

Haley led Grace. She thanked God for her loving family, especially her son, and she thanked Him for bringing Karen, Lily, and I together to join them. She thanked him especially for bringing me to visit Tree Hill and spend time with them and my godson. She asked Him to bless and watch over all of us. And when she finished, we all said Amen.

A lot of good praying did you, huh Haley?

I remember that visit was the first time I had seen Jamie since he learned how to talk, and just hearing him say my name, although sounding more like Book than Brooke, meant everything to me. I spent the majority of that night egging him on, getting him to say my name. I would tickle him and he would giggle and beg me to stop and I would tell him I wouldn't stop until he said "I love you, Aunt Brooke, you are the best Aunt in the whole wide world." And I made him say that three or four times before actually stopping.

I put him to bed that night, he had asked Haley if I could be the one to tuck him in, and when I kissed him goodnight, he asked why I didn't come play with him that much. I remember it broke my heart, hearing him ask me that. I tried to explain to him how I lived far away in New York City where I run a company, but he was too young to understand. He told me I should move in with him in Tree Hill, that he would even share a room with me. I laughed and told him that he has his family here, and he doesn't need me crashing. He told me that I was his family.

"Aunt Brooke? Shouldn't we say Grace?" His question broke me out of my thoughts and I looked up at him. Rachel had already taken a mouthful of macaroni and cheese.

"Sure, buddy. Why don't you lead off?" He smiled and folded his hands, as Millicent, Rachel, and I followed suit. He thanked God for the macaroni and cheese and he thanked Him for meeting new friends like Millie and Rachel. He thanked Him for letting him have a great godmother, and I swear I felt a guilt ping at his words. He asked Him to bless our family, and when he finished, we all said Amen, and began to eat.

I suddenly found myself not very hungry at all, and I watched as Jamie, Millicent, and Rachel all interacted with each other. At some point, Rachel had stolen Millicent's napkin, and when she went looking for it, Jamie, who had seen the whole thing happen, laughed and offered her his. When Jamie complained that his food was too hot, Rachel showed him how to blow on it to cool it off. When he finished his juice, Millicent offered to refill it.

And I smiled to myself. Because it was the first family dinner ever to take place at my house and my apartment. And even though we were awkward for the most part with each other, and even though we all were totally different people, it felt nice. Because that's exactly what we were becoming...

...a family.

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	7. My Best Day Ever

_I just want to make a point of saying, to those who don't think that brooke is strong or in character in this story, i think you need to just put yourself in her place for a moment. she just lost two people who mean the world to her and now has to raise a child. her friends back in tree hill are mad, lucas isn't answering his phone, and she has this whole crazy life in new york in general. of course she isnt going to be the perky woman she usually is. she's adjusting, and it takes time to get back where you started. this is a slow paced fic, it's only been like three days!  
_

_and as for standing up to her mother? well, she already has in a way. victoria told her to get rid of jamie, and she said no. she's defying her mother just by keeping jamie. everything else, fighting for her company and telling victoria off, well that takes time. it took time on the show and it will take time in this fic. just trust me, it will all work out. oh, and sorry this update took so long. also, there is a tad bit of cursing in this chapter. to warn you all.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 7: My Best Day Ever

-x-x-x-

_My best day ever was Thanksgiving last year when I was three. It was the first time ever that everyone was over at the same time! My Aunt Karen came with Lily and Andy, my Uncle Skillz, Mouth, Fergie, and Junk all came, My Uncle Lucas came, AND my Aunt Brooke and Peyton!_

_We are hardly ever all together, but when we are, we have a ton of fun! The guys all went outside for a basketball game. It was the Scott boys verse everyone else. We won, of course. My momma made the biggest turkey I've ever seen. Lily named it Harold. I don't know why, but she told me she likes to name the turkey's on Thanksgiving. Girls are weird.__ We also watched the parade. Aunt Brooke told me that the parade takes place where she lives! That's so cool. I asked her why she didn't stay in New York to watch the parade and she told me she would rather be with me. _

_We had a lot of fun that day, all together. I hope we can have a million billion other days with all of us. My whole family. _

-x-x-x-

Millicent and I are standing in the kitchen both thinking the same thing: we had to get to work... but could we really leave Jamie with Rachel? "Stop looking at me like that. I can handle the kid for a few hours. I promise not to corrupt him. Yet." Millicent and I exchange nervous glances that cause Rachel to roll her eyes.

I don't know about this. True, the past twenty-four hours Rachel has seemingly been making an attempt to clean up her act, but come on, how much can you tell in a day? For all I know, she might just be taking a short break from that life. What if she decides the break is over while Jamie is her responsibility? "Maybe I should stay home from work again."

Millicent's eyes grew wide and she shook her head fervently. "No, don't do that Brooke. Victoria is upset you haven't been there the past couple of days. She gets meaner when you aren't there, especially if she's mad at you for not being there. Please don't leave me with her again. Please?" Great. Lay the guilt on thick, Millie.

"Brooke, Nathan Junior and I will get on famously. Just go. We'll be fine." Rachel drives me crazy sometimes. I correct her and say his name is Jamie. She rolls her eyes. "Just go to work, Brooke. If I want to do drugs, I'll hide them in the bathroom." I know she's kidding, but I don't laugh.

Jamie comes running out of the bathroom and Rachel holds her arms out for him to run to. She picks him up. "Jamie, you wanna hang out with your Aunt Rachel all day or go to Aunt Brooke's boring old job with mean Queen Victoria?" He scrunches his little face at the thought and looks over at me, pleading with his eyes. He doesn't want to step foot near Victoria.

I look over at the picture of Peyton, Haley, and I that is still on the kitchen counter and sigh. What do you think Haley? "Okay, fine. You're babysitting." I wait to get struck by lightning or for an earthquake or any kind of sign that Haley is pissed at my decision. It doesn't come. "But I swear to God, Rachel, if anything goes wrong I am throwing your ass so hard out of this door you won't know what happened!" She laughs. I still don't think any of this is funny.

"Brooke, you can trust me with this." Her voice is suddenly serious, which is a very rare occurrence for Rachel. But by that one sentence, that one moment of seriousness, I know she means it. I know I can trust her.

I take a deep breath. "Okay." I sigh.

Millicent arrive to work at the same time (seeing as we live in the same apartment so we took the same car) and it's the second thing my mother notices. The first thing is that we were late. The third is that I'm smiling. "Why on earth are you smiling like that?" I wasn't aware being happy was a crime.

"I'm just happy, mom." I began to walk away from her and head towards my office. I haven't been there in a few days, and I knew my paper work was probably piling up. God, I hate paper work.

"You shouldn't be, Brooke. Stop walking away from me." My mother was following close behind me as I make my way to my office. I call over my shoulder that I'm not walking away from her, I'm walking towards my office. "Brooke Penelope Davis, you stop walking and listen to me god damnit!" I stop walking. She got my attention.

"Did you just middle name me in my own office building?" I found it amusing. Usually I would crawl into a corner with my tail between my legs, but something about being middle named by your mother in your own company's building is kinda funny.

"I'm glad you are so amused and happy seeing as your company is in trouble!" My amuse face falls. My company's in trouble? What is she talking about? I ask her. She pushes me into my office and closes the door. She seems almost...nervous? Oh crap. This doesn't look good. My mother never has had a problem yelling at me in public before. Why the need to be private now?

As I take a moment to look at her, I'm beginning to notice the bags under her eyes. And that her hair looks flat. And her expression...worrisome. She doesn't look like my mother. Not that tall, strong, overbearing looking woman. She looks worn out and...small. Why does she look so small? I suddenly became really scared. "What's going on?" My voice quivers.

"These past few days Brooke? Not to mention the two from when you were in Tree Hill? You know how many meetings you ditched out on? How many business calls you missed? How many deals were threatened? A few that were broken? Do you have any idea how much money we lost out on? How much publicity we lost? Do you have any idea, Brooke?" She was rambling, and it was making my head spin a bit.

"I've only missed a couple days. You're exaggerating." And even though I said it, and even though I wanted to believe it, something about the look in her eyes and something about the way she looked made me think otherwise.

"We lost the contract with Macy's, Brooke. Does that sound like an exaggeration to you?" My heart must have leaped into my throat, because I started to choke. My mother made a face and hit me hard on the back to get me to stop choking. I asked her how on earth something like that happened without my knowledge.

She starts to do that rambling condescending thing where she tells me that she handles the important issues of the company because, well golly gee I'm just to gosh darn stupid to deal with that sort of stuff. Before she can even finish, I lose it. I flip out. "I'm stupid? You're the asshole who lost my contract with Macy's!" I'm furious. She had to have known that this was happening. She had to have known that Macy's was not happy.

If she told me, I could have helped to prevent this. This is my company, God damnit! She tells me not to speak to her in that tone, but I don't care. "What are we going to do? How bad is this?" I'm yelling. She tells me to shut up and keep quiet. My office walls aren't soundproof and she doesn't want this getting out to the public.

"You need to spend ever single second of every single day in this office for one!" She's yelling at me now. Fucking hypocrite.

"You know I can't do that. Not with Jamie." This sends her off the roof. She walks over to my desk, opens a draw, and throws pamphlets at me. I'm confused. I pick up the pamphlets to look at. Fucking boarding schools. "I already told you I'm not sending him away." She rolls her eyes at me.

"Stop looking at me like I'm the bad guy. I'm not doing this to hurt you, Brooke. I'm doing this to help you. I care about this company as much as you do. If a few days of absence can hurt it this much, how do you think it'll go if you are constantly off with that boy? I'm trying to help you here, Brooke." And the thing of it is...she was right.

But could I really send him away?

The lamp that was in my office suddenly sparked out, causing both my mother and I to jump in surprise. There was that sign from Haley. I was just lucky it wasn't a lightning bolt. "I can't send him away. I owe it to Haley."

"What means more to you, Brooke? Your company and the money and your life that you've worked hard for the past four years? Or this boy who you've visited maybe five times his entire life?" I didn't answer her. I wanted to end the conversation. I'm in shock. I woke up this morning thinking everything with my company is fine, and then find out that it's not. It's not fine at all.

I need time to process this.

My mother's face begins to soften. I think she's realizing how hard this is all hitting me. This is all to sudden to be this serious. "Brooke, let's just sit down and go over all of this. All of the paper work. Let's just sit down and figure this out." Her voice is soft and I nod my head in agreement. She pulls a chair up to my desk, and I take out all the papers I have, and the two of us, without bickering or getting angry, begin to work together to figure this all out.

Millicent and I are driving home in silence. It was a long day and I just don't have the energy to talk to her. She knows something is up. She must. Victoria and I spent the entire day in my office, and neither of us yelled at each other once we started to get to work. It was the first time ever that my mother and I were able to work together.

We had to, if we wanted to save my company. Because I saw the numbers. I saw the papers and the work and I saw all of it. It really was bad.

But it was the end of the day, and the two of us are on our way back to my apartment. Back to my living room couch and my big screen T.V. and my flannel pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. Back to my fleece blanket and my coffee mugs and most importantly my Jamie. Back to happiness. "Brooke, is that noise and music coming from your apartment?"

But apparently happiness doesn't ever come that easily.

You could hear the music the moment you walked into the main lobby, but it's not something I took notice to. It was even louder as we stood in the elevator making our way up. But now, as we stood in the hallway outside my suite, it was apparent. It was coming from my apartment. "What the hell..."

Millicent and I stood in my doorway as I opened the door, and I can't stop my mouth from dropping. I look over at her, and see that her expression matches mine. "Where the fuck is Rachel!"

I try and make my way through the apartment, but there are more people in it than I can count. The music is loud, the smell of alcohol overwhelming, and it's so crowded I can hardly breathe. Where the hell is Rachel? No, fuck Rachel. Where the hell is Jamie?

I look back towards Millicent, who is frozen in the doorway. She's not going to be any help whatsoever in helping me end this party. She's too non confrontational to handle this.

My head is spinning. I can't handle this. I can't handle any of this.

My life is spiraling so out of control I can't even have control over my own apartment. I feel the tears of a long, stressful day filling my eyes, when I finally spot her. I would know that red hair anywhere. "Rachel!" My voice is dripping with anger.

Her eyes widen in fear as they meet my narrow ones. She's holding a garbage bag and she's shoving red plastic cups into it. I know what those red plastic cups were filled with, Rachel, and you better have a damn good explanation for this. She makes her way over to me and I can't help but take not of how frazzled she appears. "What the fuck is this!" A few people nearby turn and look at me, amused, but then go back to their drinks.

"I...I don't know! I've been trying to get them to leave! I swear I didn't plan this, Brooke!" I don't believe her. Addicts are good at lying, and Rachel, though she may not be a full out drug or alcohol addict, she's definitely a party addict.

"You didn't plan this? So, what? They all just showed up and started partying?" You have to admit it sounds pretty ridiculous. Especially coming from Rachel's mouth.

"Yes!" I'm calling bullshit. "Someone, one of my old partying buddies, must have found out I was staying here and set it all up. I swear I have nothing to do with this!" I'm still calling bullshit.

A lamp across the room falls, and I have to bit my lip from screaming. This is all too much. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with anything that's going on in my life right now. I just...I can't do it. This. I can't take care of a falling company and a roommate who is out of control and a child and...wait. Where is Jamie? "I swear, Brooke. I've been trying to get them to leave and I've been trying to clean this whole time. I have nothing to do with any of this. I swear." I glare at her.

"I don't care about any of your shit right now, Rachel. Just where the hell is Jamie!" Rachel flinches at the sound of my voice, and I wonder for a second if it's because she's buzzed or was buzzed and now getting a headache. Or maybe she really didn't have anything to do with this. Ugh, I don't freaking know. I don't know anything. My head is spinning and I just want to know where the hell Jamie is!

Rachel grabs my arm and pulls me through the crowd towards the guest room. "I threw him in here before, to keep him away from all of this." She calls over her shoulder. I think for a second how that was a responsible move on her part. At least she knew better than to let him run around during all of this. She opens the guest room door and I peer in frantically, wanting to see Jamie.

I spoke too soon.

"Get the hell away from my godson!" I yell towards the two guys and girl who are sitting on the bed with Jamie, all holding those goddamn red cups. "Get the hell away from him!" One of them chuckles and tries to tell me to relax. The other tells me they're just having a good time. My eyes narrow and I'm about to snap. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I wouldn't be surprised if I have a heart attack and die right this very moment.

"Aunt Brooke, my stomach hurts." I finally focus my attention to Jamie and I can no longer hold anything in the moment I see that red cup in his hand. I run over to him and grab the cup, bringing it up to my nose to smell.

"What the fuck did you give him!" I yell at them, throwing the cup to the ground. Rachel walks over to Jamie and picks him up. I want to yell at her not to touch him, that this is all her fault, but I don't. Because as long as he is in her hands, he won't be in any of theirs. I walk closer to one of the guys, the one who is still chuckling, and yell in his face. "What the fuck did you give him!"

I want to punch his face so he stops laughing. "Relax. He hardly had anything. Just a gulp. He spit most of it out anyway." I've heard enough. I can't control my emotions anymore. Add that to the list of things I can't control. I grab him by his shirt and yank him off the bed. He's not a very big guy, although still bigger than me, but I'm so angry and so fed up and so emotionally charged that I pull him across the room. His friends follow us closely behind, and behind them Rachel, carrying Jamie.

I'm yelling profound things as I drag him through the apartment passed all the other people who are there. Most of them stop their conversations and their drinking to focus on the commotion I'm causing. "Someone turn the fucking music off!" Someone listens, much to my surprise.

I open the front door and throw the guy out of it. His friends follow him and he yells something back at me before leaving that I really just don't pay attention enough to hear. I turn my attention back on the rest of the party goers in my apartment who are all know staring at me. "All of you! Out! Get the fuck out!" I've lost it. Completely lost it.

Some of them start to move towards the doors. A lot more of them just stand there staring at me. "Do you think I'm kidding? Get the fuck out of my apartment!" I start grabbing some of them to throw out of the door. They finally realize I'm serious and all begin to file out, leaving their cups and booze and mess behind. The mess doesn't bother me. Jamie drinking beer and being exposed to all of this does. He's only four!

It takes about twenty-five minutes before everyone leaves, and when they do, I walk over to the kitchen counter and hold onto it to keep myself from falling. My whole body is shaking. Whether it's from anger or what I don't know. I just know I need the kitchen counter to hold myself up.

Millicent is standing over by the door, looking almost as frazzled as I do. Rachel is standing a few feet away from her holding onto Jamie, who is looking at me with wide eyes. Not a single one of us says a word. "You okay, kid?" It's Rachel who asks the first question. Jamie just nods his head and mumbles something about me using cuss words. Rachel smiles and says something about me having the mouth of a sailor, and I nearly lose it again. She honestly thinks any of this is funny?

"Get out of my apartment." All three of them look at me with shocked and confused faces. "Rachel, get the hell out of here." I'm not yelling. As a matter of fact, considering everything, I'm rather calm at the moment.

"Brooke, I--" I don't let her finish.

"Get the hell away from Jamie and get the hell out of this house!" Now I'm yelling. Jamie looks from Rachel to me confused as she puts him down. Rachel takes a step towards me. "Don't you dare come near me. Take your shit and get out of this apartment!" Jamie goes to take a step towards Rachel, but Millicent grabs his arm gently and picks him up. Rachel doesn't move.

"Brooke...please...I didn't--"

"Get out!" I'm screaming. The three of them all jump at the volume and anger of my voice. I walk over towards the guest room and they don't follow me. I grab a bag and start throwing Rachel's clothes into it, along with the empty red cups that are scattered throughout the guest room. Possibly even the one Jamie drank out of. It doesn't take me more than five minutes, and I doubt I have all of Rachel's stuff, but I exit the guest room anyway and throw the bag at her.

"Don't make Rachel leave!" Jamie's voice is pleading with me. I ignore him and glare at Rachel, who continues to look at me with a mixed expression of shock and sorrow on her face.

"Brooke..." Her voice is pleading with me, too. I hold my ground. "Fine. Piss off, Brooke." She goes to leave the apartment and slams the door behind her. She's got nerve. As if any of this shit is my fault.

"No!" Jamie wiggles to get out of Millicent's grip and runs towards the door when he does. "Don't make her leave!" He goes to open the door to chase after her, but I run over and grab him before he does so. He struggles and fights against my grip. "Go get her! Go make her come back!" He's crying now. Millicent is standing a few feet away from us, staring with wide eyes, wondering what to do. I tighten my grip on him. "How could you send her away! She's your friend! She's my friend! Make her come back!"

"No! She's not your friend! You could have gotten hurt and it would have been all her fault!" I'm in a yelling match now with a four year old. Oh, what my life has been reduced too.

"No! I wasn't hurt! She didn't do anything! She is my friend! She's played with me a lot more than you have! Go get her back!" He's making me angry. Why can't he see how bad she is for him?

"Stop treating me like the goddamn bad guy! I'm not the goddamn bad guy! I'm doing this for you! I'm doing all of this for you!" I know I shouldn't be yelling as loud as I am, and I know I definitely shouldn't be using the profanity that I am, but I can't help it. My emotions are piked. I can't hold anything in. I'm going insane. My heart is going to pound right out of my chest.

"You aren't doing anything for me! You won't even take me to the Emperor State Building or ride a taxi! You need to get her back! This is all your fault! I hate you! I hate you!" And something inside of me snaps.

"I hate you too, you little shit!" I let go of him and he stumbles back a bit from the force of trying to break free. I grab the picture of me, Peyton, and Haley off of the kitchen counter. "My whole life is falling apart and it's all you and your fucking mother's fault!" I throw the picture onto the floor by his feet and it breaks into a million pieces. Tears are streaming down my face and I'm shaking harder than I've ever before.

He's staring at me. His eyes are wide with fear and sadness and shock and surprise. A million emotions are bursting through his scared blue eyes and his face is just full of fear. And seeing him like that, seeing him look at me like I'm a monster, makes me snap back into reality. Holy crap, please tell me I didn't just say all of that to him. "Jamie..." My voice softens as I call out to him and extend my arm towards him. I just want to pull him close. I just want to hold him and cry.

But as I take a step forward he turns and runs away from me towards the guest bedroom. He slams the door shut and I can hear him sobbing through the door. I want to walk towards the door and open it and tell him that I love him and I'm sorry and I didn't mean anything I said, but I can't move. I'm frozen to my spot. I'm hoping that this is all one sick bad dream.

I make eye contact with Millicent and she gives me a look I've never seen her give before. It's full of disappointment and disgust. She shakes her head at me, not being the type of person to call me out on my actions, and walks towards the guest room, opening the door and closing it behind her as she goes to comfort Jamie.

And me? I still can't move. I can't begin to process anything that happened today. None of it. I want to close my eyes. I want to close them and then open them and find out this is all a dream.

But it's not a dream. And my house is a mess and my company is in trouble and I just threw one of my best friends out on the street. But none of that is even remotely important to me at the moment. Because I hurt my godson in one of the worst ways I possibly could.

I look down at the floor through the shattered glass and see Haley in the picture, looking up at me. And I swear I can see the glimmer of disappointment and disgust in her eyes, too...

...I'm the worst fucking godmother ever.

* * *


	8. My Favorite Memory

_Thank you all so much for the reviews. Um.. this isn't exactly a filler chapter, but it isn't exactly..not...a filler chapter either. It's short, and it's more of a way to get brooke talking (even though its to herself) and just getting some emotion out, because there's too much emotion for me to just throw in every so often in the chapters that are more faced paced. also, i needed the end of this to be the end of this, so..there you go. I hope you enjoy it anyway.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 8: My Favorite Memories

-x-x-x-

_I have a lot of favorite memories. I'll tell you them all, even though they aren't that exciting._

_One is when my momma and daddy taught me how to swim. We all jumped in and I swam with my swimmies and splashed them. Another is when my uncle Skillz bought Rock Band and we played it for the first time. He was really, really bad at guitar, but I'm better on the drums, so he had to be the guitar. The time we had a water gun fight with Fergie, Junk, and Mouth is another favorite memory. My momma would never let me play water gun in the house!_

_Once my Aunt Brooke and Peyton came to visit and they took me shopping. They let me buy whatever I wanted! I bought my bunny, Chester, that day. My momma wasn't too happy when I came home with a pet, but she likes Chester now. _

_But my all time favorite memory is when my Uncle Lucas took me to the Rivercourt for the first time. He told me how the Rivercourt was his world and that if I ever needed to think or needed time to myself, that the Rivercourt would always be there for me to play on, just like it was for him. _

-x-x-x-

I can hear Jamie's sobbing start to end. Maybe he's falling asleep. Maybe he's just out of tears. Maybe Millicent is just doing a really good job of comforting him. I don't know. I'll never know. I haven't even moved from the kitchen counter yet.

It's been twenty three minutes and six, no seven, seconds, and I've yet to be able to move. I've replayed the words that I said to him fifty six times in those twenty three minutes and seven seconds. And each time I ask myself: when did I become a monster?

I blink, and my eyes focus on the broken picture frame on the floor. I'll have to clean that glass up. I'll have to clean the rest of the house, which is still a mess, too. I guess when I finally move I should do that.

I look around the house. There are cups and pizza and kegs and beer everywhere. A few lamps had fallen over, and my favorite fleece blanket is ripped in two. I still can't believe anything that had happened. What a night. What a fucking night.

I can't be here right now. I can't hear Jamie sobbing anymore. I can't look around at those damn red cups anymore. I can't make eye contact with the broken picture of Haley anymore. I can't breathe in here. I need fresh air.

I turn back towards the guest room, and then at the clock on the wall. It's after four in the morning. I walk over to the closet, grab my coat, and walk out the door, glancing down at Haley's face in the picture before I close it behind me.

It's cold outside. Colder than I would have thought. I can see my breath as I breathe. There's hardly anyone around as I walk down the New York City streets. Sure, there are a couple of bystanders and people making their walks home or whatever, but for the most part, it's just me. Mental note: the city is cold and lonely this late at night.

Sort of like me.

I've heard it's dangerous to walk around Central Park at night. I've heard the stories and I've heard the dangers. But I'm drawn to it, I can't help it. And even though I know a woman of my age and my status in my nice clothes shouldn't be walking around Central Park alone at night, I head towards it anyway.

At this point, I'm not sure I'll care if someone comes and attacks me. I deserve it.

I know the way. I've walked these city streets more times than I can count in these past four years I've lived here. I can walk the face passed walk, I can hail a taxi, I can get across a street without getting hit by said taxi, I know where the best coffee and hot dog stands are, and even though I come from a little hick town in North Carolina, I'm now a City girl. Sometimes I think I always was.

But then I remember the first time I came to the city, and how fascinated I was. How fascinated we all were; Peyton, Haley and I. _"Woah. Oh it's just like the movies!" _It was Haley who said it, but we were all thinking it. We were such tourists. Ha!

That was like five years ago, my first trip to the city. It was...well...it was a hell of a trip. I wasn't sure what I thought of the city when I finally decided to go home. The fashion show, what I saw of it anyway, was unbelievable. It was everything I dreamed of. But the partying and the life the other models led (kind of like the life Rachel leads now) was way too overwhelming for me. It was all too much.

I remember feeling scared, and wanting to be home more than I ever had wanted before. So I did. I left. I went back home to the people I loved the most, and when Rachel (I'm blaming Rachel even though I can't be sure it was her) ruined our cheer routine, I danced with the people I loved the most.

I wish I could go back to that. I wish I could just hop a taxi and go home to the people I loved the most. I wish I could turn the clocks back and do everything right. I wish I could turn the clocks back and just hug Haley tight and never let her get into a car. I would never let her drive anywhere. That way, no dumbass drunken driver could ever hit them. Could never kill them.

Or even if he did. Even if I couldn't prevent this from happening, I wish I could have at least been there these past four years. My mother is right. I only made about five visits in these past four years. Maybe if I had been around, maybe if I had been a good friend to Haley and a better godmother to Jamie, maybe this would all be so much different. Maybe I should have never started this goddamn company. Maybe I should have just stayed home. Because, who am I kidding? I'm not a City girl. Home is in Tree Hill. It always was.

But I love my company, I do. It's a dream come true. Some days I still can't believe I made it this far. Especially starting out in a one bedroom apartment in Tree Hill as a senior in high school. Come to think about it, I owe all of this to Haley. She was the one who got me here. _"What are you watching?"  
_

_"I don't know but they seem sad."  
_

_"Did you talk to Lucas?" _

_"Yeah."_

_"Where did we go so wrong?" _

_"Well, I slept with Chris Keller and you went on tour with him." _

_"No, I mean...okay yeah...but when did we start letting boys dictate our happiness?" _

_"I was nine." _

_"Well, I don't care, it has to stop. You've got too much talent with your fashion line." _

_"Not anymore."_

_"Oh, so what. So they stole a couple of designs. They didn't steal your talent. I'm sure you've got more."  
_

_"A couple of unfinished dresses." _

_"So finish them. Listen we'll, um, we'll put together a website. And we'll sell them ourselves." _

_"And you'd help me?" _

_"Yeah, I'd help you. You have to help yourself first though, missy."_

_"Clothes over bros?" _

_"Clothes over bros."_

And that was it. There it was. The beginning of all of this. The beginning of my dream and the rest of my life. Haley had started it all. I wonder if she's proud of me? I wonder if she thinks I did a good job with it all? If she's up there, because I know that girl is in heaven, smiling down telling everyone "see that Brooke Davis? I'm proud of her."

Who am I kidding? Of course she isn't saying any of that. She's not proud of me, she's disappointed in me. She's hurt by me. I yelled at the one thing she loved and cared for most in this world. I broke the most important thing in her life. I yelled at Jamie, and I said things that I can't just take back. I hurt him, and I know in doing so, I hurt her.

She's not proud of me. I'm not even proud of me.

I make it to Central Park and begin to walk the path. It's eerily quiet and empty, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous to be doing this. But I'm calm here. For some reason, even though I'm nervous and scared to be walking here alone, I'm calm. Calmer, at least, than I have been.

Probably because, while I'm engulfed and swallowed by the park, the city fades around me. And it's just me and the park.

I begin to think again about my company and it's effect on my life. The pro list: I'm famous. I'm rich. I'm living my dream. The cons: I'm not in Tree Hill. How many times have I chosen my company over my friends, the people I care about, back in Tree Hill? How many birthdays and Christmases and Thanksgivings have I missed out because I had to stay here? How many times did I hear the disappointment in Haley's voice when I told her I wouldn't be visiting after all?

Too many. Way too many times.

But I should have known my company would always come, selfishly, first in my life. Even as a senior in high school I was letting it get in the way of my friendship with Haley. I mean, my contract with Victoria's Secret was way more important to me than Haley's feelings, wasn't it?

No. I apologized to Haley about that. I came clean and told her that I cheated on the Calculus test and Rachel didn't, and that I would come clean to Mr. Turner. But did I do all of that out of guilt? Out of guilt for Rachel taking the blame or from Haley losing her tutoring job?

But when I apologized to her, I meant every word I said. Her friendship was way more important than me graduating or my clothing contract. It was. I swear. _"You are on notice, Brooke Davis. Clean up your act, and be the girl I love." _

I can hear her words ringing in my ears, as if she's saying them to me now. I shiver, getting the chills up my spine at the thought.

Would she let me off with a warning like that if she knew how I just treated her son? No, probably not. She would never let me off that easy. I shouldn't be off that easy.

And Jamie, God, I've never seen a face that hurt and that upset in my entire life. I wonder if Haley ever made her son look like that? I doubt it. I bet I was the first person to hurt him like that. I bet I was the first person to ever say "I hate you" to him. Oh, God, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it, I swear.

You want to know the best day of my life?

It wasn't the opening of Clothes Over Bros. It wasn't moving to the city. It wasn't getting my first hardcore paycheck or attending my first red carpet event. It wasn't any of that glamour and fame that I've come to expect.

It was about a week after graduation. And Haley had asked me to be Jamie's godmother. _"Nathan and I want you to be James' godmother." _

_"...I would be honored to be his godmother, and I promise you that unlike my ungodly mother I will so kick ass at this." _

Well, if that wasn't a lie, I don't know what is. I'm a horrible godmother. I'm just as bad as my mother. But, hey, she never came out and told me she hated me. Does that make me worse?

That thought scares me, but before I can mull it over, I trip on a tree root and fall on my face. I sit up and examine the scratch on my leg that is starting to bleed a bit. It hurts, but the pain is nothing compared to the pain I've been feeling anyway. I hold my hand to it to try and stop it from bleeding, and I suddenly feel my eyes burn with tears. Before I can even process what's happening and before I can even stop myself from doing so, I cry. I sit on the floor in Central Park, holding the scratch on my leg and getting my designer clothes all dirty, and I cry.

I'm sorry, Haley. I'm so sorry. But I don't know what to do. Just, please. Please tell me how to fix this? Just give me a sign, please!

I pause for a moment as I try to compose myself. I wait. No sign comes.

I'm suddenly angry. Like, infuriated. Ever hear of the expression 'the anger is boiling up inside'? Well, I never really understood it, or ever felt that kind of anger before, but trust me. It feels exactly how the expression makes it sound. I can feel the anger boiling up. I don't know where it's coming from, I don't know why I'm suddenly so angry, but I can feel it.

"What the fuck do I do, Haley! Tell me what to do!"

I'm yelling out loud, and I wonder if anyone is around to hear me. My mother would have a field day if someone saw me or heard me like this. I can see it all over the tabloids: "Famous Fashion Designer Goes Crazy".

Maybe I should get up off of the ground.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" Yep. I definitely should get off of the ground.

I look up to see a police officer standing in front of me. I smile weakly at him and mumble that I was taking a walk and tripped. He gives me a look, and I know he's thinking I'm crazy. His look suddenly changes, and I know he's also recognized me. "Miss Davis, would you like me to escort you home?" I tell him that I'll be fine, and he helps me off the ground. I don't think he believes me, but he nods and smiles before turning to walk away and finish his rounds.

Might as well head back home. I don't want to give this police man a reason to keep talking to me or think I'm crazy.

When I get back to the apartment, I'm shocked for a second to see that my door is open a bit. I was that out of it that I left the door open? What the hell is wrong with me. I could have sworn I shut it. I walk in and close it behind me, for sure this time, and lock it. The guest bedroom door is still closed. I can't hear Jamie crying anymore, so I'm assuming he finally fell asleep.

I kick my shoes off and start to head towards my bedroom, but before I make it, I step on some of the broken glass pieces that are on the floor. I immediately pick my foot up and have to cover my mouth from swearing out loud. I pick out the glass shard that stuck into my foot, and reach down to pick up the picture.

I stare into Haley's eyes as the blood drips from my foot onto the floor. I asked for a sign, and she sent me one. She's pissed at me, and she wants me to know it. Stepping on a piece of glass from the frame covering her picture? That's her way of letting me know she's not happy. Maybe I'm just being crazy paranoid and superstitious, but I can't help it.

My company is a mess. My relationship with Jamie is a mess. My friendship with Rachel is a mess. My life is a mess.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't.

I head into the kitchen, trying my best not to step on the bleeding part of my foot, and pick up my cell phone off of the counter. I flip to the number I've been dying to talk to ever since leaving Tree Hill. It rings. And rings. And rings. And it doesn't surprise me when it goes to voice mail. I want to hang up, but I don't. I can't. I slide down to the kitchen floor. I leave a message.

"Lucas? It's me. I...I know you aren't speaking to me. And I know you're mad and I don't blame you, I really don't. You're right. I'm not the person for this job. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lucas. I can't do this. I...I don't know what I'm doing half the time. And when I do know what I'm doing...it's wrong. I need help, Lucas." I'm practically sobbing into the phone. "Please, Luke. Don't do this. Please. I just...I need to hear your voice. I need you to tell me it'll be okay. I need to believe that it'll be okay. I just...I need help." My sobbing becomes uncontrollable, and I can't speak anymore, so I hang up the phone.

I wonder if Lucas will even listen to the message. I wonder if he'll care.

I'm exhausted. I can see the sun starting to rise. I don't move from my spot on the kitchen floor. My eyes begin to droop as the tears begin to run out as I start to fall asleep. I'm still in over my head...

...And, Haley, I'm begging you for help.

* * *


	9. My Worst Dream Ever

_so, i'm totally supposed to be working on a research paper right now, but psh, i'm a natural born procrastinator and i'd rather be writing this. thanks again for all of the great reviews guys! so i think i'm going to watch hilarie burtons movie solstice or whatever because its on lifetime tonight. i'm curious to know if you guys want more peyton in this story or not. i know most of you reading are brooke fans, but i figured i'd ask for those of you who are peyton fans. so if you do, let me know. also, for the BL fans reading this, patience my friends. enjoy the chapter.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 9: My Worst Dream Ever

-x-x-x-

_I had a bad dream once that I woke up and I couldn't find my momma and daddy. I searched everywhere! In every room in the house and under the beds and in the closets, but I just couldn't find them! I was never so scared in my life! It was definitely my worst dream ever.  
_

_When I woke up from the dream I called out for my momma and daddy and they came running into my bedroom. They held me tight and told me that I had nothing to be afraid of. They told me that they would never disappear and they would be with me for the rest of my life. That made me feel a lot better. _

-x-x-x-

"Brooke? Brooke you're bleeding, wake up." I slowly open my eyes to find myself still on the kitchen floor. I'm hazy and out of it and my eyes are still covered over in a sleepy blur. "Brooke, you're bleeding." I look up and rub my eyes to see Millicent standing over me.

"I'm what?" She motions down towards my hands, and I realize I'm still gripping tightly to both my cell phone and the broken picture frame. I must have cut myself with one of the broken shards of glass from the picture while I was sleeping, because Millicent is right, I am bleeding.

I'm still a little out of it from a rough nights sleep (on the kitchen floor I might add) and Millicent reaches down to grab my arm and help pull me up. She's saying something about needing to put pressure on my cut, but my head is spinning. I have one hell of a headache. She heads over to the sink to wet a rag and comes back over to me and tells me to wrap it around my hand and hold tight to stop the bleeding. "Brooke, give me the picture frame."

I didn't realize I was still gripping onto it as tightly as I am. I let go of my tight hold and hand it over to her. She takes the picture out and throws the broken frame away. I feel like such a little kid. I'm standing, staring into space, holding a wet rag to my bleeding hand, while Millicent takes charge like the adult I'm supposed to be. "Are you okay, Brooke?" That's a loaded question. I mumble to her that I'll be fine.

I move over to the kitchen table to take a seat. I'm still half asleep and I know I need to just wake up and stop being in such a fog. I bring my good hand to my head to massage my temple. I have one hell of a headache. I look up to see Millicent staring at me. She wants to talk about last night, I know she does. But I'm not quite sure I know what to say. I don't really know how to defend any of my actions last night.

I look around at the house. It's still a mess. I don't really feel like cleaning up after a party that a) I didn't throw and b) caused a whole lot of drama, but I don't really want to leave my apartment like this either. Millicent is looking around at the mess, too. "I guess we should start cleaning this up soon." I sigh. She's right, we should. But I don't really feel like it.

"How badly did I fuck up last night, Mil?" My question comes out of nowhere, but it's been on the tip of my tongue since I woke up. She bites her lip, and I can tell she's trying to figure out how to answer me. I wouldn't even know how to answer me. "Mil, please."

"Okay." She sighs. "First, with all due respect," she's trying her best not to offend me. She's sweet like that. But at this point, I really don't care. I want her to speak her mind. I want to know how much of a monster I am. "You need to start watching your mouth, Brooke. And I don't mean about what you said to James last night. I mean just the cursing in general. It's not you, and not only is it not you, it's not appropriate around a four year old." I nod my head. I know this much is true.

"Also, while I probably would have done the same thing, I don't know if throwing Rachel out without a place to stay or anywhere to go was the best idea. She's your friend, and she's obviously in trouble. And while, no I don't think she's a good influence for James and I do think what she did last night was harmful to him, but I've seen her with that little boy, and I know she adores him. She really does. And I think getting her help is more what needs to be done." Again, I nod my head. I've been trying to avoid thinking about Rachel. While, yes, I am more than pissed at her, I do need to get her help. But how am I going to do that now? I don't even know where she is.

"But all of that takes a back burner to what you said to James last night. I don't want to overstep my boundaries and even pretend I know how to deal with any of this or to tell you what you should have or should do, because I don't know, Brooke. And believe me when I say I understand how confused and lost and upset you are and how this is a difficult situation. But you can't just lose it on him like that. None of this is his fault, and I know you know that. He's just as, if not more, confused and lost than you are. He doesn't understand things the way you do. And I know you know all of this." My eyes swell with tears a bit at her words, because she's right. I do know all of this.

"And I really don't mean to offend you in anyway, Brooke, you know that. I know this is hard, and I know you are frustrated. And believe me when I say anyone with half a brain could tell you were going to explode at any minute. I just don't think I, or James, expected you to explode at him." I don't think I expected to ever explode at him either. "I'm sorry if any of that is out of my place to say or offends you in anyway." She adds in a mumbled voice.

I tell her to stop apologizing. She's right, about everything. _You're on notice, Brooke Davis. Clean up your act and be the girl I love._ "I'm going to fix this, Mil." I let a tear spill down my face. To be honest, I hate that I've been letting myself cry so much lately. It's not something I do.

Millicent pulls me into a hug. "I know you will, Brooke. And I'm here to help you, if you need it." I can't help but smile. Millicent is more than just an assistant. She's a friend. And a really good one, at that. I give her a small smile.

"I'm really glad you're here, Millicent. It means a lot." I need to start getting my emotions in check. I need to start being nicer and not snapping at everyone. I need to start taking control of this situation. I need to start being the Brooke Davis that Haley trusted her son with. Because lately, I haven't been that person at all. "I should talk to Jamie." To be honest, I'm horrified of talking to him. I don't know what to say and I don't know if he'll forgive me. But I know I can't prolong this. I need to talk to him. I need to see his face; the words will come later. "He still sleeping?" Millicent doesn't answer so I look up at her and realize she has a very confused look on her face. "What? He's awake then?"

She keeps looking at me funny for a moment before she starts to talk again. "I, uh, I don't know, Brooke. He's in your room, go check on him." Now it's my turn to look confused. He's in my room?

I stand up, still looking confused, so does Millicent, and head over to my bedroom. I open the door to look in and find nothing but a already made bed (since no one slept in it last night) and a few more red plastic cups. I walk back over to the kitchen. "He's not in there, what are you talking about? He slept with you last night." Now her face drops, not losing that element of confusion, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. "He slept with you last night." I repeat, and run over towards the guest bedroom.

Millicent calls after me but I can't hear anything she's saying. Panic fills my body and I yank open the guest room door. It's empty. "Brooke! He left in the middle of the night to go to you!" I turn to face her. She looks just as pale as I feel.

"I wasn't here in the middle of the night!" I'm yelling, and her eyes fill with the panic that has already taken over mine. "Jamie!" I yell his name over and over and over as I begin to frantically run around the apartment searching for me. Millicent is yelling for him, too. Where in God's name can he be? Holy fuck, where is he? "Jamie!"

We search every room of the apartment. We search under the beds. We search in every closet. We search everywhere. I'm beginning to break down and cry. He's not here. Holy shit. He's not here. "Brooke, we'll call the police. We'll find him. We'll find him." Millicent doesn't sound confident, and that scares me even more. Where can he be?

The door.

Holy shit. The door was open.

I came home in the middle of the night and the door was open. And I swear to God I closed it before I left. Holy shit. It was open. "He can be anywhere." Millicent looks over at me when those words leave my mouth. She's on the phone with the police. She's giving them a description and telling them everything they'd need to know to be able to find them.

"Brooke, they are going to send someone over to talk--" I don't hear the rest of her sentence. I'm already running out of the apartment to check the whole damn building. The door was open. Oh, God. He can be anywhere.

I'm running around the building like a crazy woman. People are coming out of their rooms to yell at me to shut up. I don't care. I don't care about any of them. I only care about Jamie. Oh, God, where is he?

Millicent finds me three floors below ours and she grabs my arm and pulls my body into hers. She's holding me and I'm beginning to sob. I don't know what I'll do if I can't find him. I don't know what I'll do if something happened to him. Oh, God, Haley, please help me. I'm so so sorry. Just please, Haley, help me.

Millicent leads me back into my apartment, and a few minutes later, two policemen show up at the door. When I open the door and they begin to look around my apartment, I remember the mess from the party. I should have cleaned the damn place up.

The police officers ask questions about Jamie: when we saw him last, if we have a recent picture, if we have any leads on where he could have gone, and then begin to ask a bit about the mess in the house. I explain everything I can without completely breaking down. My voice is cracking and I'm surprised they can understand me at all.

I'm in the middle of answering one of their questions when the phone begins to ring. I motion towards Millicent to answer it and at the same time, one of the police officers receives a call on their radio. They both begin to speak and I notice they both end the conversations with relieved looks on their faces. "He's okay." Millicent says and I nearly pass out with relief. The police officer begins to speak.

"That was one of my men from the station. Security from the Empire State Building lobby called reporting a James Davis is causing a bit of trouble there. Come on, let us take you." I can't register much that is happening. Jamie is okay. That's all that matters right now.

Millicent and I hop into my Beetle and we follow the police officers who lead the way to the Empire State Building. When we get there, I barely turn the car off before I run towards the entrance. I look around frantically for Haley's boy, and when I spot his little blonde head at the main counter, I practically sprint towards him. I grab him into my arms and pick him up and hold him tight as I begin to cry. Much to my surprise, he's holding on to me just as tight.

There's a foreign man standing next to me who begins to yell and scream at me in both a broken English and a foreign language I don't understand. I ignore him. Jamie is in my arms and he's safe and he's holding me back. That's all that matters to me. I don't care about this screaming man.

The woman at the front desk begins talking, trying to calm the screaming man down while also trying to talk to me. I ignore her, too. The police officers begin to intervene and to be honest, it's quite hectic in this lobby. Everyone is talking at once, and I can't hear a single on of them. Not while I know Jamie is okay and in my arms. "Miss Davis, we need you to focus so we can figure all of this out." I finally look up at the police officer. Millicent comes over and takes Jamie from my arms, as much as I don't want to give him up, so I can sort this mess out.

The woman at the front desk begins to explain that Jamie walked in and asked where the elevator was so he could get to the top floor. She explains how she asked him if his parents were nearby and he told her that they were in heaven. She then asked who he was with and he said by himself, so she asked him to wait while she called security to help find who he belonged too.

While she was on the phone with security, the taxi driver, who I figured out to be the screaming foreign man, came in yelling at the lady at the front desk and at Jamie for owing him cab fair. Apparently, Jamie had taken a taxi all the way to the Empire State Building without a dime to pay the driver with.

The lady at the front desk tried to calm the taxi driver down, while at the same time trying to keep Jamie calm, who began to get upset at all of the commotion. When the security officer came over, he immediately recognized Jamie from the news of the red carpet event from the other night, and called over to the police station to inform them that Brooke Davis' relative was with him. The police station called both the officers who were sent to my house and me, and well, I know the rest.

I'm overwhelmed with guilt that I can't even begin to explain. All Jamie wanted to do since coming to the city was to ride in a taxi and go to the top of the Empire State building. And all I did was turn him down every time he asked.

After hearing the whole story, I immediately turned to the taxi driver to pay him so he could leave. I gave him three times the cab fair, not exactly happy with the way he was yelling at my godson, but knowing that this was all my fault to begin with. I also thanked the lady at the front desk for taking care of him, and she politely told me that it was no problem at all.

I take Jamie back from Millicent and hold him tight. "I'm so so sorry, buddy. I'm so sorry." I whisper in his ear as I let even more tears fall down my face. The policemen decide that their job is done, and after asking if I am okay from here, they turn to leave. I apologize over and over again to Jamie. "Do you want to go to the top of the building?" He shakes his head no.

"I want to go home." I nod my head. I'm not sure if he means to Tree Hill or back to my apartment, but I turn to leave anyway. "Can we take a taxi back?" He looks into my eyes with his little tear filled blue ones.

I bit my lip when I almost say no. My car is out front. "Sure we can, buddy." I can pick my car up later.

We drive home in the taxi in silence, Millicent, Jamie, and I. I can't take my arms off of Jamie. I'm holding onto him tight the entire ride. He doesn't seem mad at me. I thank God for that. I can't come that close to losing him ever again. Never, ever, again. I love him too much.

When we get back to the apartment I carry his little body into my room. Millicent retreats to the couch as I put Jamie into my bed and lay down next to him. He's exhausted, I can tell. It's still early, but I doubt he slept at all last night. "You can't ever do that to me again, buddy. I need you to promise me you'll never run away like that again." Both of our heads are on my pillow and we're looking into each others eyes.

"I promise Aunt Brooke." I blink back a few tears that are still lingering in my eyes. "Are you mad at me?" I can't believe he would even think that. I tell him of course not, I could never be mad at him. I love him too much. He smiles at me. "I love you too, Aunt Brooke." I don't feel like I deserve his love.

"Listen, buddy. I've been the world's worst godmother lately, and I promise you I'm going to change that, okay? I promise you I'll make all of this better. I love you so much. You know that, right?" He nods his head. "Good, because I do. And what I said last night? I didn't mean it. And I'm so sorry, Jamie. I didn't mean a word I said. I love you, okay? And I'll always love you. And I'll never yell at you like that again." A few tears fall down my face.

"Don't cry, Aunt Brooke." He brings a hand to my face and wipes my tears away. He's so young, but it's such a grown up way to comfort me. "I won't yell at you again either." I can't help but let out a small sob. Children are so willing to forgive. I wonder if he were older, if he could grasp anything that had gone on, if he would forgive me so easily. "Can I ask you a question, Aunt Brooke?" He doesn't need to ask.

"Of course you can, buddy. Anything. Anytime."

He hesitates for a moment, as if trying to find the perfect words to ask. "Are you mad at my momma?" I nearly fall off the bed in shock of his question. Then I remember everything I yelled at him the night before. _This is all you and your fucking mother's fault. _When I don't answer him right away, he continues to speak. "Because you threw her picture and it broke. And you never talk about her."

I run my fingers through his soft blonde hair. "Jamie, you listen to me, okay?" I speak as softly as I can, and although lately I've been inwardly blaming a lot of this, a lot of the whole situation, on Haley, I answer as truthfully as I can. "I could never be mad at your mother. I love her almost as much as I love you. She was a huge part of my life, and I'll never stop loving her." I pause, thinking my eyes may start to tear up again, but they don't. I guess I'm out of tears tonight. "Your dad, too." I think to add.

He smiles at me, accepting my answer. "I love them, too. I miss them a lot." I want to change the subject, because this is hard. But I can't anymore. I can't keep brushing them aside. I tell him I miss them, too. "Aunt Brooke? Can you tell me a story?" I smile at him. And for the first time since they died, I begin to tell Jamie a story about his parents.

"Did you know that I actually set up your mom and dad's first official date?" I smile at his excited face, and I begin to tell him all about their little date night I set up all those years ago.

He falls asleep, and I quietly leave the room, closing the door behind me. I sit down on the couch next to Millicent, and I rest my head on her shoulder. She puts her arm around me. "You're doing okay, Brooke. You had a set back. It'll get better." I try my hardest to believe that. "What are you going to do about Rachel?" Honestly? I have no idea.

"I'm going to hope she comes back." I'm angry at Rachel, I am. I can't deny that. But I want to get her help. I want her to be okay and be that girl I loved back in high school. I want her to turn her life around, and I know she needs my help. I know I turned my back on her the minute I threw her out. Just like I turned my back on her the minute I listened to my mother and fired her from my company. But she, just like Jamie, could be anywhere. And, unlike Jamie, I can't throw out a search party for her. I have to just have hope she'll realize I didn't mean it and I want her to come back home.

Millicent and I are wrapped in a couple of blankets watching a rerun of "Friends" on the T.V. We are both way to exhausted to move. Jamie is still sleeping, and I know I should wake him up soon or he'll be awake all night, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. He had a hell of a night. He had a hell of a few nights. He could use the rest.

The doorbell rings and I leap up, hoping that it's Rachel. At the same time, I hesitate it before opening, wondering if maybe it's my mother. I haven't heard from her all day, and that's sort of unusual. I almost considering not answering the door at all, but the prospect of it being Rachel is too great to chance. I yank open the door and my jaw drops in shock. "Brroooke...you need...I...I neeeed...hrmph...Jamie..." He stumbles over his words and into the door and I have to catch him to prevent him from falling down. His blonde head smacks into my face when I do. "I...ugh...you...you, Brooke..."

Millicent jumps off of the couch to help me with the obviously drunk blonde man. We lead him over to the couch, and she shuts the front door as I lay him down. "Jamie...God, Brooke, you...you...I'm...you called..." I called a number of times, Lucas. I want to tell him this. I want to yell at him for ignoring Jamie's messages. But I can't. Not when he's like this.

I nod to Millicent, who gets the hint, and retreats to the guest room. I watch as Lucas closes his eyes and slowly passes out. I grab my favorite fleece blanket (or part of it, since someone from last night's party so graciously ripped it in half) and cover his body with it. I stroke his blonde hair and just watch him as he sleeps. He looks so broken.

I suddenly feel selfish. This whole time I've been absorbed in my feelings and my confusion. This whole time I've been trying to keep my head above the water. And looking at Lucas, I realize how alike the two of us really are. He's just as lost and as hurt and as confused as I am. Oh, God, Lucas. Look at us...

...Did you ever think you could be so lost?

* * *


	10. My Favorite Movie

_i am absolutely exhausted. all day today i spent working on a stupid research paper and then going to work and it was gross and rainy and blah i'm just in a blah mood. lucky for you all, when i'm in a blah mood i like to write, so here you go. another chapter. enjoy! oh, and btw, this chapter may be pushing the T rating line to an M, so i'm going to warn you now.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 10: My Favorite Movie

-x-x-x-

_My favorite movie ever is The Wizard of Oz. The first time I watched it, my momma told me that it was one of her favorite movies when she was my age, too! I used to be afraid of the Wicked Witch of the West, but not anymore. My favorite person is the Lion. He makes me laugh, because he is afraid of everything, even his tail!_

_Dorothy wants to get home more than anything else in the world, so she tries to find the Wizard of Oz to see if he will take her home. He is mean at first and won't take her, and makes her kill the witch. But then he is nice and says he will take her home on his hot air balloon, but he accidentally leaves without her! Then Gilnda comes and tells Dorothy all she has to do is click her heels together three times and say "there is no place like home". _

_When my momma comes to wake me up in the morning, she always sings "wake up you sleepy head" to me like from the movie when Glinda sings to wake up the munchkins. I think my momma is ten times prettier than Gilnda, though. Her voice is ten times prettier, too. _

-x-x-x-

Oh, Lucas. What on earth am I going to do with you?

He's been passed out on my couch for over an hour. I haven't left his side. I can't help but think I'm responsible for him being like this. I know, I know. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my decision for Jamie to be in my custody. I didn't even know about it until that day! And it wasn't my fault that they...well, I wasn't in the car! I wasn't the one driving drunk! None of this can be pinned on me.

But somehow I feel like it can. Because will or no will, I was the one who took Jamie from him.

Lucas stirs in my lap. He's sprawled out on the couch and I'm sitting next to him, his head on my lap. I'm stroking his blonde hair like I would Jamie's. I know that Lucas is a big boy and that he'll probably wake up and start yelling at me, but I can't help but want to comfort him. Even if it's only in his sleep. Speaking of sleep, Jamie will probably wake up soon. He's been napping for a while. I hope Lucas is awake when he does. I don't know if I'll be able to explain to Jamie that his favorite uncle finally showed up--drunk.

"Mmrrrphhh." Lucas rolls over and his head ends up in my crotch. Of course. Of all freaking places, he plants his face in my crotch. I try and roll him back over but he won't budge. I would laugh if it weren't so inappropriate. I keep trying to roll him over but he just groans and stays where he is. Stupid boy. He probably subconsciously knows exactly what he's doing! I start to shake him.

"Lucassss...roll over damn it." He groans and slowly lifts his head up. He opens his eyes and stares at...well, his eyes open wide in confusion. "Avert your eyes, perv." He rolls over so his head is still on my lap, but he's looking up at my face rather than my crotch. I smile weakly at him. "Hey you." My voice is quiet and raspy.

"Am I in New York?" His voice is even raspier, if that's possible. I rolled my eyes at him. He was so disoriented he isn't even sure where he is. He groans again and brings a hand to his forehead. "Aspirin."

"Aspirin..._please_." I don't know why I'm being a little brat. Maybe it's because he showed up at my apartment a drunken mess. Maybe it's because I always feel calm and confident around Lucas. Maybe it's because I'm crazy. "And, yes, you are in New York. You seriously don't remember, Luke?" He let's out a noise that I can only describe as sounding like a dying moose.

And then the awkward silence sets in.

I get him to move his head off of my lap so I can get up and head to the kitchen to grab him some Aspirin. I bring it to him, along with a glass of water to wash it down, and I watch him as he takes it. He closes his eyes tight for a moment. I know the feeling. I'd be lying if I said I never used alcohol as a way to deal. But that was a long time ago. And I've grown up since then. I know better. He should know better, too. "You're a bitch." Huh. Well, that was uncalled for. I stare at him for a moment, not sure how to react or respond to that. He just called me a bitch? "You're a selfish bitch."

I'm mad. I'm mad and I'm hurt. Where does he get off coming into my home, drunk off his ass, calling me a bitch? "Why are you here, Luke?" I need to know. If he's here to yell at me, if he's here to make me feel like shit, then he can leave. I can't deal with that. He looks away from me and at the ceiling. He doesn't answer me. "Why are you here?" He mumbles something that the human ear can't even process. "What?"

He lets out a really long sigh. "Do you remember Junior year when Jules walked out on my Uncle Keith's wedding and he like went missing for a while?" I hesitate for a moment. Of course I remember. I remember how upset Lucas was that he felt he betrayed his uncle and I remember how upset Karen was when she didn't know where he was. I remember the wedding and I remember Jules not walking down the isle. I remember hearing about how Dan, of course, was involved. I remember all of that. But how on earth is that relevant to anything that is going on? I nod my head and wait for him to continue.

"Keith didn't answer calls. He didn't contact anyone. He kept to himself. He needed time." I still didn't know what Lucas was trying to say. "Ever think that maybe I wanted to be alone? That I need time?" His voice got harsh towards the end of his sentence. It pisses me off. He crossed a line.

"Oh crawl out from under your sad pathetic little hole you've been throwing yourself a pity party in!" My voice is harsher than his was. I always was the quicker one to get mad and fight back."You don't think that I wanted to shut everything and everyone out, too? That I needed just as much space and time as you?" He sits up a bit on the couch, his pissed off expression matching mine.

"You need space? You have a whole city of space, Brooke!" Lucas is yelling, well, as loud as he can without his head exploding. I hear a door open and look up to see Millicent enter the room, with a confused look on her face. She doesn't interrupt, but heads into the kitchen. I look down at my hands and start playing with my cuticles.

"No, Lucas. I don't." My voice is soft and quiet now. "I can't hide like you. Not with Jamie looking up at me with his big blue Nathan eyes and his sweet innocent Haley smile." Lucas lets out a laugh. It feels like a smack in the face. He has the nerve to laugh?

"Oh I'm sorry. Does poor Brookie need to watch after Jamie? The one connection left of Nathan and Haley? Oh well, gee, I'm so sorry that getting the one thing that meant the most to Nathan and Haley and taking him away from his life and the people who care about him takes up a lot of your feeling sorry for yourself time." I can't hold it in any more. He crossed another line. I bring my hand up to his face and slap him. Hard.

What takes me by surprise is he doesn't skip a beat and slaps me right back.

I can't move, and I'm guessing he can't either, because we are both paused in the moment. My hand is at my cheek and he looks like he just got caught by his mother for stealing from the cookie jar. Millicent is in the room, she ran in after hearing us smack each other, ready to send us to our neutral corners if a fist fight were to break out. "I think you should leave." My voice is shaky and I back away from him a few steps. "You need to go."

Lucas doesn't move, but he doesn't argue, either. Millicent is looking back and forth between the two of us. Lucas looks towards me and our eyes meet. His are just as empty and lost looking as I'm sure mine are. He opens his mouth to speak, but before anything comes out, another door opens. I look back towards my bedroom and see Jamie walking out.

He's not looking up, so he hasn't noticed Lucas. I cock my eyebrow in confusion at him. He's wearing a little button up collared shirt, nice khaki pants, and he's attempting to tie a tie around his neck. Why on earth is he so dressed up? "Aunt Brooke? Can you help me tie my--" He finally looks up. "Uncle Lucas!"

Jamie's face lights up and he sprints into his uncle's arms. Lucas holds him tight and for a moment I can see a glimmer of happiness in his eyes. Jamie, on the other hand, looks happier than I've seen him since bringing him to New York. His smile is bigger and his eyes sparkle more. And I can't help but smile, too. "Hey, J. Luke." Lucas' voice sounds sad, and hearing it makes my smile fade. "How've you been? How's Brooke treating you?"

Jamie doesn't miss a beat and begins telling Lucas everything. And believe me when I say _everything._ He tells Lucas about coming to work with me, and about meeting my mother. He tells Lucas about his new friends Millicent and Rachel. He tells Lucas that Rachel doesn't live here anymore because I kicked her out. He then proceeds to tell Lucas about the party that caused Rachel to be kicked out.

Jamie sits and rambles on and summarizes the past few days into barely five minutes. When he finally finishes, Lucas is staring at him with his mouth slightly open. "I'm glad you're here though, I missed you Uncle Lucas!" Lucas looks from Jamie to me, to Millicent, and then back to Jamie.

"I...uh...I missed you, too." Apparently, Lucas was expecting these past few days to have gone smoothly. Boy was he wrong. I wonder if he's going to press me to explain to him all of what Jamie just told him. I wonder if he's going to start yelling again. I wonder if he'll hit me again. I can't say I won't deserve it. "So, uh, do you and Brooke have big plans today?" Jamie cocks his head and Lucas and shakes it no. "Then why are you all dressed up?" I was going to ask the same thing.

"It's Sunday." I look at Lucas, who looks just as confused as I do. Is Sunday like dress up day or something? Jamie looks from Lucas to me, and I guess he can see the confusion in our faces, because he continues to explain. "Church is on Sunday." Oh. Church.

Huh. When the heck was the last time I went to church? Oh. Stupid question. The funeral.

And before that? Well, huh. I guess Nathan and Haley's second wedding. Before that? Keith's funeral. Before that? Jules and Keith's almost wedding. Before that? Was there even a before that?

I haven't gone to church just to go to church like...ever.

"Uh, J. Luke, I don't know that church is Brooke's thing." Lucas looks up at me. Was it that obvious that I didn't want to go? "To be honest, I can't really remember the last time I went either." Jamie cocks his head to the side and looks over towards Millicent.

"Millie, do you go to church?" I forgot Millicent was in the room. So did Lucas who looks over to her and gives a weak smile. I probably should introduce them to each other, but I don't. Millicent smiles weakly back at Jamie and tells him that she hasn't really had much time to go in a long while. "But momma said we're supposed to go to church every Sunday." Of course Haley said that. She would be the one to bring her family to church every Sunday.

I bet you think this is funny, don't you Haley? A "trick Brooke into going to church" idea you had while writing up your will, huh?

But that's just it. If Haley took her son to church every Sunday, I feel obligated to at least make an effort. It was obviously important to Haley. I can't just throw everything she wanted for her son out the window, can I?

Oh, what a morning.

"Millicent, do you know where a church is around here?" Is it bad that I have to ask that?

Jamie climbs out of Lucas' arms and runs over to me for a hug. He tells me he's going to brush his teeth so his breath smells good for God and he leaves the room, leaving me and Lucas alone to get back into our fight. Before we can, Millicent walks over to Lucas. "Hi, I'm Brooke's assistant, Millicent." Lucas shakes her hand and introduces himself back. She then turns her attention back to me. "There's a church up three blocks and to the left. It's small, so you shouldn't run into any reporters or photographers there. I'm going to head to the office. If you need anything, just call." I thank her, and she says goodbye to Lucas before leaving.

Lucas and I are only left alone for a few, uncomfortably quiet, seconds before Jamie comes running back in. I take his hand and grab my coat to venture to church. "Can Uncle Lucas come, too?" I look over towards Lucas, who is still nursing his hangover headache. He sighs, and attempts to stand up from the couch. Jamie jumps into his arms and he looks over at me.

"Lead the way, Ms. New York." I make a face at him and we head out the door. I guess the best thing about this whole church situation is it will prolong the fight that me and Lucas had already started to have.

It is a small church, like Millicent had said, but as we stand in the pews I can hear the click click click of cameras. "I thought it's like a sin to take pictures in church!" I'm a bit too loud, and a few people turn around to give me nasty looks and to shush me. "Shh to you all, too!"

"Brooke, relax." I hate Lucas' stupid condescending tone. I fidget in the pew. I'm so visibly uncomfortable it isn't funny. I feel like God or Zeus or whoever (wow I'm so not religious it isn't funny) is going to just throw lightning bolts at me just for stepping foot inside of here.

I swear to God, Haley, if anyone up there is even attempting to throw a lightning bolt at me, you better freaking stop it!

Oh crap, I just swore to God in a church.

And now I cursed. Oh god, I'm going to hell.

I look over at Jamie who looks honestly content. I smile. I guess if he is happy that we're here, all of this anxiety and fear of being struck by a lightning bolt is worth it. I swear I'll do anything for this kid. Hopefully I won't have to do this for a while, though. Maybe next Sunday he'll forget. Because, sure, I'll do anything for him and I'll go to church again if he asks. But I'll be damned if I'm the one to remind him.

When we get back to my apartment afterwards I practically jump up in joy and relief of church being over. Since Millicent isn't back from work yet and I know that Lucas and I need to have a real conversation, one that preferably doesn't end up with us hitting each other, I ask Jamie to go play in the guest room. "He seems..."

"He's happy, Luke. It's just hard." I interrupt because I feel the sarcasm coming with his sentence. I'm doing the best I can and I don't need him coming into my life telling me otherwise.

"It would be easier if you didn't take him away from his whole life." Bitterness. That's all I can hear when he speaks. He's going to set me off again. I can feel it.

"His whole life was taken away from him when that drunk driver hit Nathan and Haley. It had nothing to do with me." I feel my eyes start to water as I defend myself. I'm sick of everyone in Tree Hill treating me like the bad guy.

"It had everything to do with you, because like I said before, you are a selfish bitch. You couldn't even take a few days off from work to stay in Tree Hill to let Jamie get adjusted with everything. To let the rest of us get adjusted with everything. You found out they left him to you, and you took him and came back here. Because your life is more important to everyone else. Because it's your world, we all just live in it, right?" His eyes are burning into me. I bite my lip from screaming at him. We aren't going to get anywhere if we keep yelling back at forth.

Both of our emotions are peaked. I know this. I also know that he's upset and he probably doesn't mean half the things he's yelling at me. But all of that doesn't make his words hurt any less. "Why are you here, Lucas? I asked you before, and I'm going to ask you again. Why are you here? Is it to yell at me? Is it to tell me I'm doing a shitty job? Is it to make me feel like crap? Because, let me tell you, Lucas, you've accomplished all of those things. If that's why you came, well, you did it, so you can leave."

Lucas' face softens. He sighs. "I didn't come here to yell at you or hurt you, Brooke." Somehow, that's hard to believe. Actually, it's really hard to believe. Why else would he be here? "I came because you called." I let out a small chuckle. He looks at me like I have five heads, which is a look I've been getting a lot lately.

"I called a number of times, Lucas. So did Jamie. So has everyone else in Tree Hill who you've also been avoiding according to Deb. So stop the bullshit and tell me for real, Lucas. Why are you here? Why, after days of ignoring us, are you here?" I don't have the time or the energy for him. I really don't. I'm yelling and I feel my eyes burn with tears. I step close to him as we speak, so I can glare into his eyes.

"Because you sounded just as broken as me!" He yells this sentence at me, and he gets even closer in my face. We're centimeters apart, if that. "Because you sounded just as scared and as vulnerable and as hopeless as me!" Neither of us moves. I can feel his harsh puffs of breath on my face and I'm sure he can feel mine. And for a moment, I see it. I see every emotion bursting from his eyes. I see the pain and the confusion and the desperation in his big blue irises. And for a moment I feel completely connected to him.

Before I can even process what is going on, our lips meet.

It's a hard, rough kiss. It's not gentle or passionate or romantic. It's just hard. He pushes me back and my body slams against my bedroom door. I fumble with the doorknob to open it, and when I opens we fall backwards, barely landing on my bed. He's lying on top of me and he practically rips my top off. He's kissing my neck roughly and I know this is a bad idea. Neither of us really wants this.

But I don't stop it. Because I really need to feel again.

I go to pull his shirt off but before I could he's pulling at my skirt. He yanks it off and starts to yank at his own belt. We're a tangle of arms and legs and mouths and tongues and nothing about it is gentle. There's no love, there's no romance about any of this. My heart is pounding in my chest and it isn't from love or want; it's from desperation.

He straddles over me and before I can think about what's going to happen, he's thrusting inside of me--hard. Too hard. It hurts and I know I don't want this but at the same time I do. I want to feel it. I want to feel the pain and the emotion that is coming out of all of this. Maybe because I'm a masochist. Maybe because I haven't felt anything real in a while.

God, he's hurting me. He's hurting me and this isn't the Lucas that I know. This isn't the Lucas I made love to in high school, who would always be so gentle and loving.

Before I can have another thought, he thrusts into me so hard I swear the whole apartment building shakes. I let out a gasp. I can't hold anything in anymore and I begin to cry. I'm in pain, I'm probably bleeding, and I can't do this anymore. "Lucas, stop! You're hurting me stop!" I'm bawling now.

He looks at me and our eyes meet and I can barely see the Lucas I know in his clouded eyes. They slowly come back, and I feel his grip on my hair loosen and he rolls off of me. I look down at my arms where there's marks from him gripping onto me so tightly. I look back to him, and see the scratch marks I left on his body. I'm still crying and he looks away, ashamed. I'm ashamed, too.

Neither one of us speaks. All you can hear is both of us panting and me sobbing. He finally moves, and he pulls the comforter out from under us and pulls it over my body. He stands up to put his pants back on. Neither of us knows what to say. We both knew better. We both didn't want what just happened. But neither of us stopped it. I don't think I even wanted to stop it. For a moment I was able to feel again...

...And all I felt was pain.

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	11. My Future Job

_wow you guys were soo amazing with your reviews last chapter! i have the best bunch of reviewers and readers ever! i hope i can keep you guys entertained and happy...pressures on now hahaha.  
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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 11: My Future Job

-x-x-x-

_When I grow up, I think I want to be a basketball player like my daddy. Or maybe a singer like my momma. Or a teacher like my momma. Or a writer like my Uncle Lucas. Or an astronaut. _

_My momma said I can be whatever I want when I grow up. She told me that I am a very smart and talented boy and I should dream big. My Aunt Brooke told me that I could come have a promising career as a model for Clothes Over Bros, but my momma didn't like that idea very much. I told her that she told me I could be whatever I wanted. She laughed and told me if I ever want to be a model, she would have to learn to support that. She told me my dad probably wouldn't be as willing to accept the idea. _

-x-x-x-

I want him to leave. I want him to get out of the apartment and leave. And not turn back. I want him to leave so I can stop hiding in my bedroom. I just want him to leave.

I can't look at him. Not after all of that. Not after what just happened.

What did just happen?

There's a knock at my bedroom door and I jolt up in bed, pulling the covers up higher. I haven't moved since Lucas got out of the bed and walked out the bedroom door. I'm still not even dressed. "Brooke? Brooke it's me. Can I come in?" Millicent. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

I don't know if I want her to come in or not. I don't really want her to see me like this. Hopeless looking. Naked. But I don't want to be alone, either. I hate being alone. I want to tell her to come in, but at the same time I want to tell her to go away. I open my mouth, and all that comes out is that dying moose sound.

I guess Millicent took that as a sign to come in. I pull the covers up over my body as she enters the room. She looks at me and I look away. "Is it okay that I left that guy in the living room playing with Jamie alone?" I let out a small chuckle. Millicent doesn't know if she can trust Lucas with Jamie. That's what he's become. "Because, I don't know what happened while I was gone, but he seems a little distracted. And he slapped you, Brooke. And I can't say I'm not surprised that you didn't kick his butt for it."

Millicent is just looking out for Jamie and me, and I love her for it, but it bothers me a little that she's thinking Lucas may be a bad guy. He's not. He's just lost like me. He's just not himself like me. Under any other circumstances, none of this would be acceptable to me. None of this would even be acceptable to Lucas. But these aren't any other circumstances. And I understand. I understand everything he's feeling. And I don't blame him for any of it.

But that doesn't mean I want to face him again.

"Brooke? Are you okay?" Am I okay? No. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay. How does anything that has happened merit me being okay? Nathan and Haley are dead. I'm ruining Jamie's life. My company is doing horribly. I have no idea where Rachel is or if she's even alright. Lucas and I... no. I'm not okay. I'm so far from okay it isn't even remotely funny. "Brooke? Brooke, talk to me."

I want to Millicent, I do. But I can't seem to find my voice.

When I was younger, Peyton and I used to go to this nearby pool club my parents had membership to. I used to love being in the water. Being under the water. Peyton and I used to have contests to see who could hold their breath the longest under the water. I would always win, because even if I absolutely needed air and was seconds away from drowning to death, I wouldn't give up.

When Peyton finally would give up, I would be so relieved and happy to be able to push off the ground and rise to the surface, anticipating the air I was about to breath in once I reached the top. There's something about the anticipation of those few seconds you are swimming to the top, where all of a sudden, your need for air becomes even greater the closer and closer you get to the top.

That's kind of how I feel now. Like I'm pushing and pushing to get to the top, to get that first breath of air. Except this time, unlike when I was young, it isn't a game. And this time, unlike when I was young, I can't seem to find the surface. I can't seem to breathe that first breath of air. "Brooke? Did Lucas do something? Are you okay? Talk to me, Brooke!" Millicent is panicking. And I feel bad. But I can't seem to focus on reality long enough to answer her.

She touches my shoulder and I flinch. She gets up and runs out of the room. And I'm alone again. I really hate being alone. I always have. I guess that's because most of my life that's how I've felt. Alone.

There's yelling coming from the living room. I consider for a moment getting up and seeing what's going on. Millicent doesn't yell. She's the sweetest most non confrontational person I know. I listen closer. It's mostly Lucas doing the yelling. I want to see what's going on, but I can't seem to find my legs to move.

My bedroom door bursts open and I don't need to look up to know that both Lucas and Millicent just came barging in. They're still yelling, after all. "Brooke? Brooke, what's wrong?" Lucas is too close to me for comfort, but I don't move away or push him away. I can't seem to move at all.

"What did you do to her?" Millicent sounds close to tears. I want to tell her he didn't do anything. I want to tell her I'm okay, I just can't seem to move. But I don't. Because I can't seem to talk either. "What did you do!" Millicent sounds scared, too.

Lucas touches my face softly with his hand, but I flinch anyway. He doesn't let go, even though it's obvious I'm uncomfortable. He's trying to look into my eyes. I don't look back into his. I can't look at him. Millicent yells at him again, asking what he did. He's still searching my eyes. "I don't know! I don't know!" He's yelling back at her. "She's not responding to anything, I don't even know if she's processing anything that's going on around her. What do we do?" He's starting to freak out a little, too.

I want to tell them that I am processing it. I can hear them, and I know what's going on. But I can't move and I can't talk. I don't think I have the energy to do either. "Brooke? God, Brooke, say something!" He's yelling in my face, and I want to push him away. But I can't.

"Something's wrong. We need to get her to a hospital." I want to tell Millicent that I hate hospitals and I don't want to go. I want to tell her I don't need to go. But I can't. Lucas is still looking in my eyes. I wonder what he's looking for. If he's looking for the Brooke he used to know, he isn't going to find it.

I haven't been that spunky, optimistic, fire in her eyes cheerleader I used to be in a long, long time. "Go get her something to put on." I hear Millicent start to rummage through my drawers. She tosses him a pair of sweatpants and an old sweatshirt and comes back over to help him get me dressed. I want to yell out for them to stop. I'm not five. I can dress myself and I don't want them touching me. I don't want them helping me get dressed. But I can't.

"Uncle Lucas? What's going on?" Oh, Jamie. Please don't look at me when I'm like this.

Millicent leaves my side and goes to my bedroom door where Jamie had appeared. She picks him up, "Your Aunt Brooke isn't feeling well, so we're going to take her to the doctors." Please take him out of the room, Millicent. I don't want Jamie to see me like this. Please, take him out of the room.

"Take Jamie out of the room. He doesn't need to see her like this." Did he just read my mind? "I'm going to take Brooke to the hospital. You stay here and watch Jamie." No, no, no. That's not what I want. I don't want to go to the hospital with you, Lucas. I don't want to go to the hospital, period.

Millicent doesn't say anything, but I can only assume she is going to listen to him when she takes Jamie and walks out of the room. "Okay, Brooke. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm going to pick you up now and carry you to a cab, and we're going to go to the hospital." I want to tell him I can hear him. I want to tell him I don't want him to touch me, let alone pick me up. I want to tell him I'm fine, and to go away. But I can't.

He puts an arm under my legs and another around my body and slowly picks me up. I instinctively wrap my arm around him so he doesn't drop me, and it's the first movement I've made in a while. He's holding onto me tight and I want him to let go, but at the same time I never want him to let go.

He carries me out of the apartment and in the elevator. He carries me through the lobby and asks the doorman at the front doors to hail a cab for him, since his hands are full. The doorman asks if he can do anything else, and Lucas says he's got this. He sits into a cab and I'm pretty much on his lap. He's stroking my hair and I want him to stop. "Brooke, we're on our way to the hospital. We'll be there soon." He's talking to me as if I'm stupid. I know we are on the way to the hospital. I want to tell him I know this. But I can't.

The cab stops and Lucas fumbles to hold me and pull out his wallet to pay the cab driver. He throws the money at the man and carries me into the ER lobby. He hurries up to the front desk and tells the woman working there that I need help. That something's wrong and I need help. I want to tell him to stop telling them I need help. I want to tell him I don't need help. I want to tell him to take me home and to stop touching me. But I can't.

A few people in the ER waiting room begin to whisper loudly, and I hear my name on a lot of their whispers. "That's Brooke Davis!" "Look, it's that fashion designer!" "You know, Clothes Over Bros?" Lucas hears them, too.

"Please, can you hurry and get us a room before this is all over the tabloids? She needs help, not publicity." For someone who a few hours ago was such a mess, he seems pretty confident and clear headed at the moment. For a second, I'm thankful for that. On the other hand I'm completely jealous. Why does he get to look clear headed and confident to all these strangers while I'm being made out to look like a total and complete mess?

A few doctors and nurses come over and take me from Lucas' hands to place me on a stretcher. They start to wheel me away, and Lucas is following. His hand is clutching part of my sweatshirt tightly, as if he never wants to let go. I want him to let go, but at the same time I never want him to let go. "You need to wait here." One of the doctors or nurses instructs Lucas. He starts to protest. I want to tell him it's okay, I'll be fine. But I don't. Because I can't.

When I was younger, I always wanted to be older. When I turned nine, I remember thinking I want to be ten. Ten was so much cooler, because it was two digits. When I turned twelve, I wanted to be thirteen. Thirteen was so much cooler, because then I would officially be a teenager. When I was fifteen, I wanted to be sixteen. Sixteen was so much cooler, because I knew my parents would throw me the best sweet sixteen to ever hit Tree Hill. When I turned seventeen, I wanted to be eighteen. Eighteen was so much cooler, because I was officially an adult.

How naive I was back then. There's nothing cooler about being an adult.

I miss being a kid. I miss not worrying about anything. I miss having my Peyton by my side and the world at my feet. I miss being the queen of Tree Hill High, surrounded by my friends who would never let me down. I miss my old group group of friends. I miss having my biggest worry being whether or not I was going to pass calculus.

I miss the days when the biggest drama of my life revolved around a boy. Because looking back on even the dreaded love triangles in my life, I would pick that over this any day of the week.

I miss having the words "Tutor Girl" float off my lips. I miss watching Nathan play basketball. I miss being young and happy. I miss being carefree.

Woah. The doctor shines a light into my eyes and I blink. It took me by surprise. The doctor smiles, and I don't know why. I don't see the need to smile. "So you are awake in there." I want to slap him. Of course I'm awake in here. Ass.

He starts to tell me what he's going to do before he does it, and it reminds me of Lucas. I'm not stupid. Just do what you have to do. Stop treating me like a child. I'm not a child. I'm not happy and carefree like a child. So just stop it.

I stop focusing on what he's saying and when he hands me a pill and a cup of water, I'm not sure what he's giving me. I'm sure he told me, but I didn't focus enough to hear. I want to ask him. I want to know what he's giving me. But I can't.

He puts his fingers under my chin to lift my head. I open my mouth slightly as he brings the pill to it, followed by the cup of water I allow myself to drink from. He gently pushes me back onto the hospital bed, and my eyes are starting to become heavy. I don't want to sleep, but I'm not sure if I can fight it.

I'm starting to feel calm. What was I so freaked out about again? I can't seem to remember. What's wrong with my life? Isn't there something big going on that I'm miserable about? I can't seem to remember. Huh. I take a deep breath and it feels really good. I close my eyes. They are too heavy to keep open anyway.

A peaceful feeling wipes over me as I drift into the darkness.

I open my eyes I'm disoriented. Really disoriented. Where the heck am I? I look around the room and blink back the blur of sleep that's covering my eyes and everything starts to slowly come to focus. I'm in a hospital room. How did I end up here? "You're awake." Lucas' voice. I turn my head to look at him. He's sitting in a chair by my side. That's right. Lucas brought me here. "You alright? Stop asking me that. You know I'm not.

I ask him what happened. I can barely say the words loud enough to hear. My voice is ten times raspier than normal. I'm surprised he can even understand me. "You had an anxiety attack, Brooke. The doctor gave you a sedative to get sleep. You weren't responding and completely out of it." An anxiety attack? Huh. Interesting. "Are you okay now?" No. I'm not, Lucas.

"Are you?" He looks stunned by my question, and I guess I'm a little shocked I even bothered to ask it. He doesn't answer me, and I don't answer him. He understands, and so do I. "Where's Jamie?" He's the first thing I am worried about. He's the first thing in my life that matters enough to ask about.

"At the apartment with your assistant, Millicent was her name? She's watching him." I nod my head in response. As long as he's okay. He's the only thing in my life right now that really matters enough to ask about.

The doctor comes in and explains to me that I had an anxiety attack and then goes into talking to me about stress and how I need to manage my life and stress better so this doesn't happen again. While I'm fine and I'll be fine, it could become harmful if I keep letting my stress levels affect my health. I want to smack him. I want to tell him if I could just stop being stressed I would. It's not that easy. But I don't. I can, but I don't. I just nod my head.

He discharges me and as I stand up, Lucas takes my hand so I can balance easier. I want to push him away, but I don't. I can, but I don't. I need him. I won't admit that out loud, but I do. "You sure you're okay? You can stay here longer if you want." I let out a sigh. I just want to go home.

We walk into the apartment and Jamie runs into my arms and I hold him tight. No one speaks and I excuse myself to the bedroom. I'm tired and I want to sleep. Jamie follows me, and when Millicent and Lucas begin to tell him that I should be left alone, I tell them it's okay. I want him to come with me.

I'm tired, I'm worn out, I'm stressed...

...But I want my Godson by my side.

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	12. My Family

_ah i love you guys. your reviews are amazing. i know that brooke's struggle overall has just been pretty bad and disheartening, but i promise you, she will make an upward climb and eventually become that spunky girl we all love. it'll just take time. this isn't an easy situation. also, i'm going to pimp out my original work, if you like my style of writing i recommend you read my story on fictionpress...the link is on my profile page. it's my pride and joy so i figured i'd pimp it out hahaha.  
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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 12: My Family

-x-x-x-

_I guess I have a unique family. I mean, I have a momma and a daddy, two grandma's, one grandpa. A bunch of real aunts and uncles. And then my Aunt Karen, cousin Lily, Aunt Brooke, Uncle Skillz, Uncle Mouth, Fergie and Junk, Peyton, and a bunch of other people who I love and who love me who aren't really related to me. _

_My momma told me there is more to being a family then blood. A family is a bunch of people who love and care about you and who will do anything for you. I love my big family, even if most of them aren't blood related, and I wouldn't change it for the world. _

-x-x-x-

I feel like there is an elephant standing on my head. And that I really have to pee.

The sun is shining on my face from the bedroom window, and I know it's time to wake up, but I really don't want to. Blah, I don't want to open my eyes. I want to stay snuggled and warm and comfortable and safe in my bed for the rest of my life. "Aunt Brooke? You awake?" But if I stayed in bed the rest of my life, who would take care of my little boy?

I open my eyes and he's lying right next to me, smiling. I can't help but smile back. He takes his little hand and brushes some of my hair out of my face. What a grown up move for such a little boy. "You feeling better, Aunt Brooke?" Just having you here by my side, Jamie, makes me feel better.

I wish I was around more, these past four years. This little boy has so much love to give, and I should have been around to love him back. I've always been capable of more; being more than just fun Aunt Brooke who brings presents when she visits maybe once a year. I should have been more than just some absentee godparent. "I feel a lot better, buddy." His smile gets even bigger, and he snuggles in close.

My stomach growls and I realize that I haven't eaten in a really, really long time. Jamie thinks it's hilarious and starts having a giggling fit. "I think your tummy wants some breakfast." He is too cute. I can just eat him up, he's so cute. Hmm, that gives me an idea.

I sit up, and look at him with a mischievous smile on my face. "You know what? I think you're right. My tummy does want some breakfast. But it wants some Jamie for breakfast!" He squeals out as I begin to tickle him and bury my face in his stomach, pretending to want to eat him up.

Our tickle fight lasts a few minutes, until the both of us run out of breath from laughing so hard. I lay back down and he resumes his position cuddled up beside me. "Do you have to work today, Aunt Brooke?" Probably. I should, anyway. But I think I'll avoid worrying about my company as long as I can. I need to try and fix one thing at a time. Starting with the one thing that means most to me right now. Jamie.

"I think I'll skip work today." He asks me if I'm going to lay in bed all day instead. I laugh. "No, I was thinking maybe you and I can spend the day together. We can do whatever you want." It's about time I start putting him first. It's about time I start putting our family, as messed up as it is, together.

"Whatever _I_ want?" He sits up excitedly, and at that moment, I decide I would jump out of my window if he told me that was what he wanted. "Can we go to the park and swing on the swings?"

"I'll push you so high you'll be the king of the swings!" I offer back to his excitement.

"Can we get ice cream?" I can't help but laugh at his joy-filled face.

"Not one, but two scoops!" The excitement in my voice is now matching his.

"Can we go to the top of the Emperor State Building?"

"Of course! And we can take a taxi to get there!" He jumps up and down on the bed and then sits back down and makes a little pondering face. He's considering what else to ask to do. I'll do anything for him. Anything to keep him this happy.

"Can we find Aunt Rachel and bring her back here with us?" And the excitement and smile leaves my face. And I'm suddenly feeling very guilty and nervous and worried and all these feelings that I don't want to feel. Oh, Rachel.

I wonder where she is? I wonder if she's okay? I hope she's okay. I love that girl like crazy, I really do. But I've tried to call her cell phone. I've tried to fix this. Her phone's disconnected. And I know Rachel; when she doesn't want to be found, she won't be. I just...I regret what I did, I do. I was mad, with reason I might add, and I acted out of anger. I never meant to throw her out on her ass. She needs help, and I want to help her, I do. It's just...complicated now.

"Oh, buddy. Listen, I'll do everything I can to find Rachel. I just don't think we'll be able to find her today. But I'm going to find her, okay?" I figure it's the best way to explain the situation to Jamie. I don't think there are words to explain that someone who he became close with after losing the two most important people in his life is now gone.

I just hope she really isn't gone for good. But like my company, I'll worry about her later. I can't focus on all of this at the same time. It may just break me once again. "Pinky promise you'll bring her back home to us? You'll say your sorry and she'll say she's sorry and we'll go back to all being best friends?" He breaks my heart sometimes, this kid. I pinky promise him.

I can worry about Rachel and about my company tomorrow. Today, it's just me and Jamie against the world. "Can Uncle Lucas come?" And apparently Lucas.

The last thing I want to do is spend the day with Lucas at the park. But this isn't about me. Today is about Jamie. "Sure buddy. Why don't you go tell him while I get changed?" He gives me a tight hug, and I don't want to let go. I do, and he runs off to find Lucas. I sigh. Today is going to be a hell of a day, after all.

I turn the shower on and step in. The water is a little too hot, it burns a little, but I don't change it. Somehow, it feels good.

I lift my head up and let the water hit my face. I try my hardest not to think about anything. I try not to think about my mom or my company or my Jamie. I try not to think about Lucas or Rachel. And I try my hardest not to think about Nathan and Haley. But it's hard. It's just me and the hot water and the growing anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Suddenly I'm feeling a little light headed, so I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I grab a towel and walk over to my bed and sit down. Sitting down makes me feel better almost immediately. I guess the water was too hot after all.

There's a knock at my bedroom door, and I call to whoever it is to give me a minute so I can get dressed. I do as quickly as I can, and wonder if whoever was at the door is still there. "You can come in." The door doesn't open, and I assume for a moment that whoever was there got bored waiting. But after that moment, it opens, and Lucas slowly walks in. I make a mental note to ask "who is it" before inviting someone into my room next time.

He doesn't say anything. He just stands there. I guess I'm no better. I haven't said anything yet either. Wow do we look stupid. Standing feet apart. Looking everywhere except for in each other's eyes awkwardly. Nervously. Maybe I should say something. I open my mouth to, but he speaks first. "Jamie told me you are going to take him to the park and anywhere else he wants to go today. He invited me along. Is it okay? I mean, are you okay?" He sounds like a lost child.

I want to tell him that it isn't okay, that I don't want him coming. But this isn't about me. This is about Jamie. And that little boy needs us. Both of us. Just as much as we both need him. "It's fine. Jamie wants you to come."

"But do _you_ want me to come?" Typical Lucas. He can't just take yes for an answer. He needs to know why. He needs to know the reasons behind the answers. And he needs to know the whole truth before moving on. I don't know how to answer him. Because, honestly? No. I don't want him to come. He clears his throat uncomfortably.

No, Lucas. I don't want you to come. But for Jamie's sake, you need to. "Just go get your coat and help Jamie get his shoes on. I'll be ready in a minute." Lucas doesn't leave. He stays put nervously at my bedroom door. "What?" I speak harshly and I don't mean to, but I don't understand why he's standing there like that. I don't have anything else to say to him, and I don't really want him to say anything else to me.

"I'm..." He doesn't finish his sentence and he looks away. "Brooke I--" I don't want him to finish his sentence. He's going to apologize, I can feel it. But it's too late for that. Not to mention, there's no need for that. What happened, well, it happened. And I don't think either one of us had control over any of it. I interrupt him before he can finish.

"Just...just go help Jamie with his shoes." He gives me a look I can't really read. He wants to ask me if I'm okay. He wants to talk to me about yesterday. But he won't. He wants to, and he's battling with the decision whether or not to, but I know him. He won't. And I won't bring attention to it, either. "Please, Luke. Just go help Jamie with his shoes."

"I miss them, too, Brooke." What? What on earth is he talking about? And why bring it up now? "But I'm willing to admit that. And I'm willing to talk about it and deal with it. Sure, maybe I've dealt with it by way of alcohol and...well, you know." He mutters the last few words, but I understand him. And I blush a bit. "But I'm dealing." I tell him that I am dealing, too. I speak sternly. He has no right to come into my home, my bedroom, and bring this stuff up. No right at all. "No, Brooke. You're hiding."

"Yeah, well...your way of dealing sucks." I blurt back, stupidly. It's a childish comeback, even if it's true. I'd laugh if the conversation wasn't so messed up. "But, fine, if you won't help Jamie tie his shoes, I will." I walk out of the room and find Jamie sitting on the couch watching some cartoon on the T.V. "Ready to go, buddy?" He leaps off the couch and into my arms. God, I love this boy. "Where to first?"

"The swings!" He declares his decision loudly, with excitement, and I smile. To the swings, it is.

I don't know what it is about a park, about a child. The innocence that's in the air. That calming feeling. But being at the park with Jamie, pushing him on the swings and hearing his laugh makes everything go away. And for a brief moment, even though I know I'll be going back to reality soon, I'm happy. I look over at Lucas. He's happy, too. "Higher, Aunt Brooke! Higher!" I push him higher. And I wonder, as I push him higher on that swing, as he hangs in the air with the wind blowing in his hair, over his face, I wonder. Can Haley touch him? Is she reaching down to feel him?

I push him even higher. I want to help her touch him.

"I want to jump off!" I don't like that idea. I don't want him getting hurt. I want to shelter him from any pain for the rest of my life, even if it's just a scratch on his knee that would be the result of jumping off a swing. "Uncle Lucas, catch me!" I want to protest and tell him no. I want to tell him not to jump off the swing. But he's smiling and laughing. And Lucas is smiling and his arms are outstretched to catch the little boy. And they are both so happy. So I let him. He jumps off the swing into the air, and into Lucas' arms. And they are laughing. And so am I.

We go to get ice cream and like I promised, I let Jamie get two scoops of chocolate ice cream. It's all over his face, but I don't wipe it off. I'm not one of those crazy mothers who constantly wipe at their child's face. Granted, I'm not a mother at all, but I can't help but think it's cute. I'll clean him up later. Right now, I just want to let him be a child. A messy, happy child.

We hail a cab, and Jamie asks me if the cab driver is going to yell like last time. I laugh, but at the same time get a guilt ping in my stomach, and explain to him that as long as we pay him, he'll be nice. Jamie smiles, and we climb into the taxi. Jamie is sat in between Lucas and I, and he leans forward to talk to the driver. I can only imagine how the ride went the other night when Jamie was by himself. "Hi. My name is James Davis. What's yours?" I bite my lip at Jamie's introduction and the guilt ping hits harder. I try not to look over at Lucas, but I can feel him glaring at me. He mumbles Jamie Scott under his breath.

We get to the Empire State Building (Emperor, still according to Jamie) and I drop my name so we can enter without any talk of reservations or anything. I just want to take the kid to the top floor. We'll leave after that. I don't need anything special. I head towards the elevator but Jamie has other ideas. "I want to take the stairs." You have got to be kidding me. After a few minutes of persuasion, Lucas and I manage to talk Jamie out of that idea.

We take the elevator as high up as we can go and bring Jamie to the nearest window. We look out and his eyes grow wide in amazement. "Pretty impressive, huh buddy? We are up pretty high. You can see the whole city from here!" He looks up into the clouds and suddenly he looks really sad. "Something wrong?"

He sighs, and Lucas and I exchange worried glances. "It's not high enough." Well, gee, Jamie. It's pretty damn high. How high is high enough? "I need to go higher. I want to see momma. Heaven is too high." He breaks my heart. I look at Lucas. He breaks his, too.

"Come on, buddy. Let's go home." He looks tired, and he should be. He had a pretty long day. He nods his head and walks over to me. I pick him up and look again at Lucas. Neither one of us knows what to say now. I'm almost mad. I had this day planned to keep Jamie happy, and all it did was make him sad in the end. I just wanted one good day. Just one. And I couldn't even get that.

I'm trying Hales, I really am.

He's sleeping by the time we get back to the house. Lucas takes him from me as we get out of the cab and we walk in silence up to the apartment. When we walk in, I take note that Millicent isn't back from work yet. I wonder how it's going back at Clothes Over Bros. I hope my mother isn't being a tyrant. I hope my company is alright.

I walk over to the answering machine and see that there are four messages. I almost want to delete them without listening to them. But then I'll just be proving Lucas' point. I don't want to confirm to him that I am, indeed, "hiding". I hit the play button as Lucas lays Jamie on the couch.

"Brooke, it's Millicent. I need you to call me when you get thi--" Delete.

"Hey, Brooke. It's Peyton. Uh, call me when you can. I'm worried after seeing you on the ne--" Delete.

"Brooke Penelope Davis! You get your ass into this office as soon as--" Delete.

"Brooke? It's Millicent again, I really think you should--" Delete.

Maybe I shouldn't have deleted that one. Millicent sounded a little desperate. And my mom seemed really, really mad. And, come to think of it, Peyton sounded a little worried herself. Oh well. Too late to listen to them now. "Brooke, can we talk? Like...really talk." Grr. Not exactly my ideal thing to do at this time. I don't answer him. "Just...hear me out at least." Fine, Lucas. Talk. I'm listening. He sighs. "First off, what the hell is with this James Davis crap? That's a little disrespectful to Nathan and Haley, don't you think?"

"It was...my mom...I was protecting him from my mom..." It sounded lame, I know. But I couldn't go down without at least defending myself a little.

"And I understand what you and I...what we...what we did...we..." I found it amusing he couldn't think to talk about the fact that he practically raped me and I pretty much let him. I don't blame him. I don't want to talk about it either, let alone hear him talk about it. "It was wrong and stupid and I'm...sorry." He mumbled the word sorry. "But you can't tell me that what happened to you yesterday, that your attack...you can't say that it happened just because of what we did. I thought I was a mess, Brooke, but clearly you are in way deeper than me. I...fine...I'm a mess. I want to go drink myself into oblivion right now even. I want to drink and I want to do whatever it takes to stop thinking about them. About my best friend and my brother. About the fact that Jamie is here with you in New York instead of with me in Tree Hill. But what happened to you yesterday? You didn't do that to yourself. Your body shut down and you had no control. And that...that worries me."

"Why?" My voice is dry. "Because you don't want a mental case watching your nephew?"

"Well, yeah." Great. Just something he can use against me if he were to decide to take me to court over all of this. "But that's not the only reason, Brooke. I'm worried about _you_. Like I said, I came because you sounded just as broken as me in your phone call. And...I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling alone and vulnerable and like shit. I came here to see if you were okay. To see if Jamie was okay. Are you okay, Brooke? Are you going to be okay, Brooke?" Am I going to be okay? Good question.

"I don't know." That's all I can think to say. I sit down and he takes a seat next to me. "Are you?"

"I don't know, either." He admits to me. And I almost want to smile. God, we are so broken. "I can't stay here forever, Brooke. I can't even stay that long. I need to get back to Tree Hill. I need to get back to my family," He pauses, and I know he's thinking about Nathan and Haley again, "and I need to get back to my coaching job. But I needed to make sure you were okay. I needed to know that Nathan and Haley made the right choice."

I sigh. As much as I want him to leave, to ease the awkward tension, I don't want him to leave at all. Because Jamie is happy with him here. And I'm afraid to do this alone. One step forward. Five steps back.

I don't admit it to him, but I can't help but wonder the same thing...

...Did they make the right choice?

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	13. My Best Quality

_sorry this took long to update, do you guys like hate me? it's been a hectic week between work and writing my term paper for my stupid summer class. this is sort of a filler type chapter, not much drama or whatnot. i figured i'd cut these poor characters a slack for a bit. hopefully it's worth the wait. enjoy!  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 12: My Best Quality

-x-x-x-

_My momma says my best quality is that I am always willing to love and protect not just my family, but everyone around me. I don't get why it's such a big deal. People shouldn't be mean. They should always be nice to everyone. My momma is always nice to everyone, so I'm always nice to everyone. _

_When I see people getting yelled at or being bullied by someone else, it makes me sad. People shouldn't do that. When I see someone at school getting picked on, I always invite them to come play with me. If other people aren't going to be nice to them, I will be. _

-x-x-x-

Awkward. That's what tonight is. Sitting next to Lucas on my couch, Jamie half asleep in my lap, watching "Night at the Museum". Which, by the way, is a pretty cute movie. For a kid's movie. It's keeping Jamie entertained anyway. And I guess it's keeping me entertained, too.

I don't think it's keeping Lucas very entertained. He keeps looking at me instead of the movie. Which is making me a little uncomfortable to be honest.

I don't know what to say to him. Lucas. I want him to stay. Well, I do and I don't. I do because Jamie is happy with him here. And it's easier. I don't have to do this alone. But then again, I don't think Lucas and I have ever been this distant with each other before. And, to be honest, I hate that. We're better than this. "I think he's sleeping" I look down at Jamie who's in my lap. Lucas is right. I think he's sleeping, too. "Want me to carry him into the bedroom?"

I shake my head. "Just give it a little bit. I like the feeling." Lucas looks at me like I have five heads. "What's that look for?"

"You like the feeling of a four year old in your lap? Pedophile." I playfully hit him. He laughs. It's refreshing to see him smile.

"That's not what I mean, ass." He laughs a little harder and asks me what I mean. "I just like the feeling of holding Jamie. Especially when he's smiling or sleeping. Because then I know he's happy. And he's in my arms. It makes me sort of feel like the reason he is happy or the reason he is sleeping peacefully is because he's in my arms. Even if that's not completely true." I expect him to start laughing again. He doesn't.

"It looks pretty true to me." I look up at him in surprise. Did he just admit that he thinks I make Jamie happy? I want to ask him if he really thinks that, but I don't. I don't want to sound vulnerable. I need to keep some dignity. I've lost a lot of that the past few days. I bite my lip and focus back on the movie. "What time does your roommate get home?" My roommate? Oh, Millicent. Right.

"Since I didn't go into the office today she'll probably close for me." Mental note: give Millicent a huge raise. I mean huge. Like, she should be getting paid more than me huge. Lucas mumbles that she seems nice. "She is. Jamie likes her. She's great help."

"That's good. Jamie needs good people in his life." I want to snap and say that he does have good people in his life. He has me and Millicent and...okay. Just the two of us. And he did love Rachel, although I wouldn't say she was a great influence in his life. I'll keep my mouth shut on the subject. Lucas goes to say something else, but he gets cut off by the doorbell. "You want me to answer that?" He motions to the sleeping boy on my lap. I nod my head, and he gets up to answer it.

He opens the door and before I can see who it is, the piercing tone of her shrill voice sends chills down my spine. It's my mother. "Brooke Penelope Da--" She was too caught up in yelling at me she didn't notice at first that it wasn't me who answered the door. She pauses mid-sentence as she glares at Lucas. "_You_. What are _you_ doing here?" Before he can answer she pushes past him and walks into the apartment towards me. "What is _he_ doing here?"

"He's Jamie's uncle, mom." I answer her as if it's the most obvious answer ever. She doesn't like the tone in my voice. She glares at me, then glares at him, then back at me. Jamie stirs in my lap. I carefully move Jamie over off of my lap onto the couch and stand up to deal with my mother. "And can you keep your voice down? He's sleeping." She doesn't look exactly thrilled to be told what to do.

"Have you read the papers? Have you seen the news?" She didn't keep her voice down. She throws a newspaper at me. "Because_ I _have. And this is getting a little ridiculous, don't you think?" I fumble with it for a moment, but I unfold the paper and begin to read it. Oh. Shit. Lucas must notice my eyes suddenly bugging out or my mouth suddenly drop to the floor, because he shifts over so he can see the paper, too. "_He_ needs to leave." I don't know if she means Lucas or Jamie. I don't ask. Neither one of them are leaving. "Famous Fashion Designer Brooke Davis has Mental Breakdown? Who do you think you are? Mariah Carey?"

"Mrs. Davis, Brooke just had an anxiety attack caused by stress. It wasn't a mental breakdown, and the doctor said she'll be fine." Oh, Lucas. I adore you for sticking up for me or whatever you are doing, but you are walking right into the lion's den.

"Mr. Scott, this does not concern you!" Back down, Lucas. Just please, back down. He doesn't, though. He takes a step closer to my mom, pretty much blocking her from me. What on earth is he doing? "As for you, Brooke, you should know better than to frolic around out in the open like some sort of mental case! First they catch you going to church, then hours later at the hospital a mess and a half? Are you really that stupid Brooke?"

"Don't call Aunt Brooke stupid." My head shoots around to see Jamie standing behind us. I look back at my mother whose eyes are wide and I know she's going to lash out at the small boy who's trying to stick up for me. What is with these Scott boys and having to speak up on my behalf? "She's all better now!"

"She shouldn't have been sick in the first place." My mother answered Jamie, but spoke to me.

"You can't stop getting sick, it just happens! You should be happy she's all better! My momma always was happy when I got better after being sick! She would make me a special dinner to celebrate!" Lucas stepped over to Jamie and picked him up. Even Lucas knew Jamie was getting himself in trouble with the beast I call my mother.

"Yeah, well your mother is dead." Woah. My mother stepped so far over the line I couldn't hold myself back. I slapped her right across the face. I heard gasps from both Lucas and Jamie, and I completely froze. That wasn't good. No, that wasn't a good idea at all. Oh, crap.

Someone say something. Please. Jamie and Lucas are frozen, staring at my mother wondering what she's going to do to me after that. I'm frozen thinking the same thing. And my mother? She's frozen holding a hand to her cheek. Probably deciding the best way to kill me and hide my body without getting caught.

Haley, if angels can swoop down and protect people from harm, now is probably a good time for you to come shield me.

The door suddenly opens and Millicent walks through. She pauses for a moment after looking up to see all of us staring at her. "Um...hi?" My mother's eyes shift from Millicent, to me, to Jamie and Lucas, back to Millicent, and back to me.

"Are you running an Inn? A Bed and Breakfast? A homeless shelter? What is this, Brooke!" My mother is furious. "You are single handedly ruining everything we've worked for! All for what? A child you couldn't have bothered to visit hardly ever the past four years and Lucas 'let's right a book about how much of a slut Brooke was' Scott?" Woah. Low blow, mother.

"I didn't write about how much of a slut Brooke was. I wrote about how amazing she was. And you'd know that if you'd been around in her life. So she hasn't been part of Jamie's life the past four years, so what? You haven't been around Brooke's entire life. And here you are, trying now to control it." Okay, I love you for this, Lucas, but I need you to stop adding fuel to her fire.

My mom opened her mouth to, I'm sure, yell at Lucas, but I spoke first. It's about time I stand up to my mother on my own. "Get out of my house. You cannot come in here and speak to me and my friends like that. And as for ruining my company? No, I believe you did that. When you screwed up my contract with Macy's without consulting me. As far as I'm concerned? This is all your fault. All of it." Suddenly, I feel more brave and more determined than I have in front of my mother in a really, really long time. "And his name is Jamie Scott, not James Davis, and I'm going to come clean to the press. He's my godson whose amazing parents left in my custody. Nothing you say can change that, and nothing you say can make me want to change that. Get out of my house."

"You're a fool, Brooke. And you'll realize that soon enough." I'm realizing something, that's for sure.

"You're fired." It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Millicent steps away from the door and walks over to the other side of the room. Lucas, with Jamie in his arms, takes a step back. I want to take a step back, too, but I don't. I hold my ground.

"What did you say?" As if she didn't hear me.

"You are fired." This time, all the insecurity and apprehensiveness in my voice is gone. I'm confident and I know what I want. I want her gone.

"I'm your _mother_, Brooke." Biologically, maybe. But I've seen Haley with Jamie. I've seen the love in her eyes for that little boy. I've seen how a real mother acts. And you are not like Haley. You've never treated me like Haley treated Jamie. You never loved me like she loved him.

"You are fired." I'm not going to say it again. I'm not going to consider this or sleep on it or change my mind. It's one thing when she treats me like crap, but lately she's been treating everyone around me like crap. And I will not run my company like that. I will not run my life like that.

"You'll regret this, Brooke." No. I don't think I will.

She glares at me for a moment and I glare back. I'm not wavering, and I think she's waiting for me to back down. She'll have to wait a long, long time for that, because I'm not backing down. She turns on her heels and walks out, slamming the door behind her. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

What the hell did I just do? I can barely take care of my company as it is. How am I going to manage without my CEO? Oh shit, what did I just do? Oh crap. Oh God. I can't breathe. Oh God. "Brooke? You look a little pale, are you okay?" I need to sit down.

Millicent takes my hand and leads me over to the couch. "Brooke, say something. You're scaring me." I mumble an 'I'm fine' just so they don't think I'm having another attack. "That was really awesome, Brooke." I can't help but smile. Of course Millicent would think this is all awesome. She had been the victim of my mother's verbal abuse almost as much as me.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't think that you slapping your mother wasn't the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life." Lucas puts Jamie down and walks over to the couch by Millicent and me.

Millicent looks at me in shock. Now I'm laughing. I slapped my mother. And fired her. I've never felt so happy and so completely worried at the same time. I look over at Jamie. He doesn't seem exactly thrilled. As a matter of fact, he's looking at me as if he's...disappointed? "Something wrong, buddy?"

"You hit your momma." Oh. Yeah. Probably not the best thing to do in front of the kid. Great, how do I explain this to him?

"Jamie, Brooke's mom isn't like your mom was. She's mean to your Aunt Brooke. You've seen that." Lucas did his best to try and lay it out for Jamie. Jamie didn't seem convinced.

"She's mean to everyone, Jamie. She's mean to me, to you, to Lucas, to Millie." He knows this. He's seen how she can be. I don't understand the issue here.

"But you shouldn't hit. Momma said to be nice to everyone. You were mean. You shouldn't ever be mean, Aunt Brooke." I want to continue to defend myself, but he's just too young and too innocent to understand. My mother and I will never get along. And me firing her? It was for the best. For me, anyway. I tell him that I'm sorry, and I pick him up and put him on my lap. "Are you gonna say sorry to your momma?" No. I'm not. But for the sake of keeping Jamie happy, I tell him that I will.

"Are you going to hire a new CEO?" Millicent asks me the question that's on my mind. I shrug my shoulders. "I mean, you and I can handle a lot on our own, but Victoria did a lot of work without us, you know?" Yes, Millicent. I know. "Well, I'll work extra hard for you Brooke, you know that. We can do this."

"You're just happy Victoria is gone." I smirk at her. She laughs.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely thrilled with that fact. I will work double overtime if that means Victoria will never yell at me again." I suddenly feel bad. I let my mother mistreat Millicent way too much. She's a great girl. She never deserved anything my mother had to say to her.

I have a lot to think about concerning my company now. Everything is going to change. Millicent is right; Victoria handled a lot of the work. I mean, a lot a lot of the work. Things I'm not even sure I know how to do. Things that could take up a lot of my time. Things that could really take a toll on my relationship with Jamie. Maybe it's time to make a change. "Maybe we should consider downsizing the company."

"Downsizing? You've worked hard to build this company up, Brooke. You'd be making major financial cuts if you downsized. And you'd lose a lot of the celebrity status you've gotten." I know all of this, Lucas. But none of that is important to me anymore.

Blah. I don't want to talk about this anymore. "Let's go out. The four of us. Let's just go out and forget about my mother and all of this crap." To be honest I want a drink, but I don't think it'll look to good if I take a four year old to a bar. "Let's just go have fun. I want to go out and have fun."

"I don't know, Brooke." Lucas doesn't seem into the idea. I look at him and I glance into his eyes. The Lucas Scott I used to know isn't there. I need to help get him back. I need to help get myself back.

"Why not Lucas? Haley and Nathan don't want us miserable. They don't. So let's go out and have some fun. With their son. Because that's what they want." It's getting easier and easier to talk about them. I can say their names and smile. "Come on, Jamie, help me talking your Uncle Lucas into going out." Jamie looks over at Lucas and gives him one of his cute little Jamie smiles. Millicent and I laugh.

"It's late, Brooke. What's there to do with a four year old this late. It's not like we can take him to a club or a bar or anything." Oh Lucas. Stop being a party pooper. But I guess he's right. What is there to do?

"We can use Brooke's celebrity status to get tickets to a show." Millicent makes a suggestion. I consider it. So does Lucas. It's not exactly a bad idea. Jamie might really like to see a Broadway show. I don't think he's ever been to one before. Plus, I'm sure Haley would love the musical influence it would give him.

"Haley used to love musicals. Even when we were little. She used to blast all the soundtracks in her room when I was over and it used to drive me crazy." Lucas smiled to himself as he remembered his best friend. "What do you think, Jamie? You want to see a show?"

"Can we, Uncle Lucas?" Jamie's face seemed to light up at the mention of his mother. He was hooked. If his mother loved it, he wanted to do it. And I wanted him to see one, too. "Please?"

"Work your charm, Brooke Davis. Get us some tickets." He surrendered, and I jumped up with a squeal as I ran to get my cell phone to make a call. Lucas took Jamie to get changed, since the two of them were wearing sweats and hang out clothes, and I worked my magic to get us four really great tickets to see "Mary Poppins". I heard it was a great show, and I'm sure Jamie will love it.

The boys got ready and the four of us, Lucas, Jamie, Millicent, and I, grab a taxi (because Jamie requested it) to head off to see the show. It's random, but I just want to have a good time. I can't sulk anymore. I can't keep worrying about everything. We are all trying so hard to heal...

...It's about time we start.

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	14. My First Time Out

_again, i apologize for having a job and classes and not being able to spend as much time as i'd like on this fic hahaha. the real world just sucks, don't it? anyways, i'd like to thank Typokween for her help going through ideas for this chapter, so thanks!! go read her fics, they are amazing! annnyyywayy, enjoy!!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 12: My First Time Out

-x-x-x-

_I remember the first time I got in really, really big trouble. My momma told me I wasn't allowed to play basketball in the house, but it was raining really bad and she wouldn't let me go outside and play. So I played basketball inside. It was all okay and I was having fun, but I was dribbling the ball and it slipped and hit one of my momma's flower vases. _

_The vase broke and my momma started yelling at me really badly. I hate getting yelled at. She made me sit on the steps for ten whole minutes. It was really boring and I didn't like it at all. When the ten minutes were up, my momma came over to me and told me that she still loved me, but doesn't want me to play ball in the house or disobey her. I promised I wouldn't disobey her again and said I was sorry, and she gave me a hug. She told me as long as I was sorry, it was okay. _

-x-x-x-

Seeing my little boy smile is all I need to be happy in this life. Listen to me, he's not even my little boy. He's Haley's little boy. But he's happy. And he's smiling. And that's all I could ever ask for at this point. "Aunt Brooke, look! They're tap dancing on the ceiling!" I forgot how magical these types of things are for children.

I've been to plenty of shows over the course of the years I've spent in the city, but none of them had this kind of impact on me. To be honest, I could care less about the music or the dancing. That never really was my thing. Anytime I've come to one of these shows in the past, it was to go with a client, or one of my mother's friends of a friend, or even a date or two.

And I've always had a good time, don't get me wrong. I've always enjoyed being out with whoever I was out with, and I'd have an even better time afterwards when we'd grab dinner or a drink or two. But it was never about the show.

With Jamie, it's all magical. His eyes are opened wide and his smile hasn't once left his face. He's laughing and he's bouncing with the music and he's really loving the show. It's a whole different experience sitting here with Jamie than it has been with anyone else I've ever seen a show with. I don't know if I've even been watching the show. I can't take my eyes off of Jamie.

A few times I glance over at Millicent and Lucas. Millicent is enjoying the show almost as much as Jamie. She's sweet like that. Unlike me and my need to grow up and live this accelerated lifestyle, she still has that innocent child-like quality. I like that about her.

Lucas, like me, has his eyes on Jamie most of the time. And he smiles when Jamie smiles. Or laughs when Jamie laughs. And from an outsiders point of view, to any of these other people sitting around us, we look happy.

And, to be honest, I am happy.

The show ends and Jamie is one of the first to stand up and give the cast a standing ovation. I laugh as I join him, clapping more for the fact that these people in the cast have given my little broken family happiness than for the fact that they performed well.

We make our way out of the show and Lucas picks Jamie up and sits him on his shoulders. "Look, Aunt Brooke! I'm taller than you now!" It would be easy to grab a taxi from right here. There are a million passing us. But none of us flag one down as we walk. None of us even mention that we should wave one down as we walk down the New York City sidewalk. We're too happy walking and laughing and really enjoying each others company. I don't think any of us want to wave down a taxi just yet.

But we can't walk around the city aimlessly for much longer. It's getting really late. But I don't want to go back to the apartment. I want to stay in this moment right now for as long as I can. "Hey buddy, how about some ice cream?" And, if it was even possible, his face lit up even more. Ice cream it is.

I decided to buy Jamie the biggest ice cream cone that you could possibly buy, although Lucas is making his best attempt to convince me otherwise. "It's late, should you really be giving him that much sugar?" I roll my eyes at him. I decide to buy Lucas a big ice cream cone, as well.

Millicent and I opt to buy fat free frozen yogurt, and I think we are all eating them as slow as we can on purpose. But ice cream, like tonight, doesn't last forever, and we make our way outside and actually call for a taxi this time.

We all sit quietly, but it's not awkward. We're tired and we are all just sort of enjoying the silence. Today was one hell of a day. From firing my mother to enjoying a Broadway show, I think I've hit about every emotion a person can hit, all in one day.

We get back to the apartment, and Lucas insists he be the one to pay the cab driver. I, at first, object, saying that I'll pay, but he insists again that he be the one to pay, and I surrender and let him. I'm not one of those people who will go back and forth for a million minutes arguing over who will pay. If you wanna pay, go right ahead. I'll offer once, to be the nice person, but hey, if you still wanna pay, go right ahead.

As we make our way up the stairs (Jamie wanted to take the stairs instead of the elevator, only God knows why), Millicent, the cute little goof that she is, trips and her shoe falls off. We make sure she's okay, and we laugh, in a friendly way of course, and she tells us to go ahead as she fixes her shoe. She'll catch up.

We do, and when we get to the top of the stairs, I hear Jamie and Lucas whispering behind me. "What are you too conspiring about?" Jamie asks me what conspiring means. "What are you two planning?"

"We're going to scare Millie when she comes up the stairs!" Jamie is excited, mischievous, but excited, as he and Lucas hide behind the wall at the top of the stairs. I roll my eyes and continue walking to my apartment, not wanting to take part in their little plan.

I head to my door and go to unlock it, but it's already unlocked. Which is weird. I definitely locked it, didn't I? Oh, I'm having a deja vu moment. The last time I had this feeling, Jamie ran away. But Jamie is at the end of the hall with Lucas. So that's not the problem.

Holy shit, what if I was robbed?

I should call over to Lucas to come over and check the room first. My heart is pounding hard now, and if someone did rob my house, they could potentially still be in the house. What if it's some crazy fan or something who likes to stalk and kill celebrities? Okay, now you're just being crazy, Brooke. Don't be so ridiculous. God, I should really call over to Lucas.

But I don't, and I slowly open the door and walk in as quietly as I can. I open my mouth to call out into the (hopefully) empty apartment, but nothing comes out. I'm too freaked out to speak. I really regret not asking Lucas to walk into the apartment first. Then again, I don't need him to protect me.

I hear a crash coming from my bathroom, and I jump, my heart now in my throat. I take that back. I do need him to protect me.

I reach over and pick up one of the decorative vases off the coffee table and head over, cautiously, to the bathroom. "H-Hello? Who's there? I...I have a weapon!" I cringe at myself. Boy, do I sound tough. Stuttering voice and all. "I know someone is in here!"

I hold my breath as I push open the bathroom door. I swing back the vase getting ready to hit the person who's in there. The person lets out a startled yell as I do, and I catch myself before I nail her in the head with the vase. I let out a yell, too, and I let out a sigh of relief, even though my heart is still up in my throat. "B-Brooke?" Rachel.

She sounds horrible. And she looks horrible, too. I can't even process anything other than her appearance at the moment. She looks like shit. Her hair is a mess, lying straight and greasy on her head, and she's dressed in baggy sweats. Her eyes are watery and dilated and her nose is runny. And to top it all off, she's sweating like crazy and shaking so much, I can hardly keep my eyes focused on her. She's just a mess. "I...I didn't...You weren't...I thought you'd be at work...you're usually at work..." She's rambling. And I'm getting mad.

On the one hand, I'm glad to finally know where she is. On the other hand..."So because you didn't think I'd be home gives you the right to come here and do drugs?" I'm yelling. There's no doubt in my mind that she's high or fucked up in one way or another. Just look at her. Or the toilet she obviously threw up in. Or the little brown bag she's holding tightly on to.

Her eyes open wide at my accusation, and she does her best to stand up off the ground. She's horribly shaking, and it's making me nervous to see her like this. I hate seeing her like this. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her and protect her and take care of her. But I can't. Not if she's doing drugs. Not with Jamie around. "I'm not...I didn't do any...I'm not on drugs." She can hardly form a sentence she's such a mess.

"Don't you dare lie to me. Look at you, Rachel!" You can't argue with that. You just can't. She's a mess. She looks like a mess. "Why are you here? Why do this here?" I'm still yelling, and she's flinching at the sound of my voice.

"I forgot something." She motions to the brown bag in her hand. Her voice is so mumbled I can barely understand her.

"What'd you forget, Rachel? Some drugs? You left drugs in my apartment and now you're coming back to get them? Leave your heroin needle here?" I'm being harsh, I know it. But after everything, after seeing her with Jamie, after thinking that she honestly cared about that little boy, she honestly has the nerve to waltz into my apartment and pull this shit?

"I told you, Brooke! I'm not...I haven't...I'm clean!" She's trying her hardest to yell back, but she's way too weak to have her voice match mine.

"Then what's in the bag, Rachel? Huh? If you're so clean, what's in the damn bag?" I try to look her in the eyes but I can't. It's hard to see her like this. It hurts to see her like this. She shakes her head at me and I don't know what she's trying to say. "None of us mean anything to you. Just your damn drugs. You're nothing but a pathetic addict." I don't mean those words. I don't know why I say them. They are harsh and they aren't in any way going to help her. Maybe I'm hoping a little tough love will get her out of my apartment and into rehab.

She bites her lip and closes her eyes tight for a moment, and a few tears slip out. "You're a bitch." She speaks quietly and through clenched teeth and takes a step closer to me, as she shoves the brown bag at my chest. She stumbles after doing so and falls down to her knees. I look into the bag.

Oh.

She's right.

I am a bitch.

I'm confused and I don't really know what to say, but before I can say anything, the door opens and Lucas, Jamie, and Millicent walk in laughing. It took them long enough. "Aunt Rachel!" The excitement and happiness in Jamie's voice pulls at my heartstrings. By the look on Rachel's face, it pulls on her heartstrings, too.

"Oh God, Rachel?" Millicent takes a step over and Lucas just looks confused. Jamie runs right into her arms and she holds him tight for a moment. Lucas calls my name, and I know he's trying to ask me if Jamie should be allowed near Rachel at the moment, but I can't really focus on that right now. Rachel holds Jamie tight and her tears pour down her face.

"I knew you'd come back!" Jamie knows how to lay the guilt on thick, even though he has no idea I'm feeling guilty at all at the moment. He's so thrilled and happy to see her; he loves her, he does. And looking at her, seeing her hold him tight, I know she really loves him, too.

She looks up at me, and I still don't know what to say. My mind is racing. She breaks the hug, looks at Jamie, and speaks to him in a shaky voice. "I'm not staying. I...I just came to get...to pick something up. I...I need to go..." She stands up and wobbles for a minute, and Jamie's face falls. He doesn't want her to leave. She hurries past me and past Lucas and Millicent who just watch the scene unfold, completely confused and unaware of what happened before they entered the room.

"No, Rachel, don't leave!" Jamie hurries off after her, getting passed Lucas and Millicent and heading out the door. Lucas chases after him and Millicent comes over to me, asking what Rachel was doing here. I take the two items out of the brown bag and show them to Millicent.

One is a photograph of the four of us, Millicent, Jamie, Rachel, and I. One is a drawing Jamie made of him and Rachel. "She came to get these."

I snap out of my momentary state of shock, and bolt out the door, Millicent following behind me. Jamie has already caught up to Rachel and is pulling on her arm begging her to stay, as Lucas and Rachel try to get him to let go, Rachel with tears streaming down her face. "Rachel, wait!" Distracted by my voice, Lucas is able to pull Jamie off of Rachel and into his arms. I want to apologize to her, but I don't know if I should just yet. I don't really know what to say at all. "Explain." It's the only thing I can think of saying.

"Explain what?" She's hysterical now. "Why I am the way I am? Because...I can't answer that. I don't know the answer to that!"

I hate seeing her this broken. I soften my voice. She doesn't need a lecture. She needs a friend. "Why are you like this now? Are you high?" She shakes her head forcefully as she lets out a sob. "Then why are you like this?"

"I haven't had a hit in three days." And then it hits me. She's not high. She's going through withdrawal. "When you threw me out, I thought I lost everything. You and Jamie and Millicent were like a family to me. And I swear, Brooke, I didn't plan that party. I tried to end it, I swear. I love Jamie. So, so much. He makes me want to be a better person. You make me want to be a better person. And when you threw me out, I thought I hit bottom. Because my own family, what felt like my own family, didn't want me because of what I was. Because I...Because I'm an addict. And I went out and I snorted a little too much H. And I don't even know what went on, because I blacked out. And when I woke up I was on the streets. And I was alone. And all I could think about was you and that little boy. How I _need_ you and that little boy. So I stopped. I had to. And now..." She was crying so hard at this point I don't think she could continue. And I couldn't stand to let her be like that anymore. I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

She began to cry harder, I began to cry right along with her. A few seconds went by and her knees begin to give out she's shaking so hard. I glance over at Lucas, who hands Jamie over to Millicent and walks over to help me bring Rachel into the apartment. We lay her on the couch and I wrap her in my fleece blanket. Jamie comes over and gives Rachel a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which makes her cry even harder. "Come on, J-Luke. Let's go get you into bed. Rachel needs her rest." Lucas takes Jamie and leads him into my bedroom to tuck in to bed.

"I want to get better, Brooke. For you. For Jamie. But it hurts. And it's so hard. And I need you." She's sobbing and I brush her hair out of her face as Millicent brings her over a glass of water. "I need you Brooke and I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." And I forgive her. She doesn't need to say another word. I'm no longer mad. I just want to help her.

"I'm here, Rachel. Just get some sleep, okay?" I don't really know what to do. I don't know much about withdrawal and I know even less about drugs. But if Rachel needs me, then I'm here for her. I'll get her through this. I should never have kicked her out to begin with. I knew she had a problem. I should have helped her then.

Rachel closes her eyes and she's sleeping almost instantly. I look over at Millicent who looks just as I feel. "I'll sleep out here with her tonight. Lucas can have the guest room."

"You sure, Millicent? I can stay out here with her." I feel bad leaving her alone during the night. I feel like it's my responsibility to stay with her. To help her.

"I'm sure. You need to be with Jamie." And she's right. I need to be by Jamie's side during the night. I stand up and kiss Rachel's forehead before departing to my bedroom, where Lucas is finishing up tucking in an already sleeping Jamie. I smile at the sight of the two of them. I ask if he's sleeping, even though I already know the answer.

"Yeah. He fell asleep almost instantly. He was exhausted. It was a long day for a four year old." I sit on the edge of my bed and Lucas walks over and sits next to me. "Is Rachel okay?" I sigh.

"She'll be okay. Millicent and I are going to keep an eye on her. I don't know really how long withdrawal lasts, but if we can keep her away from drugs I'll get the old Rachel back. I'll get that crazy girl I love back. And she'll be safe to stay around Jamie. And she's crazy about him." Lucas weakly smiles.

"I hate to say it, and I'm a little surprised, but he really likes it here, Brooke." I cock my head at him in confusion. "He's still struggling, but he loves you. He's crazy about you. And he really cares about Millicent, and from what I just saw, Rachel, too. The past couple of days I've seen him struggle and I've seen how it's hard, but I've also seen that he's happy. And that's why I came. To make sure he was happy."

"What are you saying, Lucas?" Not that I don't mind hearing him say that being here with me makes Jamie happy, it's just weird. Especially coming from Lucas.

"I'm saying I need to go back to Tree Hill." He looks down at his hands away from my gaze. "I can't stay here. I told you that. I want to. I want to stay with Jamie or steal him away from you and take him back with me, but that was never my decision to make. Nathan and Haley made their decision to leave him with you. And I disagreed with it, don't get me wrong. I was mad and I hated it and I thought they were wrong. But you're doing just as good of a job as I could. And it hurts me to say that, it does. Because I was hoping you'd fail. But you didn't. And he's happy." My eyes are filling with tears. His are, too.

"Don't leave." I blurt it out before I can stop myself. He sighs.

"I have to. You and Jamie are adjusting to your new life. It's about time I start, too." I bite my lip and I nod my head. I can't expect him to hide away here with Jamie and me forever. He needs to face what he left behind in Tree Hill. Sometimes I feel like I need to do that, too.

"When?" I don't really want to know the answer, but I have to ask.

"In the morning." A tear escapes from my eyes and I don't know why I'm crying. I've never felt so disconnected but at the same time extremely connected to one person before. We're broken, Lucas and I. We're two broken people. But these past couple of days, when we've been together, it almost felt as though we've been fixed.

"Stay here tonight." I don't know why I say it, but I know I mean it. I want him close tonight. He mumbles something about where else would he go, he doesn't have money for a hotel, but I stop him. "Stay in here with us tonight." I expect him to protest, but he doesn't. He simply nods his head and kicks off his shoes. I do the same, and we both climb into the bed. We close our eyes to fall asleep, Jamie lying in between us. I fall asleep, but it isn't a peaceful one. Lucas' foot brushes up against my leg accidentally and I flinch away. It's an uncomfortable sleeping situation, but I need him here with us tonight...

...And somehow, regardless of how awkward it is, it feels so right.

* * *


	15. My Favorite Toy

_Hello everyone! so i was planning on writing a chapter last night, but i ended up playing with photoshop instead and made a promotional banner for this pic! haha the link is on my profile page, check it out! anyway, since i felt bad spending all my time last night playing with photoshop instead of giving you an update, i made sure i finished this chapter today. enjoy!!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 12: My Favorite Toy

-x-x-x-

_My favorite toy of all time was my light blue basketball. It was awesome. It was my favorite color and it was extra bouncy. My Uncle Skillz got it for me for my birthday when I turned three. My daddy said that it wasn't an official basketball, but I liked it a lot anyway. I have plenty of real basketballs, but I only had one extra bouncy light blue basketball. _

_I don't have it anymore. I was at the park once with my momma and I brought it with me. I was playing on the black top and another little boy came over and asked to play with me. His name was Shaun. We bounced the ball back and forth for two hours. My momma then came over and told me it was time to go. Shaun looked sad and I told him I would be back and we could play again. I told him if he wants, next time he can bring his ball and we can practice dribbling together. He then got even sadder and told me that he doesn't have any basketballs. His momma just got fired from her job, and he doesn't have a daddy, so he didn't have a lot of money. _

_I gave him my extra bouncy light blue basketball to keep. _

-x-x-x-

He's packing. We've barely been awake for a half hour and he's packing.

I want to convince him to stay, but I just can't. He's right. He needs to start adjusting to his life, too. It wouldn't be fair for me to keep him here away from the rest of his life. His job, his friends, his family. Just like I couldn't up and move to Tree Hill, he can't up and move here. But, God, things were so much easier with him here.

How about you help me out, Hales? Send me a hurricane or a tornado or some type of natural disaster that would stop trains from running. Just give me a few more days with him. Please?

I look out the window for a moment waiting for it to start monsooning. It doesn't.

Jamie is in the bedroom with Lucas helping him pack. I think he's mostly unpacking everything that Lucas packs, trying to convince him to stay. It breaks my heart, it really does. Jamie loves Lucas. He's really going to miss him. I think I'm really going to miss him, too.

"What are you thinking about, Brooke?" Millicent is sitting across from me at the kitchen table. I haven't said a word since leaving the bedroom to make myself a bowl of cereal. I look over towards Rachel, who is still sleeping on the couch. I get back Rachel, I lose Lucas. Nothing is stable in my life.

Nothing except for Jamie.

I ignore Millicent's question and ask if she'll stay with Rachel when Jamie and I take Lucas to his train. She agrees and I get up from the table and head into the bedroom. "Need any help?"

Lucas looks up from me as he zips up his bag. "No, I'm just about done." Jamie pouts and Lucas picks him up onto his shoulders. He grabs his big bag and I take his smaller one. He walks out the door and I follow him. He says goodbye to Millicent and glances over at Rachel as we make our way out of the building to my car.

We drove in silence, save for Jamie's many attempts to convince his Uncle Lucas not to leave. It broke my heart, but I think it broke Lucas' more.

We get to Penn Station and Jamie convinces me to find a place to park so we can walk Lucas right to his train. I didn't really want to find a place to park, parking is a bitch. But for Jamie, I'd do anything. So we find a parking garage and I spend way too much money for them to park my car as we walk off towards the train.

We got to the platform where the train was already arrived, and Lucas seems to hesitate for a moment. He looks down towards Jamie and gives him a hug. "I'll miss you, J-Luke." Jamie responds by asking him again not to go. "I have to. But don't worry. I'll call every day. And you can call me, too. And I'll visit, I promise." I hope that Lucas will keep all those promises. He stands back up and looks me in the eyes. "You can call, too, Brooke. If you ever need anything."

"Same goes for you, Lucas." The conductor yells at Lucas to get on board. He hesitates again, and looks back at me. "Look, Luke I--" I don't know where I'm going with that sentence, but he interrupts me before I have to worry about finishing it.

"You're doing great, Brooke." He smiles at me and I smile weakly back. "Nathan and Haley would be proud. I'm proud, too." I look away from him, ashamed. I'm not proud.

"How can you even say that after everything you've seen since you've been here. I had a mental breakdown. I lost Jamie after freaking out on him. I let a drug addict in the house. How can you even say that I'm doing great?" My eyes burn with the tears that are threatening to fall. I look vulnerable, which is something I hate, but somehow it doesn't matter in front of Lucas.

"Because you love Jamie. So does Millicent and Rachel. And I've seen the way you are with him. He comes first in your life, Brooke, and that's all that matters. You'll do anything to keep him safe. You've had a few set backs, but you've come out on top. He's not lost, he's right here and he's happy. And Rachel is getting better and Millicent is there to help out. You don't need me."

"But I _do_ need you, Lucas." Why can't he see that?

"You underestimate yourself, Brooke Davis. Haley was an amazing woman. She was my best friend and I trusted her judgment more than I trusted my own. And if her judgment told her to leave Jamie with you, then I know it was the right choice. You have to start believing that, too." The tears that were threatening to fall and now pouring down my cheeks. "Come here." He pulls me into a hug and I flinch for a moment, but then give in to it. It's actually nice.

"The city will be here anytime you wanna visit, Luke. And it better be often." I tell him as we break our hug and I wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"Tree Hill will be there when you're ready to visit, too." The conductor yells at Lucas again, and he still hesitates. He bends down to look at Jamie again and the two of them hug. They break the hug and Lucas gets on the train. He looks back at us before the doors shut and the train begins to move. I whisper goodbye as Jamie and I watch it leave. After it's no longer in sight, we're still standing there.

"Come on buddy. Let's go home." Jamie doesn't say anything, but I can see the sadness in his eyes. He nods his head and we begin to walk through Penn Station. "You hungry?" He shrugs. "Let's get something to eat. Your pick." He shrugs again, so I take him to Houlihan's.

He's quiet as we eat, and I know it's because he already misses Lucas. But I accidentally knock over my coke, and he finds it hilarious, and after his giggling fit ends, he's in a better mood. "Can I have the rest of your french fries Aunt Brooke?" I push my plate over to him so he can finish them off.

We finish eating, I pay the check, and we start to make our way towards my car. As we're walking through Penn Station, Jamie suddenly stops walking. I look over at him and try to see what he stopped to look at. I follow his gaze and see a dirty kid playing a guitar and singing for money. Jamie starts walking towards him. I call after him, but he doesn't stop walking, so I follow him.

Jamie listens as the boy plays his guitar, and even though I try to get him to leave, Jamie wants to stay put. I look over at the boy who smirks at me while he sings. He reminds me of a young Chris Keller, and that's not a good thing. The boy finishes playing his song and Jamie claps. "You're really good. My momma used to play the guitar for me." The Chris Keller kid smiles at Jamie and looks over towards me.

"Don't play for the kid anymore, momma?" He's got a seductive look in his horny little teenage eyes and I make a face at him. I open my mouth to make a smart ass reply, but Jamie speaks first.

"She's not my momma she's my aunt. My momma's in heaven." The seductive look in the Chris Keller kid's eyes fades away and is replaced by one of guilt. He mumbles a sorry and begins to fiddle with his guitar. "I'm James Lucas Scott. What's your name?" Oh come on, Jamie. Do you really have to be friendly to everyone you meet? I don't want to stand here and talk to this dirty street kid.

"Emmit David Thomas Clarke O'Malley." That's one hell of a name. The Chris Keller kid replies and holds out a hand for Jamie to shake. I don't really want Jamie touching this kid. He's really dirty. I bet he hasn't showered in a really, really long time. "Davey O'Malley for short." He looks over at me. "And I'd recognize Miss Brooke Davis anywhere. I steal your magazines off of shelves just to look at you." Great. He's dirty and a perv.

I roll my eyes at him and take Jamie by the hand. "Come on, Jamie. Let's go." I turn to walk away, but Davey calls after us.

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry I offended you. Can't you just...spare a few dollars? I know you can afford to give me enough cash for a Big Mac." So he is poor. That explains the not showering thing. "Please? I've been playing this damn guitar all day and I've only made like thirty-seven cents and a condom wrapper."

I turn around and smirk at him. "Get a job." I'm not being totally mean. I'm one of those people who always give dollars to homeless people because I have way too big of a heart. I'm just messing with him.

"Yeah. No one seems to want to hire a sixteen year old with no home or school degree or anything." My smirk fades and I stare at him. He becomes embarrassed by my look of surprise at his little statement, and he looks away from me and begins playing his guitar again. Jamie cocks his head in confusion.

"You don't have a home?" Sometimes it amazes me how little children know about the negatives of this world. Davey shakes his head no. "Why not?" I try to get Jamie to leave the boy alone, because I doubt he wants to tell his life story to a four year old, but before I do, Davey begins to answer him.

"Well, kid. When I was five my dad died. My mom fell into this state of depression and packed everything in our house up, including me, and moved us from our home in Georgia to the city. She didn't want to deal with anyone back home, she just wanted to sit and sulk in her own depression and booze. One day, she off-ed herself, and I was alone. I tried to go back to Georgia, but there was no life there for me anymore. So, following my mom's lead, I began to sit and sulk in _my_ own depression and booze. I dropped out of school, began living on the streets begging for money for said booze, and everything just went downhill. I left the city for a while, stole a car, and just drove. I ended up in some hick town, got a job as a pizza delivery boy, and everything was going alright for a while. Of course, I still lived on alcohol, and one night I lived off of the alcohol while I was working. I got into a car accident and saw my whole pathetic life flash before my eyes. I took off and drove back here. The city never felt like home, it never compared to Georgia, but I just couldn't go back. And I couldn't go anywhere else. So I bought a guitar with the money I made from my delivery job, and threw away the booze. I sit and sulk with music now. That's why I don't have a home." Wow. That's one hell of a story. He shook his head and put a smirk back on his face. "So can I have a few dollars?"

"Why don't you come back to the apartment. I'll have my roommate cook you up a nice meal. And you can take a shower. You kind of stink." I don't know why I was inviting this dirty street kid back to my place. Maybe it was because I felt bad. Maybe it was because his story scared me. This kid's life was ruined the moment his parents died. What did that mean for Jamie?

Seriously, this kid smells so bad. I have all the window's rolled down in my car on the drive back to the apartment. I have to practically hold my breath. We walk into the main lobby of my apartment building and the doorman shoots me a questioning look when he sees Davey. I smile back, and we head to the elevator.

We open the door to my apartment and walk in, with Davey walking passed me and into the house. "Now this is one hell of an apartment." Millicent, who is reading a magazine at the kitchen table, looks up at Davey with confusion. Rachel, who is lying on the couch looking like a mess, shares the same look as Millicent. He plops himself down on the couch next to Rachel, who looks less than pleased. "Hey, I'm Davey." He holds his hand out for Rachel to shake.

"You smell like ass." Rachel doesn't take his hand to shake, she just looks on at him in disgust.

"You look like ass." Davey offers back. Rachel glares up at me and I just shrug.

"I'm a recovering drug addict." She defends the way she looks.

"I'm a recovering alcoholic." He defends back. I shake my head at it all. It's like I'm running my own homeless shelter. Dear God, if only my mother were here to see all of this. I can only imagine what she'd have to say. Jamie runs over to Rachel, who picks him up and sits him on her lap.

"How are you feeling, Aunt Rachel?" He asks as he gives her a hug. She mumbles that she's been better, and he nods her head in agreement. "I've been better, too." She laughs.

The fact that the dirty street kid is sitting on my nice clean couch is bothering me, so I point out the shower and tell him to go clean up. He gets up and makes his way towards the bathroom, leaving Millicent and Rachel staring at me for answers. "We met him at the train station." Jamie tells them.

"I'd mention how it's not really normal to bring dirty street kids into your house, but hey, who am I to talk?" Rachel jokes, but I don't laugh. I don't find her current situation funny. I ask Jamie if he will go play in the guest room so I can talk to Rachel alone. Millicent asks if she should leave, too, but I tell her she can stay.

"We really didn't get to talk much yesterday about your situation here." Rachel nods her head, obviously ashamed at herself. I take a seat next to her and wrap an arm around her. "No drugs. None whatsoever. And I have the right to check you if I have even the slightest suspicion. And you will help Millicent and I around the house. And until I'm positive you are clean, you are not to be alone with Jamie."

"I would never hurt Jamie, Brooke." Her eyes are filling up with tears. I believe her, I do. Just after the whole party incident, can you blame me for being a little apprehensive?

"Thank you. Both of you." Rachel smiles in Millicent's direction, and it's nice to see them getting along. "Lucas leave?" I look away from her and nod my head. "Care to explain when he got here in the first place?" I start to tell Rachel everything she missed while she was gone. She listens to me with wide eyes. "I can't believe you let him leave." She says when I finish. I look over at Millicent for support.

"Sorry Brooke, but I'm with Rachel." I sigh and dismiss the conversation. They wouldn't understand anyway. "Um, I know this is your apartment and everything. But I was just wondering, you know, about--"

"About the smelly kid." Rachel finishes Millicent's sentence for her. I shake my head with a small chuckle.

"I just wanted to give him something to eat and a shower. I felt bad for him." Rachel says something about feeling bad for every homeless person in the city, but that it's no reason to invite them all over the house. "It's not that. It's just...he reminds me of Jamie."

"Brooke. He is _nothing_ like Jamie." Rachel says exasperatedly.

"No but he is. His dad died when he was little. And then his mom moved him to the city. And then she died. And his life spiraled out of control." Just like Jamie's parents died. And just like I moved him to the city. "He said the city was never home, but he could never go back to where he came from. What if something happens and that smelly kid is Jamie's future?"

"Brooke, that kid didn't have anyone. Jamie has you and me and Rachel. And he has everyone back in Tree Hill." Millicent tries to reason with me.

"But what if he never sees this as home?" Then what? What if he always has that empty feeling I've had the past four years? What do I do then?

"Do you see this as home?" It was Rachel who asked the question I've been asking myself all along. I shrug. But it doesn't matter, anyway, even if I don't see this as home. This is my home, whether it feels like it or not. My company is here. Rachel and Millicent are here. My apartment is here. My life is here. So it should feel like home, shouldn't it?

"Thanks for the shower, B. Davis." Davey walks out of the bathroom interrupting my thoughts. His shirt is off and draped around his shoulders. His hair is wet, and his jeans are the only thing he's wearing at the moment, but he heads towards the door anyway. "Now maybe people will actually come close enough to me while I play to give me money." He heads towards the door but I stop him.

"Davey, wait. Here." I hand him a twenty dollar bill. "For food. And soap. Not booze." He smiles at me appreciatively. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Davis, you just gave me twenty-dollars. You can do whatever you want as far as I'm concerned." I laugh before getting serious again.

"Do you think it would have been different? If your mom didn't move you two to the city?" He hesitates for a moment, really thinking about the question I asked. He takes a deep breath.

"Yeah. I think it would have been. But I try not to dwell on that too much, because she did move us. I can't take any of that back." He smiles again before opening the door to leave.

I sit back down next to Rachel and she rests her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, Brooke." I look at her curiously and ask her what for. "For helping me. For making my life better. Without you, my life would be more pathetic than that kid's." I should feel touched by her statement, but I only feel guilty, and I can't explain it.

But Davey's got a point. There really is no use dwelling on what could have been. Only on what was. But there was also a big difference between Davey and me. He couldn't take any of it back...

...I still can.

* * *


	16. My First Vacation

_Hi! i know a lot of you are probably thinking Davey is a random character, but he's not. it'll just take some time before you'll realize it. one of you already did, although i'm not even telling that person cause it's a secret . this is a rather short chapter, but i accomplished what i sought out to, and didn't want to write too much more ahead of it. so thanks for the reviews! enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 16: My First Vacation

-x-x-x-

_Once me, momma, daddy, Uncle Lucas, Aunt Karen, Andy, and Lilly all went sailing on Andy's boat. We sailed the ocean for two days and then finally docked at a really cool island. The water was so blue and the sand was really soft and really hot. It was so hot that Lilly and I had to run from the cabana to the water to cool our feet off!_

_It was a lot of fun and I got really tan. I loved being on vacation and while we were there I didn't want to leave and go home. But when it was time to leave, I didn't really mind. It was nice to be able to go home. I missed it. _

-x-x-x-

It's time to face the music and go to work and see this mess I've made.

I've been avoiding it, my company. I'm afraid, I'll admit it. Not out loud, but in my head, I'll admit it. How am I going to do this without my mother? Sure, she's a manipulative bitch, but she's the bitch who's been running this company since day one. And without her, without my CEO, I don't know that any of this is going to be possible.

Crap. Did I make a huge mistake?

"Just leave Jamie here with me." I roll my eyes at Rachel. Fat chance. "I'm serious. It's not like I'm going anywhere. I feel like shit. If I move I get dizzy. Or I puke. So what on earth can I possibly do?" I roll my eyes again.

"After the last time I decided to leave Jamie with you turned to hell, you really think I'm going to do it again? Especially when you are lying on the couch the mess that you are? Besides, I can't very well leave you alone here, either." It's true. I can't. I didn't get around to fully searching the apartment for drugs that she may have hid before all of this. I can't have her resorting back. Not after this progress we have made. "Millicent will stay here today. I can handle the company alone."

"You sure about this, Brooke? There's going to be a ton of things to do when you get to the office." Millicent's concerned, I can tell. "I just think you're going to need all the help you can get."

"I can't leave Jamie with Rachel and I can't leave Rachel alone." Rachel lets out a grunt. She hates having us babysit her all the time, but I don't care. She's going to pull through this, and I'm going to do everything I have to in order to help her. "I'll be fine. I need to make some major decisions and it's probably best if I can sit and really think and work in my office alone anyway."

"You're worried about it, aren't you?" I look over at Rachel, who's suddenly speaking very seriously. "Your company. You're worried about it?" I simply nod my head. I'm really worried about it. It was already in jeopardy and then I go and fire the damn CEO. Crap, why does my mother always have to win, even when she loses?

"I have a lot of important decisions to make." Millicent and Rachel exchange glances and I cock my head at them confused. "What?" They exchange glances again. "Stop doing that."

"Just...don't take Victoria back." Millicent speaks quietly. I stare at her for a moment. She does to speak again, but Rachel cuts her off.

"You don't need that bitch. She's horrible and everyone hates her. You don't need her, and it's a good thing you fired her. Don't even think of making one of your 'important decisions' be 'rehire Bitch-toria.'" I bite my lip. I don't want to rehire Victoria, I don't. She's horrible to everyone who works for me, she's horrible to Jamie, and she's horrible to me. I'm just scared I can't do this without her. "Brooke, promise us you won't take her back." They both look at me, waiting for me to make that promise.

"I promise I'll only do what's best for my company and those who work for me." They exchange glances again. They obviously aren't convinced by my answer.

Jamie comes running out of the guest room with a picture he drew for Rachel and handed it to her. She smiles, and it's times like this that I am honestly grateful she is back. She and Jamie are adorable with each other. And he is really good for her. "Hey buddy, I have to go get to work, but you are going to stay here with Millie and babysit Rachel, okay?" He laughs at the thought of having to babysit Rachel and he runs over and gives me a hug.

"Don't be gone too long, okay?" He looks up at me with his big blue Nathan eyes. I tell him I'll be home for dinner. "Promise?" He holds out his pinky. I lock my pinky with his. I tell him I promise.

I make my way out of the apartment building, and I immediately here the strumming of a guitar as I walk through the main lobby. I exit the doors, and spot Davey leaned up against the wall of the building playing his guitar in typical Chris Keller fashion. "Stalking me now?"

"Davis!" He smirks at me. "I figure if more people like you live in this fine building I may make a decent amount of cash. Or maybe I'd run into you again and you'd hand me another twenty." I roll my eyes at him. He's seriously like a more tolerable Chris Keller. "Come on, Davis, show some love." Maybe not that much more tolerable.

"Get a job, Davey." I call out behind me as I walk away and head towards the garage to get my car. It's things like these that my mother would flip out about. "Brooke! Don't talk to homeless people! Someone might take a picture and associate you with them!" As if it's a huge deal to be charitable. Then again, to my mother, it is a huge deal. It's our money, and it's not to be shared.

She's the only mother I ever met who told her child (me) not to share her toys.

I walk into my office building and a million of my employees come running over and me talking all at once. They've all been dying to talk to me, and I feel bad I haven't been around, but I cannot deal with them all at once. I do my best to listen to most of them and give my help where it's needed, but I mostly keep walking towards my office, shutting my door and letting out a deep breath when I finally get there.

I sit down and start to go through all the paper work that is piling up on my desk. The company just isn't what it once was. It's still doing good, don't get me wrong. My clothes are still selling and I'm still making money. It's just the fame aspect isn't what it used to be. I could care less about going to red carpet events. I could care less about my stupid magazine. I could care less about the glamour side of this.

I thought I wanted a huge successful company, but now I'm not so sure. I love designing and selling my own clothes, I do. But this life, this glamour and fame, isn't what it once was for me. Maybe it's time I considered fixing that.

I need a second opinion.

I pick up the phone and dial. After three rings, Peyton answers. "B. Davis! You've had me worried sick!" I'm confused, and I ask her what the heck she is talking about. "Your little hospital visit? It was all over the news. Did you really have a nervous breakdown? Please tell me it's just tabloid talk and you are fine."

"Relax, Peyt. I'm fine. I had an anxiety attack, but I'm fine." She goes on a rant about how I should have the decency to call my best friend back when something like that happens. I tell her I'm sorry. I should have called her back. There was just a lot going on. She then asks about Lucas.

"The news also had some pictures, you know. Lucas was in some. He's there with you? In the city?" I try to read her voice to hear any signs of jealousy, but there is none. It had been three years since she and Lucas broke up after all. And it's not like he and I have anything remotely close to a romantic relationship. Not that it matters that we don't. I mean, I haven't thought of him like that in years.

"He was in the city. He came to see Jamie. He left yesterday." I tell her, leaving out the details of our angry bitter sex or our sleepover the other night or anything that could remotely hint at how I'm feeling about him. Not that I'm feeling anything.

"You sound sad, Brooke." Having a relationship with your best friend on the phone for four years does that. I can read every sound in her voice, and she can do the same with me. "You didn't want him to leave, did you?"

"It was easier with him here. We're both so lost and it was nice feeling connected to him. Feeling like I wasn't alone. And Jamie loved having him here, and that little boy means everything to me." I sigh. "But I know he had to leave. He has a life to get back to." I can't keep him here. He needs to go back to Karen and Deb and Lilly and Skillz and Mouth and everyone. He needs to go back home to his life.

"You're jealous." What? I practically spit out the coffee I'm drinking. I ask her what the hell she is talking about. "Don't freak out, Brooke. I am, too. I miss Tree Hill all the time. It's just I have everything here, you know? I'm starting to actually work my way up in this music label business, and I can't leave now. But if I could, God, I don't think I'd hesitate for a second."

"That's fine, Peyton, but what does that have to do with me?" She's the one who's jealous of Lucas, not me.

"Because Lucas lived your life for a few days and he got to leave! He got to go back to Tree Hill--"

"Shut up, Peyton. You don't know the half of it. You aren't around. I haven't seen you in four years. I love my life here. I love my company. I love Jamie. I love Millicent and Rachel. I've started over just like you have. There's nothing left in Tree Hill for me." I cut her off before she can say anything else. It's not because she's dead wrong. It's that I think she's right and that scares me.

"There's nothing left in Tree Hill for you? Do you honestly believe that?" Yes. I do. "Because I think there's plenty in Tree Hill for you. And even moreso for Jamie." I let out a huff. I ask her like what. "I don't know, Brooke. I don't. But neither will you unless you go see for yourself."

"Why are you so for me leaving New York? Why do you want me to go to Tree Hill so badly?" I'm snapping at her. I don't know why she's making me this agitated, but she is. And she knows better than anyone that when I'm agitated, I'm not going to hold back and pretend to be happy. I'm going to snap. So she's asking for it.

"Because you haven't been happy. And it really has nothing to do with Nathan and Haley. You've been unhappy long before they died." I don't know how to respond. Is she right? "You know I'm right, Brooke."

"I...I can't..." Think Brooke. Think of a good response. "My life is here, Peyton. Just like yours is in L.A. Tree Hill isn't home anymore."

"Some days it feels like it always will be home. No matter how much of a life I make for myself here." I hear her sigh into the phone. We're both quiet for a moment. "Wait, why did you call? Did you need something?"

"I had a question for you about my company. I needed a second opinion on something. But you've already answered it for me." She mutters a confused sounding okay, and I tell her I have to go. She tells me she loves me and I say I love her back. We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone.

I look down at the papers on my desk and my eyes slowly drift over to my picture frames. The one of Lilly that Karen had sent. God, that little girl is growing up so fast. The one of Rachel and I at our first Clothes Over Bros fashion show. It was all so fresh and amazing then. The one of Jamie from his school back in Tree Hill. He's grown up so much since then.

And finally, the one of Peyton, Haley, and I.

What should I do, Hales?

I take a deep breath and pick up the phone. It's time to make some serious executive decisions.

Many hours, tears, and head throbs later, I make my way back to the apartment. I pass Davey on my way in, "Davis! How's about some dinner?", but I'm too caught up in my thoughts to respond or even acknowledge him.

I walk into my apartment and Jamie comes running at me and jumps into my arms. "Aunt Brooke! You almost missed dinner!" I smile at him and tell him that I would never break a promise to him. He takes my hand and leads me over to the table where Millicent is already serving the spaghetti she made.

"Where's Rachel?" I ask as we sit down to eat. Almost immediately after the question comes out of my mouth, the shower turns on. "Shower I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, she was feeling a lot better, so she decided to attempt to wash up a bit. I think it'll make her feel even better once she's clean." Millicent told me. "I walked with her into the bathroom to make sure she wasn't trying to do anything, don't worry. She's doing really great." I smile.

"Yeah. My Rachel is really strong." She is. And I have a lot of faith in her. "Listen, I made a lot of changes to the company today that I need to talk to you about." Millicent almost chokes on her food. She looks really nervous.

"Aunt Brooke? Can we watch a movie tonight? Rachel said I could stay up late with her." I look down towards Jamie, who has spaghetti sauce all over his face. I take a napkin to him to wipe his mouth.

"She did, did she? Well, I'll think about it. Growing boys need their sleep, you know." I play around with him. Of course I'm going to let him stay up to watch a movie with Rachel. I have to at least pretend to be a responsible adult, though. He smiles at me and takes another mouthful of pasta.

"Brooke..." Millicent tries to get my attention back to the company. She's nervous and she wants to know what's up. I'm nervous, too. "You hired Victoria back, didn't you?" It's my turn to choke on my spaghetti.

"No! God, Millie, I wouldn't do that to you! Or to me!" I take a second to stop choking and take a sip of my water. "No, I didn't hire Victoria back. She's gone. For good. She will never work for me again." I don't even know if I ever want to face my mother again. That will not be a good reunion.

"Then what's going on, Brooke? You seem...weird. I don't know how to explain it. You're really calm and quiet and...what's going on?" I put my fork down and take a deep breath.

"I put an end to the magazine. I closed on a lot of contracts. I downsized a lot of orders." She looks at me like I have five heads. "No more red carpet events. No more fashion shows."

"Brooke...what...what are you doing? Are you..."

"Crazy? No. Well, maybe." I attempt at a joke, but she doesn't seem to think it's funny. She thinks I've lost my mind. I haven't. I'm finally thinking clearly. "I've completely downsized the company. Sure, the designs and the business will all be dealt with here in the City, and I still have some contracts with major distributors so my clothes are still in stores, but I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago." I look over at Jamie who is finishing up with his dinner. "Jamie, baby, why don't you go in the bathroom and wash your face." He finishes his last bite, and heads to the bathroom.

"Brooke..." Millicent tries to form a sentence after Jamie is out of the room. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to open a small boutique and sell my clothes for the most part there. I don't need all this money anymore. I have plenty. And as far as the fame? I just don't care about that anymore. There's more to life than glamour and fame." She looks at me like I'm crazy, but at the same time as if I am a genius.

"Your company is going to be much smaller then?" I smile and tell her that I am going to try and find a job for everyone at my company who I won't need anymore. I wouldn't throw people out on the streets. "And me?"

"You, Millicent, will and always be my number one, my first mate." She smiles and asks me if I've looked into store locations for my new boutique. I bite my lip. "Yeah, I have. And I think I've found a good place."

"Where?"

I give her a weak smile and bite my lip again. "Tree Hill, North Carolina."

Her eyes grow wide and I have to look away from her. It's been a long day. And after everything that's happened. After Lucas, and Rachel. After Davey and my conversation with Peyton. I know I've finally made a decision...

...I'm going to go home.

* * *


	17. My House

_Your reviews are great, and just as you are all, i'm so excited to be taking this story to tree hill. there's just so much to write, so many things to deal with, i feel like going back to tree hill is going to really get this story moving. i have 16 chapters, but this story has just begun. _

_as far as davey is concerned, i know you are all curious about him, but he won't be back for a while. he's not a huge focus in the story, and he's not part of our cast that we know and love, so that storyline is yet to come. thanks again for all the reviews, i appreciate it whole heartedly. and those of you who don't review and who lurk now and then or have me on alert, thank you as well. just knowing people are reading my work makes it all worth it. This is a short chapter, and it's kinda filler, because i just really needed to get them into tree hill before anything can take place. brace yourselves for much to come, though!!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 17: My House

-x-x-x-

_My house is big! My daddy bought it for us after he made lots of money from playing basketball. I love it. We have a pool and I have my own big room and everything. _

_In the doorway of the living room there are a bunch of lines that my momma drew to see how much I grow every year. There's a basketball court out back that me and my daddy play on. I can't reach the net, but my daddy bought me a smaller net for me to practice on. There's a piano in the living room that my momma plays sometimes. _

_I love my house and everything in it. I wouldn't like ever living in another one. _

-x-x-x-

Millicent is speechless. I wish she would say something. Say something, damnit!

She opens her mouth to speak, thank God, but before anything comes out of her mouth, Rachel walks into the room. Great timing, Rach. "What's going on, bitches?" She's obviously feeling better. Neither Millicent or I answer her. She takes a seat next to me at the table. She ran her hand through her wet hair, causing the water to flick off and get me wet. "What's going on? Something wrong? Where's Jamie?"

I have to smile at her question. Rachel isn't a very serious person. It's nice to know she cares about Jamie so much that she'll automatically make sure he's okay when she thinks something is wrong. "Jamie's in the bathroom, he's fine. I, uh. I made some big changes with the company." Rachel immediately looks over at Millicent.

"Good or bad changes?"

Huh. I'm not sure. "Good I hope." Rachel looks over at Millicent and then back at me. She asks me to explain. "I'm moving the company to Tree Hill." And for the first time in like...ever, Rachel is speechless. We sit in awkward silence for what seems like forever, but I'm sure is only a few seconds. "Someone please say something."

"Tree Hill as in...our Tree Hill?" Well, gee, Rachel. That's a stupid question. I nod my head in response. "So you're going to move to Tree Hill?" I nod my head again. "And open a store?" And I nod again. "In Tree Hill?"

"Rachel, yes for Christssake." If she asks me one more way if I am opening a store in Tree Hill I'm going to shoot her. "What are you two thinking? Oh, God, am I making a huge mistake? Oh, God should I go undo everything I did?" They're making me nervous. Like, really really nervous.

"No, Brooke. It's not that at all." Rachel again. Millicent has yet to speak. "I...I think it'll be great for you. Even better for Jamie. I think you are making a very smart decision. Which is saying a lot, because God knows you don't make smart decisions often." She can never just give a compliment without throwing some sort of insult joke in there. "I just..." What, Rachel? You just what?

Jamie comes running into the room and all thoughts are lost for a moment. He runs and jumps into Rachel's lap. "Can we still watch a movie?" Rachel tells Jamie that they would of course watch a movie, and tells him to go pick one out. "Aunt Brooke and Millie, you guys are gonna watch, too, right?" We tell him of course, and he runs to go pick out a movie from my pile of movies.

I hope he's in the mood for a chick flick, because I don't have much else.

The three of us are alone at the kitchen table again and I'm waiting for someone to speak. Preferably Rachel, from where she left off. I look at her, waiting for her to continue. "What's wrong, Rachel?"

"I don't want to say anything. Because I know this is best for Jamie, and he...I've never cared about anyone as much as I care about that kid." I tell her I know this, but I need to know what she's thinking regardless. "What's going to happen to me? I mean...I need you, Brooke. And I know Jamie needs you more, and I know that you are doing what's best for him, so I really can't blame you at all for leaving. But what am I supposed to do when you go?"

My jaw drops and I stare at her for a moment. "Rachel, you stupid slut. You think I'm going to leave you here? After I've seen you make all this progress?" She looks at me confused and I can't help but laugh at her. "I'm taking you with me. No ifs ands or buts." She smiles, and I pull her close to me for a hug. I'm never leaving her behind. Ever.

Millicent looks down and starts playing with her hands. "I'd like you to come, too, Millicent. I couldn't run a store without the worlds greatest assistant. That is, if you'll take the job. Of course, if you don't want to up and move to Tree Hill I completely understand and there is still a job for you here." She smiles at me.

"I'd love to come with you, Brooke." I couldn't leave Millicent behind, either. These girls are everything to me. My girls and my Jamie. My family. I smile and look over at Jamie, who is still looking through my DVDs.

"Hey, Jamie?" He looks up at me, with those big blue Nathan eyes. "What do you say we go home?"

"We are home, Aunt Brooke."

I smile at him. "No, Jamie. Tree Hill is home." The smile on his face makes everything worth it.

I've never seen four people pack as quickly as we did. Before I could even discuss when we were actually going to leave, Jamie got up and ran to the bedroom to pack all his things. The rest of us followed suit. The next morning, we're ready to go.

We make our way out of the apartment building, and I make a mental note that to put an ad in the paper to rent out or sell my apartment eventually. After I make sure I'm going to stay in Tree Hill. "Davis! Isn't it a little early for a family outing?" Davey greets us as we exit the building.

"We aren't going on an outing. We're going back to my old home!" Jamie is so excited, and I feel horrible for making him leave Tree Hill in the first place. It has been quite an experience here in the city. I hope he leaves here with more than the shitty memories we've gained. "We're going back to Tree Hill!"

Davey pauses at Jamie's exclamation. "Tree Hill?" He barely stutters out. I laugh and hand him a twenty.

"Don't worry, Davey. You'll find a new victim who's willing to dish out as much money as I am." I wink at him, and he's left speechless as we walk away. I feel bad, but at the same time I don't. He can't live off of me forever. That kid needs to start getting his own life back on track, as well.

Nine hours later we are all packed up and driving in my light blue Beetle. No, we don't fit very well. Yes, I my palms are sweaty I'm so nervous. Yes, I have considered turning around numerous times. No, I have no idea where we are going to stay once we get there.

Let's just say I didn't exactly think this through.

"My head is throbbing." I look over at Rachel who is in the front passenger seat. She doesn't look to good. I ask her if she's okay. "No, didn't you just hear me? My head is throbbing!" She's a bit irritable as well.

"Don't worry, Aunt Rachel. We will be there soon." Rachel automatically calms down at the sound of Jamie's voice. "Right, Aunt Brooke?" I tell him that he's right, we'll be there within the hour.

"Where are we staying, Brooke? You have a house here?" Millicent yawns as she asks the question. I was waiting for someone to ask me that question. I make a face and shrug my shoulders and Rachel lets out a groan. "You mean we don't even have a place to stay?" I tell her to relax. We'll figure it out.

"Brooke, figure it out how? There aren't even any motels in Tree Hill. Stupid small southern town." Rachel is literally pouting. She suddenly perks up and looks at me with a mischievous grin. I don't like that grin on her face. "Nathan and Haley had a house." I shoot her a look and then look back at Jamie, who is contently looking out his window.

"What's your point, Rachel?"

"Oh come on, Brooke. It's not like they are using the house anymore." If I weren't driving, I'd tackle her. "I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, but it's true!" I mutter under my breath for her to shut up. She doesn't take the hint. "Brooke, seriously. I can't deal with sleeping in the car. I feel like shit. I just want a nice warm bed. And from what I remember, the Naley's had a pretty diesel sized house. I don't see the harm in us crashing in it. Especially since we have their kid!"

"Stop being ridiculous, Rachel. What makes you think that Deb or someone hasn't already sold the house? Or that we even have a way in, I'm sure it's locked!" She's being irrational. I look over at Millicent for support. She gives me a weak half smile. She agrees with Rachel. I don't believe this!

"We don't have a place to stay!" Rachel argues with me. She's making me angry.

"We don't have a key to the house!" I argue back.

"There's an emergency key under the flower pot on the front porch." We all turn to look at Jamie, unaware that he was even listening. "Momma said to only use it for emergencies and not to tell anyone about it unless it was someone who was family. You are family, Aunt Brooke. So I can tell you." Rachel smirks at me.

"Case closed." I want to punch her in the face. I'm still not convinced.

Truth be told, I don't want to go near that house.

"We'll call up Deb or Karen or someone and ask to spend the night with them. We can find a more permanent place to stay in the morning." Why is it that I'm being the only logical one at the moment?

"Oh, no! I want to go to my room, Aunt Brooke! I want to sleep in my bed! Please can't we go to my house? Please?" His voice has a sound of desperation in it that shouldn't be heard in a child's voice. Thanks a lot, Rachel, for bringing up that house in front of him. "Please, Aunt Brooke?" God. I can't say no to him.

I surrender. It's three to one, so I drive to Nathan and Haley's, hoping that either a) the house has been sold or b) the key is gone, or Jamie's memory is wrong. We pull into the driveway, and to my dismay, the house doesn't appear to be sold. We get out of the car and we each take as many bags as we can carry. Jamie runs to the front porch and, just like he said, the key is under the flower pot.

Damn you Haley. Damn you.

We walk into the house and I drop all of the bags I'm carrying. This is too much for me. "It's so quiet." Jamie walks through the house and he honestly seems happy to be there. "Jamie, why don't you go get into bed. It's late. I'll tuck you in." We shouldn't be here. It has to be wrong on so many levels to be in this house right now.

Jamie runs off to his room with a happy little squeal. "What about the rest of us? How many bedrooms does this place have?" Rachel wants to get to bed. I can tell just from looking at her. She's had a good day, but she's still not over the whole withdrawal thing yet.

"I think there's the master, Jamie's room, and a guest room." If memory serves me correctly, that should be right. Rachel decides that she and I will share the master bedroom, and Millicent can have the guest room. No one argues, and before I can even formulate a thought, Rachel is off towards the bedroom to get into bed. I look over at Millicent.

"You okay, Brooke? Being here, I mean?" I smile at her. She's sweet. I lie and tell her I'm fine. She smiles back at me and heads off towards the guest room.

I'm alone in the living room for a moment. I look around at the pictures Haley has all over the room. Their family portrait. Their wedding picture. A picture of Jamie as a baby. A picture of Haley and Jamie. Nathan and Jamie. Nathan and Haley.

Oh God, I can't breathe in this room.

I leave and go head towards Jamie's room. He's all tucked in his bed and he looks at me with a smile on his face. "I missed my bed." I laugh, and head over to him and tuck him in. I give him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Aunt Brooke." I tell him I love him, too. He closes his eyes, and almost immediately after, his breathing changes, and I can tell he is sleeping.

I head over to the door and turn out the light. I look at Jamie, who looks like a little angel sleeping there, and then I look around his room. He has more toys than any other kid I know, not that I know many kids, and he has a picture of Nathan and Haley on his nightstand. Next to it is a picture of him and Lucas. And next to that is a picture of me and him, from when he was a baby.

I don't understand how Jamie can be in this house and not miss them like crazy. I miss them like crazy. This isn't my house. I shouldn't be here. They should be here. But they aren't. And they never will be again.

I close his door and walk towards the master bedroom, where Rachel is already sound asleep. I sit down on the bed, and I immediately feel chills up and down my spine. I look around the room and it looks so...Naley like. I can't explain it. Just everything about this room reminds me of them. This is where they slept every night. This is where they woke up every morning.

My head is starting to spin. Why am I the only one who doesn't want to stay in this house? So what if it is empty. It's empty because they are dead. Not because they are on vacation or because they moved. They are dead. And we just waltz right into the house and go to sleep? In their bed? I can't do that. I can't do this.

I can't be in this house.

I get it. I do. We have no where to stay and practically all of Tree Hill hates me and it's so late at night finding a place to crash is nearly impossible. I get that, I do. But, God, I don't want to be in this house.

Jamie's happy. I keep trying to tell myself that Jamie wants more than anything to be here. He's happy here. He feels safe here. This is the house he grew up in. He's asleep in his bedroom. In his bed. Under his sheets. And he's happy because of it. So being here, being in this house, is okay. Because Jamie is happy. Because Jamie wants to be here.

But, God, I can't be here. Haley should be here. Nathan should be here. Haley should have been the one to tuck Jamie into his bed. Haley and Nathan should be the ones sleeping in this bed. Not me. And certainly not Rachel.

Oh, God. I can't be here.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm practically running out of the house. I'm walking down the Tree Hill streets and I couldn't feel anymore out of place. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm making a huge mistake being here. God, Haley, help me. I'm confused. And lost. And I don't know what to do. Please, tell me I made the right decision. Please, tell me that I'm doing the right thing. Tell me I didn't make a rash decision and that I didn't leave without thinking this through.

We left the city too quickly. I should have thought about this more.

But I know if I thought about it too much, I know if I didn't leave as quickly as we did, I would have changed my mind.

But that doesn't change the fact that this isn't all happening so fast. And that I don't want to, that I can't, be in that house.

Before I know it I'm walking up to an all too familiar door. Tears are streaming down my face, and I don't even know when I started to cry. I knock on the door and I can barely control myself from sobbing. The door opens and I immediately apologize for bothering her so late at night. I can barely get the words out, though, because I'm crying so hard.

"Oh, God, Brooke? Are you okay? Oh, what's wrong, sweetie? What are you doing here? Oh, come in!" Karen opens her arms and I fall into her embrace. I try to speak through the spit bubbles that keep forming every time I try to talk out of my sobbing mouth. I do my best to explain to her that, first and foremost, Jamie is okay. I tell her that I've been trying so hard. I tell her that I've messed up so many times. I tell her that I'm so so sorry that I took Jamie away and that I let the tabloids call him James Davis. I tell her that I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I tell her that we up and moved here. I tell her that I fired my bitch of a mother. I tell her that I'm trying to keep Rachel away from drugs and at the same time I'm trying to protect Jamie from all of it. I tell her that I'm downsizing and I'm going to open a boutique. I tell her that I want to start a life again for Jamie here, but that we don't have a house yet. I tell her that Rachel, yes Rachel, convinced us, with Jamie's help and knowledge of a spare key, to stay in Nathan and Haley's house. I tell her I can't be in that house. I tell her that I can't deal with this. I can't deal with any of this. I'm a sobbing mess and she's holding onto me tight.

She tries to calm me down and she leads me to her spare bedroom, Lucas' old bedroom, and leads me over to the bed where I lay down. "I don't know what I'm doing, Karen." I confided everything in this woman. This woman who is more loving, and more like a real mother to me, than Victoria ever could be.

"No mothers ever know what they are doing, Brooke." She smiles at me through her own tears that began to fall during my mess of a story. I'm so tired and so upset and so...I don't even know...that I don't even take the time to correct her and say that I'm not a mother. My eyelids are heavy and Karen strokes my hair as I fall asleep. I feel like such a child...

...Welcome home, Brooke.

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	18. My Favorite Place

_Thank you, as usual, for the amazing reviews. i really appreciate you guys taking the time out to write as great of reviews as you do. remember, suggestions are always welcome. you guys are the readers and i appreciate you taking the time to read this, so anything you have to say about my story or where my story is going to go will always be taken into consideration. i write for you guys just as much as i write for myself._

_I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but if I continued it to the next part, it would have been way too long and just have way too much in it for one chapter hahaha. but, the good part is, i should be able to update really quickly, since the next chapter is more than halfway written already!! so i hope you enjoy this, anyways.  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 18: My Favorite Place

-x-x-x-

_My favorite place ever is the Rivercourt. It's a basketball court that has a river next to it. We always go and play there, my daddy and me. Uncle Skillz and Fergie and Junk are always there, too. We always play basketball games and I'm always on my daddy's team. We are undefeated. _

_I once fell and cut my knee really badly. It hurt a lot. I cried and it was bleeding really badly. All of the guys stopped what they were doing and came over to help me. Uncle Lucas ran to his car where he had a first aid kit with band aids. My daddy carried me over to the bleachers. Uncle Skillz and the guys tried to make me laugh. After Uncle Lucas put the band aid on, I felt a lot better. And we began playing again. _

-x-x-x-

Ugh. I feel like something is standing on my head. Like an elephant. Or three elephants. Or...ugh, I don't even know.

I slowly open my eyes and it immediately registers that I am not in my bedroom. Where the hell am I? I'm looking up at the ceiling and I turn my eyes to look around and it all comes rushing back to me. I'm in Tree Hill. More specifically, I'm at Karen's.

I look to my left and I practically jump out of the bed. "Lily, shit, you scared me." I lay my head back down on the pillow trying to get my heartbeat back down to normal. She's standing next to the bed watching me. I wasn't expecting that.

"Mommy said not to wake you. I didn't, did I?" I smile at her and pull her onto the bed with me. She lies down on the other pillow, and we're both looking at the ceiling. "I'm really happy you are here. You're never here. Did you bring Jamie, too?"

"Jamie's at his house. But I promise me and your mom will set up a play date as soon as possible for you two, sound good?" Her eyes light up the same way Jamie's do. Those blue Scott eyes that Keith had. That Lucas has. That Nathan had.

"Sounds good." She smiles at me and I can't help but admire the way her smile is an exact replica of Keith's. "Andy is making pancakes. He's putting chocolate chips in mine. I told him to put them in yours, too."

I half chuckle at her. "Thank you, baby girl. Chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite. She smiles again, and looks away from me and back at the ceiling, and I can tell by the look on her face she is pondering something.

"Brooke? Are you Jamie's mommy now? Like Andy is my daddy?" I bite my lip. Now that's one hell of a question that I don't really know how to answer. No, I'm not his mother, and I never will be. Haley will. But how do you explain to a four year old about custody and those kind of situations? "My mommy says that it's okay to consider Andy my daddy because my real daddy would want someone to be there for me and to protect me just like Andy does."

I smile at her. "Your mommy is absolutely right. Your dad would definitely want that." And he would, Keith. He's probably so thankful that Karen and Lily have someone like Andy in their lives. He'd want them happy and safe.

"Nathan and Haley would want that, too." I look over at her and she smiles. For a four year old, she's so wise. Then again, she's Keith and Karen's daughter. It shouldn't surprise me. "For Jamie, I mean."

I sigh. "I know they do. I just don't know if I'm giving them what they want." I love how I feel more comfortable spilling my heart to a little girl than to anyone my own age. She sits up and looks at me. I give her a weak smile.

"Brooke, I think you'd be a good mommy." My weak smile is a real smile now. I sit up and pull her into a hug. "Can you still make me a dress? You promised the last time you were here!" I laugh. I tell her I will make her the prettiest dress I have ever made.

I tell her to go tell Karen and Andy that I'm awake and I'll be out in a minute as I throw on some decent clothes and comb my hair so it doesn't look like I'm a cave woman, and I head out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. Sure enough, Andy is flipping chocolate chip pancakes as Karen sits at the table reading the paper and Lily sits on the floor coloring, just as Jamie does. "Good morning, Brooke." Karen greets me as she looks up from the paper with a warm smile. I smile back and take a seat at the table.

"How many pancakes you want, Brooke?" Andy smiles over at me and I tell him that two is fine. Lily shouts out that she wants ten, but he puts two on her plate also. He sets the plates on the table, and we all begin to eat.

Lily begins talking up a storm about only God knows what. I'm too caught up in my thoughts to even comprehend the randomness of her conversation. I can't help but watch the three of them in amazement. Here they are, a broken family in every use of the term. Karen had to raise Lucas alone because of his stain of a father was an all around ass. And then she finds the man of her dreams, and that ass took him away from her. And her daughter.

But right now, they couldn't look more happy.

They give me hope.

We finish up breakfast and Lily asks if they can go visit Keith. Karen and Andy exchange a glance, and Andy offers to take her so Karen and I can talk. "Brooke, you should come, too. You can visit Nathan and Haley, too." I tense up, and I guess Karen can tell.

"Maybe Brooke will come with us another day. Right now she and I are going to stay here and talk for a bit." Lily accepts Karen's answer and she and Andy leave. I avoid Karen's gaze for a while, but she eventually draws me in. "Brooke, are you okay?"

Am I okay? How many times have I been asked that these past few weeks. How many times have I known the answer to that question? "I don't know." And I don't. I haven't known in a long, long time.

"I'm glad you came back here, Brooke. Jamie belongs here." She pauses for a moment before adding, "you belong here, too."

"Can I ask you a question, Karen? And I need you to be completely honest with me." She nods her head and I hesitate for a moment before asking. "How mad is everyone here at me? How badly did I screw up?"

"Brooke, don't think for a second that you screwed up. Because you didn't. It's been hard, and from what I can tell it's still hard. But you are doing everything you can to keep Jamie safe and happy. You are putting him first in your life, and that's all that anyone can ask of you." I look away from her. My eyes are filling with tears that I refuse to let fall. I've cried too much lately. "Didn't I hear you say last night that you completely downsized your amazing company just to be able to bring him back here and be able to take care of him? Didn't you say that you had to kick out your best friend because she was on drugs and you knew that she couldn't be around Jamie? Brooke, you've turned your entire life around for this boy. So don't you dare say you've screwed up. Because you haven't, okay?"

I want to argue with her, and tell her that I've screwed up way too many times to count, but I just don't have the energy."That doesn't answer my first question, though, Karen." I need to know what I've set myself up with. How many people want to chase me out of here with pitch forks and torches?

Karen looks away from me for a moment before looking back up and meeting my eyes. "Deb isn't angry. She just misses Jamie. I've been going over to see her a lot, and bringing her over here a lot, because I'm just afraid she'll go back to her old addict ways. She's been strong so far, but she needs Jamie. She needs a part of her son. Skillz, well, he's mad, I'll admit it. He hasn't been around too much but he's always so bitter and angry when he is. He became close with Nathan and Haley, and especially Jamie. The same goes for the other Rivercourt boys. I haven't heard much from Lucas, but from what I saw on the news and in the papers, I know you have, so I don't need to tell you how lost he is. He mostly feels betrayed by Nathan and Haley, not so much you. Everyone just feels like a rug was pulled out from under them the day Nathan and Haley died. And then, by no fault of your own, they were all kicked while they were down the moment they found out Jamie was leaving, too."

I'm trying so hard not to let the tears fall. Not in front of Karen. Not anymore. "What about you?"

"Brooke, I'm not mad. I'll admit to you that the whole James Davis thing did not go over well as a whole throughout this town, and I agree with everyone else for the most part. Jamie is and should always be a Scott, just like Lucas and just like Lily, no matter what life throws at them in the process. But I'm not mad at you, Brooke. Not even a little bit. I'm actually quite proud of you, Brooke." And with that sentence, I can no longer fight the tears that are now spilling down my face.

She scoots her chair over and pulls me into a hug and she holds me as I cry. I compose myself after a few minutes and I give her a weak smile. "You need to go back to Nathan and Haley's house and be with Jamie. You need to take him to Deb and Skillz and everyone else in this town who loves him and let them know that all of your intentions are good. You need to tell them you and Jamie are home, and you don't plan on leaving. You need to start living your new life, Brooke." I smile and wipe the remainder of tears that are on my face. "Go home to your family, Brooke. You're always welcome here, but I'm not about to let you hide here forever!"

I laugh and give Karen another hug before getting up to leave. She's right. I need to go home to my family.

I walk into Nathan and Haley's house and find Millicent, Rachel, and Jamie eating breakfast at the kitchen table. "Brooke? What the heck, where'd you go?" I ignore Rachel's question and walk over to Jamie.

"You done with breakfast, buddy? We have a few people we need to go see." He smiles and runs his cereal bowl over to the sink. "Go put your coat on and meet me at the door." He does, and I focus back on Millicent and Rachel. "I have a few things I need to take care of. You two make yourself at home, but don't unpack yet. I'll have our living situation figured out by tonight. As for the store, we'll start up with that tomorrow. Today is about Jamie. And the residents of Tree Hill." Jamie is waiting for me at the door, so before Rachel and Millicent can process what I'm saying and have any sort of response, I take his hand and we walk out the door.

We step onto the Rivercourt, and at the sound of my heels on the concrete, the guys immediately stop playing and turn in my direction. Jamie immediately runs from me to the group of guys, and I'm left alone to watch as they all take him into their arms. Skillz, Fergie, Junk, Mouth...they're all here. And they all have tears glistening in their eyes as they pull Jamie into their embrace tight. It's saying something when you have these guys, these athletes, these grown men, all having tears in their eyes.

They ignore me for the most part, and I don't blame them at all. I watch from the sidelines, scared for the moment they decide to focus their attention on me. To them, I'm the bad guy. I took Jamie away.

Mouth leaves the group and walks over to me and I'm not sure how to greet him. Do I smile? No. I don't think I can. Do I say hi? I don't think I can find a voice either. Thankfully, I don't have to decide, because before I can make up my mind how to greet him, he pulls me into a hug and whispers into my ear, "I knew you'd do the right thing, Brooke." I melt into his embrace. God, I missed my Mouth.

The guys all decide to play a game of basketball with Jamie, and Mouth and I sit on the sidelines. He asks me about the city and why I'm back, but I just don't have the energy to tell him everything that has happened. Not right now. He understands. I tell him that Rachel is back with me. He tenses up a bit.

There game of basketball ends and I call Jamie over. We have other places we need to go, other people to see. He pouts a bit, but comes over to me and I put an arm around him. Skillz comes over with him, as Fergie and Junk begin a one on one game with each other. "Well if it isn't B. Davis, Tree Hill's resident betrayer. Tell me something, B. What brings a big shot traitor like you back to our fine town?" He's mad, I get it. But his words still hurt.

"Jamie belongs here." Is the only way I can seem to answer him.

"Yes, he does." Skillz agrees with me wholeheartedly. "But you don't. You aren't welcome on this court, Brooke. Jamie is any day of the week, any time of the day. But you? You aren't allowed to step foot on this court again."

"Skillz, Brooke is trying to do the right thing." Mouth sticks up for me, and I appreciate his friendship even more in the moment. I know Skillz is mad and I don't blame him. He has a right to be mad.

"Brooke is the one who tried to take Jamie away from everything and everyone he loved. She took away Jamie Scott and created her own James Davis. And I can't forgive her for that." He's talking to Mouth but looking at me. In that instant, I'm even more glad I fired my mother. I want to blame this all on her, but I can't. She told me to call him James Davis. But I listened. "Neither would Nathan and Haley."

His words hit me hard, and before I break down and cry in front of him, I tell Jamie it's time to go, and grab his arm to walk towards the car. Mouth follows me as Skillz turns to walk the other way. "Brooke! Brooke, wait up!" I slow my pace so Mouth can catch up. "Brooke, please don't hold this against Skillz. I'll talk to him. He'll get over it all. It's just fresh, the wounds. Everyone is so up in arms about it all, and you have to understand. But that doesn't mean we don't all still care about you. You did the right thing, and he'll come around and be grateful for that." I pull Mouth in for a hug. I'd thank him, but I'm afraid if I speak, I'll cry. "If you need anything, Brooke. I'm here for you. So is everyone else. Just give them time to get through the pain." I smile at him the best smile I can give at the moment, and Jamie and I get into the car to leave.

We pull up to the all too familiar house up the street. Jamie's face immediately lights up when he realizes where we are, while my face turns pale with anxiety. This house will forever be embedded into my mind. Forever. It was such a huge part of my high school life.

The parties we threw here, the drama we caused, the memories we made, are all pouring back into my mind, and I can hardly stand. God, I miss those days.

But this isn't about me. It's about Jamie and it's about her. So I take his hand and we walk up to the door and I knock. And I knock. And I knock. I hear Jamie sigh and I'm about to tell him we'll try again later and turn around and walk back to the car, when the door begins to open.

Deb looks worse than I've seen her in years. And Karen is right to be afraid of her going back to her old addict ways. She looks at me and I can tell she is more than confused. She doesn't look like she's sure that what she's seeing is real. I'm real, Deb. I'm not a hallucination. I brought him home to you. "Grandma Deb!" Her head snaps down at the little boy who immediately runs into her arms. She looks stunned for a moment before her grip on Jamie becomes tight. She holds him in her arms and she cries. She cries harder than I've ever seen her cry before, both tears of sadness and tears of happiness. Jamie is home...

...I should have never taken him away.

* * *


	19. My Grandma Deb

_A nice fast update for you all because I have no work today! woohoo! don't expect me to update this fast all the time though. Haha... you people really took a hating to skillz. i almost feel bad for skillz because of it! to defend his actions, he's just upset. jamie was taken away from him, and while no, it wasn't brooke's fault, who else does he have to take his anger out on? but don't worry...he won't get away with treating my brooke like that! she just needs to realize a few things about herself before she can give him the earful he deserves._

_As for all of you Brucas fans, i feel horrible that i've been like teasing you. i brought you lucas and then i just up and took him away. but don't worry, he'll be back, and i'll give all my brucas readers what you've been waiting for. speaking of brucas readers, i'd just like to thank my readers from the brooke and lucas spoilers thread on fanforum for taking such a liking to my story. i appreciate it wholeheartedly. anyway, enough of my rambling, you don't care what i have to say, only what i have to write, haha, so on to the story... _

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 19: My Grandma Deb

-x-x-x-

_My Grandma Deb is so much fun. She comes over a lot to babysit me and we play a lot of really fun games. She once even bought me a bb gun, but my momma took that away. Grandma Deb found where my mom hid it, though, and we went outside to shoot at cans. _

_She's really crazy sometimes and she makes me laugh. I once had a birthday party with a clown, and when the party was almost over, we couldn't find the clown. My momma and daddy searched all over, and when we finally found him, he was in the bedroom with my Grandma Deb. When I asked her what they were doing in there, she told me she they were telling each other jokes. I think they were kissing, though, because my Grandma had his makeup all on her face. My momma was not happy with her that day. _

-x-x-x-

Seeing Deb with Jamie was almost too much to take. She didn't want to let go of him, and I would never ask her to. She lost her son. I wasn't about to let her lose her grandson. Any regret I may have had about coming back to Tree Hill was gone the moment Deb's face lit up at the sight of Jamie.

When she asked me where we were staying, I almost didn't know how to answer. Thankfully, Jamie took the liberty of answering for me. "We stayed at my house, Grandma Deb! I got to sleep in my own bed!" Of course, after he announced this, I immediately went into apologize mode. I must have said the words "I'm sorry, but we had no place else to go" nearly twenty times.

I waited for Deb to yell. Not only about us staying at Nathan and Haley's place, but also for taking Jamie away and changing his name. I was expecting her to flip out at me just like Skillz did. And I wouldn't blame her, either.

But she didn't yell. She did almost the opposite. She smiled, let go of Jamie, and stood up to give me a hug. She held me tight, almost as tight as she held Jamie, and whispered in my ear thank you for bringing him back. And I could have lost it right then and there. She didn't blame me at all.

When I asked her if she was mad that we were staying at Nathan and Haley's, she laughed. She literally laughed. "Not at all, Brooke. That house has been good for nothing except collecting dust. If you need a place to stay, stay there. I haven't gone near it, but I don't have the heart to sell it." Jamie was thrilled at her words. He loved his room and he loved his house. But me? I wasn't sure how I felt about staying there.

Deb just seemed so happy that Jamie was home, she didn't care about anything that I did wrong in New York. And although Karen was right, Deb was a mess, she sure seemed a hell of a lot stronger than I have been.

She asked me if Jamie could spend the day with her, and I told her of course. She could spend as many days with him as she wanted. I would never take him away from her again. I smiled as I watched Deb and Jamie hold each other smiling, as she told him she would take him to do anything he wanted and that she loved him.

I turned to walk away and leave them to be with each other, but Deb stopped me. She told me that no matter what anyone else in this town thinks, she doesn't blame me for taking Jamie to New York. She expected it the moment we all found out he was in my custody, and she doesn't blame me for trying to live my life. But, despite understanding why I left, she could love me forever for bringing him back.

I told her that I appreciate that she didn't hold any of it against me, but that I was wrong. My life in New York should never have been more important than Jamie's life here. She smiled and told me that I need to have a little more faith in myself. I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I smiled, and turned to leave.

When I get home, Rachel and Millicent bombard me with a million questions about where I've been all day and where I went last night, so I start from the beginning and tell them everything. "And then Deb told me I needed to have more faith in myself, whatever that means. But, hey, at least she gave us the okay to stay here. So I guess that's a plus."

"Wait, wait, wait. Backtrack a bit." Rachel seems more than a little confused. "Skillz was mean to you? Rivercourt Skillz? 'Sup dog, how's it going dog, dog dog dog' Skillz? That Skillz?" I glare at her for a moment before telling her yes, that Skillz. "I don't believe you. Has he ever been mean at all before?"

I let out a groan. "No, I don't think so. I don't know. But he was so mad. Ugh."

"He really doesn't have a right to be that mad, Brooke." Both Rachel and I look over at Millicent. "I mean, you did what you had to do. And then you gave up a lot to come back here. You did the right thing. And this...Skillz...doesn't really have a right to treat you badly because of it. He could have visited you and Jamie in New York. He could have called more. Nathan and Haley left James to you. Not to him. You made the decisions you had to." I've never heard Millicent come out and be completely opinionated before. She's been hanging around Rachel too much.

"I agree with Mill. Forget what he or the Rivercourt boys or anyone in this damn town has to say about you. We know what you've done for that boy. Millicent and I, we know everything you've given up. How much you are dedicated to him. We know that you'd do anything for him. If no one else can see it? Then fuck them. The three of us can take all of Tree Hill if we wanted to." Rachel smiles and holds out her fist for me to pound. "Hoes over Tree Hill, bitches."

I laugh and pound her fist. "I told Mouth you came back with me. He didn't really say anything, but you know Mouth. He'll definitely be by to see you at some point." Rachel smiles. Mouth and her were good friends. I sometimes wondered if they could be anything more, but I never really thought so. They had that kind of friendship bond that you wouldn't risk with a relationship.

"Mouth? Skillz? Does anyone have any real names in this town?" Rachel and I laugh at Millicent's question.

"You know, Millicent, Mouth and you would probably make a cute little couple." Rachel's got that mischievous look on her face. But hey, I agree with her. They'd be cute together. Millicent blushes and dismisses the conversation. Rachel and I laugh. "Wait, what about Lucas, Brooke?"

I sigh. "What about him?" Rachel glares at me as if I asked the world's stupidest question. "I haven't seen him yet."

"Why not? You went out of your way to see everyone else. Go find him and see him and tell him we're here." Rachel doesn't understand it's not that simple. A lot happened between Luke and I in New York. We connected and we fell apart. And I don't know if I'm ready to face him here yet. Because it's different in Tree Hill. It's a whole different ball game.

"You guys want to go take a look at the location for the new store?" I decide it's best to just change the subject away from Lucas.

The three of us walk through Tree Hill, and both Rachel and I are tense as we do. Millicent notices, and comments at one point, "you guys are acting as though you're wanted for murder or something here. Relax. Tree Hill is supposed to be your home." Supposed to being the key words.

"It's just been a long time." Rachel answers her. "But it seems like nothing here has changed." Yeah. Nothing. Except for the fact that there are two less residents.

As we pass by certain places, Rachel and I are stalled by the memories the hold for us. Tric. Karen's Cafe. The River Walk. Tree Hill High. All of it. This place is flooded with memories. Memories that New York City couldn't even touch. Maybe we should have mentally prepared ourselves for this.

We walk up to the empty building that Peyton would probably kill me for turning into a boutique. But from what they told me when I purchased it, the record store had been out of business for a long time now. Even so, I should probably hold off on telling Peyton that I'm turning her beloved music store into a clothing store as long as humanly possible. And then when I do tell her, guilt her into being okay with it by saying that all of this is for Nathan and Haley. For Jamie.

We stand outside staring at our building, our new store, for what seems like forever. "So...now what?" Rachel breaks the silence.

"The contractors come in two days to work on it. Make it perfect. I'm having everything I need shipped from New York, it should be here tomorrow. Then we throw an opening party. Then we begin the rest of our lives." One step at a time, right?

One step at a time.

When we get back to the house, we find Mouth standing at the door waiting for someone to answer it. Obviously, no one is answering, because we are all standing behind him. Rachel motions to Millicent and I to keep our mouths shut, as she sneaks up on him and jumps onto his back. He lets out a yell, and turns around to see Millicent and I standing there before realizing the person he is giving an involuntary piggy back ride to is Rachel.

She climbs off his back and they embrace with a hug. "God, I missed you, Mouth." He tells her he missed her, too. They break their hug and I swear Rachel has tears in her eyes. Maybe coming back to Tree Hill isn't just a good thing for Jamie. Rachel and I are recovering here, too.

We go inside and I put on a pot of coffee for the four of us. Rachel immediately introduces Millicent to Mouth, with that look on her face that says 'yes, I'm going to play matchmaker. Just call me Yente'. Rachel and Mouth play catch up with each other, while Millicent and Mouth play get to know one another. And me? I'm in my own little world at the moment.

I give them each a mug of coffee and Rachel asks me to sit down and join them. "I think I'm going to go for a walk." They all watch me confused as I leave, and before I make it out the door I hear Rachel tell Mouth, "she hasn't been our happy, spunky Brooke in a while."

I feel a little bipolar. Like, not that I'm ever actually happy lately, but I've been going from feeling okay to feeling really shitty in a matter of seconds a lot lately. And right now? Yeah. I feel really shitty.

The fresh Tree Hill air blowing on my face is nice. There's not much about New York City air that is fresh. Polluted, yes. Fresh, not so much.

Every few feet that I walk brings me to a place that I have a million memories from. That's something New York City doesn't have, either.

I pass by Karen's Cafe. God, I love this place. Loved this place. Love this place. I don't know if it's a past or present feeling. There's just so much to remember about Karen's Cafe, I don't even know where to begin.

Karen's Cafe wasn't always a place I was willing to go to. Before Lucas came into my life, I had never stepped near it. Sure, it's been here all of my life spent in Tree Hill, but it was just a Cafe. And it was Nathan's brother's mom's Cafe. And it was just a place I didn't go near.

But then Lucas walked off the Rivercourt and onto the Ravens. And he brought Haley off of it with him. And everything changed. I once told him, "How many moments in life can you point to and say that's when it all changed." Well, I can point to that moment, that moment that Lucas and Haley walked off of the Rivercourt and into our lives, and say that_ that's _when it all changed. That's when everything changed.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder, you know, what my life would have been like without Lucas or Haley. What Nathan's life would have been like. Or even Peyton's. The three of us, Nathan, Peyton, and I, would we have ever had those great high school loves? Would our hearts have felt the pain and the warmth and the emotions that they felt? Would Nathan and Lucas become more than just half brothers, and have become friends? Would Peyton and I ever accept Haley to be one of us? To be one of our best friends? Would Lucas have written a book? Would I have my company? Would Jimmy Edwards have brought a gun to school? Would Keith still be alive?

Would Jamie exist? And if he did, would I be his Godmother? Would Nathan and Haley still be alive? Would it matter to me if they were?

Would anything that happened that makes Tree Hill home, all of the memories and the pain and the happiness that defines my life here, would it have happened? Because I wouldn't take any of it back for the world.

I don't know how I ended up here, but I freeze when I realize where my feet have taken me. Tree Hill Cemetery. I take back what I said. I would take some of it back. Mrs. Sawyer. Keith. Nathan and Haley. If I could go back and time and take something back, if I could change history, they would all still be alive. And I wouldn't be standing here afraid of stepping into a Cemetery that holds so many people I love.

Tree Hill is a funny place. It doesn't seem to believe in two parent families. At all. And if someone has a two parent family? Well, Tree Hill goes in and throws in some kind of disaster to fix that. Oh, Peyton Sawyer has both a mom and dad who loves her? Can't have that. Keith and Karen are having a baby and going to finally become a family? Nope. Not a chance. Jamie has two really great parents? Can't have that now can we.

Either you have absentee parents like me and Rachel, either your dad deserts you or your parents pack up and leave on an RV like Lucas and Haley, or Tree Hill will take someone away for you.

And, ironically, we all call this place home.

I wonder if they visit Nathan and Haley. I wonder if Skillz has been by, or Deb, or Karen. Or Lucas. I wonder if they bring them flowers. I wonder if they talk to them and ask them for guidance. I wonder if they cry to them or smile with them. I wonder if the people of Tree Hill can visit them. Because I can't seem to get myself to walk in to the cemetery.

I want to visit them. I want to tell them I'm sorry for everything wrong I've done with their son. I want to tell them I'm trying. But I can't seem to be brave enough to do that.

And now I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm sorry, Hales. I want to come keep you company. I do. I just can't step into that cemetery. Not today, anyway.

I start to walk away, blinking back tears as I do, and take a look at my wristwatch. I should probably head towards Deb's to pick up Jamie soon. I'll walk slow, I want to give Deb all the extra time in the world to spend with her grandson.

Again, I can't control where my feet lead me. Subconsciously, I must know where I'm going. Just like I must have subconsciously knew I was going to the cemetery. I walk up slowly to the door of the house. I knock. And I knock. And I knock.

There's no answer, and I suddenly get nervous, although I can't explain to you why. I reach for the doorknob, and turn it. It's unlocked, so I walk in.

It's a mess, the house. There are empty liquor bottles everywhere. Empty take out boxes all over the counter and table. Clothes scattered all over the place. It's just a mess. As if no one has scared to take care of it at all.

I walk over and find him asleep on the couch. I sit down next to him and run my hand through his hair. He slowly opens his eyes, his pain-filled blue eyes, and stares at me for a moment. "Am I dreaming?"

I take the empty liquor bottle out of his hand and move it to the side table. "No, Luke. You're not dreaming. I'm home." He lifts his head up to look at me more closely, but the alcohol rushes to his head, and he plops it back down. He reaches his hand out and wraps it around me, pulling me down into his embrace. He smells of liquor, and he looks a mess, but I place my head on his chest and close my eyes and feel immediately comforted anyway.

"I was wrong. I need you, Brooke." He mumbles into my hair. "I need to be near you. To be near Jamie. I don't want to start a new life without you two." He's mumbling and rambling a bit, and I just nod my head instead of actually respond. A few seconds later, he is out cold again, but I don't leave his arms...

...I need you, too, Lucas.

* * *


	20. My Great Uncle Keith

_okay so dude, i had this crazy dream last night that peyton (yes, peyton sawyer) and harry potter (yes the wizard) were arguing over who has a shittier life. it was crazy. and i just sat in the middle of the two like... please dont fight. it was ridiculous. anyway... thanks as per usual for all the amazing reviews. seriously, you guys are the best group of reviewers everrr. lucky for you all payroll is down (not so lucky for me) and i have all these extra days off this week! enjoy the update. after this i'm going a few days before i post another.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 20: My Great Uncle Keith

-x-x-x-

_My Uncle Keith died way before I was born. He's actually my Great Uncle, because he's my daddy and my Uncle Lucas' uncle. He is also my cousin Lily's daddy. I never met him, but everybody says he was a really great guy. _

_Sometimes we all go with Lily and my Aunt Karen to visit Keith at the cemetery. Everybody talks to him and tells him stories and brings him flowers. I wonder if he can really hear us when we talk to him. My momma says that in heaven you can look down and see and hear everybody that you love. I hope that's true. Because I want Keith to be able to see and hear all of us. _

-x-x-x-

He's still sleeping. Drunk fool. It's nearly noon. I woke up a little over two hours ago, and have been attempting to clean his insanely messy apartment ever since.

God, it's gross. There are vodka bottles and beer bottles and all these assortments of liquor bottles, all empty of course, scattered everywhere. But whatever, that's no big deal. I can throw some empty glass bottles into recycling. But the takeout boxes and the dirty clothes everywhere? Yeah. Ew.

I had called Deb last night and asked her if she would mind keeping Jamie for the night. She admitted to not planning on giving him up just yet, so she was thrilled to be able to keep him all night. And me? I slept on the couch in Lucas' arms. It was uncomfortable after a while, especially with the beer bottle conveniently placed under my ribcage, but I didn't want to move. There's always something calming about being in Lucas Scott's arms.

Jesus Lucas, this is gross. Do you want rats? Or worse, cockroaches? Ew. Ew ew ew.

I'm looking for his hamper to throw his clothes in, I haven't touched Lucas' boxers since high school, and I hear him moan from the living room. I find the hamper, throw the clothes in, and head back out to where he is, picking up more of his mess as I do. He slowly sits up and brings a hand to his head. He ruffles his hair and turns to look at me. "What are you doing?"

I smirk at him. "Brooke Davis. Saving one slob at a time."

He starts to slowly sit up and look around the much cleaner house. "You don't have to save me, Brooke." He turns to look at me and smiles in appreciation. I smile back. Yes, Lucas. I do need to save you. I promised long ago that I would.

He gets up off the couch, pausing a moment to fight the headache he has, and walks over towards his refrigerator. I follow him, and when he takes out a beer, I yank it out of his hand. "Lucas! It's barely noon!" He shrugs and reaches over at me to take the beer back. Fat chance, buddy. I hold it back with one hand and press my other hand against his chest keeping him away.

"Brooke, come on." He gives up, not having the energy to try and get it from me. He brings a hand to his head, hangover headaches are a pain in the ass, and I walk away from him, grabbing a glass from his cabinet and filling it with water. I go and grab my purse and pull out some aspirin to hand to him. He takes the aspirin and swallows it back with the glass of water.

He then heads over to his refrigerator again, and I grab him by the arm to stop him. "Luke, come on. Let's just get you out of this house." The way Karen spoke to me yesterday morning about him lead me to believe that he's been keeping to himself quite a bit. And by the look of his house, I would say he's been leading the life of a hermit. He looks at me for a moment, as if leaving the house is the most ridiculous idea in the world. "Come on, go put some clean clothes on. I have to pick up Jamie from Deb's. I'm sure he wants to see his Uncle Lucas." Yes, I played the Jamie card.

Lucas hesitates for a moment, considering what I just said, but before he can come to a final decision, I push him towards his bedroom. "Go clean up and put some clean clothes on. You smell like ass."

He comes back out of his bedroom moments later with the same jeans he had on but a new shirt. At least it's progress. "Luke, ever hear of a brush?" He walks over to me and I run my fingers through his crazy bed hair.

"Okay, okay, stop. Maybe I like my messy hair." Oh please, Lucas. No one _likes _looking like an ass. I continue to fix it, and he swats my hand away. "I'm not Jamie, Brooke. I'm a big boy. I can fix my own hair." I stick my tongue out at him. He sticks his back.

We pull up to Deb's place and I park the car. I start to get out, but when I see Lucas isn't moving, I ask him what's wrong. "I'll wait in the car." He doesn't look at me as he speaks, and I'm too curious to let go.

"Luke, what's wrong? It's just Deb." As far back as I can remember, Lucas never had a problem with Deb.

He doesn't answer me, but sits in silence. I want to push him for an answer, but I know that lately, I've been more kept to myself and I would hate being pushed. I turn to get out of the car, and he finally speaks. "I haven't spoken to anyone here since the funeral."

I pause and turn to look at him. Oh, Lucas. How did we become so broken and out of place?

I don't know how to respond to his sudden revelation, so I head up towards the door by myself. I ring the doorbell, and I'm almost immediately greeted by Jamie's arms around my waist, hugging me tight. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

Deb smiles at me, but I can see the disappointment in her eyes. "Give me a call anytime, Deb, and I'll bring him right over." She pulls me in for a hug and whispers a 'thank you' in my ear. We pull a part and I look down at Jamie. "Ready to go, buddy?" He nods his head and gives Deb a hug goodbye, and we head towards the car.

When we get to the car and it registers to Jamie that his Uncle Lucas is sitting in the passenger seat, he nearly lets out a squeal. He practically yanks open the car door and jumps into Lucas' lap. Lucas holds him tight for a while before breaking the hug and getting Jamie to hop in the back into his booster seat. "So, buddy, what do you want to do today? We need to keep your Uncle Lucas out of his little hermit crab shell of a house." I smirk in Lucas' direction and he shoots me a look that causes me to laugh.

"Can we go to the Rivercourt and play ball?" Both Lucas and I respond 'no' immediately and at the same time. Neither one of us wants to run in to the Rivercourt gang, I suppose. Lucas looks at me confused as to why I'm so against going. I ignore his glance. I don't feel like explaining the whole Skillz situation at the moment. "Then can we just go home? I want to play in my room."

Lucas immediately shoots me a look. "Please tell me he doesn't mean his actual room." I bite my lip. I knew someone was going to be mad about us there. Deb being okay with it was just too good to be true. "Brooke, tell me you are not staying in that house."

"We had no where else to stay, Lucas." Weak excuse, B. Davis.

"So get a fucking hotel room!" Oh shit, he's yelling.

I don't know when Jamie decided to become my own personal body guard, but this kid has been sticking up for me a hell of a lot lately. "But it's _my _house, Uncle Lucas. Don't yell at Aunt Brooke!"

I don't know if Lucas and I are more closely knit than we realize, I don't know if we deal with things in the same way or if we just have spent a lot of time growing together throughout the years, but just as I snapped all those weeks ago, Lucas snaps now. "It's _not_ your fucking house Jamie! It's Nathan and Haley's! And they are dead!"

"God, Lucas!" I turn to scold him, as Jamie immediately starts crying, and I stop the car. "Get out." He looks at me like I have seven heads. "Look, I understand you are upset and trust me I've been there, but you cannot talk to him like that. And if you need time to cool off before you open your mouth again, fine. I understand. Which is why you need to get out of the car now."

"Brooke...I..." I don't let him finish.

"Lucas. I don't want to be in that house anymore than you want me there. I've been in Tree Hill for two nights and I haven't spent one of those nights there yet. But Jamie, our godson, wants to be in that house. And Deb wants us to use that house. So I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I stopped living my life for you a long, long time ago." I turn around and reach my hand out to Jamie. "Shh, buddy it's okay. Uncle Lucas is just sad. He didn't mean to yell at you."

"Brooke, drive to the Rivercourt." I snap my head up at Lucas, whose eyes are glued to the window. "Jamie wants to go to the Rivercourt, let's go to the Rivercourt." I open my mouth to speak, but before I can even begin to protest, Jamie stops crying.

"Really, Uncle Lucas?" He wipes his tears away and smiles up at his Uncle. Children forgive easily. If only we all had that ability.

"Anything for you, J-Luke." Lucas smiles back at Jamie. He then looks back at me with an apologetic look on his face, and I look away. "Let's go to the Rivercourt, Brooke."

I drive up to the Rivercourt and I think both Lucas and I let out sighs of relief when we realize that no one is there. I park the car and Jamie runs out towards the court. "Come on, Uncle Luke! Me and Aunt Brooke against you!"

Lucas laughs and I shoot him a look. "Prepare to lose miserably, Jamie. Brooke is one of the worst basketball players I have ever met!" This causes Jamie to burst out into a fit of laughter. "But hey, you picked the teams, so you are stuck with her!"

"We'll show him, Aunt Brooke!" Jamie grabs my hand and pulls me onto the court.

We begin the game, and you'd think Lucas would have the common courtesy to go easy on a three year old and a woman who can hardly hold a basketball, let alone shoot it into a basket, but no. Not Lucas. Only maybe five minutes into the game, he's beating us by eleven. "Luke! Give me the damn ball. You're showing off!"

"It's hard not to show off when I'm playing someone as bad as you!" He sticks his tongue out at me and takes his shirt off. It's hot out and he's been working up a sweat. He throws me the ball. "But here, you take the ball. I'll give you the advantage. I'll even stand back here and give you a free shot." Great. A pity shot.

"You better make the basket, Aunt Brooke." Even Jamie is giving me grief now!

"Don't count on it, Jamie." I glare at Lucas.

"You two leave me alone!" They both laugh at me, and I dribble the ball. Or I bounce it once, almost lose control of it, and pick it back up, causing them to laugh even harder. Stupid Scott boys.

I look over at the basket, which seems to be moving farther and father away, and I attempt to shoot the ball. It, of course, misses, and Lucas catches it as Jamie lets out a groan. "Well, that sucked Brooke. And that was the only freebie you get."

Lucas effortlessly shoots the ball into the basket. What's that expression? Nothing but net. He gets his own rebound and goes to shoot again. I'm not about to let him beat Jamie and I by a million points. I charge at him.

Before he can even register what's going on, I tackle him to the ground. "What the hell, Brooke! This isn't football!" I try to grab the ball out of his hands, but he's holding onto it tightly. I call over to Jamie to help me tickle Lucas so I can grab the ball out of his grip, and he runs over and jumps right on top of us.

"Surrender, Lucas!" I yell as Jamie tickles him and I try and take the ball from him.

"Never!" He yells and he flips us over so he's on top and I'm on the bottom. "I think we should tickle the loser, Jamie." He says, and they both begin to tickle me, as I yell 'traitor!' at Jamie.

Jamie's tickling my lower stomach when he suddenly stops. Lucas stops, too, and we all just stay where we are and breathlessly gasp for air. "I didn't know you have a tattoo, Aunt Brooke." Jamie traces the top part of my tattoo that sticks out of my low rise jeans with his fingers. My eyes immediately drift over to the tattoo on Lucas' shoulder. Jamie looks over at it, too. "Yours matches Uncle Lucas'."

Lucas lets out a chuckle and I can't help but laugh with him. "Your Aunt Brooke was quite the persuader back in high school."

I shoot him a look. "Oh, please. All you needed was one beer and a kiss and you were practically sprinting to the tattoo parlor." Lucas shakes his head in defeat and stands up, the basketball still in his hands. He shoots and scores.

"My momma had a tattoo, too." Jamie is smiling, and it makes me smile to know that he can talk about her and remember her with a smile on his face. It's still hard for me to do that. I think it's still hard for Lucas, too. "It was of my daddy's basketball number. She said she got it because she loved my daddy. Do you and Uncle Lucas love each other, too?" Oh, how observant this child is.

"Of course we love each other, buddy." I answer, hoping it's enough to satisfy him. It's not.

"Like my momma loved my daddy?" I think I'm blushing. Like actually blushing. I don't know why, but I'm blushing at Jamie's question. I'm such an ass. I look over at Lucas hoping he'll answer, but he's just smiling at me, and he turns to shoot another basket. I guess I'm going to have to field this one, too.

"Enough questions from the peanut gallery." I lean down and tickle Jamie, and he forgets his question. Lucas and I don't even know how to begin to explain our relationship to the four year old, who knows nothing of our past.

After a few minutes, Jamie declares that he is hungry, and Lucas and I decide to call it a day. We get into the car, and I drive to Lucas' house to drop him off. "Try and keep the house clean, Luke. And do us all a favor and try to stay away from the alcohol, Boozy." He shoots me a look and I smirk back at him. "In all seriousness, though, Luke. I do feel awkward about staying at Nathan and Haley's. I never wanted to. It's just...not my house. It's theirs. And it's just...weird. And I'm sorry if it rubs you the wrong way, but Jamie loves being there. And if I can put my feelings about that house aside for him, I hope that you can, too."

Lucas looks away from my gaze and hesitates for a moment. "Just...don't make it your house, Brooke. Don't try and change it all around and make it your house. It's all that's left of them, besides Jamie. The memories, and pictures, and all of it. Please, just don't change any of it."

I smile warmly at him. "I would never dream of it, Luke."

"Today was a good day. I haven't had any of those since I was with you in New York." He looks into my eyes and I can see the pain in his. I wonder if he can see the pain that is still in mine. "Thank you. For coming back." He leans in and gives me a hug, and I don't want him to let go. I don't know what it is about Lucas, but when I'm in his arms, I feel safe. I feel like I can do this. All of this.

After Lucas leaves, we drive back to Nathan and Haley's, and Jamie runs through the door, and nearly trips on the boxes that are scattered all over the living room. "What is all of this?"

Millicent walks into the room to greet us. "Those are all of the shipments you ordered from New York to be sent here." My face lights up and I run over to the boxes. Oh, my clothes. My Clothes Over Bros clothes. Jamie is my first love. Fashion is my second.

Jamie runs into his room to play, and Millicent and I start going over the shipments that came. "Where's Rachel at?"

"She and the Mouth boy went out a while ago to catch up. Oh, I love this dress." She lifts up a red dress that I remember as being one of my first ever designs. She puts it down and looks over at me. "You look happy, Brooke." She smiles at me and I smile back. Today was a good day. And I really feel like I'm starting to start a great life for Jamie and me. And between opening the store tomorrow and being back home in Tree Hill, for the first time in a while...

...I think I am happy.

* * *


	21. My Fever

_woo three updates in a row! you guys should be kissing my feet! no i'm totally kidding. i couldn't sleep last night so i just surrendered and stayed up and wrote. then when i woke up i had to fix all the horrible grammar mistakes (i apparently suck at english in the middle of the night). anyways...here's the chapter. i plottted out a lot of the story last night, too. there's a LOT yet to come. i'd say this is a filler chapter, but it isn't really, i guess. it sets the stage for many chapters to come. anywaysss... enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 21: My Fever

-x-x-x-

_Once I woke up and I was all sweaty and hot and I was dizzy so I called out for my momma. She came in and put her hand on my forehead and told me I had a fever. She left the room and brought me back some medicine that tasted really gross. She also made me soup which was really good._

_I was too sick to leave my bed, so my momma stayed with me in my room the whole day! She read me books and colored with me and played legos with me, and even though I was sick, I had a really good day. I asked my momma if she would always be there to take care of me when I was sick. She told me she would take care of me forever. _

-x-x-x-

God, I love clothes.

I've always loved clothes. I've always loved shopping and style and designing and ahhh. I love it all.

Sitting here going through _my_ designs and _my_ clothes for the new store with Millicent is like bliss. I forgot for a while back in the city how much I love this, all of this. I forgot why this was my dream. My mother took a lot of that away from me. I'm going to take it all back.

"Oh, I love this dress!" Millicent holds up a cute little dress that I forgot even existed. She holds it up against her body, and I can tell she really does love it.

"Take it. It's yours." She looks at me stunned, but I smile at her, letting her know I'm completely serious. She's been a lifesaver lately. She's been more than just an assistant, she's been a friend. A friend to me, to Rachel, to Jamie. She up and left her life in the city to come back here with us. The least I can do is give her a dress.

A few minutes later my stomach growls louder than should be humanly possible. "I guess I should attempt to make us dinner, huh?" Millicent laughs, and I get up to walk over to the kitchen. I stand in front of the cabinets for a while, but decide that I'm still not ready to act like this is my house. It's not, and it never will be. "I'm going to order a pizza. Any preferences on toppings?" Millicent shakes her head no, and I call Jamie to come into the room so I can ask him what he likes on his pizza.

He comes slowly walking into the kitchen, and I ask him what he likes on his pizza, but he doesn't seem to hear me. He's scratching at his stomach and he looks very uncomfortable. "Something wrong, buddy?"

He looks up at me and the look on his face is definitely one of discomfort. "My stomach hurts. And it itches really badly." I step over to him to lift his shirt on to see the problem. It's probably some sort of rash or something. I'll have to go out and get him some aloe or something. But when I lift his shirt, I immediately know that a rash is definitely not the problem. "Jamie, how long have you had these stitches?"

I'm startled by the site of it. A big gash from the top of his chest down to the top of his belly button held together by stitches, all of which is obviously infected. It's red and crusty and it just looks really bad. How did I not know about this? "Shit, Millicent? What do I do for infections?"

"See if there's a first aid kit somewhere in this house. Disinfectant should be in one." I walk over to the cabinets and start to look for a first aid kit. Suddenly, going through Nathan and Haley's belongings doesn't matter as much. Jamie matters more. Come on, Hales. I _know_ you have a first aid kit somewhere in this house. Millicent walks over to Jamie to take a look. "Uh, Brooke?" Where is that damn first aid kit. Ha! Found it!

I walk back over to Jamie and set the first aid kit on the floor. "Brooke..." I find the disinfectant and read the label. "Brooke!" I look towards Millicent. "You need to take him to the doctors, Brooke. He needs to have these stitches looked at. Probably taken out. It's infected really bad, you probably need some special cream for this."

I paused for a moment to let it all sink in, and then sprung into action. "Okay, come on Jamie, I'm going to take you right now." I grabbed for his hand, but he pulled away.

"No. I don't want to go to the doctors." He takes a few steps away from me, and I look at him confused. Since when does Jamie refuse to do something he's told? I tell him to stop being ridiculous and go put his coat on, but he takes another step back. "No! I don't want to go!" I look over at Millicent who has the same confused look on her face.

"Jamie, stop. We need to take you." I try reasoning with him, but he doesn't seem to budge. "James Lucas Scott, get your coat on and come with me to the car!" I try a more motherly demand. He yells no. I look over at Millicent who gives me a look that says 'you need to take control here', so I do. I walk over to him and grab his arm, gently so I don't hurt him, but strong enough so that I can pull him over to me and pick him up. Millicent helps out by grabbing his coat and he begins to cry as we put it on him. I tell Millicent I'll be back in a little while and she says she'll continue to go through the shipments.

I put Jamie in his booster seat and he is now hysterical. I don't understand why he is acting like this. He needs to go get his stomach checked out, can't he understand that? Then again, I guess kids usually hate the doctors, right? I mean, they hate shots and medicine and all of that. His last visit must have been a check up with a lot of shots.

I carry him into the EMO building and he's still crying pretty hard. They must think he's in a lot of pain or something because of the crying, because three nurses rush over to us. One of them takes him from my arms and tells me to follow them. They lead me into a room that's painted white with a few pictures of sailboats hung around it and sit Jamie down on the bench thingy. I really know nothing about doctors.

A nurse takes his blood pressure and weight and height and he cries during the entire thing. She leaves, telling me the doctor will be in to see us in a moment, and once she closes the door, Jamie bursts out crying even harder. "Jamie, come on buddy, they are just going to make your stomach better. They aren't going to hurt you. I promise." I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him, trying to calm him down.

"Everything will be okay? You promise?" His words seep through his sobs. I promise him. This calms him down a bit, though his tears are still evident. I hold his hand as we wait for the doctor. I didn't know he was afraid of the doctors. I didn't even know he had that gash on his stomach. God, I am such a horrible guardian. I should have known both.

The door opens and I'm startled as the doctor walks in. "Ms. Scott? I'm Dr. Copeland. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ms. Davis, I'm Jamie's legal guardian. Uh, he has a gash with stitches on his stomach that seem to be really infected." He asks Jamie to take off his shirt, and when Jamie doesn't listen, I ask him to raise his arms as I lift his shirt off for him.

The doctor takes a close look at the infection and asks me how long he's had the gash for. "I don't know." He then asks me how long the stitches have been in. "I don't know." He asks me who Jamie's pediatrician is. "I don't know." Oh, God. I don't know anything. I need to sit down. I do.

The doctor laughs. "Do you know anything?" He thinks it's funny. I don't. I glare at him and he goes back to examining Jamie. "Well, the stitches are ready to come out, so I'm going to do that and prescribe you some cream for the infection. It should clear up in about a week. If it doesn't, just give me a call and we'll bring him back in here for a closer look."

"He's okay, though?" That's all that matters to me. Not stitches or creams or any of that.

"He'll be fine. But you should look into finding out who his pediatrician is and getting his files if you are planning on switching. If you are new to being his legal guardian, which seems to be the case, you need to start focusing on the little details of taking care of him. Finding out if he is up to date on his shots. Finding out when his next checkup is supposed to be. Even if he is due to go to the dentist." The doctor is kind, and I smile weakly at him.

"There's just been so much going on, I didn't even think to consider any of this. I haven't even enrolled him back into his preschool yet." I blush. I'm a little embarrassed. But if only this doctor knew how much crap we've had going on! Then he'd understand!

He laughs a bit, but it's not in a patronizing way. It's in an understanding way. Now that things are calming down, I need to start focusing on Jamie's life. I guess there really is more to this job than keeping him happy.

Doctor Copeland takes out Jamie's stitches and gives us the prescription for the cream, with a reminder for me to check in with his pediatrician as soon as I can. I tell him I will, and he gives Jamie a lollypop as we make our way out. "Can we get something to eat, Aunt Brooke?" Yes. Yes we can. I had completely forgotten I was this hungry. I ask him where he wants to go to get some food. "Aunt Karen's Cafe?" To Karen's Cafe it is.

When we walk through the door, Jamie immediately runs towards Karen, who scoops him up into a hug. "Is Lily here?" Karen laughs, and points Jamie towards the back of the cafe, where Lily is playing with a few of her toys. "I want grilled cheese, please, Aunt Brooke!" He yells back as he runs off towards Lily.

I sit down at the counter and Karen pours me a cup of coffee. "You look like you can use it." Coffee? Karen, I could use a whole bottle of vodka right about now. Hah. Lucas would be calling me a hypocrite right about now.

I mumble a thanks, and she leans on the counter and asks me to spill it. She asks me what's wrong. "Eh, nothing really. It's just been a long day. And it was a good day, for the most part, you know? But then I had to take Jamie to the doctors because a cut he has is infected, and I didn't even know he had the cut. And the doctor was asking me all these questions that I didn't know the answers to. And it made me realize that yeah, while I'm trying my hardest to keep that little boy happy, there are other things I need to take into consideration."

"Don't stress yourself out over it, Brooke. The important things are to keep him happy and healthy and to love him with all of your heart. Everything else will fall into place." She places her hand on mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "You're doing fine, Brooke. The little things will come to you with time. You've been a mother for what, three weeks? If that? It doesn't come over night. I've been a mother for twenty-two years, and I still don't know what I'm doing have the time." I laugh a bit. "Keep your head up, kid. No one said it would be easy."

"Doesn't mean I can't hope that it will be." I joke back. She smiles, and walks into the kitchen. Karen is more to me than just my ex-boyfriend/friend's mother. She's more than just a woman who owns a cafe. She's my inspiration. If Karen could get through all the heartache and pain she's dealt with in her life and be able to raise two beautiful children, then me and Jamie will be just fine.

After we eat, we head back home. It's getting late and I'm sure he is tired. Millicent immediately greets us asking if everything is okay, and I tell her that everything is fine. Everything will be fine. And I have to believe that it will.

I tuck Jamie into bed and kiss his forehead. He says he loves me and I tell him I love him right back. And that I always will. _Always and forever. _

Millicent and I discuss tomorrow's plans to work on the store, the contractors are coming tomorrow and my dream goal is to have it all done by tomorrow night. I have high hopes, I know. But hell, it's a small store and I'm willing to pay them whatever to get it done as fast as possible.

The door opens and Rachel and Mouth walk in. "Well, well. She have you under her spell again, Mouth?" I wink at him and Rachel sticks her tongue out at me.

They walk over and take seats on the couch next to Millicent and I. "So what'd you two ladies do all day?" Mouth is so polite and sweet, I love it. Millicent and I tell him all about the shipments for the new store, and I, as per usual, recruit him to come by the store and help out tomorrow. Rachel asks about Jamie, and I tell her I brought him to the doctors to get some stitches removed.

"Stitches? Is he okay? He's okay right?" I let out a small chuckle and tell her that he is fine. She's so cute when it comes to Jamie. I've never seen her care so much about one person before. "Why does he have stitches?" Mouth looks at Rachel as if she asked a stupid question. I look at him confused.

"I don't...I don't know." I'm still looking at Mouth as I answer her, but then shift my focus back on her when he doesn't say anything. "I mean, no ones said anything to me. I was with Lucas all day and he didn't mention it at all."

"Wait." It's Mouth's turn to look confused. "You were with Lucas all day? Lucas Scott?" What other Lucas would I mean? I nod my head yes. "Are you serious? He actually hung out with you? Like...out in the open?"

"Yes, Mouth. We took Jamie to the Rivercourt." Mouth's mouth (haha...Mouth's mouth...) falls open and he stares at me. "What? He told me he's been distant with you all, but I mean he loves Jamie. I figure it'll be good for him. Especially since he missed Luke after he left the city."

"Lucas went to the city? And he just went right out to the Rivercourt to hang?" Mouth stands up and I stare at him completely baffled. "We thought, I thought, he's...huh?" Mouth's head looked like it was going to spin right off of him.

"Mouth, he's Jamie's godfather. Why on earth wouldn't he come spend the day with us?" Millicent and Rachel look as if they are eager to hear Mouth's explanation as well. "What's going on?"

"Brooke, how much do you know about the accident?" I stare at him for a moment. It's not something I want to talk about. Especially in their house. "Brooke, how much?"

"I know that they were hit by a drunk driver. I know that Nathan was killed instantly and Haley could have been saved if the driver had stayed to call 911." He looks at me, expecting me to continue. "That's...that's all I know. That's all there is."

He looks away from me for a moment and shakes his head. He lets out a sigh. "There's a lot more to the story than you think, Brooke." Now it's my head that's starting to spin. More to the story? What more could there be? I don't like the way this conversation is starting...

...Things are about to get really interesting.

* * *


	22. My Lie

_well... i wasn't going to update this tonight, but my girls at fanforum and the rest of you who review are like begging me for an update, so i shall deliver! enjoy. and i promise there won't be many cliffhangers in the future. i felt so bad. so..i'm not in a very good mood. shitty day, you know? so i apologize if this chapter doesn't have very many light moments. i can't write happy things unless i'm happy lol. enjoy anyway!  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 22: My First Lie

-x-x-x-

_My momma taught me never to lie. She told me that honesty is the best policy and I should always tell the truth. _

_I lied to her once. I didn't mean to, but I knocked over one of my daddy's trophies from the shelf, and the little basketball man's head fell off. My daddy was really mad, because it was one of his favorite trophies. It was from when he won the state championship game in high school. I was afraid of getting yelled at._

_When my momma asked me if I broke it, I told her no. It was a lie, I did break it, but I didn't want her or my daddy mad at me. She got really sad after I told her no. I don't like when my momma is sad, so I told her the truth. I broke it. She told me that she knew I did, she saw me knock it down. She said she was sad that I lied to her, but proud that I told the truth. She said when I lie, it makes her sad. I told her I would never make her sad again.  
_

-x-x-x-

Mouth is nervous. He's fidgeting with his hands and he's looking everywhere except for my eyes. Rachel and Millicent are right there with me, waiting to feed off of Mouth's every word. Speak, damnit! "Mouth, what...what happened?"

"Nathan and Haley weren't the only two in that car, Brooke." But...who else was in the car? Who could...oh God. Jamie. I need to sit down. I do. Rachel sits down next to me and takes her hand to make comforting circles on my back. "There were four people in that car. Nathan, Haley, Jamie...and Lucas."

"Jamie was in the car? He's okay though, right?" Rachel's concerned. I am, too, but I'm more shocked to silence. Lucas was in the car? After everything we've been through, everything he and I have been through, he didn't think to mention it? Not once?

Lucas was in the car. He was in the car and Nathan and Haley died. He was in the car and he got away.

"Look, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want you to think of Lucas any differently, and if he's been seeing you, then he's obviously reaching out and I'm sure he needs the help and comfort." Mouth is rambling on and I'm confused. Why would I think of Lucas any differently?

"Why would she think of Lucas any differently?" Rachel asks the question for me. I'm obviously not the only one confused. "It's not like he drove the car into a drunk driver, a drunk driver drove into them, right?"

"Yeah, the drunk driver drove into them, but that's not why..." Mouth's sentence fades away. He bites his lip. He doesn't want to tell us anymore, I can tell. But he already opened the can of worms. Now we have to go fishing. He let's out a sigh. "It's getting late. I should go home. I had a good time with you today, Rachel."

Rachel stands up and blocks the door from Mouth. "No way, Mouth. Spill. What aren't you telling us?" What isn't he telling us? Why would I think of Lucas any differently. Think, Brooke, think. It wasn't Lucas' fault the car crashed. It's not like he killed Nathan and Hale...wait a second.

"They told me Haley could have been saved." My voice is quiet and raspy. Rachel and Millicent look my way. Mouth looks towards the floor. "They told me that the drunk driver drove away and because he didn't call 911, the ambulance didn't come fast enough and Haley died. They told me if someone had called 911 Haley could have been saved." My head is spinning. Rachel and Millicent still don't get it. "If Lucas was there...why didn't he call 911?"

Rachel and Millicent gasp and turn towards Mouth for an answer. Mouth sighs and shakes his head in defeat. "No one knows, Brooke. No one knows what happened during that accident that day except for Lucas."

"What about Jamie?" Millicent speaks for the first time since Mouth hit us with this bomb. Mouth shakes his head.

"How do you ask a four year old to tell what he knows about the car crash that killed his parents? Deb tried, once, before the funeral. He didn't really know anything. It was probably too hectic for him to have really known anything that was going on." Mouth doesn't seem to want to talk about any of this. I don't really want to hear any of this. But I need to know.

"And what about Lucas? Did anyone think to ask him?" I need to know why he didn't call 911. I need to know why he didn't save my Haley.

"I wasn't there when they did, but apparently it was a big blow out. It was the night before the funeral and Deb was going to drop Jamie off at the Rivercourt to spend the night with Lucas, who was taking him to the funeral the next day. Skillz was there with him. Deb asked what happened, I think she had just found out from the police report that Haley could have been saved and, just like you, she wanted to know why she wasn't. This was new news to Skillz, who wanted to know as well. I don't know what happened, but apparently they had this big fight. Deb went to Karen about it at the funeral, and after you and Jamie left for the city, Karen went to talk to her son, but he wouldn't open his door. No one, except for you apparently, has seen him since." Wow. "All we know is that Lucas and Jamie showed up at the hospital and maybe a half hour later, Haley was rushed in."

I can't really get a grasp on this. It's too much.

I think I'm mad at Lucas. I don't really know how I feel about him. I think...I think I want to scream at him. I want to ask him why. I want to know what happened and ask him why he let her die. I want to know if he and Jamie stood there and watched her. I want to know if he left her there while she was screaming for help. I want to know everything.

But then again I really don't want to know any of it at all. "I need to go find Lucas."

I stand up and head towards the door. Mouth grabs my arm gently but tight, stopping me. "I don't think that's a good idea, Brooke." I look over at him and he releases his hold. "Look, I don't know what to think of the situation either, but what I do know is that Lucas is hurting. And I think we need to let him come to terms with it all on his own."

No, Mouth. Maybe the rest of you do, but Lucas and I are different when it comes to each other. We are connected differently than the rest of you. We help each other heal. We know each tear before it falls. "I need to go find Lucas." He stands aside and I turn the doorknob. "Millicent, Rachel, keep and eye on Jamie. If he needs me, call my cell." I call out to them as I leave.

As I head over to Lucas', I can't seem to think straight, which is probably not the best way to drive. I just...I can't believe any of this. Why didn't Lucas tell me he was in the car? Why didn't I know Jamie was in the car? Why didn't Lucas call 911. _Why did Haley have to die? _God damnit!

I hit the steering wheel in frustration, and accidentally beep the horn. The guy driving in front of me gives me the finger. Just great.

_I love you, too, Tigger. _

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I pull into Lucas' driveway, and sure enough, the second I get out of the car, I hurl all over it. Sorry, Lucas, looks like you're going to have to hose down your driveway.

I stay still for a moment, waiting to see if I'm going to yak again, or if I'm good. I'm good, so I walk up to his door and knock. And knock. And knock. Fuck it, now I'm pounding. Hard. "Open the door, Lucas! It's me! It's Brooke!" Nothing. I put my ear to the door. No sounds of movement. "Lucas, open up! It's me!" I'm pounding as hard as I can on the door.

Why won't he answer?

I turn the knob to the door and to my surprise (although it shouldn't have shocked me much--we are in Tree Hill, after all) it's open. I slowly walk in. "Luke?" The place is still as clean as I left it, which does shock me. I have faith in Lucas, I do. More faith than I have in most people. But I half expected him to dirty the place up again with vodka and beer. "Lucas?" Where is he?

Maybe he's asleep? I walk over towards his bedroom door, which is closed, and open it. It's empty. Where the hell is he? I dropped him off just this afternoon. I thought Mouth said he stayed home.

I look around, and it's a few seconds before I notice his closet. The closet door is open and the inside is completely empty. Why is his closet empty? Does he not hang clothes up? I walk over to his dresser and open the top drawer. Empty. The next drawer. Empty. The next. Empty. The last. Empty. What the fuck.

I walk back out into the living room and I have to sit down on his couch to keep from falling. My head is spinning. It's been spinning practically all day, but this is too much. Lucas is gone. He packed up his clothes and he left. Where the hell could he have gone? Why didn't he tell me? Why did he leave, anyway?

How could he leave me?

When I get back to Nathan and Haley's house it's late. I expect Rachel and Millicent to be sleeping, but when I walk in, I find them both half asleep lying next to each other on the living room couch. A month ago, I would have never pictured the two of them as roommates, let alone friends. Just goes to show you how quickly the dynamic of things can change.

"Brooke, did you talk to Lucas?" I just shake my head no. I can't seem to find my voice at the moment. "Brooke, it's late. Let's just go to bed." Rachel stands up and wraps an arm around me. "Come on." She starts pulling me towards the bedroom, but I freeze in my spot.

"You okay, Brooke?" Millicent stands up, too. I nod my head.

"I'm going to go talk to Jamie. I'll...I'll come to bed in a bit." I lie through my teeth. I don't plan on going anywhere near that bedroom.

I walk into Jamie's room and he looks like he's sleeping. I sit down carefully on his bed, I don't want to disturb him from his sleep, and I run my fingers through his hair. I lean down and kiss him on the forehead, and when I sit back up, he opens his eyes. "Hi Aunt Brooke."

"Hey buddy, did I wake you?" My voice is soft and I continue to stroke his hair. He shakes his head no and smiles up at me. God, I love this boy. "How you doing, baby?"

"I'm good Aunt Brooke." He yawns, and I feel bad for keeping him up. It really is late. But I need to talk to him. I need to be near him and hear his voice and see his smile.

"I love you, buddy. You know that, right?" I don't know why I feel the need to confirm it in his mind, but I do. He needs to know I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world.

"I know, Aunt Brooke. I love you, too." He smiles at me with Haley's smile and I could just lose it. I don't, I need to stay strong in front of him, I need to keep him smiling. The more he smiles, the more I can see Haley.

Haley. The mother who's son had to watch die.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Brooke. I'm not going to jump to conclusions. Not until I talk to Lucas. Jamie might not have seen a thing...

...But what if he did?

"Jamie, buddy, you know...if you ever want to talk to me about your mom and dad...you can." My voice is extra raspy as I speak to him. I clear my throat, nervous habit, and wait for him to speak.

"Oh." That's all he says, and he looks away from me. We lay in silence for a moment. I don't really know what to say from here. "Aunt Brooke?" Jamie breaks the silence, and I'm a bit relieved. "Do you think my momma misses me?"

He breaks me heart sometimes, this kid. "I'm sure she does. But she's in heaven, do you know about heaven?" We haven't talked about her much, Jamie and I. We haven't talked about the fact that they are dead or anything much about them at all.

"Uncle Lucas says that it's the best place ever. And my momma and daddy are up there and they are watching me." He smiles at the thought and I smile back down at him.

"They are very happy there, so you don't need to worry about them. But they do miss you. And Uncle Lucas is right, they are watching you. And they love you. They'll always love you." _Always and forever. _

"Will I ever see them again?" I pull his small body closer to mine.

"One day." I don't really know how else to answer that. He seems to accept my answer. I wish more than anything I could bring him and Haley back together. I wish Haley could hold him in her arms and sing to him. I wish that she could see his smile and she could smile back at him. I wish she could be the one tucking him in to sleep. I love this boy, I do. And I would hold him in my arms forever. But it shouldn't be my job to. It should be Haley's. "Jamie...if you ever want to talk about..." I clear my throat. "About the accident...you can."

He doesn't look at me and I wait for a moment to see if he'll respond. I don't think he will, but he does. "Okay." That's all he says of the subject. I know better than to ask him to say anything more. I wouldn't want to be pushed either.

Neither would Lucas. God, where is he?

I shake thoughts of Lucas out of my head. I feel betrayed by him, and scared to do this without him, and I just don't want to think about it now. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder...is he okay?

Jamie yawns again, and I know it's time I let him sleep. "Okay, buddy. Time to sleep." He smiles at me and closes his eyes and tells me he loves me. I love him, too. With all my heart.

I start to get up to head towards bed, when I pause. I don't know where to sleep. I can't sleep in their bed. I can't do it. It just...it doesn't sit right with me. I look back over at Jamie, who opens one of his eyes to look at me. "Hey buddy? Mind if I stay here with you tonight?" He opens his eyes and smiles widely. He shakes his head yes, and lifts up his blanket for me to climb in. I do, and he cuddles close to me.

"Aunt Brooke? Can you sing me a lullaby?" I give him a look thinking he's kidding, but he's dead serious. And the look on his face is almost too innocent to say no to.

"I don't sing very well, buddy." I laugh a bit at the thought. I may be the queen of belting bad pop songs in the car (much to Peyton's dismay) but other than that, I have a pretty horrible voice. And that's being polite about it.

"Can't you sing to me anyway, Aunt Brooke? Just like momma used to?" I bite my lip. I'm nothing compared to Haley, my voice is raspy and probably off tune, while Haley's was soft and beautiful. But I sang to him until he fell asleep in my arms. And I fell asleep listening to his breathing. And I felt his heart beat against my chest. Oh, Haley...

...You should be here to do this.

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	23. My Favorite Musical

_my head has been exploding with ideas for this story and i need to write them all down before i forget or before school starts. enjoy these fast updates while they last. classes start in like a week. blah. oh and, in regards to jamie's narration in this chapter, i was listening to my "Into the Woods" soundtrack and started crying when "No One is Alone" came on because i was writing this story and it just made me sad for Jamie. if you have access to listening to it, I suggest you do. enjoy the chapter.  
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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 23: My Favorite Musical

-x-x-x-

_My momma likes to play musicals in the house and in the car for me to listen to. She sings along and I love my momma's voice. Sometimes, I sing along, too, but I don't know all of the words like my momma does. _

_My momma's favorite musical is Les Miserables. It's okay, but the music sometimes bores me. My favorite is Into the Woods. It has all the characters to the fairy tale stories my momma used to tell me. My daddy thinks that I'm too young to listen to the music for it, but my momma says she likes to introduce me to the great musicals, whether I am too young or not. _

_My favorite song is "No One is Alone". My momma sometimes sings it to me, just like Cinderella sings it to Little Red in the musical. It's a good song, and I know all of the words. If you don't know it, it goes like this: "Mother can not guide you, now you're on your own. Only me beside you, still you're not alone. No one is alone." _

_My momma told me I will never be alone, either. _

-x-x-x-

Grrr! Contractors stress me out!

This whole opening a new store is stressing me out. But I really don't mind. I'm kind of welcoming the stress. Anything to keep my mind off of Lucas. I can't freak out about him yet. He could have just went away for the weekend. Maybe he had a sudden work obligation. I don't know, maybe he's meeting with an editor or something. _Or maybe he ran away and left you behind. _

Lucas wouldn't do that. He wouldn't leave me. I can't have him leave me.

I need him.

No. Right now I can't think about that. I can't think about him. I need to push him all the way out of my mind, although I don't think he's _ever _been all the way out of my mind, and I need to focus on opening this store. And on Jamie. Nothing else can matter at the moment. "No, damnit, I don't want that there. I said the front of the store. That's not the front of the store!"

Mouth is helping one of the workers hang up the Clothes Over Bros sign I had made for the store by holding the latter for him. "Brooke, the front desk and cashiers are over here. We just assumed it was the front of the store."

"Well, never assume, Mouth. You make an ass out of you. And me? I get mad." I know I'm turning into bossy, over dominating, mean Brooke, but I can't help it. That's what happens when I try to cover up everything I'm trying not to think about with work.

"So...where is the front of the store?" I glare at the contractor and point where I want the sign hung. "That's a stupid place for the front of the store." I glare at him harder, and I'm about to open my mouth to yell at him, when Millicent walks over and pulls me away from him. It's _not_ a stupid place for the front of the store. It _is_ the front of the store. You walk through the door and BOOM. The _front _of the store is in_ front_ of you. Dumb ass.

Millicent pulls me to the other side of the store and looks at me for a moment. "Brooke, are you okay? You seem a little..."

"A little what?" I interrupt her, a little harsher than I mean to.

"...Uptight." Oh. Yeah, okay maybe that's true. "Look, Brooke. Maybe you should just go get some sleep and let me deal with this for a little while. You don't look like you've slept well at all the past few nights, and Rachel and I are worried. You keep disappearing every night since we've been here. Where did you sleep last night, Brooke?" I sigh and tell her I slept with Jamie in his room. And I'm using the word 'slept' lightly. Sleeping in a twin sized bed with a four year old who moves around a lot is a little more challenging than I would have thought.

Rachel, who was playing with Jamie over on the other side of the store, walks over to make sure everything is okay. The two of them, Millicent and Rachel, have obviously been talking about and worrying about me for quite some time now. I guess I don't blame them.

There's a loud crash over by Mouth and a couple of workers, God damn why can't they seem to do anything right, and I start to storm over to them, but Millicent holds me back. "Brooke, let me go see what's going on. You, stay here and talk to Rachel." I'm about to protest, but Rachel hooks her arm with mine and Millicent makes her way over to the source of the crash.

"So, fat ass. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Rachel leads me over to the back of the store where there are a couple of folding chairs we sit on. "Because you never told us what happened when you went to go find Lucas last night. And you've been disappearing every night. Not to mention you have to deal with that bomb Mouth dropped on us last night about the accident. What's going on in your head, Brooke?"

I just shake my head in defeat. I don't even know where my head is at right now. "I'm just stressed about the store." Rachel shoots me a look.

"I'm calling bull shit, B. Penelope. But if that's the story you're sticking to, I guess I'll just have to go along with it." I don't like when she does that. She thinks she knows me well enough to know I'm lying, but doesn't bother to get at the truth. Just rub in my face that she knows I'm lying.

I just shrug and I look at her. Her eyes have crazy bags under them and she looks just as worn out as I feel. "How've you been doing, Rachel? You been feeling better?" With everything that's been going on, I haven't been spending enough time to make sure my recovering addict of a best friend was doing okay.

"I've been better, but I'm hanging in there. Millicent's been really great. You know, making sure I'm okay and stuff. And Jamie, God, I look into his little face and I couldn't imagine ever having another hit again. Not if it would ruin my relationship with that kid." I smile. I would have never guessed back in high school that Rachel would be so close with Haley's son.

"I'm sorry I haven't exactly been there for you lately, Rachel." I feel the need to apologize. I said I'd watch out for her. Lately, I've been so caught up with myself and with Jamie, I've put her on the back burner. I just want her to know that I have the utmost faith in her. And I love her like crazy.

"Stop, Brooke. You have a million things to worry about, and I feel bad that I'm even one of them. And as for not being there for me? You're crazy. You've been there for me ever since you and Jamie found me on the bathroom floor the first night you brought him to the city. It's hard, I understand. I'm hard. But you've been great. And I couldn't ask for anything more." She smiles at me and I pull her in for a hug. I may still be broken along with half of Tree Hill, but seeing Rachel pull herself together gives me hope for the rest of us. "Now are you going to tell me why you haven't been sleeping?"

I guess I might as well come clean about one thing. "It's just the house. There bedroom. I just...I can't sleep in that room. I just...I can't." She looks at me for a moment and then down at her hands.

"Neither could I. Well, I mean I did the first night, but I was too tired and sick to really think about it. The past couple of nights I've been bunking in the guest room with Millicent." I look at her, shocked. I had no idea. "It just didn't sit right with me sleeping in their bed. It's not like I was either one of their favorite person back when I knew them."

"I want to buy a house. I want to find a place where we can all stay and sleep at night. But I don't know that I can take Jamie away from that house. He needs something to hold on to." Lucas was wrong the other day when he yelled at Jamie. It _is_ his house. And I'm not sure I can take him away from it again.

"That's where your wrong, Brooke. He has something to hold on to. He has you." I smile weakly at her. Everyone seems to have all this faith in me. Rachel, Deb, Karen, Lucas...why don't I have any faith in myself? "I see it this way. Nathan and Haley were to you and Jamie what heroin was to me, except not bad for you in anyway. Now they're gone, as the heroin is gone in my life. Withdrawal sucks, Brooke. It's hard, and you struggle, and you want anything to get back what you lost. But you can't. You need to start to rebuild your life without it. Without them. And it's hard, and you feel like every day you are going to hit bottom all over again. But you don't, you know? You keep climbing. And sure, you fall down a bit on your way back up, but you'll get there. I'll get there. And we'll all get Jamie there. We'll rebuild our lives, Brooke. And it may not seem like it now, but we'll come out okay."

I smile at her and a few tears fill up my eyes as I pull her in for a tight hug. She's grown so much since high school. No matter what Haley thought of her then, she'd be proud of her now. And I'm sure she's looking down at Rachel and her son and smiling at their newfound friendship. They've both helped each other so much. Just like they've helped me.

There's another crash from the other side of the store and I can't ignore it this time. I let out a groan as Rachel laughs and we both get up to see what the hell is going on.

After much yelling, many more crashes, and a few times using Mouth as a punching bag, the store is really coming along. It's really everything I once dreamed of, to be honest. When I first started designing my own clothes and having that website that Mouth created go live, I never pictured the glamour and fame of having a big time company. Not at first. At first my dream was this: open a store in Tree Hill and sell my clothes with all my friends surrounding me. The dream of fame came later. This is where my dream started.

"This store is going to be great, Brooke." Millicent seems happy. "I'm going to go grab a coffee, do you want one?" I smile and tell her to grab me my usual, and she heads over to Mouth and Rachel to ask them if they want anything. Rachel says her stomach has been acting up all day, so she better not, and Mouth volunteers to take a walk over to the coffee shop with her. I smile as I watch the two of them leave together. Rachel is right. They would fit as a good couple.

As I stare at the door watching the two of them leave, someone else catches my eye as he walks in. I look away, not sure as to why he is here or why he is walking over to me. I'm not sure I want him here at all. "B. Davis, can we talk?"

"Uncle Skillz!" Jamie runs over and jumps into Skillz' arms. They hug and Skillz puts him down. "Do you want to play basketball, Uncle Skillz? This store stuff is boring me." Gee, thanks Jamie. Here I am living a dream by making this store, and it bores you?

"In a few minutes, J-man. I just want to talk to Brooke for a bit and then, if it's cool with her, we'll go shoot some hoops at the Rivercourt, a'ight?" Jamie nods his head excitedly, and runs back over towards Rachel. I focus my attention back on Skillz and we nervously and awkwardly stare at each other for a moment. "Come on, B. Let's go outside and talk for a minute."

I consider protesting, using the construction of the store as my excuse like, 'oh, I can't step away from the workers right now, they might do something terribly wrong', but I can't seem to make up an excuse. I nod my head yes, and follow him out the door to talk.

God, I'm nervous. The last time we talked, well, I wouldn't really call it talking. More like Skillz yelling at me standing there like an idiot taking it all. God, I hope this goes generally a lot differently.

We sit at a bench that's down the sidewalk from the store a bit, and neither one of us speak. I'm picking at my cuticles. I'm nervous. I don't want him to yell again. "How you holding up?" I look at him for a moment confused. He's really just going to talk?

"I...uh...huh?" Was that even English? He chuckles to himself.

"If that's an indication of how you're holding up, I'm guessing it ain't good." He smirks at me. I want to punch his stupid face. I glare at him for a moment and his smirk fades. "Uh okay, let me just cut to the chase. I've been doin' some thinking since I saw you the other day at the court. Plus, Mouth has been on my case about it. He thinks I should be apologizing to you. I don't know whether or not I'm going to." He pauses to think for a moment. "I guess I'll apologize for the way I spoke to you. You're still our B. Davis, and I should never have risen my voice like that at you. But I'm not sorry for being mad. I'm mad, B. And I ain't apologizing for how I feel."

"I wouldn't ask you to." I wouldn't. I wouldn't even expect him to.

"See, now that's the other thing. The B. Davis I know would have laid my ass out on that court for speaking to her like that. You just stood there and took it. You didn't even shoot my that famous Brooke Davis glare. You just took it." What the hell? He wanted me to kick his ass? I would never have. He didn't deserve it. I deserved to be yelled at. "The old B. Davis wouldn't have put up with me for a second. She'd have yelled back. Fiercely."

"I haven't been the old Brooke Davis in a while, Skillz." There's no denying that. I haven't felt the need to be my old spunky optimistically fierce self in a while now.

"A while? Or a few weeks?" He looks at me and I can't quite read his look. I don't know what he's getting at. "Because I haven't been the old Big Daddy Skillz since Nate and Hales died." He's still looking at me, and I look away. "I am glad you came back, you know. I didn't think you would. I thought you were just gonna keep Jamie to yourself and not come back."

"I would never keep Jamie to myself. He's not mine to take. And secondly, you didn't even attempt to come visit him. As if it's damn near impossible for you to hop a train and come down to the city." I don't know why I'm suddenly angry.

"There's the old B. Davis." He smirks at me and I can't help but shoot him a look. "I guess we can agree to disagree on you taking him to New York. It don't really matter now, though, do it? 'Cause your back. For good, right?" I tell him I'm back for good. "Good." He pauses for a moment and we sit in awkward silence. "Can I ask you a question, Brooke?" I look at him and nod my head. "Why did you change the kid's name? I mean, I don't want to harp on the past so much, because for real girl, I couldn't be happier that you brought him back. But I just want to know. Why'd you take Scott away from the kid?"

"You won't like my answer." It's a pathetic excuse. My mommy made me. It's pathetic and sad.

"Try me." He wants to know. I sigh.

"My mother made me." He looks like he's going to yell or laugh or somewhere in between. "Before you get all preachy and freak out on me, just, hear me out. My mother was the CEO of my company. She helped me get it to where it is. And for once, for once in my life, she was paying attention to me. But she didn't care about me, and I was too naive to notice that. Or I wanted to believe that she cared so badly I was just in denial of the fact. I don't know. But she took over. She was controlling and she took my company from me without me knowing." I haven't thought about my mother in a while. "Anyway, she was furious that Nathan and Haley left Jamie to me. She kept trying to get me to send him to a boarding school, but I would never do that. She was so concerned with my image and the image of the company, she didn't want anyone to spread rumors that he was my son. And to be honest, I didn't want that either. I felt like if people thought he was my son, I was slapping Haley in the face. So we told everyone he was my cousin. And I guess because of that, I slapped Haley and Nathan in the face anyway. But God, Skillz. I am so, so sorry."

He doesn't say anything for a while, but he suddenly wraps an arm around me and I'm more than a little shocked by his action. "Please tell me you fired the bitch's ass." I laugh.

"Oh yeah. And I slapped her across the face." He laughs and holds up his hand for me to high five. We do and we sit in silence for another few seconds. "Are we okay, Skillz?" Skillz and I were never close. We never had much of a friendship, but we never had a problem with each other either. But Jamie loves him. And Nathan and Haley did, too. It's important to me that he and I are okay.

"We're cool, B." He smiles at me and I smile back. I'm not mad that he was mad. I expected half of Tree Hill would be. He yelled at me, and I didn't really appreciate it. But I've snapped a lot the past few weeks, too. It'd be hypocritical of me to hold a grudge.

"Can I ask you a question Skillz?" I bit my lip as I ask him, and he looks at me and says sure. "Mouth told me a lot of things I didn't know about the accident...in regards to Lucas..."

"You wanna know what I know." He says it as a statement and not a question.

"I want to know what happened."

Skillz takes a deep breath. "To be honest, I don't know much more than my man Mouth. I just know that Luke was in the car and for some reason, he didn't call an ambulance. He and Jamie showed up at the hospital and when they took Jamie to the ER, Luke told them to send someone for Haley and Nathan. Why he waited that long I don't know."

"So he did tell the medics to send an ambulance for her...but not until he and Jamie were already at the hospital?" That's...weird. Why didn't he call?

"Yeah, weird, right? And it wasn't like the accident took place right around the corner. Haley didn't even make it to the ER until a half hour after Luke and Jamie were already there. I mean, I know Luke. You do, too. He wouldn't leave Haley unless he had a reason, right? But no one knows what happened. He wouldn't tell us."

"You and Deb, you mean?" I'm trying to remember everything Mouth had already told me. "Mouth said you guys had a big fight the night before the funeral."

"Yeah. See, Deb comes driving up to the Rivercourt to drop Jamie off with Luke, only when she gets there, she's like red in the face tears in her eyes mad. You could tell she wasn't right the moment she got out of the car. She looked a mixture of distraught and really, really pissed off. Anyway, she starts yelling these questions at Luke, like 'why didn't you help Haley? Why didn't you call 911? What happened that night?' And Luke starts freaking out. So, I immediately go for Deb, because I'm afraid Luke is just going to lay her out. And she just starts crying, and her voice immediately softens, you know? She wasn't mad. She was just...she wants to know what happened. I mean, Nathan, Haley, and Jamie are her only family. And it took the woman so long to have a stable family, with Dan and all finally out of the picture. Anyway, she's crying and Lucas is still freaking out. And he's not making any sense either. He's crying and he's yelling and none of it is making sense. And little Jamie is standing there watching it all with tears in his eyes. At the time, he still didn't really have any clue what was going on, you know? Anyway, Lucas tells Deb that none of it matters, that nothing that happens matters. And she argues back, saying it all matters. But Luke had enough. He grabs Jamie, picks him up and leaves the Rivercourt."

"He just freaked out?" I wish I were here. I wish I were here with Nathan and Haley before they died. I wish I was here for Lucas after they did. I wish I didn't miss out on those four years.

"Yeah. He just left me and Deb there like completely stunned. The next day at the funeral, you know how it was, it wasn't like we was gonna go up to him and be like 'what's your beef, man?' We had bigger things going on. Bigger things to think about, you know? And afterwards, no one saw him. Karen tried going to talk to him, but he wouldn't even open his door for her."

"He opened it for me." My voice is a whispered realization. Lucas opened his door for me. No one else. Not even Karen.

"And I heard he went to the city, too? Man, you might be the only person who can reach out to that boy. Because none of us know what to do. We're all suffering here, you know? But we've all been trying to live. It's hard, don't get me wrong, and I'm sure you know it is. But Lucas is the only one who fell this hard. Even you, with your life turned upside down and everything, you haven't even fell as hard. I want to know what happened that night, I do. But Luke is my friend, he's been for as long as I can remember, and it's important that he's okay. And I don't know that he is right now. But I have a feeling, with you being here, with you here to help him, he'll be able to pull hisself back up."

I shake my head and Skillz looks at me. My eyes fill with tears that I'm not going to let fall. "I can't help him. He left." He looks at me confused, so I continue. "I went over last night to ask him about the accident. I just needed to talk to him. But when I got there, he didn't answer the door, but it was unlocked so I walked in. He wasn't there, and I don't know why but I snooped around a bit. His closet was empty, Skillz. His closet and his dresser drawers. All his stuff was gone. As if he packed up what he needed and left. He's gone. And I don't know what to do. Because I need him, too." I start to cry. I need Lucas. And for the first time, I admitted it out loud.

Skillz wraps his arms around me and holds me as I cry. "He'll be back, B." I shake my head against his chest.

"How do you know? How do you know that he'll come home?"

"Because you did." I cry even harder and he holds me tight. God, Luke. Where are you? How could you just leave our little broken town...

...How could you leave me?

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	24. My Momma, Part I

_okay..so i sort of hate **A/N**s but i just need to clarify something real quick. some of you have been asking about peyton. she probably will not be making a trip to tree hill. she has a life in L.A., and like she told brooke, she can't up and leave her job without the possibility of losing it. and she's worked hard for that job. now, that doesn't mean she loved nathan and haley any less, she just cant leave L.A. She hadn't been to Tree Hill in four years, like brooke, and it just wouldn't make sense for her to go back. if brooke hadn't gotten custody of jamie, i don't t hink she would have ever thought of going back, either. and as far as her being there for brooke, well she has been, even though they only have an over the phone kind of relationship. she's the one who really convinced brooke to go back home to tree hill, after all. _

_anyway, i just thought i'd take the moment to mention that, for those of you who've been asking about her. for you peyton lovers, i'm sorry, but i promise brooke will at least have another phone conversation with her best friend. thanks for reading, thanks to corey for helping me with jamie's narration ideas, and enjoy the update.  
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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 24: My Momma, Part I

-x-x-x-

_My momma likes it a lot when I say please and thank you, and when I say god bless you when someone sneezes. She says that it is important to be polite, and that I should always have good manners. I try to always be polite for my momma, but sometimes it's really hard._

_Once at school, this mean kid made fun of my shirt. It was one that Aunt Brooke made for me, and he was being really mean about it. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't, so I pushed him. He got mad and hit me, so I hit him back. Then he hit me again. Our teacher came over and made us stand in opposite corners. We got in really, really big trouble. _

_When my momma came to pick me up, my teacher told her what happened. When we got home, she told me that hitting is wrong, and I should never use my hands to solve a problem, only my words. She told me that violence is never the answer, no matter how mean someone is being. I should go to a parent or teacher instead. She then told me that the next day, I should say sorry to the mean kid. I told her I didn't want to, that I wasn't sorry I hit him, but she told me that everyone has feelings, everyone has a reason for doing the things they do, and if I can be nice and say I'm sorry, he might want to be nice, too. _

_The next day I said I was sorry, and the mean kid said he was sorry, too. He said he wouldn't make fun of my shirt anymore, and I said I wouldn't push or hit him again. We then played with legos together. _

-x-x-x-

Progress. Webster's Dictionary defines this as movement, mostly towards a goal. Advancement. Development or growth.

A lot of progress has been going on in our lives lately.

Just think about it. Nathan and Haley died, and everyone hit bottom. Jamie and I moved to New York, and our relationship was rocky at best. I was angry and harsh, and he was scared and confused. Millicent found herself without a home and Rachel was passed out on my bathroom floor high off heroin. My mom was running my company. And my life.

Millicent moved in, and Rachel decided being around Jamie and the rest of us was more important than a hit. We became a family, and although we were still broken and unstable, our family was all each other had.

Things were still hard, Rachel hit bottom, I hit bottom, and Lucas came into the picture. He helped me climb back up, and Millicent and I were able to help Rachel climb back up. All the while making sure Jamie was happy. Oh yeah, and I fired my bitch of a mother.

But I guess the biggest progress of all that we've made, the biggest development and growth, was coming home. And us coming home, Jamie coming home, helped the people we left behind in Tree Hill continue to make their own progress. Skillz, having Jamie around, has started to become less bitter and angry at the world. And Deb? With her grandson around, Karen hasn't been as worried about her falling back into her old addict ways.

We're really trying here, our little broken town of Tree Hill. Everyone took a huge punch the day that drunk driver hit Nathan and Haley, but we're doing our best to carry on. It's just all still hard. I think it always will be. But at least we're progressing.

I can't say the same about Lucas.

Today I have a lot of crap to do concerning the store. Hopefully it'll be ready to open by the end of the week. That would be ideal, anyway. Jamie and I are driving over to Deb's, where he's going to spend the day.

When I called to ask her if she would mind having Jamie for the day, I could tell she was beyond thrilled just by listening to her voice. I'm going to have to work something out with her. Some sort of plan where she will at least get to watch Jamie once a week. At least. Jamie loves his grandma, and it's more than obvious that she's crazy about that kid, too.

When we pull up to Deb's house, my heart immediately jumps up into my throat. "Aunt Brooke? Why are there police cars at Grandma Deb's house?" Good question. One that I wish I knew the answer to.

I park the car, get out, and go to the backseat to pick up Jamie. There are two police cars parked outside of Deb, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. What if something happened to her? What if she did something to herself? I can't let Jamie deal with another loss, I just can't. God, I thought she was doing so much better.

Okay, Brooke. Don't get ahead of yourself.

We walk up to the door and I knock hard. The anticipation of finding out what's going on has me a little antsy. I'm knocking and knocking and knocking as hard and fast as I can so someone answers the damn door.

When the door finally opens, I'm face to face with a police officer. "Ma'am, are you trying to break the door down?" He gives me a questioning look, and I glare at him. Way to go, Brooke. Let's make the police officer hate you.

"Brooke! Jamie! It's okay, officer. That's my godson and his guardian." Deb comes rushing past the officers and takes Jamie from my arms. Okay, so Deb is seemingly fine. And while, yeah, I'm relieved, I'd still like to know what the hell is going on. "Jamie, baby, can you go play in the other room for a minute so the police officers and I can talk to your Aunt Brooke?" Uh oh, why do I get a bad feeling about that.

"Is Aunt Brooke in trouble?" I was just wondering the same thing, buddy.

Deb laughs. "No, not at all. Just grown up talk." Jamie seems to accept it, and Deb puts him down so he can run into the other room. She turns to me and introduces me to the police officers, though I don't really listen to their names. We shake hands, and I wait for someone to tell me what the hell is going on. "I don't know if this is a sensitive subject for you, Brooke, I know it sure as hell is for me, but the sensitivity of it all never really bothered me. I needed to know the answers." She's sort of rambling. I don't really have a clue what she's trying to say. "After the accident, I put a lot of my money into finding out about the drunk driver. Using any small details to get an identity. I just...he took my son, Brooke. He deserves to be behind bars."

Deb speaks with such...anger in her voice, but I couldn't agree more with her. I want that son of a bitch behind bars. Hell, I want that son of a bitch dead. One of the police officers turns to me and speaks. "Once we figured out he was driving a pizza delivery truck, it was easy to track him down."

"How do you know he was driving a pizza delivery truck?" This feels so CSI. If I weren't completely on edge and if it weren't completely inappropriate, I'd be really getting a kick out of this.

"Lucas and I had a fight the night before the funeral." Yes, I'm aware. "During his little screaming fit, he mentioned that it was a pizza delivery guy." Oh, okay. Makes sense. He was there. He would know. "Anyway, I took that right to the police." Deb seems more alive than she has been since I've seen her. As if she really needs to figure out who killed her son. As if it would give her some kind of closure.

"Once we knew that it was easy to hunt the kid down. There's only what, three pizza places in this small town? Only two of which deliver." The other police man began to explain things to me.

"Yeah, but without a license or anything else of proof, how could they narrow it down? Figure out who was working that night?" I was never good at figuring out CSI. The episode would always end and I would be the asshole going 'woah. Totally didn't see that coming', while everyone else had it figured out in the first five minutes.

"True, it would have been a lot more difficult to figure out, had the kid not taken the car and ran off after hitting your friends." The police officer smirks, and I don't really find it appropriate. "There were two people working delivery that night at Eddie's Pizza. Freddie Vaughn, who returned the delivery car without a scratch on it, and Thomas O'Malley, who had a reputation of being drunk on the job, who never returned at all." Okay, great. Let's bag that son of a bitch. That drunk son of a bitch.

"So why are you here? Go get him. Throw his ass in jail." I've come to the realization that I'm just as bitter about this as Deb. Throw the kid on Death Row for all I care. He deserves to fry for this. Deb seems to agree with me wholeheartedly.

"That's what we're here to talk about, Miss Davis. Ms. Scott, we are doing everything we can to hunt this kid down, but the Eddie's Pizza managers don't know much about this kid at all. No address. No social security number. Nothing. They apparently just hired the kid on the spot, and when they had him fill out paperwork, he just never did. But I assure you, Eddie's Pizza will be fined for that." So what? This kid is just gone? He gets away with it all?

That's bull shit.

"You find that kid and make his life hell. I'm paying you all damn well enough to." Deb's red in the face. I hope that kid is out there miserable. Thinking about them every day. Haunted by the sight of their faces as he hit them. Killing Nathan. Driving away and killing Haley. Hurting my baby boy. And ruining more lives than he could ever realize.

God, I need fresh air. My head is starting to spin a bit. "Don't worry, Ms. Scott. We are going to do our best to bring Thomas O'Malley to justice." Thomas O'Malley? Why does that seem so familiar? I suddenly need fresh air even more.

"I need to go, Deb. I'll be back for Jamie tonight." I practically spit out the sentence in one mumbled breath and leave the house. All this talk about Nathan and Haley's _murderer _is starting to take it's toll on me.

I step out of the house and take a deep breath. I'm feeling a little light headed, so I decide to take a walk and try to clear my head. But I can't seem to get that name out of my mind. Thomas O'Malley. Why do I know that name?

Thinking about him makes me sick though, this Thomas O'Malley. Stupid fuck, drinking while delivering pizza's. Hitting my friends. Not even bothering to see if they were okay. Leaving, and getting away with it all. How dare he get away with it all.

How dare he. I hope he burns in hell. I hope he's fucking miserable for the rest of his life.

I remember thinking similarly once, in regards to Haley. Senior year, Nathan got himself in deep with some loan sharks. Lose the state championship, that's what they wanted him to do. But we all know that wasn't an option. Losing that game was not an option. They all worked so hard to get there, not to mention it being Whitey's last chance to ever win it all. And Nathan knew to put his fears aside and win the game.

But then that loan shark, Dante I think his name was, got mad. Nathan deliberately went against the deal, and Dante lost a lot of money and contacts because of this. And that son of a bitch wanted revenge. And he got hit.

I remember when they told me Haley was hit by a car, I couldn't have been more afraid. My Tutor Girl was in the hospital, fighting for her (and her unborn baby's) life. If I hadn't also found out that Dante had died, I would have sought him out and killed him myself.

But not Haley. Not my Tutor Girl who could have lost her life and her baby's life because of this man. She was more concerned with Dante, and how he died. And how his family would feel about losing him. Oh, Haley. You were so selfless, I don't know how you ever even saw me worthy. Because I would have killed that son of a bitch. And I wouldn't have cared about him or his family as I did it. I wonder if she would have pity on this kid, as well. I wonder if she would worry about him and his family, and put her personal feelings aside for this kid as well. This Thomas O'Malley.

God, why does that sound so familiar?

Woah. I don't know why my feet keep taking me here. But I suddenly find myself at the Tree Hill Cemetery once again. Subconsciously, I must really want to be here. But consciously, I couldn't want to be further away. I can't go near them. I just can't. I can't go near what this Thomas O'Malley made them. That son of a bitch Thomas O'Malley.

_Emmit David Thomas Clarke O'Malley._

Wait a minute. I freeze in my spot, standing outside of the damn cemetery, as I try to remember the little tidbit of a memory that just popped into my head.

_Emmit David **Thomas** Clarke **O'Malley**._

What the hell. What...who is that? What...wait a minute. Emmit David Thomas Clarke O'Malley. Emmit _David_ Thomas Clarke O'Malley. Emmit _Davey_ **Thomas** Clarke **O'Malley**.

Davey.

What. The. Fuck.

No, no, no, no. That's way too ironic. There's no way. There's no fucking way. It's a huge fucking city. A huge fucking city. And this is some fucking small little hickville town. There's no way. There's no fucking way it's the same kid. It can't be. Life doesn't work as ironic as TV. It doesn't. There's no fucking way.

_"Well, kid. When I was five my dad died. My mom fell into this state of depression and packed everything in our house up, including me, and moved us from our home in Georgia to the city. She didn't want to deal with anyone back home, she just wanted to sit and sulk in her own depression and booze. One day, she off-ed herself, and I was alone. I tried to go back to Georgia, but there was no life there for me anymore. So, following my mom's lead, I began to sit and sulk in my own depression and booze. I dropped out of school, began living on the streets begging for money for said booze, and everything just went downhill. I left the city for a while, stole a car, and just drove. **I ended up in some hick town, got a job as a pizza delivery boy, and everything was going alright for a while.** Of course, I still lived on alcohol, and one night I lived off of the alcohol while I was working. **I got into a car accident and saw my whole pathetic life flash before my eyes. I took off and drove back here.** The city never felt like home, it never compared to Georgia, but I just couldn't go back. And I couldn't go anywhere else. So I bought a guitar with the money I made from my delivery job, and threw away the booze. I sit and sulk with music now. That's why I don't have a home."_

No. No fucking way. I'm remembering this wrong. I'm remembering it all wrong.

I must look like a mental patient. I'm standing here in front of the goddamn cemetery, my hands holding my head, tears streaming down my face. God damnit! This can't be real!

Davey killed them. He killed my Nathan and Haley.

My cell phone is ringing and Rachel is on the other end. I pick it up and start rambling incoherently about Davey and how I'm going to get that son of a bitch and how I'd run all the way to the fucking city just to lay my hands on him. She tries to reason with me, she tries to get me to calm down, but I don't. And I hang up the phone on her.

I promised before I even walked into that funeral that I would kill the son of a bitch.

I think I blacked out at some point. I don't know. I don't remember when I got here or how fast my rage grew, but I'm back in the city. I'm on a train pulling into Penn Station. I don't know how I got here, and I don't know how to control any of this anger that I'm feeling. I want to kill someone. No, I want to kill Davey.

I should be more concerned that I blacked out and am now feeling the need to hunt down and kill a teen boy, but I'm not. I don't care. He deserves to die. And rot in hell. And if killing him sends me to hell? So be it. It'd be worth it. He took their lives. He took them away from Jamie. He deserves to pay.

Where is that fucking murderer?

Where is he!

I think I actually just screamed that out loud. People are looking at me. Or are they looking at me because I look like I want to kill?

I run out of Penn Station. God I hope this kid is still outside of my apartment building. If not...I don't even know where to begin. Where do I even begin to look for one kid in this fucking city?

I don't care. I'll look everywhere. And as long as I have to. I need to find Davey. That son of a bitch killed Haley. That son of a bitch took them away.

"Davis! You're back! I gotta tell you, the rest of your building? Yeah, not as generous as you. Except for that one old guy who gives me bran muffins every morning." The moment I see his smug face I could throw up. I walk right up to him and smack his smirk right off of his face. Hard. "What the hell, Davis!" I hit him again. And again. And now I'm punching at him. "Davis! Davis, stop!" I'm not weak for a girl, I know I can hit, and I know I'm hurting him. He backs as far into the wall as he could. He knows better than to hit me back.

"You killed them! You fucking drunk! You killed them!" I have tears streaming down my face and I'm punching at him hard. His face turns white. That son of a bitch knows who I'm talking about. He knows what he did. And I'll make him pay.

I'm hitting at him and I'm damn near being hysterical. He's a few tears away from looking like me, himself, but I don't care. He needs to pay. That fucker needs to pay.

The doorman comes running out and pulls me away from Davey, who has picked up his guitar to use as a shield from my blows. "Miss Davis! Miss Davis, please! I'll call the cops! I'll call security! Please, stop!"

I stop fighting against the doorman's grip as security comes running over. I point a finger and Davey and I'm yelling. "You killed them. You took them away from me. You took them away from Jamie! You son of a bitch I hate you! I hope you burn in fucking hell!"

Davey looks at the security guards and then back at me, and he goes to make a run for it. He looks back at me as he does, and for a moment, I see that gleam of sorrow in his eyes. I see regret, and pain, and sorrow. And I break down. And while he runs right past me and all I have to do is reach out my arm to grab him, I don't. And as he runs away with the security guard chasing after him, I watch as he goes.

He's a broken boy. He's full of pain and regret and sadness. Haley wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want me to end this boy's life. She would have forgiven him. She probably already has.

She was always so much better than me.

The doorman let's his grip on me go, and he asks if I'm okay and he asks if I need anything, and I ignore him. I just walk into the building and get into the elevator. I just need to lie down. I need to fucking lie down._ I need Lucas. _

I make my way into my apartment and I fall to the floor completely breaking down and sobbing and not knowing what to do with myself. I look up at the counter and the picture of Peyton, Haley, and I is staring at me. And I can't seem to read Haley's face. I think she's disappointed. I think she's upset that I would even consider hurting anyone just for her sake. But at the same time, I wonder if she's proud of me for letting him get away.

I can't believe I just let him get away.

There's a knock at my door and I ignore it. I'm sobbing and I can't seem to control myself to even consider answering it. "Brooke? Brooke it's Mouth! Rachel made me drive all the way to the city to see if you were here! She said she was positive you would be! Can I come in, Brooke?" God, why does Rachel know me well enough not to even second guess that I would come all the way here?

I don't answer him, but the door is open, and he walks in. He finds me on the floor, a broken mess, and he wraps his arms around me. I can't believe he came all the way here because Rachel told him to. I can't believe he cares about her that much. I can't believe he cares about me that much.

God, I wanted to kill that kid. I could have killed him with my own two hands. But that look in his eyes, that look of regret, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't. God, I wanted to so badly. Does that make me as bad as him?

Oh god.

"Shh, Brooke. It's okay. I'm here, I've got you." I can't believe this is all happening. I can't believe I am breaking down again. I thought I was okay. I thought I was fucking okay. I thought I was doing better than this. Than breaking down in Mouth's arms. All the way in the fucking city. After attacking a kid. A kid who killed my friends. My Haley. "Shh, Brooke. I've got you. It's okay. I'm here." Mouth's words are soothing, and I'm glad he's here. I'm glad someone is here. But, despite it all, I can only manage to say one thing back to him...

..."You're supposed to be Lucas."

* * *


	25. My Momma, Part II

_Enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 25: My Momma, Part II

-x-x-x-

_My momma only wants the best for me. She tells me that every day, just like she tells me she loves me every day. She says she always wants me to be happy and healthy and safe, and if anything were to ever get in the way of that, she promises she would do everything she could to fix it and protect me. _

_I only want the best for my momma, too. _

-x-x-x-

I remember when I was younger, after Mrs. Sawyer had died, I used to go with Peyton to the cemetery to visit her grave. I never really understood much about it all. I mean, did I believe in heaven? I guess. Did I believe Mrs. Sawyer could hear Peyton? I don't really know. But she was my best friend, and if she needed to go to the cemetery and talk to her mother, I would do everything to support and help her.

I'd say about the fifth time that we went, Peyton asked me if I wanted to talk to her mom. I wasn't really sure what to say. I mean, I wasn't really in to the whole thing. I didn't know if Mrs. Sawyer could really hear us or even if she had an afterlife. I didn't know much about death at all. And it was awkward to me, talking to a stone in the ground.

But if I said no, I felt like I'd let Peyton down. So I said sure, and Peyton backed away to let me stand in front of the grave for the first time. I had always stood awkwardly a few feet back giving Pey her space to do her thing. But now i was front and center, staring at what used to be my best friend's mother. Who was more like a mother to me than my own mother ever was.

I didn't know what to say. Peyton always knew what she wanted to say and said it as if it were a completely normal situation. Me? I don't know. Even if Mrs. Sawyer could see or hear us from wherever she was, would she have even wanted to hear what I had to say? I did some pretty wild things back then, would she have been disappointed?

I remember standing there in silence for a while. I wonder what Peyton was thinking while I was standing there, all quiet like an idiot. But eventually, the words came. And I told Mrs. Sawyer everything. I told her how I wasn't proud of myself and the way I was with boys. I told her I didn't mean to drink or party the way I did. I told her I was a mess, and most of the time, I hated it. I told her everything that I felt and everything that I would never admit out loud to anyone else. Not even Peyton, up until that moment.

It felt...cleansing...talking to her. Telling her everything that I wanted to let off of my chest. It just...I felt so...at peace after speaking to her. I can't explain it. But I felt better after talking to Mrs. Sawyer than I had ever felt in my entire life.

I wish I felt that good right now.

I love Mouth, I do. How many guys would drive as long as he did on a whim to find me? Mouth would. And I'm sure he didn't even think twice about it. He held me as  
I broke down and when I started to shiver, he took his sweatshirt off and wrapped me in it. And when I finally calmed down, he held my hand as we walked down to his car.

He asked if I wanted to stay in the city for the night, but I told him no. I needed to get out of that place. I needed to get far away from it. I needed to be in Tree Hill with my family. He's great, Mouth. He drove all morning to find me, and he's driving all night to get me home.

We haven't spoken much. Well, he's tried. I just haven't had much of a voice to respond to him. And you know Mouth, he's too sweet to try and push me into a conversation. He knows I want to stare out the car window in silence, and he's nice enough to just let me.

We pull into Nathan and Haley's driveway and it's a little after four in the morning. He gets out of the car with me, and I tell him that he doesn't need to walk me in. I'm sure he's tired. I tell him that I love him and appreciate all he's done, and he can head home. He tells me he'll walk me in anyway, he wants to make sure I'm okay, especially since Millicent, Rachel, and Jamie were probably asleep.

I don't argue with him. He drove all the way to the city to find me. If he wants to walk me into the house, I'm going to let him.

When we walk in, I think we're both a little shocked to see Rachel and Millicent trying their best to stay awake on the couch. Rachel immediately gets up and runs over to me, pulling me into a hug. "Brooke! God. She was in the city wasn't she? Oh, thank you, Mouth! I told you so!" She holds onto me tight and begins to ramble. "God, I called everyone after you hung up. I even left a message with Lucas!"

I fall into Rachel's embrace and she holds me tight. "Brooke, what happened?" Millicent asks as she walks over and wraps an arm around me. I just shake my head. I can't talk about it right now. I'm going to have to, I know this. I just...I can't just yet.

I wanted to kill a young kid. Who I found out killed two of my best friends. That's not something you can just blurt out. "I just want to go to bed."

Rachel nods her head and let's me go, and I walk to Jamie's room. He's sleeping soundly, and I climb into the bed with him and hold him close. God, just holding this boy can make everything go away.

I wake up after sleeping for only a couple of hours. Jamie is still asleep. I try to close my eyes and enter another REM cycle, but it's not working out very well. All the thoughts I don't want to be thinking find their way into my head, and I need air. It's getting hard to breathe.

I hop out of the bed and make my way to the living room. When I get there, I hear a beep of a dying phone coming from the kitchen. I reach my hand into my pocket and feel my phone. I take it out and look at it. No missed calls. No voicemails. Nothing.

The past two days I must have tried to call Lucas a million times. He hasn't tried to call me at all.

I hear the beep of the dying phone in the kitchen again, and it really eats at me. I don't know why, but it's really annoying me and I want to throw it out the window. God, I need fresh air.

Rachel left a pair of shoes in the living room, so I slip them on and head out the door. I need to be outside. I can't breathe in this house.

The cemetery. Every time I step outside for air, every time I take a walk, I end up at this goddamn cemetery. Except this time, I don't run away. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and walk in.

I don't even know that I remember where they are buried. The funeral seems like it was so long ago, opposed to a few weeks ago. But I must subconsciously remember exactly where they are, because my feet don't hesitate taking me straight there.

NATHAN SCOTT  
BRAVE IN SPIRIT...

HALEY JAMES SCOTT  
...STRONG IN LOVE

I don't even know which tombstone to walk up to first. God, I can't believe this. I don't even know where to stand. They are buried here. What if I accidentally stand on top of them? Oh, God. I think I'm going to be sick. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I need to leave. I can't be here. I can't...

I reach my hand out and trace the letter's on Haley's tombstone. H...A...L...E...Y. My Haley. She's right here, I'm right next to her. But it's just...it's not her. She's dead. And I still can't believe it. _Fuck you, Davey. I hope you rot in hell_.

But something tells me the way I've acted wouldn't make Haley too proud. But I'm doing it for you, Haley. I wanted to kill that kid for you. For Jamie.

I want to talk to her, like Peyton used to talk to her mom. I want to tell her everything. I want to admit everything to her that I can't say out loud. But I don't even know where to begin. "God, Haley. Why did you have to leave me?"

My legs give out, and I'm sitting at the front of her grave. "And why did you leave Jamie to me, Hales? I...I haven't even been a good Godmother. I've only seen you all maybe three times since I moved to New York! Why would you leave him to me? I...I don't understand. Why not Deb? Or your parents? Or Lucas?" I'm crying now, "And, God, Haley. Where is Lucas? What's going on with him? Why aren't you here for him? You are his best friend, Haley. Why aren't you here to protect him?" I'm hysterical, now. "Why aren't you here for me? Why aren't you here to protect me? I'm a mess, Hales! I'm probably ruining your sons life! Is this what you wanted for him? Is this the life you dreamed for him? God, Haley, I can hardly be strong for myself, how on earth do you expect me to be strong for your son? God, you must be so mad at me. You must regret your decision. You have to be regretting your decision. It was the wrong choice, Hales. I'm the wrong choice. What the fuck were you thinking!" I'm screaming at her. I'm screaming louder than I have probably ever screamed before. I wonder if anyone's in this cemetery to hear me.

"God, I wanted to kill Davey, Haley. I wanted to kill him and hear him beg for mercy. I wanted to hurt him so bad, Haley. And, God, he's just a kid. He's just a kid who's life is more broken than I can comprehend. And I wanted to kill him. I wanted to see him suffer. I still want to see him suffer, and I don't care if that makes me a horrible person. He took you away from me. He took you and Nathan away from all of us. And I...he needs to pay, Haley. But I can't get you out of my fucking mind. I can't keep thinking about how forgiving you are...you were...I can't get that out of my head. I can't help but wonder if you would forgive this kid. I need to know if you forgive him. I need to know if I'm supposed to let him go or make him pay. I need to know, Haley. Because right now I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do, God damnit!" A few birds fly away in the distance, and they startle me a bit. Black birds. Ravens.

"And, God. I didn't know anything about this fucking accident. I didn't even know Jamie was in the car! He has a fucking huge gash on his chest, Haley, and I didn't even know! How could I have not known? He's only four! But I've been so caught up in everything, I haven't been the one to dress him. I haven't even supervised his baths. God, I just let him do it all himself. He's only four! I'm supposed to be there for him. To help him and make sure he's happy and safe and healthy. But I haven't thought about anything other than keeping him smiling. That's not what parenting is. There's more to raising a child than keeping him smiling and I've been too caught up in everything to notice that. Oh, God, Haley."

"I screwed up so bad in New York, Hales. So, so, bad. But I'm trying so hard to fix it all, I really am, Hales. I'm trying to fix it all for you. Because you were the best mother in this whole fucking world. And it's not fair that Jamie lost out on that. It's not fair that he has to go from you to me. I'm nothing compared to you, Haley, and none of this is fair to Jamie. I'm not fair to Jamie. I...I..." I can't even speak anymore I'm crying so hard. I'm hanging onto her grave trying to hold myself up, but it isn't working. I fall to the ground, crying hard for the girl I lost.

I don't know how long I'm crying on the floor. It feels like forever, but I really have no idea. I have no concept of time when I'm a mess. It all just seems to fade along. But I can't seem to compose myself. And I don't even try to, until I hear the footsteps coming up from behind me.

I try to quiet my sobs, not really succeeding, and turn to look at who is behind me. I freeze in my spot, and my crying immediately stops and is replaced by shock. Tears still falling down my wet face. "Luke?"

He takes a few steps closer to me, and I can't read his face. He looks so...emotionless. He doesn't say a word, and his hovering over me makes me feel a little uneasy, and he steps close enough to me to drop something on the ground in front of my face. I look down, confused. Three envelopes. "Luke what...what is this?"

"There are 3 letters there, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all while I was gone. One a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid." I look down at the envelopes in shock. The tears still streaming down my face.

"Luke..." I don't really know what to say.

"Just...read the letters, Brooke. It's all in there." I shake my head. I want to know what happened more than anything else in this world. I want to know every detail, everything I can. But...suddenly...just finding out isn't important to me. He turns and starts to walk away.

"I don't want to read it from a letter, Luke." I have to find out from him. "I need to hear it from you."

"I don't want to see your face when you find out." He's not facing me, but his voice is shaky. If I could stand up from the ground and walk over to him, I would. But I can't seem to find the strength to. Even though I'm getting dirt and grass stains all over my expensive designer clothes.

"Luke. Look at me." He hesitates for a moment, but turns to face me, and his tear stained cheeks match mine. "I need you to talk to me, Lucas."

"You aren't going to like what I have to say. And I...I can't see your face, Brooke. I can't see your face the moment I lose you." Fresh tears start to fall from his eyes, and more fall from mine.

"Please, Luke." I don't know what else to say to convince him to tell me. "You need to talk to someone. And I need you to talk to me. You can't just keep everything from that day inside of you, Lucas."

"No one would understand! No one could understand what went on that night. No one could fucking understand!" He's yelling and his knees give out. He's now on the floor with me.

"Try me, Luke." He shakes his head, but it's not a refusal shake. It's a shake of defeat.

"It all happened so fast, Brooke. It all happened in like three seconds. Do you know how much you can accomplish in three seconds? I do, Brooke. You can take off your shoes, pop a beer, and get into a car accident in three seconds. You can hold your finger down on the remote control and pass seventeen stations in three seconds. You can open a can of tuna fish, shuffle and bridge a deck of cards, or twist the tops off six bottles of ginger ale in three seconds." He's talking with a nerve rackingly calm tone. "You can ring a doorbell 22 times, lock and unlock a deadbolt four times, or sing the entire alphabet in three seconds. You can do all of that, Brooke. But I couldn't do a damn thing in the three seconds it took to take Nathan's life."

He's calm, and it's bothering me. I've got tears streaming down my face. "Luke...there was nothing you could have..."

"I didn't even see it coming. One minute I'm on the phone with my mom telling her we're on our way for dinner, and the next everything is spinning. And the screaming...God I still hear her screaming at night. And the blood...Oh, God, Brooke." He's starting to lose that calmness in his voice. I want to hold him, but I'm too afraid to reach out to him. "I was so...dizzy. And so confused. It took a minute to figure out what had happened. There was glass everywhere. And Jamie was crying and Haley was screaming. And Nathan...he just wasn't moving, Brooke. And I knew. I...Fuck." The calmness is gone. "He just looked so...so...fucking cold. I can't even explain it. He looked frozen. He...I just knew...And Haley, oh God...She...I didn't know what to...she was in so much pain, but found the strength to hold her screams in and ask Jamie if he was okay. He just kept crying, he didn't even answer her. And she made eye contact with me, and we locked. And I couldn't look away. But she started yelling at me, Brooke, to get out of the car and get Jamie out of his high chair. She needed me to check him if he was okay. She was in so much pain, Brooke. She couldn't move. She...she was in so much pain. But she kept yelling at me until I was out of my trance and I jumped out of the car and opened the back seat. Jamie's shirt was covered in blood, Brooke, and I was so scared. I...I love him, and he was covered in blood and I didn't know what to do. And then Haley started yelling for Nathan. And I didn't know how to tell her...I didn't...I couldn't say it. And she asked me if he was okay. She asked me if he was just unconscious, and I couldn't answer her. And she knew. And, God, she cried so hard. And she was just in so much pain, I couldn't tell if she was crying from the pain or crying for her husband. She...oh God."

He's starting to cry and I'm hysterical. I don't want to hear this, but I need to hear this. Oh, my Haley. "I was shaking so hard I couldn't undo Jamie's booster seat. My hands were sweating and I was shaking and I kept fumbling with the damn thing. And when I finally undid it, he leaped from the chair into Haley's arms. And she tried to tell him to go to me. She tried to get him to let go of her. She was just in so much pain, and he was holding onto her so tight he was hurting her, and he couldn't...he didn't know. He just wanted to hold onto his mother. I ran to the other side of the car and tried to pull him off of her, but he was holding on so tight. Haley told me to leave him and go call 911. I tried to argue with her, telling her he needed to let go, he was hurting her, but she said he was more important than her pain. She...she was willing to let him hold her, even though it hurt her so, so much. I ran back to the front, but I couldn't find my phone. It flew out of my hand on impact and I couldn't find it. I looked so hard, Brooke. So fucking hard. But I couldn't find it. So I asked Haley if she had her phone, but she told me she shared one with Nathan. And I...I couldn't touch him, Brooke. I just couldn't fucking touch him. My brother was dead, and I couldn't touch him to look for a phone. God, I couldn't do it. He was dead, Brooke. My brother was dead. I just...I couldn't touch him. So I kept looking for my phone. And all I could hear was Haley telling her son to be a good boy. All I could hear was Haley telling him how much she loved him and that he had to promise he was going to be a good boy and grow up to be a great man. She was fucking saying goodbye, Brooke. And I tried to tell her to stop. I tried to tell her to stop talking and to save her strength. I tried to tell her that she needed to save her strength, but she wouldn't listen. She yelled at me that she was talking to her son, and I lost it. I couldn't hold anything in anymore. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find that damn cell phone."

I don't want to hear anymore of this. I can't hear anymore of this. But I need to keep listening. I need to let him finish. "She asked me what I was doing and I told her I couldn't find my phone. She told me that I was wasting time and I yelled at her that I knew I was. That I was trying my hardest for her. She shook her head and told me that she didn't matter. She told me that nothing mattered except for Jamie, and that I needed to get him to a hospital. He was bleeding so bad, Brooke. She told me I needed to take him to the hospital and I was wasting time looking for my phone. I asked her what she wanted me to do. I couldn't call for an ambulance and I couldn't just leave her there. But she told me to leave, Brooke. She told me to take Jamie and leave her. She just wanted her son to be safe...he was bleeding so bad, Brooke. And I tried to argue with her. I tried to tell her I couldn't leave her. But she told me I had to. She told me I had to take Jamie to the hospital. She begged me to leave her, Brooke. She was my fucking best friend, and she was begging me to leave her. So I did. I fucking left her. I ran with Jamie in my arms to the fucking hospital, and the moment I ran through the doors I yelled for them to send an ambulance to her. And they took Jamie from my arms to bring him to an ER and they sent an ambulance for Haley. But they were too late, Brooke. I was too late. She fucking...she was dying, Brooke. And I left her. I left her to die."

I need to hold him. I reach over and pull him into my arms, and he falls into my embrace just like he did when he broke down on the Rivercourt all those years ago after telling me about his HCM. Only this time it was much, much worse. "I left her to die, Brooke. All I had to do was get Nathan's cell phone. But I fucking couldn't. And she fucking died. I left her to die, Brooke. I left my best friend to die." I'm holding on to him for dear life, trying to comfort him in anyway I can...

...But how do you comfort someone when you need comfort yourself?

* * *


	26. My Feel Good Spot

_Okay. This fic is officially rated M. This is a short update, but I couldn't imagine adding more to this update just for the sake of making it longer. Thanks again for all of the reviews, ive been feeling really shitty all day and just knowing you guys really are enjoying this makes my day a little better. so, enjoy.  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 26: My Feel Good Spot

-x-x-x-

_In my backyard, there is this really big tree. When it's hot out, it has the best shade to keep me cool, and it has the best branches for climbing. Sometimes when I'm sad, I'll go and sit by the tree and it'll make me feel so much better._

_My momma calls the tree my feel good spot. She says that sometimes, a person or a place or even a thing can help you feel at peace and help you be happy when you're sad or when something is bothering you, and just being with that person or being in that place can make all your troubles go away. _

_I asked my momma what her feel good thing was, and she told me it was my daddy. She said just being in his arms after a long, stressful, day could make anything besides happiness disappear. _

-x-x-x-

I don't know what to say.

I don't even know how long we've been on the floor of the cemetery crying. I think it's been a while. We're both finally starting to run out of tears.

I don't think I'm mad at Lucas. I don't think I blame him for Haley's death. Maybe a little. I don't really know. Should he have reached into Nathan's pocket to get his cell phone to call 911? Well, yeah. But would I have, if I were in the same situation? Well, I don't know.

I just...I don't really know what to think. But I do know I'm going to burn these letters the first chance I get. I can't ever hear that story again. I can't ever picture Haley, hurt and screaming and dying, ever again. God, I can't even comprehend this at all.

Lucas suddenly pulls away from me a bit and looks into my eyes. I think he's trying to read them. No, Lucas. I don't hate you. You didn't lose me. I'm right here. I try to say all of that with a look. He seems to be able to read my eyes, because I feel his body ease into my touch even more.

To be honest, if I had heard this story, the real story, a few weeks ago, I would have never spoken to him again. I would have blamed him and have been mad at him and I would never, ever forgive him.

But I've come a long way, since then. And I think, now, so can he.

I pick my hands up off the ground and try to wipe the dirt and grass stains off of them, but my palms are sweating so bad I'm just making it worse. We're both filthy. We've been sitting on the ground for a while now. I look over at Lucas, who is no longer crying, but he just looks so defeated. "Come on, Luke." I start to stand out and reach out my hand for him to take. "Let's go get cleaned up."

I drive him to his house, and we get out of the car and make our way in. I'd have gone to Nathan and Haley's, but a) I didn't know how he'd react to being in that house and b) I didn't want him to have to deal with Millicent, Rachel, or even Jamie. Right now it needs to be just the two of us. For both of our sake.

I lead him to his bedroom and sit him on his bed. "Come on, Luke. You're filthy. We both are. Why don't you take a shower?" He doesn't really move. He just looks down at his white shirt, which is more brown and green with stains than white at this point. "Luke, come here." I grab his hand and pull him back up off of the bed and take his shirt and help him pull it over his head. I reach down to undo his belt, but he takes my hands in his and holds them for a moment. I look up to make eye contact with him, and his eyes, his icy blue eyes, the Scott boy eyes, bear right into my soul. He pulls me close, still holding onto my hands, and our lips meet.

It's soft and gentle and no where near as forceful as it was the last time we kissed. It lingers for a moment before either one of us pulls away. When we do, we continue to look in each other's eyes. I don't know about him, but I can't seem to be able to look away. He lets go of my hands and reaches for my shirt, pulling it up over my head just as gently and carefully as I pulled his off.

I take his hand and lead him into the bathroom, not looking away from his eyes. It's a miracle I didn't walk into a wall. I fumble with his belt buckle for a moment before getting it undone and pulling it off. I go to unbutton his pants, all the while he's pulling my bra straps down. I undo his zipper and he unhooks me. I tug on his pants and they fall down to his feet, and my bra slides off my arms and on to the floor.

Neither one of us says a word. There's nothing spoken between us except for a look. A look that neither one of us seems to be able to break.

I'm standing there in my jeans and him in his boxers, and I walk over to the shower to turn it on. He pulls his boxers down and looks away from me for a moment to make his way into the shower, the hot water hitting his face and rolling down his chest. I undo the button on my jeans, unzip the zipper, and slide my way out of them. I pull down my bikini style panties and he stands aside giving me room to step into the shower with him.

The water is hot on my body. A little too hot, but at the same time, the burning sensation feels good. I throw my head back and close my eyes as I let the water hit my face. When I open my eyes, Lucas is looking at me, and I want more than anything to be able to smile at him. He just looks so defeated. I reach behind him for his loofa and I turn him around so his back is to me. I soap the loofa up and run it against his back, washing away the dirt, the grass, the pain of the cemetery. I'm washing him as gently as I can, and I can feel my breath becoming heavier and heavier. I feel like I'm going to cry, but I know I won't.

I start to think about Lucas. He saw Nathan's body there...dead. His brother, who he loved as a friend and a family member, dead. He saw Haley cry out in pain and saw her dying. He saw my Jamie crying and bleeding. He saw all of this, all the while trying to figure out how to save them. All of them. And only being able to succeed in saving one. My Jamie.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of empathy, sadness, guilt, pain...all the feelings I have been fighting since the funeral all rushing back to me in one swift movement. I take my hands and wrap them around Lucas' body, pressing my face up against his back, my arms around his chest. He takes his hands and brings them up to mine, rubbing my hands with his thumbs. He slowly takes the loofa from my hand and turns to face me. He brings a hand to my cheek and holds it there for a moment. He leans in and his lips graze mine.

Before he captures my lips in a kiss, his eyes search mine. He leans in more and takes my lips in his, and I wrap my arms around his neck. We break our kiss, and he moves to my neck. His lips up against my skin causes my eyes to close tight. I try my hardest not to think about the last time he kissed me. I try not to think about the pain and the desperation and the harshness of it all.

For a minute I feel my body tense up, but his hand on my lower back is so soft. And his kiss on my neck so gentle. This is nothing like the last time.

I take his face in my hands and I pull him in for a kiss. His hands slide down my back and he pulls me close to him. He walks me back and my body ends up against the wall of the shower. He lifts me up, my body leaning against the wall keeping me from falling, and I wrap my arms around his neck. We stare into each others eyes for a moment, our foreheads against one another.

God, I need to feel him. I look at him, and I can tell he needs to feel me, too.

I let out a gasp as he enters me slowly. I don't know if he's just afraid of hurting me like last time, but he's gentle and loving, and each thrust is another moment of pleasure. He's just as loving and gentle as he was back in high school. Back when we made love. Back when we were in love.

My lips are against his neck and my hands pressed against his chest. He has one hand holding me up and another on my breast and the water is hot and pounding on us hard. He has great water pressure.

I can tell he's almost reached his point, and I want to tell him to wait. I'm almost there, too. But I can't seem to have a voice. I used to have a reputation of screaming names and moaning. But this time, save for a few gasps, we've both been quiet. We've both been taking each other in. We've both been marveling in something beautiful. Something more cleansing than a shower.

We're two bodies connected as one, and to be honest, I think we've always been that way.

I don't know if it's the oncoming orgasm or the pain and realization of Lucas' story finally hitting me, but I begin to cry. I'm sobbing and my body falls into his embrace. I'm starting to cry so hard I'm shaking, and he pulls away from me and lifts my chin to look into my face. "Brooke? Did I hurt you?" He whispers, making sure I'm okay. He must have the last time we did this on his mind, too. I shake my head against his chest, and let out a loud sob when I try to talk. "Brooke, what's wrong? What did I do?"

I continue to shake my head against him and he takes both his hands to lift my face up to look into his eyes. "I need you, Luke." He opens his mouth to say something, but no words must come, because he closes it back out. "I need you, Luke. I need you." I repeat over and over again, crying into his body. If we weren't in the shower, my tears would have been falling down his chest just as the water is. "God, I need you so much, Luke."

He pulls me as close to him as he can and kisses the top of my head. I wonder for a moment if he's crying, too, because his hold on my body is shaky, but I don't look up to see. He rests his head on mine as the water and our bodies keep us warm. "I need you, too, Brooke." And now that we've both admitted it...

...He better not leave my side.

* * *


	27. My Day Out

_As you can tell by the couple of days that went by without an update from me, things are going to be busier in my life, so updates will not be as frequent. don't worry though, i'm a generally good updater, so i won't leave you hanging too too much. This chapter isn't all that exciting and I'm not completely thrilled with it, but it was necessary to write before the next few chapters. oh well, Enjoy!  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 27: My Day Out

-x-x-x-

_When I was little, I think three, my Aunt Brooke came to visit. My daddy had basketball practice and my momma had a class to go to, so Aunt Brooke and I got to spend the whole day together. It was really cool._

_She took me to the park and pushed me really high on the swings. She took me to get ice cream and let me have two scoops! She even took me to the toy store and said I could pick out any toy I wanted to! _

_We had a lot of fun. She told me she was sorry she isn't around much, and she promised me that she loves me and she thinks about me every day when she's in New York City. I think about her every day, too. _

-x-x-x-

Ever wake up and have that feeling of peace and serenity and just...calmness that you know is going to fade away the moment you open your eyes and remember all of the crap that has you so strung up to begin with?

That's where I'm at right now. I don't want to open my eyes and remember. I just want to lie here in sweet oblivion wrapped in this sheet in Lucas' bed.

Speaking of being in Lucas' bed, I don't know what last night means for Lucas and I. Are we together? Are we just good friends who have sex? Was it more than just sex? It was more than just sex to me, was it to him? Does he feel as connected to me as I do to him? Does he really need me like he says he does? Is he going to leave me again? Are we going to be this way forever?_ Do I love him?_

Woah, there, Brooke. Stop getting worked up and asking yourself these stupid questions.

I don't know that you can define what Lucas and I have. What we are. No, we don't have some fairy-tale relationship. But that doesn't matter. Real love in real life isn't like a fairy-tale. Life itself isn't like a fairy-tale. There isn't a clear cut happy ending.

And even if you have your ideal happy ending, it never ends up being how to dreamed it would. Happy endings change as life goes on. My happy ending used to be having a million dollar company and fame in the city. Now my happy ending is here, in Tree Hill. With Haley's child. In Lucas' bed.

And, while we're on the subject, I think once upon a time Lucas' happy ending was with Peyton. Things change. Did I ever dream my life would end up like this? No. Never. But that doesn't mean I can't still make my ending a good one.

I guess it's safe to say that feeling of peace and calmness is gone. I might as well open my eyes.

I fight it for a moment, but then open them, and I have to blink a couple of times to get the blurring to go away. I rub the eye crusts out of my eyes and roll over to face Lucas. I sit up abruptly when I realize I'm the only one in the bed.

Why am I the only one in the bed?

"Luke?" My voice is shaky as I call out into the room. Where the hell is he? Did he leave me? Oh, God. He left me? How could he leave me? I'm suddenly very overwhelmed by the possibility of Lucas being gone. I'm starting to shake a bit. He wouldn't leave me, would he? "Lucas?" There's no answer, and I don't know why, but I start to cry.

As if one cue, the bedroom door opens and Lucas walks in. He stares at me confused for a moment before rushing to my side. "Brooke? Brooke what's wrong?" I start to laugh through my sobs. I sort of feel like an ass.

"I thought you left me again." He half chuckles at me while his eyes are full of guilt and regret as I half cry half laugh at him. He climbs into the bed and wraps an arm around me, and I rest my head against his shoulder. He tells me that he just went outside for a cigarette. I ask him when he started smoking. He says around the same time as the funeral. I shake my head at him. "Well...don't. I don't like it." He just half chuckles back. "I'm serious. It's just not you."

"I haven't been me in a while, Brooke." Yeah. I know the feeling.

"Where did you go, Lucas?" I bite my lip and look into his eyes. He looks at me confused for a moment.

"I just told you. Outside for a cigarette." I shake my head at him. That's not what I mean.

"The past few days, Lucas." I'm sure it's all in the letters. I'm sure I can just go and read them and know all the answers to my questions. I know Lucas. I know he poured his heart into these letters just like I did back in senior year when I wrote to him. But I don't want to read his words. I need to hear them from his mouth. "You left me. Where did you go?"

"Brooke...I never meant to leave you." But you did, Lucas, whether you meant it or not. "I just...we were getting so close, and that scared me. You were bringing me out of the house and we were hanging out around town. And I was afraid that eventually you would find out about the accident. And I didn't want to hurt you more than you already are hurt. I didn't want you to hate me. So after that day with me, you, and Jamie on the Rivercourt I started thinking. If I was going to hide from the rest of Tree Hill, why not hide from you, too? But it was a lot harder hiding from you. Because if you called, I would answer. If you rang my doorbell, I'd let you in. I can't block you out. So I just got in my car and started driving. But then Rachel called and left a voicemail saying how you were really upset and needed me. So I came back. Because I needed to be there for you."

"But you left, Lucas." His excuse is lame. He still left me. Just like he always does. I can't have him leave me again. Not after yesterday. Not after last night. He doesn't say anything. He looks away from me, ashamed, and that's enough for me to know that he won't leave me again. He regrets what he's done. I won't dwell on it much longer. We all need to keep moving on.

I look at my watch. It's a lot later than I thought it was. "Shit, I need to head back to the house. I haven't seen Jamie in like forever. I can't keep leaving him at night." God, I haven't had one on one time with my Jamie in like forever. I'm getting to caught up in myself. God, I'm horrible.

I jump out of the bed and grab my jeans off of the floor to throw back on. I look over at Lucas and I can tell he's disappointed that I'm leaving. "I can bring Jamie over later if you want, Luke. The three of us can hang again. He adores you."

Lucas sighs and looks over at me with pleading eyes. "Stay here, Brooke." I sigh and send a weak smile his way before protesting, but he shakes his head and speaks again before I can. "No, I don't mean right now. I mean...move in here, Brooke. You and Jamie. You hate staying at that house. You said it yourself."

"Luke I..." I don't know about this. Do I want to? I think I do, but..."I can't, Luke. I...Jamie loves being at the house. It's his house. And Rachel and Millicent...I can't leave them without a place to live. They dropped everything to come here with me, well at least Millicent did. Rachel didn't really have a choice. But they've been so great. I can't, Lucas."

"Brooke." He stands up and takes my hands in his, and I know if I look him in the eyes he'll win me over. So I look everywhere except his eyes. "Let Millicent and Rachel stay in the house. If they choose to find another place to live, okay. But at least you'll be leaving them with a roof over their heads. And I understand you want to give Jamie something to hold on to, but I really think he needs to start to adjust like the rest of us."

"Jamie is adjusting." What is he talking about?

"Brooke, before you get all defensive, I'm not saying you aren't doing a good job. You are. But has Jamie talked about the fact that his parents are dead? Has he mentioned the accident? Has he really accepted all of this? Or does he think he's just on a long holiday with his Aunt Brooke?" Wait a second, buddy.

"Don't, Lucas. Don't you dare."

"Don't I dare, what, Brooke?" He's challenging me, and I don't like the sudden change in our conversation. What happened to the Lucas who was just asking me to move in? Where did that Lucas go? Can I get him back? "I'm not trying to hurt you or say something to erase everything you've done for him. I know how far you two have come. Farther than me, that's for sure. But when will he get to move on?"

"He doesn't get to move on! He doesn't get to forget about Haley!" I'm yelling now, which really isn't fair to Lucas. He's been speaking so softly.

"That's your problem, Brooke. You're trying to hold on to Haley through him." I don't want to be having this conversation anymore. "Brooke, I get it, I do. Haley was my best friend. Nathan was my brother, Brooke. My brother. But you can't hold on to something because you are afraid to lose it. Jamie needs to deal with their death, Brooke. But that doesn't mean he'll forget them."

"He's four, Lucas!" Why can't he hear how insane he's sounding. "And what's so bad about holding onto Haley though him, huh? It's better than drowning myself in my self pity and vodka like _some _people!"

"Just because he's four doesn't mean he doesn't have real feelings, Brooke." He ignores my comment towards him.

"How do you know! I've been the one who picked him up after they died. They left him to me, goddamn it. Not you." Okay, that was a low blow. By the look on his face I can tell I hurt him. "Oh, Luke...I didn't mean...I..."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He mumbles and walks out of the bedroom. I follow him. I try to tell him I didn't mean it like that and he turns to face me. "Brooke, you didn't even know he was in the car." I look down at my feet. "And I'm not trying to knock you. Like I said, I think you're doing great, okay? I've admitted that. But you didn't even know he was in the car."

"I need to go, Lucas." I turn around to head out the door, but before I can he grabs my arm. "Luke, I can't okay? I've just started being able to talk about them out loud. I can't talk to Jamie about his dead parents. About that accident. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" He pulls me in for a hug.

"Maybe we can be strong enough to do it together." And just like that, I've got the better Lucas back.

We break our hug and I smile weakly at him. "Well, I really do need to go. I've got a four year old to entertain." I avoid his moving in question just for a little longer. I need time to think about it. I hesitate for a moment before leaving. "Luke, I'm opening the new store tomorrow night. We're having a type of Grand Opening party. I'm sure there will be press, and all of our friends will be there. I'd really appreciate it if you came, too." He lets out a sigh. I bite my lip. I wasn't really expecting him to want to come. He's still hiding from the rest of the world. "I know it's hard, Luke. But you can't avoid them all forever. And I could really use your support. So you don't have to answer me now, but at least think about it, okay?" He mutters an okay, and I tell him goodbye as I start to head out the door.

"Being a mom looks good on you, Brooke." I hear him say as I'm halfway out the door. I turn back and give him a half smile.

"I'm not a mom, Luke. I'm a godmother." He smiles back at me and shakes his head as I leave.

When I walk into Nathan and Haley's house, the first thing I hear is Millicent yelling from the kitchen. "Seriously, guys! Stop! You're making a mess!" Followed by the laughter of Jamie and Rachel.

I follow the sounds of my family into the kitchen to find all three of them covered in flour, and Jamie and Rachel covered in cookie dough. "Aunt Brooke!" He leaps off of the chair he's standing on and runs over towards me. He jumps into my arm and I pick him up. I could care less if he gets me dirty. "Aunt Rachel and I are making cookies!"

"I can see that. And I'm pretty sure you're making more of a mess than actual cookies." I look over at Millicent and Rachel. "Thanks for keeping him entertained, guys."

"If you didn't disappear all the damn time we wouldn't have to do that." Rachel smirks at me. She's right, I know she is. But she doesn't have to be nasty about it. "Are you okay, Brooke?" I tell her I'm fine and I listen to Jamie tell me all about the cookies they are making. When he stops talking, Rachel starts again. "Brooke, can we just talk for a minute?"

I look away from Rachel and back at Jamie. "Buddy, how about you and I spend the day together, just the two of us?" He squeals in excitement and I tell him to go put his shoes on. He asks about the cookies. Millicent tells him they'll finish up. He runs off to find his shoes.

"Brooke, seriously. Can we talk?" I blatantly ignore Rachel's question and ask Millicent how much work is left to do before the opening of the store tomorrow. Millicent looks from me to Rachel, and tells me that everything is just about done. I tell her that's good. "Brooke, stop. What happened the other day? And where were you all yesterday? And where did you sleep last night?"

I sit down at the kitchen table."Rachel, just let it go. I'm fine."

"No, Brooke. I will not let it go." She's standing over me and she's mad. "I will not let it go when every night you have me worried that you are out somewhere upset or hurt or only God knows what. So, please, Brooke. Just...what's going on?"

I take a deep breath. Where do I even begin? Do I tell her about Davey? Am I ready to deal with what I know about Davey? "I went to the cemetery yesterday." No. I'm not ready to think about Davey. I'm not ready to figure out how to deal with that. "I went to see Nathan and Haley."

Rachel and Millicent both take seats next to me. "You want to talk about it?" I smile at Millicent and shake my head. I really don't want to talk about it. "What about last night? Where were you then?" I was hoping they'd just let it go, but obviously not. Rachel wants answers.

"Lucas came back. He found me at the cemetery. He told me about...we talked. And I spent the night with him."

"Spent the night...how?" Rachel smirks at me, and while I want to shoot her a look, I don't. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

"It wasn't like that, Rachel." It wasn't. It wasn't just sex. I didn't just sleep with Lucas. It was more than that.

"Then what was it? And what...are you and Lucas together now?" I hate playing this game of twenty questions with her.

"Look, I don't know. I don't. I just know that I need to be near him. I just...I feel so much stronger when I am. I feel like when I'm with him everything will be okay. And I haven't felt like everything will be okay in a while. And it's just...I don't know. I have a connection with Lucas and I...I don't know. None of this makes any sense when I say it out loud." I laugh, Rachel and Millicent just smile at me. "I think he needs me, too. Whatever we have, we have it together, you know? He even asked me and Jamie to move in with him. Isn't that ridiculous?" I laugh again, but this time they don't even smile.

"I don't think that's all that ridiculous, Brooke." Rachel shrugs at me. "What you and Lucas have seems pretty special, whether or not it makes sense out loud. And Jamie loves both of you so much, your his godparents after all. Maybe you guys have a chance at being like...a family."

"But we are a family. The four of us. And we live here. And Jamie loves it here. And how much of a family can we be if I don't even know what's going on between Lucas and I? Oh, I don't know." This conversation is giving me a headache. I hate being confused about things. Especially about how I feel.

"Brooke..." Before Rachel can say anything else, Jamie comes running back into the room. I pick him up and hold him in my arms as I tell Rachel and Millicent we'll be back later tonight.

"Aunt Brooke, we really get to spend the whole day together? Just us?" He's so excited and his smile is so big I forget about everything else for a moment. I forget about Davey. I forget about Lucas. It's just me and my godson...

...And maybe that's how it's supposed to be.

* * *


	28. My Guardian Angel

_This was a hard chapter to write, and i'm hoping i did it justice. feedback is greatly appreciated, and i'd like to take the time to thank those of you who have been faithful reviewers; your words mean a lot to me. as for those of you who just read or have me on alert, knowing i have as many alerts and hits as i do is also greatly appreciated. i work my best for all of you. enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 28: My Guardian Angel

-x-x-x-

_I fell out of my favorite tree in the backyard, once. I was all the way at the top, I had been climbing for a really long time, but the branch I was on wasn't strong enough, and it broke, and I began to tumble down. I remember yelling and being so scared of hitting the ground, but I stopped falling before I did. I was scared and confused, but I saw that my legs had hooked on to another branch, and I was now hanging upside down like a monkey. _

_My momma came running out, she must have heard me screaming, and pulled me out of the tree asking what happened. I told her that I fell, but that the other branch stopped me from falling all the way. I remember my momma was really relieved that I was okay. I then told her that I must be really lucky. _

_She smiled and told me that luck had nothing to do with it. I ask her what she meant, and she told me that I must have a guardian angel looking out for me. She told me that angels came down from heaven to protect us and keep us safe. I asked her if my guardian angel had a name. She said she didn't know, she just knew she was thankful that I had one. _

-x-x-x-

When I was younger, I loved going over to Peyton's house. Her family had this love and dynamic that I found fascinating. Growing up in the Davis household, there was no time for love. There was no time for family dinners or family game nights. There was no time for mother daughter talks or daddy daughter dances. In the Davis household, there was no time for family.

When I was a little older than Jamie, my parents and I went to pose for a family portrait. My mother bought me this frilly pink dress and a brand new bow for my hair and I remember feeling like a princess when I put it on. I remember being lifted onto my dad's lap and my mom standing next to us with one hand on my shoulder and the other draped around my dad's. I remember the photographer telling us to smile, and we all did.

I was so proud of that picture, because it was the first time I had anything to show that we were a family. When the picture was finished and framed and my dad hung it over the fireplace, I remember I called Peyton and told her to come over immediately. I wanted to show it off. I wanted to show Peyton that I could have a real family, too. Just like she did.

But no family portrait could make what we had a family.

When Peyton came over that night, my parent's started fighting. My mom was yelling at my dad for working way to much and my dad was yelling at my mom for forcing him to be that way. She said he didn't care about this family, all he cared about was his job. He said she didn't care about this family, all she cared about was the money and power he gave her by working that job.

And me? I stood under the family portrait I wanted to so desperately show off waiting eagerly for them to come to some kind of agreement so we could just move on with our lives. But they didn't, not for a few hours anyway, and when Peyton pulled me in for what felt like a pity hug, I remember looking up at that family portrait and thinking that it was a fake. We only were smiling because the photographer told us to. The family portrait, just like the fancy cars and the big house and the suits and ties my father wore and the cocktail parties my mother threw, was just for show.

We weren't a family. There was no love. And the little, perfect, beautiful daughter they told all their friends they had was just for show, just like everything else. They could just have easily gotten a poodle.

When Peyton's mom died I remember how drastically changed her family dynamic had become. Everything was different for her and her dad, but at the same time, everything was the same. The love was still there. The family was still there. They were broken, but they still had each other.

I remember when I went over one night shortly after Mrs. Sawyer died for dinner, Peyton and her dad just seemed so lost without her. Their eyes had changed, although I can't really explain it, and so did their smiles. I remember realizing how much of an impact Peyton's mom had left on their family. I remember wondering if my mom or dad had any kind of impact on ours.

I remember wondering if my mom or dad died, would we even take the time to stop and grieve, or would we just continue living. I remember wondering if I would even care.

I don't remember when, but at some point in my life I promised myself I would never become my mother or my father. That if, no--when, I had a child, I would love them unconditionally and never let them second guess my love, not even for a second. All the love inside of me that I wanted to give my mother and father that had built up over the years I would pour into the heart of a child. That I would give the child the love and comfort and family that I never had. That I always wanted.

And when that child loved me back, when that child loved me unconditionally and considered me family, then everything I've ever wanted as a child, everything I ever needed, I would finally have. "Aunt Brooke? What are we going to do today?"

"What ever you want to do, buddy. This is officially Bramie Day." He looks up at me with a confused face and a scrunched nose and I can't help but laugh. He asks me what the heck a Bramie is. "Bramie--Brooke and Jamie put together. Today is our day, buddy. You and me. Wherever you go, I go. Whatever you do, I do. So, tell me, where are we going and what are we doing there?"

He brings his hand to his chin and makes a little pondering face. "If I jumped off of a bridge, would you follow?" Oh, Haley. Your kid is way too smart for me to handle sometimes.

"Nice try, wise guy. There will be no bridge jumping. Not in this dress."

"Can we go to Aunt Karen's Cafe and get french toast and cheese fries and a milkshake? And not the yellow cheese on the fries, the white cheese." His eyes widen in excitement as he asks me, and I laugh. Seeing him this happy and this excited could keep me happy forever.

"French toast and cheese fries? What kind of combination is that? And I think you need to be a little more specific than white cheese, babe. There's a lot of white cheeses." He laughs, and tells me he wants the kind of cheese they put in sticks. After a moment of confusion, I figure it out. Mozzarella.

When we get to Karen's, Jamie runs in, nearly knocking over a couple of customers, and behind the counter to give Karen a surprise hug attack. Karen nearly drops everything she's carrying, but she regains balance and hugs Jamie back. She then looks over at me, and I wave, laughing at the scene my kid just caused. "Aunt Karen! Can I have french toast and cheese fries with white cheese and a chocolate milkshake!" Karen laughs and tells him of course he can and to go grab a table and have a seat. Karen doesn't need to ask what kind of cheese he means. I guess when your as great of a mother as Karen, you become fluent in the language of a child. I bet Haley would have known, too.

Karen brings us Jamie's food and my coffee, I'm not very hungry, and he digs in. I steal a fry here and there, and he pretends to fight me off every time I do. I smile as I look around the Cafe. Being here has always reminded me of high school. But mostly, it reminds me of Haley. "Did you know your mom used to work here?" The question slips out before I can even think about the fact that I'm talking to him about his dead mother and second guess myself about it.

"She did? With Aunt Karen?" He puts his fork down and gives me his full attention.

"Yeah, she was a waitress here. Before your mom and I were friends, me and my friends used to come in and be really obnoxious. Making her take back our food three times and changing our orders and just being annoying. We used to drive her crazy." If you had told either of us back then that we would be best friends, that I would be the godmother of her child, we would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

He makes a face at me, obviously not to happy with what I just told him. "Why were you mean to my momma?"

"Well, we had different friends. We ran in different circles. And I just so happen to be at the time your Tree Hill High Mean Girl while your mom was just the dorky Tutor Girl. It wasn't until your dad started getting tutored by her that any of us began to get to know her and realize what an amazing person she was." Recalling all these memories should make me want to cry, but for some reason, I'm smiling like a fool.

"So my daddy loved my momma even though she was a dork?" I laugh at him calling Haley a dork. "And what about you? Did you stop being mean?"

"Not at first, but I was a very different person back then. I actually almost sabotaged their whole relationship before it even got a chance to begin. And that would have been horrible, because then they wouldn't have been able to have you!" I say the last part dramatically, and he laughs. "But I felt bad for the way I acted, and I came here to this Cafe where your mom was working and talked her into going on a date with your dad that I set up. And the rest is history."

"And you and my momma became friends?" I steal a fry from him and he pretends to hit me away.

"Not right away, but the more your Uncle Lucas and your mom and your dad and everyone I had grown up with over the years began to grow and change, I changed, too. And after your mom came back from tour I let her move in with me when she had no where else to go. And, again, the rest is history." Everyone else sometimes says how Haley should never gone on tour leaving Nathan. I disagree. For one, it only made their love stronger in the end. And two, if she didn't, I wouldn't have had the best roommate and friend I could ask for.

I hear the Cafe door open and Jamie suddenly perks up even more. I turn around to see Lily and Andy walking in. "Lily! Come sit over here!" Lily listens to Jamie's request and comes running over to sit next to him, helping herself to a few of his fries. I make eyes with Andy, letting him know that it's okay and I've got her, as he goes to talk to Karen. "Aunt Brooke and I are having a Bramie Day." Lily laughs and Jamie explains that a Bramie Day is a Brooke and Jamie day. Lily tells Jamie that she's going to spend the day with her daddy. When he asks what she and Andy are doing, she corrects him.

"Not that daddy. My real daddy, Keith." Jamie looks at her confused and asks how she's going to spend the day with him if he is dead. I glare at him for a moment, though he doesn't get my message. I don't think bluntly telling this little girl her dad is dead shows good manners or sensitivity. Lily doesn't seem to mind, though. "I'm going to visit him at the cemetery and bring him flowers. And then me and my mommy are going to talk to him about what we've been doing and how we've been." She shrugs. "We do it all the time. My big brother goes sometimes, too. But he hasn't in a while."

"I thought your daddy was in heaven?" I should probably butt in and explain things to my now confused four year old, but I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I think I'll just let Lily continue to field his questions.

"He is, silly. But he's at the cemetery, too." She pauses for a minute. I think she's confusing herself. "My mommy says his soul is in heaven but his body is in the cemetery. So when we visit him to bring him flowers, it makes him happy. But he's really in heaven watching over us." She's trying her best to explain something she just grew up accepting as a fact, but I don't think she ever really thought about it before. She shrugs. "Your mommy and daddy are there, too."

Karen walks over at that moment and her eyes widen at her daughter's declaration. "Lily!" She gives Lily a look that says please stop talking, as Lily climbs out of her seat and into Karen's arms. Jamie just looks confused and I don't really know how to explain things to him. Karen smiles at him and runs her hand through his hair. "Jamie, the cemetery is a place you can go to visit the people you love who have to leave you and go to heaven. Since we can't go to heaven to talk to them or bring them flowers, we go to the cemetery to do that." Karen looks over at me, and I smile an appreciative smile at her. She sends me an apologetic one back, on behalf of her daughter.

"Can we go there next, Aunt Brooke? You said we could go anywhere I wanted and do anything I wanted. I want to go visit momma and daddy." I can't seem to find a voice to answer him, so I just nod my head in response. Lily lets out a squeal and says that we can go with them. I let out a sigh when Karen agrees with her daughter. I'm nervous about doing this, about going to see them in that cemetery with their son. But having Karen there will make it a lot easier.

Before we go to the cemetery, we go to the flower shop and I let Jamie pick out a bouquet to give to his mom and dad. When we get to the cemetery, I feel my heart leap into my throat, and Karen asks me if I'm okay. I want to tell her no, I'm not okay, but I just smile and nod. She puts her hand on my shoulder and says that it's okay not to be okay. That I don't have to do this. I look down at Jamie who is carrying his bouquet of flowers with such a look of pride on his face. I smile at Karen. "Yes, I do have to do this." She smiles, and we enter the cemetery and go our separate ways. They goes towards the grave of her lost love, the father of her child. And we go towards the graves of my best friends, Jamie's parents.

When we get there he asks where he should put the flowers, and I tell them he should place them right in between the two graves. He goes and then stands in his place for a moment staring at them. I know I should say something, but I'm not quite sure what to say. I wish Karen were here to help me out. But I guess there are some things I need to learn to do on my own. "Aunt Brooke? What do they say?" He's tracing the letters on Nathan's grave with his fingers, trying to sound out the words.

"They say Nathan Scott and Haley James Scott: Brave in spirit, strong in love." I wonder who came up with the idea for the graves. It's poetic, something Lucas would say. I wonder if it were him.

I take a seat on the ground, suddenly my legs don't feel strong enough to support my body, and Jamie walks over to me and sits in my lap. "Lily says she talks to her daddy. Should I talk to my momma and daddy?"

I smile at him and wrap my arms around his small body. "If you want to. But you don't have to." He starts to bite on his lip. He doesn't seem to know if he wants to or not. I'm not going to push him one way or the other. I'm not going to make him do anything he isn't one hundred percent comfortable doing.

"Aunt Brooke?" His voice is soft and I wonder what's going on in that little, innocent, head of his.

"Yes, buddy?"

"What happens when you die? Why do you have to go away to heaven and not come back?" It's my turn to bite my lip. He's probably had these questions boiling up inside him for a while now. Lucas was right. I haven't been talking to him about the things he needs to talk about. I close my eyes and stop thinking. These aren't questions I'm going to be able to answer from my mind. I need to answer from my heart.

"I don't really know." I answer truthfully, because I don't feel it right to lie to him and pretend I have all the answers. "I just know that your mom and dad are looking down at you from heaven and are happy there. They miss you, but they are safe and happy. And one day you'll see them again. And they'll be waiting for you when you do."

"But that's not for a long time, right?"

"No, buddy. It's not. But that's because you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's going to be great. And your mom and dad? They are going to be watching and guiding you through the entire thing. And they are going to be so proud to tell all the other angels up in heaven that you are their son."

"My momma and daddy are angels?"

"I like to think so. And I bet your mom is the most beautiful one."

"My momma once said that we all had guardian angels. Can they be mine?"

"I bet you they are. And they'll protect you and keep you safe."

He's quiet for a moment, and I hope I haven't said anything wrong. "Aunt Brooke?"

"Yes, buddy?"

"Are you going to die like my momma and daddy?"

I choke on the air I'm breathing for a moment and I have to take a second to recover and process what he just asked me. Am I going to die? Well, yeah. Eventually. Could it happen tomorrow? Well, yeah. If I happen to step out in front of a bus or have some sort of freak heart attack.

He looks back at me and I try not to let my eyes fill with visible tears. "I'm never going to leave you, buddy." And whether or not I die today or tomorrow or a hundred years from now, that's a promise I'll never break.

"My momma told me that, too. She even told me it in the car before Uncle Lucas took me to the doctors. But she died." This is the first time since I've seen Jamie after their death that he's mentioned the accident at all. And it breaks my heart. Any chance of holding in the tears that had been forming is gone, and I let one escape.

"She didn't leave you, Jamie. She's right here. And she's watching you and protecting you, and she always will. And she'll love you forever." I pause for a moment before adding, "always and forever." I pull him close as a few more tears fall from my eyes, and he sniffs. He's starting to cry a bit, too. "It must have been scary, the accident."

He nods his head. "It hurt, too."

"Do you think about it a lot?" How could I have let this much time go by without talking to him about all of this?

"Sometimes."

"I want you to know that I'm going to drive very, very carefully every time we are in a car, just like I have been. So if you're worried, you don't have to be. I'm going to do my best to protect you."

"I know."

"Do you want to talk to your mom or dad? I don't have to listen."

"Can I just tell them that I love them? And I miss them?"

I smile at the little boy in my arms. "You just did."

"Aunt Brooke?"

"Yes, buddy?"

"I love you, too. And I'll do my best to protect you, too." I hold him closer and we both let our tears fall down our faces.

"I know, buddy." I smile through my tears at Haley's grave. Thank you, Hales...

...You've given me everything I could ever ask for.

* * *


	29. My Wish

_Okay guys, i think i owe it to you to let you all know that there are only a couple chapters left of this story. i'm sad to see it begin to come to an end, but i don't want it to drag on. i've had the ending planned out from the start, and it's time to wrap things up. thanks for all the reviews, and enjoy.  
_

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**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 29: My Wish

-x-x-x-

_My dream is to be able to be just like my daddy. I want to be the best basketball player ever like my daddy, I want to be strong like my daddy, I want to be everything that my daddy is. _

_I'm already practicing to be the best basketball player like my daddy is. I play outside with my basketball hoop every day. When my daddy practices foul shots, so do I. When he slam dunks, I try to slam dunk, too. And when my daddy gets to be in the NBA, I'll do my best to get to the NBA, too. I hope one day me and my daddy can play in the NBA together.  
_

_That's what I wish for the most. _

-x-x-x-

This is what I've always wished for.

This store. These friends. This family.

I thought for the longest time what I wanted was what my mother helped me to get. The fame and the glamour and the big fancy company and the magazines and the photo shoots and premieres and fashion shows, I thought that's what I wanted. I thought that was what I dreamed of.

But I was wrong.

And standing here, in my little boutique, setting up for my Grand Opening party where all of my friends and the people of my home town will come to help me celebrate, makes me realize I should have never thought to ask for anything else. _This_ is my life. _This_ is what I wished for.

When I started my company out of that one bedroom apartment that I shared with Haley, I never even thought about the possibility of being as hugely successful as I can say I am now. I just wanted to design my clothes and have people like them and wear them. I mean, of course I imagined being rich and famous at times, but that's not what was important to me. It was my designs, my clothes, and nothing else.

When my mother pulled her head out of her ass and realized her daughter had talent, she jumped on the bandwagon. When she realized the potential I had and the offers I was getting from fashion shows and Victoria's Secret and everyone else I was getting letters from, she came to me. She pretended to love me. She told me she wanted to help me. And I believed her.

I can still remember it all. Peyton and I were going to L.A. for the summer and stay with my parents. Peyton for an internship and me? Well, I was there to start what would be come a multi million dollar dream.

My parents, as usual, were hardly around at first when Peyton and I first arrived. We expected it, really, and to be honest, at that point, I could have cared less. Peyton and I were in L.A. It was the two of us against this new territory, trying to live our dreams. And that was all I needed.

But my mother started to be at home more and more often as she realized how hard I was working and how great my sketches really were. And it came to the point where she would stay at home just to make sure I was working on sketches and not going out and about with Peyton, partying in L.A.

When the summer was almost over, my mother surprised the hell out of me by telling me she wanted to help. She wanted to invest in my designs and in what could be a really great company. And for a while I thought she really believed in me, and that she wanted to help me because I was her daughter and she loved me and wanted to help me live out my dreams.

So I went for it. I made a deal with the devil, and we left our house in L.A., my dad (who was never around anyway, too busy working in his own company), and Peyton behind. We crossed the country, settled into the city, and began what should have been an amazing partnership. Mother and daughter. Power couple, power team. Living my dream.

God, I was so naive.

I just wanted anything to believe that my mother loved me and I was finally going to have a relationship with her. She was finally going to support and love me. Just like Mrs. Sawyer loved an supported Peyton. And just how Haley loved and supported Jamie. And I wanted that. I wanted that so, so much.

And I think deep down I always knew that all she wanted was a multi-million dollar company. And a pretty little daughter to be the face of it all. I think deep down I always knew that she only loved me for my designs. I think deep down I knew she would never love me for me.

Cutting her loose was the best thing I've ever done. For my company, for my Jamie, and for myself.

And now that she's gone, I can take back what was always mine. I can take back all of it. I can take back what I wished for all those years ago in that one bedroom apartment with Haley. Because this? This store, this town, this dream? It's mine. And I finally got it back. _Thank you, Haley._

The door of my store opens behind me, but I'm too caught up in looking at this dream I've built to notice until Jamie comes running up behind me and wrapping his little arms around my waist. I turn around and smile at him, as Rachel and Millicent make their way into the store as well. "What do you think, buddy?"

"I think the store looks perfect, Aunt Brooke." I bend down and pick him up. It does look perfect. What do you think, Haley?

"You think your mom would be proud, Jamie?" I don't know where the question comes from, but before I can think about it, it just slips out. I can see Millicent and Rachel out of the corner of my eye turn their attention towards Jamie, wondering what his answer will be.

"I think my momma is very proud of you, Aunt Brooke." He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back as I kiss his forehead.

Rachel, Millicent, and I, with help from our little Jamie, spend the next few hours setting up and fighting that anxious feeling in our stomachs. Okay, maybe it's just me with the anxious feeling, but I can't help it. I'm nervous. This is my dream, and I want to share it with the people I love. And for the first time, I'm getting to do just that.

It's twenty minutes to opening, and I couldn't be more excited. "Oh, Brooke. I've been meaning to ask if this was your cell phone. It's been beeping for like three days." Millicent hands me a cell phone and I look at it for a moment before shaking my head. That stupid phone was annoying the crap out of me the other day. I though it was one of theirs.

"No, it's not mine. Is it Rachel's?" Millicent shakes her head. I shrug and open it. The background is a picture of Nathan and Haley holding each other and smiling. I take a deep breath. "I...I think it's Nathan and Haley's." Millicent puts her hand on my shoulders, and for a moment, I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh. Or something in between.

I end up smiling. And I don't even care that Millicent is looking at me like I have four heads. I smile. Lucas couldn't have saved Haley. Nathan didn't have his cell phone for Luke to use.

Nathan and Haley's phone was at their house the whole time.

When my cell phone starts to ring, I nearly leap into the air. "Brooke, you need to relax. Try breathing. It's a good thing." I glare at Rachel before answering my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey B. Davis. How's my favorite fashion designer doing?" I ease up at the sound of Peyton's voice. I give her a hey P. Sawyer. "Open the store yet?"

I look at my watch. "In about fifteen minutes I do. I'm nervous. How funny is that? I've had many openings and parties and premieres and red carpet events, and I don't know that I've been all that nervous for any of them."

"Yeah, well. None of your friends or the people you love have ever been to any of your openings before. This one is special." I smile. She's right. It is special.

"I wish you were here, Peyton." I feel like I haven't seen her in forever. "I miss you. I think you need to find some time off and come back home to visit us."

"I miss you, too Brooke. And I promise once I get the chance, I will come out to see you and Jamie." I smile at her promise. I'm going to hold her to that. "How is he, by the way? You two doing alright?"

"We're doing a lot better than we were at first. I think for the first time since finding out they left Jamie to me, I feel like I can do it. I feel like I can do this, all of it. I can take care of Jamie and run the store and we can honestly be happy." I smile even bigger.

"I'm glad to hear that, Brooke. You've got a really great life. I know it may not always seem that way, but you do."

"Thanks, P. Sawyer. The road has been hard, but to get here was worth it." And it was. I look at my watch. Five minutes until opening. "I have to go get ready to officially open the store. But I'll call you tonight with the details. And you better visit as soon as you can! Love you, P. Sawyer."

"Love you, too, B. Davis."

"Hoes over bros?"

"Hoes and clothes over bros."

I hang up the phone and smile for a moment. After everything, after all of the heartbreak and the drama. After all of the high school bullshit, after building my company in the years that followed. After Victoria. After the accident. After Lucas and after Jamie, I'm finally here.

There's a knock at the door and I turn to see Karen, Andy, and Lily standing there waving. Millicent goes to open the door. I look at my watch and tell Millie to keep it open. It's show time. I take a deep breath, and hope to God everyone is just as happy about my dream store as I am.

It's times like these I really love my life and the people in it.

Just looking around the store and seeing everyone I love mingling over my clothes is amazing. Karen picks up a dress and holds it up against her. I walk over to her and tell her it would look beautiful on her. She tells me she doesn't think she's ever owned a dress as beautiful and expensive as the one she's holding in her hands. I tell her now she has; it's hers. She smiles and thanks me, and I feel someone tugging at the bottom of my dress. Lily smiles up at me and I point her in the direction of the little girl dress I made for her especially for this night. She squeals and runs off towards it. I always keep my promises.

I make my way towards Mouth and Millicent who are chatting it up over by the skirts. "Hey, Brooke. The store really does look great. I feel like I should buy something, but I don't think any of these skirts are my color." I laugh at Mouth and tell him that he can always buy something for a pretty girl. I wink at Millicent before walking away and leaving the two of them to blush and continue to flirt.

Skillz and Rachel are arguing over something over by the front of the store, and when I get close enough to hear what they are bickering about, I can help but start laughing. "You're wrong. He likes spaghetti better than macaroni and cheese. I've been around the kid the past four years of his life. I think I'd know."

"Yeah, well I've been spending a lot of time with him lately, especially around meal times, so I think it's safe to say that I would know more than you." The two of them are literally arguing over who knows Jamie more. I don't even bother hanging around them. I laugh, roll my eyes,and walk away.

I spot Deb is standing in the corner of the store by herself, so I decide to walk over to her. "You alright? You're all by yourself."

She smiles at me. "Just thinking about things. About Jamie. About Nathan and Haley. About you." I smile and look down at my feet. "I don't think I've told you this, but I was really upset when we found out you got custody of Jamie. I mean, I think everyone was, but I was really depressed that they didn't leave him to me. I mean, I was his nanny. I'm his grandma. I just thought that mattered for something." She pauses for a moment, and I'm about to tell her that it does matter, but she continues talking before I can. "But lately, just seeing what you and that little boy have done with each others lives, with everyone's lives, I feel like Nathan and Haley couldn't have made a better decision even if they tried. You're it, Brooke. And I couldn't thank you enough for caring so much about him. Because he means the world to me."

"He means the world to me, too." I tell her, before pulling her in for a hug. We break, and I look around for my little boy. I spot him over by Rachel and Skillz, who are asking him what his favorite dinner dish is. When he says macaroni and cheese, Rachel basks in her victory, and Skillz hands her ten dollars.

"How you doing, buddy." I ask him as he runs into my arms for me to pick him up. "See anything you like?"

"I think you need to make some cool boy clothes, Aunt Brooke." I laugh at him. And holding him in my arms, I forget for a moment that anyone else is there. It's just me and my godson. Everyone else around us seem to just disappear. And everything becomes quiet.

Wait a minute. Everything did become quiet. I look around the store confused and notice that everyone's attention is towards the door, and everyone is shocked to silence. I take a few steps forward, trying to look around everyone to see what they are looking at.

A few people step aside and I see him. And I don't think I've ever smiled this big in my whole life.

Lucas.

I push my way through the people who are blocking the way between Lucas and me, and when I finally get to where he is, I smile at him."You came." He smiles weakly back at me, and I can tell he's beyond nervous and worried. He's horrified. He hasn't seen these people since the funeral, and they haven't so much as heard from him either. But he's here. He came.

"I had to. You asked me to." He says back at me in a quiet voice, and I hold out my hand for him to take. He does, and with Lucas' hand in my own and Jamie in my other arm, I lead Lucas in to the store. His palm is sweaty, and mostly everyone is still staring at him, so I pull him closer to me. It's okay, Lucas. I'll keep you strong.

Karen walks over to us and touches Lucas' arm. Lucas looks over at her and gives her a small smile, which Karen returns. He's sweating and he's nervous and I can tell he wants to be anywhere but here. But I'm proud of him for putting himself out there, for being here anyway. Because he's starting to stop hiding. And I think he's finally on his way to recovering.

I consider for a moment telling him about Nathan's cell phone right here any now, but I decide against it. He's trying his best to be stable and strong. He's trying his best to move on right here and live in this moment. I'll tell him about the phone later. I want him to try and forget about all of that for a little while. But later, when all is said and done and he is back to eating himself up over guilt he shouldn't be carrying around with him, I'll give him the phone. And I'll set him free.

I see Lucas' gaze fall on Deb, who is still by herself in the corner. "You want to go talk to her?"

He sighs. "I do. But right now I just want to stand next to you." I smile at him. I want him standing next to me, too.

Rachel pulls out some champagne, which Millicent immediately takes away from her and hands her a water bottle instead, and I decide it's time I made a toast. I get everyone's attention as they all fill their glasses with the champagne. "Hi everyone. So as you all know, we're here to celebrate the opening of my new store, but I think we're here to celebrate a lot more than that. We're here to celebrate life. And I think it would be wrong for me to go through this entire night without mentioning the lives of the two people who brought me back home, who helped me realize I needed all of this." I have to pause for a moment to take a deep breath. You can do this, Brooke. You can talk about them.

"You know, Haley was the one who inspired me to start all of this. I don't know how many of you know this, but back my senior year, after going through drama with a certain blonde haired boy in my life," I shoot Lucas a playful look, "Haley helped to convince me that I had too much talent to waste. She helped me finish the few designs I had started, and she helped me start all of this. And because of it, my whole life changed. My company blew up, with help of my mother, and I found myself in a new city and a hugely successful company. But something was always missing. And after Jamie came into my life, I knew exactly what it was. Family. My family of friends that I left behind in Tree Hill. My home. And now that I'm back here, I couldn't imagine ever being away again. But I guess you have to leave to come back, right?" I hold up my glass. "To Nathan and Haley, who helped me realize my real dreams and who gave me the family I always wished for."

We toast, drink our champagne, and I pick Jamie up and hold him close. And I smile. With my family of friends surrounding me, with Jamie in my arms and Lucas standing by my side, I can't help but realize...

...This is what it feels like to heal.

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	30. My Life, My Epilogue

_Well, this is it. The last chapter. Wow. I'm probably more upset about it then you guys are. It's been great, i love you all for reviewing and reading and I really hope you enjoyed the story. If I could take the time to thank you all, I totally would, but I'll try to PM you when this is all said and done to express my thanks. I do want to thank my girls over at FF, especially _Kristin _(who sent me over to FF furthering my inspiration to write this story) and _Corey_ (who read a bunch of my chapters, including this one, before I posted, also for the giving me the exact wording of the whitey quote). I also want to thank _Allie_ for mentioning the Whitey quote in a review, giving me the inspiration i needed to write this chapter and _Elena _for helping me here and there with ideas. For those of you who have me on alert--thank you for reading. I'm hoping to start another one soon, but until then, enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Apple of Her Eyes**

**By: BroodyGirl23**

Chapter 30: My Life, My Epilogue

-x-x-x-

_**"The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination." **_

**-Whitey**

_My name is James Lucas Scott. I am eleven years old. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and a pet bunny named chester. I have a lot of people who I admire most. _

_My Aunt Brooke is one of them. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's raised me since I was four, and I couldn't ask for anyone better to do the job. She changed her whole life around for me. She left her home, changed up her company, even fired her own mom to keep me safe and happy. And I love her. And I always will. _

_My Uncle Lucas is right there with my Aunt Brooke. He's been helping me with basketball. I've gotten really good at my jump shots thanks to him. He's the closest person in my life I have to a dad. And I don't think I would ever need anyone else.  
_

_My Aunt Rachel is crazy. She used to be a druggie, but she cleaned up so she could be around me and my Aunt Brooke. We meant so much to her, she made sure she could become sober. She means a lot to us, too. _

_My Aunt Millie is really great. She's always there to help take care of all of us. She's what Aunt Brooke calls the "voice of reason". When Rachel or Aunt Brooke are going to do something stupid or crazy, Millie tries to make them realize how crazy or stupid they are being before they do it. Without Millie, I'm pretty sure we would all be in big, big trouble half the time. _

_I will always admire my mom and my dad. I didn't know them very long, they died when I was four. But from what I remember, my mom was beautiful both on the inside and on the outside. She always did her best to help the people around her, and she loved teaching. She also had the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. _

_My daddy was the best basketball player I have ever known. Watching him play used to be my favorite thing in the world. When he played basketball, not only was he the happiest he could be, but my mom and I were the happiest we could be. _

_I'll always admire them, my mom and dad. And I'll miss and love them for the rest of my life. I'm just thankful I've had the people in my life who love and take care of me. I hope one day I could be half as great as these people are. _

-x-x-x-

"Tell me again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. About my name."

"Babe, I've already told you like a hundred times."

"I know. Tell me again."

"Are you sure? There's a million bedtime stories I can read you. Are you sure you just want me to tell you again?"

"Yes. Tell me again."

"Okay, but no other bedtime story. You go to sleep after this."

"Okay. Now tell me again."

"Okay. My friend Haley and I met in high school. She was a tutor and I was a cheerleader. We didn't get along."

"Because you were mean."

"I wasn't mean...I was just...okay. Because I was mean."

"And she tutored Jamie's daddy, and he was a basketball player."

"I thought I was telling the story. But yes, she started tutoring Nathan Scott."

"And they liked liked each other."

"Yes, they did."

"But Nathan was mean to Haley, too. Just like you."

"Please stop saying that. I wasn't _that_ mean."

"If you say so."

"I do. Now listen to the story. Eventually, Nathan and Haley realized they were meant to be."

"Because people who are meant to be always find their way in the end."

"Exactly. They just needed a Brooke push in the right direction."

"And they got married."

"Yes they did. But Haley had the most beautiful voice in the world. And she had to leave Nathan to go on tour."

"And he was very, very sad."

"He was. But the two of them couldn't be apart for very long, and Haley came home."

"But Nathan was mad because she left."

"He was stubborn. And because of that, he gave Haley a hard time when she got back. And because of it, she had no place to live."

"So you let her live with you, right?"

"Right. And we became the very best of friends."

"And you were never mean to her again, right?"

"I could never be mean to Haley. I loved her way too much after that."

"Then what happened?"

"You know this story better than I do, you tell me."

"You and Haley both had broken hearts. So you were there for each other. To help each other be happy."

"Very true. And because of it, Haley helped me realize that I needed to focus on my fashion designs."

"And you helped Haley with Nathan."

"And eventually, Haley and Nathan got back together. And their love was stronger than ever."

"And you started Clothes Over Bros."

"Yes I did. And when Nathan and Haley got remarried, I was Haley's maid of honor. I even made her wedding dress."

"And when they had a baby, they made you godmother."

"Yes they did."

"Did you all live happily ever after?"

"They did. They were in love and had each other and the best little boy they could ever ask for."

"What about you? Did you live happily ever after?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you did."

"Then I did. Now get some sleep."

"Goodnight, momma. I love you."

"I love you too, Haley."

I kiss my baby girl on the forehead and get up off of her bed, turning out the light, and taking one more glance before walking out of the door, leaving it a crack open because she hates the dark. If you told me seven years ago that I would be agreeing with my daughter, saying that I had a happily ever after, I would have thought you were crazy. Because seven years ago two people I loved more than I can even put into words died. And my whole world was turned upside down.

That day, those seven years ago, Nathan and Haley Scott died. And Jamie Scott was brought into my life for good.

God, it wasn't easy. And I didn't expect it to be. I thought they were crazy. Me? Raise a child? In the city with my crazy hustle and bustle of a life? I thought they were insane. I thought I heard the lawyer wrong when she called my name and gave custody of their little boy to me. But I didn't hear them wrong. They left Jamie to me. And the journey that he and I took together after that moment was a long, difficult one.

But it was definitely worth it.

"Hey buddy. You still awake?" I slowly open Jamie's bedroom door, popping my head in to see if he was sleeping. He's sitting up in his bed with a flashlight and a book. When he hears me walk in, he throws down the book and turns off the flashlight. Too late, buddy. I caught you. "Nice try."

"Sorry. I'm trying to read this book Uncle Lucas gave me. I wanted to finish it by tomorrow so he would take me to the Rivercourt without bugging me about reading it." I laugh. Typical Lucas. He means well, but when it comes to reading, I think Jamie takes after Nathan more than Haley.

I walk over to his bed and take a seat. He's grown up so much the past seven years. Celebrating his eleventh birthday last month was almost surreal. Has it really been seven years? God, they grow up so fast.

It hurts me, sometimes, when I think about it. When I think about all the things I've witnessed him do. His first day of kindergarten. His first school play. His first loose tooth. His first real free throw. His first basketball game.

All of the firsts a mother should take pride in. All of the things Haley should have been here for. And I wish she was, all the time. And it hurts me when I think about it. When I think about all the firsts there are to come. His first date. His first kiss. His graduation. I just hope my pride in him is enough. Even though I know Haley is up in heaven, beaming down at her beautiful son. "You're staring at me again, Aunt Brooke."

I laugh. Sometimes I can't help but lose myself in my thoughts while looking at him. He just looks so much like them. Nathan's eyes. Haley's smile. The more he grows the more he resembles them. And I love looking at him to see them. "You should go to sleep. It's late."

"I'm spending the day with Aunt Rachel tomorrow, right?" It's safe to say that Rachel's proudest moment was when I let her spend the day with Jamie alone. She had been sober for a year, and had built up my trust in her stronger than it ever was before. And the day I called her and asked her to babysit Jamie for me, her immediate reaction was for me to stop being a bitch, that it wasn't funny. When I told her I was serious, she fell silent for so long I thought she passed out on the other end of the phone. When she answered, telling me she would love to, I could tell she was crying.

"Yeah, just promise me the two of you won't get into any trouble, okay?" Jamie laughs and promises me. I make him pinky promise me. He does. He's a great kid. I know he won't get in trouble.

There was a time when I was afraid more than anything that I would ruin Jamie's life. That I would mess up and he would resent me and Nathan and Haley would be up in heaven in disgust at how disappointed they would be at me. And after hearing Davey's story about his parent's death, I was almost convinced that Jamie would grow up to be as hopeless and alone as Davey was.

I think that's why I never went after him, Davey. He was so hopeless and alone I couldn't bear to find him and ruin his life even more. He was just a child. He was just a scared child who's life was ruined before he could even make a decision on his own. Haley wouldn't want me to seek revenge on that lost child. And the more I thought about it, neither did I.

Every time I'm in the city, I look for him, but I haven't seen him since the day I tried to hurt him. I don't know what I'd say if I ever saw him again. Would I tell him I forgive him? Because I'm not sure if I really do. I just know I can't hunt him down. He's a kid who needs help, not punishment. And I think if I ever saw him again, I'd do my best to do just that. Help him. "Jamie, are you even in your pajamas?"

"Can I just sleep in my boxers? Like Uncle Lucas does?" I roll my eyes with a laugh.

"Sure, just get out of your jeans and that shirt. You're clothes are filthy." They are, too. That's what I get for taking the kids to the big hill by the park and letting them roll down it. Can you say, grass stains? And lots of them.

Jamie kicks off his jeans and pulls off his shirt and throws them at me, his shirt landing on my head like a hat. He laughs, and I throw the clothes down on the floor to start to tickle him. My hands brush over the scar on his chest as I do, and I can't help but be brought back to the memories of it all. God, I still can't think about that accident.

Neither can Lucas, but he doesn't carry around as much weight with him anymore. Not after we found Nathan's cell phone. I remember when I showed Lucas the phone, telling him it was in the house the whole time, Lucas broke down and cried. He just cried. And I held him and I knew then that he was free. He'd still feel guilty from time to time, just knowing that they died and he walked away, but now he can try and believe that he couldn't have saved Haley. That it wasn't his fault. And once he began to realize that, his life was building itself back together. Piece by piece.

Jamie and I being the first two pieces.

"Okay, buddy. You seriously need to get some sleep now. Rachel will be mad if you show up all cranky tomorrow." He lays down and pulls his covers up. "Can I kiss you goodnight, or are you too old for that now?" I kissed him when I dropped him off at school the other day, and I don't think I've ever seen him look so mortified.

"I guess so, Aunt Brooke. But don't tell any of my friends." He smirks at me and I smirk back, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Aunt Brooke." When he says it first, no matter how many times he's done it before, my heart still melts.

"I love you, too, buddy."

"Will you love me forever?"

"Always and forever."

He closes his eyes, and just like with my baby girl, before I leave the room, I turn to take one more glance at the little boy I've learned to call my own. I close his door, leaving it a crack open just like my daughter's. He doesn't like to admit it anymore, but he doesn't like the dark either. I smile as I walk downstairs and take a seat on the couch, my two kids sleeping upstairs. Everything is momentarily perfect, and I close my eyes.

I must have dozed off for a moment, because the front door closes, and I jolt up. "Oh, sorry babe. Did I scare you?" I rub my eyes trying to get them to focus, and when they do, I smile at my husband getting home from work.

"No. I'm fine." I stand up to walk over to him, and he pulls me in close for a hug, kissing my forehead as I press my face into his chest. "Mmm, you smell good."

"I smell like I haven't showered all day, Brooke." He goes to take his coat off, but I don't move from my spot, making it more than a little difficult of a task for him. "Can you move for two seconds so I can take my coat off?" I mutter a no, and he laughs. "Well then...I'll just have to move you."

Before I have time to react, he puts his hands on my side, tickling me and picking me up into his arms. He walks across the room as I have a laughing fit from him tickling me and plops me down on the couch. "That was so uncalled for!" He shakes his head and laughs as he takes his coat off and hangs it up on the coat rack. I pat the spot on the couch next to me, and he plops down. He puts an arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"Kids asleep?"

"Just got done tucking them in a little while ago. Your daughter made me tell her all about Haley again."

"She loves hearing about her."

"I love telling her about her."

"Their love story is better than any other fairy tale love story I've ever heard, anyway. I'd rather hear about Nathan and Haley Scott than Mr. and Mrs. Prince Charming any day of the week." I'm going to have to agree with him on this one.

"Speaking of love stories, we got an invitation to Mouth and Millicent's wedding in the mail today. Can you believe their actually getting married? God, I love playing matchmaker." After a year of flirting, Mouth finally got the courage (with help from yours truly of course) to ask Millicent out. They dated, fell in love, and have been engaged for two and a half years. If you ask me, it's about damn time they set a date. Rachel and I called that relationship from the moment Mouth and Millicent first met when we moved back to Tree Hill.

"Speaking of love stories..." He doesn't finish his sentence. He leans down and kisses me, and I smile when his lips touch mine. We may not have the most conventional love story ever, but we got here.

I don't really know when the moment was that we decided we were a couple. It just sort of happened, and before we knew it, we were in love. We kept each other strong, we helped build each other back up, and we had a connection that we just couldn't ignore. "I love you, Lucas. You know that, right?"

"I love you, too, Pretty Girl." Hearing him say those words, I could care less how we got here. I could care less that we seemed way too unstable at first to start a relationship. I could care less that we were both broken and battered and could barely take care of ourselves. I could care less about any of that. Because all I know is that I have Lucas, I have Jamie, and I have my little Haley. I have my family. _My dream_.

Sometimes I think Nathan and Haley knew exactly what they were doing when they decided to leave Jamie to me. Sometimes I think it was all a big plan they concocted to get me to move back to Tree Hill and for me and Lucas to get together. Sometimes I think that's crazy, and no one could have known the paths we ended up making after that accident.

But if anyone could come up with such an ingenious plan, it would be Haley. And sometimes I think that I owe it all to her. Most of the time, I think I owe it all to her.

Lucas and I are raising Jamie as our own, his godparents. And while I would never try and replace Haley in his heart, and Lucas would never try and replace Nathan, I consider him a son. My son. Mine and Haley's son. The one thing Haley loved most in this world. "What are you thinking about?"

I look over at Lucas and smile. "Our happy ending." The road was long...

...But in the end, the journey was the destination.

The End

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End file.
